Chapter 7
Brad
“On a scale from one to ten, how sexy is a ’stache? Seven? Eight?”
Jason looks up from his lunch slowly, blinking at me.
“No? Okay, is it more or less sexy than…” I check my notes. “A ‘dick guaranteed to rearrange your guts.’” I grimace. “Yikes. Do people like that?”
“Are you reading porn bios?” my friend asks. “Please, please say yes.” After a second, he adds, “Although I’d have questions either way.”
“It’s not porn. I’m trying to find the perfect guy for Joey,” I explain patiently. I swear, sometimes it takes a minute for Jason to catch up.
“And Joey’s perfect guy either has a mustache or a mega-dick?” he questions.
“Ugh,” I groan. “You’re right. Neither is good enough. Guess I’m back to square one.”
Jason shovels a bite of salad into his mouth, the hospital cafeteria bustling around us. His nursing schedule can be a bit chaotic, so I’m lucky he had time for an actual lunch break with his bestie—aka me—today. I’m not too proud a wingman to accept help from an outside source.
Especially when said source has more hands-on experience with dick than me. Jason’s tally might only be two, but that’s still one more than I’ve handled. My one, obviously, being my own.
“You really like him, huh?” Jason asks, pulling me from my phallus-centered thoughts.
“Uh, yeah . I already told you that. He’s my Joey Kangaroo.”
“Mhm,” he hums. “And what does this kangaroo look like?”
I sit back against the hard plastic of my chair as I pull up the mental image of Joey from our gym sesh last night. He was wearing shorts like usual, the blue ones, not the gray. And even though we struck out earlier in the week with Lewis, he seemed in good spirits.
“He’s like… If niceness were a man,” I say. “His eyes are warm like brownies. And he’s all muscly in a kinda soft way? Like a loaf of challah. Add some chocolate sprinkles on top for his hair, and there you have it.”
“Sounds…edible,” Jason mumbles.
“Do you think I should add that to his bio?”
Jason drops his head into his hands with a groan. “ Ithinkyoushouldbitehim .”
“What?”
He lets his palms hit the table. “Did you seriously make him a dating profile? Is that what this is?”
“Yes?” I say slowly. “What else am I supposed to do? Walk around with a sign that says ‘Me and dude-friend looking for some guy love’?”
“Don’t do that,” Jason says quickly. “Why not try, I don’t know… A gay bar?”
“Huh,” I say. “I hadn’t thought of that. That’d be fun. Queer dudes know how to dance.”
Jason appears to be biting his tongue.
“You all right?” I ask.
He nods.
“Your face is a little red,” I point out.
“I’m just wondering how honest I should be,” Jason says. “I said I’d stay out of it, but it’s hard .”
“Hard,” I say with a chuckle.
“Je-sus,” Jason groans, sliding his lunch tray to the side. He crosses his arms on top of the table, looking serious. That face has me sitting a little taller in my own seat. “Okay, here’s the thing. You’ve always known you like girls, right?”
“Yeah?”
“Right. But have you ever… tried looking at a guy that way?”
“What way?” I ask. “Like, imagining them with boobs?”
Jason blinks. “No. Like imagining a guy. With you .”
“Doing what with me?”
His eyes narrow. “Are you being purposefully obtuse? With you, with you, Bee. I dunno. Going down on you, maybe? Or you fucking them?”
I consider that for a moment. Joey is the first guy that pops into my head, but a flash of him down on his knees feels so wrong, it immediately pops back out again. I shouldn’t be thinking of my friend like that. It’s not right.
I try a different guy instead. Some random dude sitting at a table a little ways away. I mentally rearrange him, bending him over the surface. Pushing his scrubs out of the way? Wondering if his thighs are hairy or a little on the smoother side, like Joey’s.
Shit .
I try again, focusing on the rando, trying to imagine myself with him. I just…can’t.
I shake my head. “You know I’d have no problem being into guys, Birdie. I’m just…not.”
He looks at me for the longest moment before nodding. “Fair enough. So what’s your plan for Joey’s next date?”
“Boudoir photoshoot.”
Jason chokes on air. “What?” he squeaks.
“You know, like a fun little sexy meet-cute for him and his date,” I say with a grin. “I already booked the couple’s session.”
“Does Joey know?” he asks.
“Not yet. I can’t wait to see his face.”
“Good God,” Jason mutters, standing. “I have to get back to work, but do me a favor? Would you just…keep an open mind?”
I always keep an open mind, but I nod regardless. “Yeah, man. See you soon.”
Jason gives my shoulder a squeeze—which basically translates to a hug coming from him—and heads off. I collect my things and do the same. I have some work to finish. And then?
Then I have a date to pick.
“Where are we?” Joey asks, looking around the front section of the shop I lead him into. It appears to be a waiting room, which makes sense. They probably have the boudoir sets in a private area in back.
“We’re at your next date,” I tell him.
“Yeah,” he says slowly. “I got that. But…what is this?”
“Question. Did you shave your balls?”
Joey blinks at me.
“Hello,” comes a voice from the back. A second later, a woman steps out through a pair of dark curtains, giving us a smile. “Hi there. I’m Gianna. Are you two my next session?”
“He is,” I tell her, giving Joey a tiny shove forward. “The second will be here any minute.”
Gianna looks Joey up and down as Joey glances back at me, eyes wide. “What is this?” he whispers frantically.
I just give him a grin. “You’re gonna love it. Trust me.”
He doesn’t look sure, but my phone pings, so I step away as Gianna leads Joey over to a check-in counter. My stomach sinks when I see the message from Joey’s date.
He has to bail.
Fucking fuck .
I message the guy back quickly, but it’s a no-go. Something about waiting in line for concert tickets?
I curse a couple dozen times inside my head before blowing out a breath. No, this is fine. The photoshoot is already paid for, and we’re here, so I’ll just…do it myself. No big deal. Joey will still have fun. And I’ll make sure to personally vet his next date before approving him for my Joey-roo. Anyone who can so casually leave him hanging isn’t worth our time.
Decision made, I slip my phone into my pocket and turn around. Joey and Gianna are gone, so I wait. It only takes a moment for Gianna to return. She gives me an expectant look.
“So, slight change of plans,” I tell her. “Looks like I’ll be the second person after all.”
Gianna smiles, waving me toward the counter. “Wonderful. If you don’t mind me saying so, you two would make a lovely couple.”
“We would, wouldn’t we?” I agree with a wistful sigh.
If only.
Gianna has me sign a waiver, and then she leads me back through the curtains to a dressing room, where a few garment bags are hanging in front of a mirror. “You have a couple outfit options. There are pictures with each so you can see how everything is worn. Just let me know if you have questions. I’m happy to help.”
“Sure,” I say, eyes going a little wide as I look at the pictures attached to each bag.
Gianna leaves me to it, closing the curtain behind me. Tentatively, I unzip one of the garment bags, taking in the complicated set of belts and straps that appear to be a stand-in for actual clothes.
Thank fuck I shaved my balls .
It takes a good few minutes, but I finally get my outfit in place. It reminds me of a vintage fifties look, like what a man might have worn under his suit back in the day. Leather straps run from a belt around my waist to garters at my thighs. Smaller straps lead down to the high, fancy, herringbone socks I’m wearing. My briefs are ridiculously short, leaving my upper legs bare. And I’m shirtless.
But I have a bow tie. That’s something.
When I pop my head out of the curtain, Gianna gives me a smile. “Ready for the next step?”
The next step, as it turns out, is doing my hair. Gianna uses a combination of product and heat to set my hair in finger-waves. The whole effect really does make it look as if I fell out of the past.
Rad .
Gianna gives me a smile once done, meeting my eye in the mirror. “Ready to see your partner?”
Oh my God.
“Yes. Yep, show me.”
Gianna leads me down the hall. When she slips another curtain to the side and waves me forward, I lock eyes with Joey.
He immediately starts coughing.
“ Dude ,” I breathe, stepping forward. “Look at you.”
Joey is wearing a ridiculously tiny set of briefs, same as me. But instead of complex garters, he has a simple band around each thigh and suspenders that run over his shoulders. I’m so caught up in our coordinating outfits, I don’t realize at first how wide Joey’s eyes have gotten.
Right .
“Ah,” I say as gently as possible. “So, um. Turns out your date couldn’t make it. Sorry, man.”
I wince apologetically, but Joey only shakes his head, his mouth open.
“So, I figured I’d step in?” I go on. “Didn’t want to leave you hanging, J-roo.”
“Brad,” he says hoarsely.
And fuck , he’s upset, isn’t he? Of course he is.
“I know, but it’s okay,” I say, heading over and sitting on the chaise beside him. “We’re not going to give up. So we had another strike. That’s only two. Next time, your bat is definitely going to make contact with some balls.”
Joey starts rubbing his face.
“At least you look awesome,” I tell him, giving his thigh a few slaps. “I mean, Christ . Look at these gams. You should be proud, man.”
Joey drops his hands, his cheeks a little red as he meets my eye. I stop patting his thigh and give him an encouraging smile, but he only blinks at me.
My gut drops. He’s still not happy.
“If you don’t want to do this, we can call it off,” I tell him, keeping my voice low. Gianna has graciously been giving us some space, setting up her photography equipment in the corner of the room while we talk. I’m sure she’d understand if we had to bail. She’s already been paid for her time, either way.
Joey lets out a breath. “It truly wouldn’t bother you?” he asks. “To be put in compromising positions with me in nothing but your underwear?”
“First, it’s not my underwear,” I note, even though I know that’s far beside the point. “But, dude , like I told you before, there’s literally nothing you could do that would make me uncomfortable. So no, it wouldn’t bother me. Why would it? You’re my…my Joey-roo.”
He seems to come to some sort of conclusion because he nods and licks his lips. “Yeah, all right. Let’s do it.”
“ Yesss ,” I hiss, holding up my hand. Joey gives my palm a quiet slap.
“You boys ready?” Gianna asks.
“Yep,” I say happily. “Let’s take some classy-ass sexy photos.”
Joey huffs a laugh beside me, and I can’t help but beam.
This will be a first for me. I’ve never been professionally photographed, but who better to do it with than my new bro? It’s good to try new things. How can you know whether or not you’ll end up loving something unless you try?
I think, maybe, that should be a focus on this journey of mine. Self-discovery starts with, well, discovery , after all.
I don’t have my notepad, but I make a mental note.
Step three in Brad’s Guide to Finding Himself and Falling in Love:
Try something unexpected.
Yeah. This is going to be great. I can feel it.