Chapter 29
Brad
“Morning, Greg,” I mumble, shifting as I wake up.
“It’s not morning, bub,” a familiar voice says, soft and sweet. “And that’s not Greg. Just a microphone.”
I still, registering the hard surface beneath my body but the warmth under my head. Blinking open my eyes, I find Joey smiling down at me, my head, apparently, cradled in his lap.
“Are we onstage?” I whisper.
He nods slowly.
“Is everyone staring?”
Another slow nod.
I groan.
“Oh my God, are you all right?” Alex asks, appearing in my periphery like a poof of blonde. The next second, Jason is there, too, looking down at me in concern. I can hear a murmur of noise from the audience, but the MC takes that moment to bend down, picking up the fallen microphone.
“All right, folks,” he says, cutting through the din. “It looks like Mr. Bradley is going to be okay. Let’s take a quick ten-minute break, and then we’ll continue on with the auction.”
“What happened?” I ask Joey, deciding if I don’t look at the crowd, I can pretend they’re not there.
“You got a papercut,” Jason fills in as Joey brushes my hair off my forehead.
“And passed out, sweetums,” Alex adds.
“Yeah,” I say slowly, easing myself into a sitting position. Joey helps, rubbing my back as my vision swims. “I don’t do well with blood.”
“Here,” Cas says, having appeared next to the stage. He tosses a box of juice toward Joey, who grabs it and proceeds to open the straw, popping it into the top of the box. “I’ll be back with some food.”
Joey hands me the juice as Cas heads off to find a snack. I take a few sips, resolutely not looking down at my finger.
“It’s a good thing your knight in shining armor is so quick,” Alex says, glancing between me and Joey with a knowing expression. “He managed to stop your head from hitting the stage.”
“Small mercies,” I mumble, remembering the speech I had been giving when I passed out. Fuuuck . I didn’t even get to finish. “Uh, thanks for the save, Joey-roo.”
He squeezes the back of my neck, conversation continuing to buzz around us.
“Uh… Think we can maybe go somewhere a little less…public now?” I ask.
Joey nods quickly, standing and offering me his hand. I spot my speech on the stage beside me and grab it, shoving the paper in my pocket before Joey pulls me up.
“I’ll find a Band-Aid,” Jason murmurs, hurrying off ahead of us.
Alex sticks close as we make our way off the stage, the rest of the porn star crew giving me worried looks as we pass. I shoot them a reassuring smile and a wave before we round the corner out of the ballroom, heading toward the dressing room we were in earlier.
Once inside, Joey settles me onto the couch. I drink my juice, and Alex goes to grab some water.
“Doing okay?” Joey asks, wrapping a spare napkin around my finger while we wait for Jason to return.
“Embarrassed,” I admit. “And a little woozy. Otherwise fine. Sorry I botched your auction intro.”
“Hey, I’m not worried about that,” he says, his hand on my thigh squeezing gently. “In fact, I… I quite liked what you said. About me.”
“Yeah?”
He hums. “How’d you find out about that duck I carved?”
“Your mom. We talk most days.”
“Of course you do,” he mumbles around a smile. His expression turns a little pensive as he eyes me. “Did you really mean all that?”
I pull in a breath, my pulse hitching and my hand idly running over my pocket where the rest of my speech sits. “I, uh…”
“Found a first aid kit,” Jason says, unintentionally interrupting us as he comes into the room. He squats down in front of the couch, holding out his hand. I pass my own over and keep my gaze averted as he tends to my minor flesh wound.
“Water and a snack,” Alex announces, the next to rejoin our small group. He hands the items off to Joey. “I should get back out there, but you and I are going to have a little chat later, Mr. Bradley .”
The small blonde raises an eyebrow in challenge, and I huff a laugh. “You mean about my newfound appreciation for swordplay?”
Alex’s mouth drops open, a look of pure glee taking over his face. “Yes, I mean about that! When did this happen, sweet stuff? Tell me every single detail.”
“Well,” I start, thinking it over, “first there was Joey’s hammies. Or maybe it began with the cum gutter fantasies? You see—”
“Oh my God ,” Jason groans, giving my hand a hard pat before closing the first aid kit. “You’re all set.”
“We’ll talk later,” Alex threatens cheerfully on his way to the door. “Remember. Every. Single. Detail. ”
He waves his fingers in a goodbye, and I turn to Jason.
“I’ll live?” I check.
“To be determined,” my friend mumbles.
“So…you know a bunch of adult film stars,” Joey says, his lips quirking.
“They’re great guys,” I tell him. “Cas used to—”
“Yeah, I figured that out just tonight,” he says.
“Aw, look, Birdie,” I say to Jason, who’s washing his hands in the sink now. “Another person who’s seen your beau’s—”
“I dare you to finish that sentence,” he growls.
“He’s a little possessive,” I whisper to Joey.
Jason glares at me.
“ Yikes . Okay,” I say, clapping my hands together. “Lemme smash this pita and hummus, and then we’ll get back out there to sell our bodies. Our services . We’ll sell ourselves for charity. Frick . You know what I mean.”
The rest of the auction goes off without a hitch. Joey raises an astounding twenty-five grand for his renovation services, likely in part due to my spectacular speech and subsequent fainting. He looks a little awed, but I’m not surprised in the least.
I don’t think he realizes just how easily he draws people in, like the smell of cinnamon rolls or, ooh , one of those big sunflowers you can’t help but stop and stare at. And holy freaking shit . I’m his bee!
“Hey,” I whisper to him as the master of ceremonies gives his closing speech. “ Pst . Joey. Joey-roo. Wanna pollinate me later?”
He turns to me slowly.
“You know,” I hedge, bouncing my eyebrows. “With your stamen . I’ll do a little”—I wiggle my fingers—“and you’ll give me your sunflower seed.”
Alex leans around Joey to stare at me.
“Maybe we should discuss our…stamens later?” Joey suggests.
I snort. “I’m a bee, dude. Not a flower. I don’t have a stamen in this scenario.”
“Then how would I pollinate—you know what? Never mind. The answer is going to be yes,” Joey concedes.
I fist pump.
“So. Amazing,” Alex whispers.
As the charity auction crowd starts to disperse, Cas hands each of us a card with contact info for our donors. My winner is named Eugenia Davis. Honestly, she looks like the type of person who could use a good hug. I hope our cuddle session helps her.
“You hungry?” I ask Joey. “I know it’s late, but I’m kinda craving dogs.”
His lips twitch. “Sure. We can grab some hot dogs on the way home.”
Home . I like that.
Neither of us has a chance to take a step, however, before a small body barrels into me. “ So, ” Alex says, strangling me as he hangs off my back. “I was discussing it with the guys, and we decided we should throw you a big gay coming-out party. What do you think? Do you love it?”
“We?” I ask around a grin, even as I struggle for breath.
I can practically feel Alex rolling his eyes. I met Alex and the rest of the Elite 8 Studios cast and crew when Jason and Cas started dating, and it didn’t take long whatsoever to learn Alex is a meddling meddler who meddles.
Not that I mind his brand of mischief one bit.
“ Fine ,” he says in an exasperated tone. “ I decided. It was me. Happy? Of course, we don’t have to call it a coming-out party if you’re not—in fact—out, sweets. Your comfort comes first.”
He’s also incredibly bighearted.
“Pretty sure I’m out,” I tell him. “Not that I made an announcement or anything. Wait… Do people do that? Should I send out cards?”
Joey looks ridiculously fond, an expression that has me smiling back at him on autopilot.
Alex titters a laugh. “Please do,” he says, sliding off my back. “The party?”
“I’m in,” I agree. “ Oh my God , wait. Can we get those candy penis necklaces again? The ones you passed out at Cas’s going-away party? Those tiny dicks were delicious.”
“Honey, I’ll get you all the dicks you could ever eat,” Alex says solemnly.
“I mean…I can fit a lot in my mouth, dude. So careful with your promises.”
He grins, and Joey threads his fingers through mine. My heart skips a beat.
“I’ll send you the details,” Alex says, throwing his arms around me in a final hug I readily return. He plants a smooch on my cheek before speaking low, for my ears only. “I hope he’s your one. You deserve it, Brad.”
My throat feels tight as he pulls back, and I give him a smile and a nod. Alex shoots me a little wave, bouncing over to his boyfriends.
Joey squeezes my hand. “Ready?”
“Yeah,” I sigh. “Let’s go home.”
I say a quick goodbye to the guys on our way out of the ballroom. Jason catches my eye, his hand held near his ear as he mouths call me . I give him a nod, and then Joey and I head out the door.
It’s fully dark outside the hotel, apart from the streetlamps and neon lights. The ever-present bustle of the city is a constant noise in my ears as Joey and I wait for his truck to be brought around. When we get to his place, he suggests eating our hot dogs in the dining room so we don’t drop ketchup or pickle relish on our tuxes. Apparently, we’re too fancy to eat commando on the couch, which is fine .
The wainscoting gleams white in the low light of the room. Looking at it reminds me of the weekend we spent refurbishing it, which in turn brings a smile to my face. Thoughts of Joey tend to do that.
“What’s next on the project list?” I ask, tugging a hot dog free from my bag.
Joey raises a single eyebrow. “Bub, as I already told you, I’m not doing renovations naked. Wearing only a tool belt simply isn’t safe.”
“No,” I say around a laugh, although I can’t blame his mind for going there, considering how many times I’ve brought up that very thing. “I’m just wondering what we can work on next.”
His lips hitch up at the corner. “You want to help again?”
“If you’ll let me,” I tell him seriously. “I’m pretty handy with a tape measure, if you haven’t noticed.”
“Greg and I are both well aware.”
I snort.
After a second of consideration, Joey says, “We could replace the porch skirting next weekend if you want.”
I grin. “It’s a date.”
By the time Joey and I make it upstairs, I’m beat. I watch him undress, taking in the view as any kangaroo-watcher would. The appearance of his brief-clad backside has me letting out a soft sigh. That’s the stuff .
Joey is first to sink into bed, patting his chest in clear invitation. I hop up next to him, my muscles melting as I settle my head on his cozy pec. Joey’s skin is warm beneath my cheek, and I idly run my hand over his stomach. His fingers thread through my hair, sifting rhythmically, the only light in the room the lamp on Joey’s nightstand.
“You doing okay?” he asks, voice quiet.
“Yeah,” I breathe. “Fine. Just tired.”
He hums. “It doesn’t bother me.”
“What’s that?” I ask, craning my head up to see him.
“You cuddling someone,” he says, answering my question from before. “I won’t lie and say I want you pursuing anyone else while we’re…together. Men, women, whomever. But… I don’t want you to stop being yourself, bub. And I trust you. So even though I hope I can be the person to give you the comfort you need, I’m not going to ask you not to comfort others. Because then I’d be asking you to change. And I won’t ever do that.”
My heart beats swiftly, a heavy whoosh passing through my ears as Joey’s words settle over me. His eyes, although dark in the lamplight, are warm. Always so warm.
“Thank you,” I manage, knowing it’s not enough.
For someone to tell you repeatedly that they like you just as you are… That they accept you, possibly even love you, for exactly who you are…
How do you say thank-you for that?
I settle my cheek back over Joey’s heart, his pulse a metronome to my thoughts. There’s a soft thrum of want running through my veins, as there is anytime Joey is near. An awareness of his body spread out beside me. Of his lips so close. Of the knowledge that with a few choice touches or words I could see his smile, hear his laugh, make him moan.
But, for now, I’m content to stay just like this. Being held by him. Holding him in return and keeping him close. I think there are lots of ways to want a person. And sure, I absolutely want Joey to cover me in so much pollen I need to take an antihistamine. But right now, for tonight, this is more than enough.
For a kid who grew up without comfort, without any real security, it’s everything.
Tonight didn’t go quite as I planned. I never got to finish reading those words burning a hole in my pants pocket. My attempt to sweep Joey off his feet ended with him, well, catching me as I fell off my own.
But that’s okay.
Life is full of stumbles, isn’t it? What matters is not giving up.
Step eight in Brad’s Guide to Finding Himself and Falling in Love:
Never give up on your dreams.
Our thirty days are nearly over. But I’m hoping desperately that this month Joey and I spent together will be the first of so many more to come. I just have to ask if he wants the same thing I do.
A lifetime of bennies.
A partnership.
Love .
And I think I know just how to do it.