15 Summers Later

Chapter 24

The day I am forced to marry a man I despise, the ground beneath us crumbles. Desperation becomes the unspoken language between us as we plot our escape, determined to break free from the chains of this twisted reality.

—Ghost Lake by Ava Howell Brooks

Ava wasn’t sure what she had said to put that bleak look in her sister’s expression, but Madi pulled her truck next to her SUV before she had the chance to ask.

As she and Madi seemed to have achieved a fragile sort of peace over the course of the afternoon and evening together, she didn’t want to ruin it by pushing, either.

She wanted to say so many things, but the words seemed to tangle. She settled on the relatively innocuous. “Thank you again for taking me up to Cullen’s camp,” she said across the width of the pickup truck cab. “I...I couldn’t have made the trip on my own.”

She had needed Madi there not only to provide transportation but also for moral support. It was no small admission.

Some of the tension in Madi’s stance seemed to seep away. “In all the excitement of finding and rescuing the dogs, I almost forgot why we drove up into the mountains in the first place.”

Ava hadn’t. She couldn’t stop thinking about Cullen’s stunned reaction to her news about the baby.

Again, she breathed a silent prayer that this pregnancy might be the thing to help heal all that was broken between her and her husband.

Even as she thought it, Ava warned herself to be cautious in her optimism. She knew friends who had become pregnant in hopes of healing a troubled relationship. It never worked out as they planned and always only complicated the situation, tangling together two people forever, trapped in their misery.

She hadn’t become pregnant on purpose. She hoped Cullen understood that. When they must have conceived the baby, they both had been as deeply in love as ever, with a future that seemed bright and wonderful. Five or six weeks ago, Ava had no inkling how the foundation of their marriage could crumble away like chalk left out in the rain.

“Have you told Grandma about the baby?” Madi asked.

“No. I knew I had to tell Cullen first. And then it only seemed right to tell you next.”

“I suspect she won’t be too surprised. Leona is pretty wise, with a sixth sense about things like that.”

When Ava considered the gentle care with which Leona had treated her since she returned to town, she had to agree with Madi. Perhaps her grandmother had sensed all along.

“I’ll tell her soon. Maybe even tonight, if she’s still awake when I make it back to the house.”

Ava climbed into her car, suddenly more exhausted than she ever remembered being in her life.

Stars spangled the sky, a vast, awe-inspiring display. Living in the city, she forgot how very many of them one could see in more rural areas without all the light pollution.

“I hope everything works out with Cullen,” Madi said. “He’s a great guy. No matter how angry he is with you right now, I’m sure he’ll want to be involved with the baby.”

Yes. She knew that was true. Whether he wanted to be involved with her was another story. She sincerely hoped she wouldn’t end up having to raise this child by herself.

“After you have the chance to check on the dogs through the camera, will you let me know how they are? You can text me anytime. I want you to, actually. I’ll sleep better if I know they’re okay.”

“We can look now, if you want. I have an app on my phone.”

“Do you mind?”

In answer, Madi pulled out her phone, tapped the screen a few times, then held it out for Ava. The two dogs were both asleep, she saw, curled up next to each other on the respective side of the wire fencing that separated them.

“I truly hope we can find their owners.”

“So do I. We’ll start digging tomorrow. If not, we’ll find a good home for them.”

Ava could adopt them.

The impulse to offer took her by surprise and it was all she could do not to blurt out the words.

She couldn’t. It was impossible. She lived in an apartment that didn’t allow anything but tiny pets. Beyond that, she was about to have a baby. She had no idea how she would manage that. She certainly couldn’t take on two dogs at the same time.

“Can I visit them at the vet clinic tomorrow?”

She saw Madi’s eyes widen in surprise. “I’m sure Luke wouldn’t mind, but I would guess they’ll be coming to the shelter tomorrow or the next day. You’ll definitely see them when you come to volunteer.”

She supposed that would have to do, though she wasn’t sure she could wait that long.

“All right. Well, have a good night. Thanks again. I owe you.”

“I’ll make sure you pay me back when I put you to work at the sanctuary. Don’t think being pregnant will get you out of walking the dogs.”

“Of course not.”

She wouldn’t have believed it a few hours earlier, but Ava was almost smiling as she started her car and drove away under that vast sky glimmering with stars.

The following days slipped into a pleasant routine for Ava. She worked in the garden with her grandmother in the mornings, when birdsong filled the air and dew clung to the leaves in glimmering droplets.

In the afternoons, she would go to the animal sanctuary, where Madi would indeed put her to work walking the dogs, feeding the potbellied pigs or playing ball with Sabra, the Jerusalem donkey, who loved to bat a beach ball around her corral.

She was still sick first thing every morning, but by midday, she felt fine. The worst of her nausea seemed over, as if her body had been trying to tell her something with the constant queasiness.

The message had been most emphatically received.

She was still tired a great deal of the time and could cry at the drop of a hat. Gradually, though, she had begun to adjust to the idea of being pregnant, the knowledge that another life was growing inside her, created from the best parts of her and the man she loved.

She had been to a doctor in Sun Valley, Dr. Choate, a warm older woman who had assured her all seemed to be fine and prescribed multivitamins and plenty of exercise and fresh air.

She had scheduled an ultrasound in a month, if Ava was still in town.

It might be too early to find out the gender of the baby, Denise Choate had warned. Ava didn’t care about the gender. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to know ahead of time. She would love the child, no matter what.

Through it all, she continued to get regular emails and phone calls from Sylvia Wittman. Her agent was always brimming over with exciting news. Ghost Lake had moved up a slot on the bestseller list that week. Sub rights had been sold for three more translations. Several of the more famous book clubs were considering it for a future monthly pick. A few more movie producers had reached out.

Ava tried to summon adequate enthusiasm, but it was difficult when she couldn’t seem to focus on anything but the life growing inside her and her worry over the kind of home she could provide to her child.

Now, nearly two weeks after Luke Gentry had first suggested she might be pregnant, Ava sat once more at the Emerald Thumbs Farmers Market selling flowers and vegetables and baked goods for Leona and her friends. This time, she had both Gracie and Beau at her feet.

Beau, the name Madi had given Gracie’s border collie friend, was able to get around better. As his health and strength increased, his personality began to shine through. The dog was smart and curious, quick to learn and eager to show off any new tricks. He loved being in the thick of the action and was completely devoted to Gracie.

When Leona had heard the story about the pair’s rescue and about Madi’s plan to keep them together at the sanctuary, she insisted that she and Ava should foster them until their owners or a new forever home could be found.

Ava didn’t mind. She had come to love the two dogs and was already bracing herself at the impending heartbreak of having to give them up to someone else.

Much to her shock, the dogs seemed fond of her as well—especially Gracie, who loved to snuggle whenever possible. In the evenings, when the shadows were long and the air smelled of flowers and sunshine, Ava would sit out in her grandmother’s lovely garden on a bench, with Gracie snoozing beside her while Beau sniffed each flower and vegetable plant, as if they couldn’t grow without him.

How would she say goodbye to them when it was time for her to return to Oregon? She didn’t want to think about it.

Maybe Ava should stay here and have the baby, in this little cocoon where she felt safe and warm and protected. Where she could hide away from the buzz of interest about Ghost Lake that awaited her away from Emerald Creek.

She couldn’t escape it completely here, either, she acknowledged. Already that day, she had signed three copies of the book that had been handed to her by market patrons. She cringed each time, wondering if she would ever feel more comfortable with the recognition.

Gracie, who apparently loved her, imposter syndrome notwithstanding, stood and nudged Ava’s leg with her cold nose in an expectant kind of gesture.

“What? Do you need to do your business? Now? I’m kind of busy.”

Two customers were chatting with her grandmother while they decided which of the flower bundles to purchase. Leona overheard her speaking with the dog and waved her hand.

“Go ahead and take them both for a walk. I’m here. I can handle things. You need the exercise, darling. You have been trapped in our stall all morning. While you’re out, you should pick up a treat for yourself. That place on the corner has some wonderful goat-milk lotion. You definitely need to try it.”

Their stall had been busy all day, nearly selling out of all the lavender sachets she and Leona had made that week and all but six of their cut flower bouquets.

It had been Ava’s idea to add a placard explaining that all proceeds from sales helped provide food for the pets at the Emerald Creek Animal Rescue. She wanted to think that helped them sell out faster.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. I know how to work the billing thingy on the tablet, now that you’ve explained it, so I should be fine. It will be good for all of you.”

Her grandmother got along most of the time without her, when Ava was living in Oregon. She could handle fifteen minutes of sales on her own without trouble.

As soon as she stood up, the dogs rose to their feet as well, almost as if they had been listening to the conversation and knew what was about to happen.

Ava couldn’t help smiling as she hooked on their leashes.

“We’ll be at the dog park. Call me if you need me and we can be back in five minutes.”

“I won’t need you. Go. Have fun.”

She quickly made her way through the crowd, as she could tell Gracie’s need was becoming urgent. The dog park was at the opposite end of the downtown park from the farmers market, through the trees and past the playground.

Inside the fenced area, two black Labs who looked as if they had energy to burn were chasing each other around while the woman who must have brought them sat on one of the benches looking at her phone.

Ava unhooked Gracie from her leash but kept Beau close for his safety. He still couldn’t run and play on his leg, though he was fine to greet the other dogs who stopped to sniff and be sniffed.

She was tossing Beau’s favorite ball to him in their short confines of his leash when a voice spoke from behind her, on the other side of the fence.

“Here you are. Leona told me where to find you.”

She turned quickly, heart pounding at her husband’s voice.

She had seen Cullen briefly the previous week, though not at the farmers market. He had instead stopped at Leona’s house on Sunday, in the middle of a grocery run with one of the graduate students, whom he had dropped off at the store while he came to say hello.

Their visit had been too short, without any time to really talk. Her grandmother had invited him to have a quick lunch with them and he and Leona had spent most of the time talking about the dig site.

As she looked at him now in the late morning sun, she saw his beard had grown fuller since the last time she had seen him.

Though it was still neatly trimmed, he looked sexy and disreputable. Would he shave it before his classes started in the fall? She hoped not, though she could predict many of his female students would definitely appreciate the beard.

Beau slapped his tail on the grass and Cullen reached down to pet the dog. The two had clearly bonded during their brief introduction the week before.

“Hi,” Ava said, feeling rather breathless. “I was hoping I might see you today, though I know you said last week you weren’t sure which day you would be coming down from the mountains to replenish supplies.”

“I really thought we had enough to last the rest of the month. It’s amazing how much a team of seven researchers can eat.”

Their academia friends in Portland had always been hungry. Ava had taken it upon herself to feed them whenever she could. She had loved it.

“Is Luis or one of the grad students with you?”

He shook his head. “Not this time. We’re in the middle of excavating a pretty complicated area so they all decided to stay back and let me handle the shopping on my own.”

“That’s got to be a big job, feeding seven people all the time.”

“It’s not bad. We all decide what to eat for the week and take turns cooking.”

“You look thin,” she couldn’t resist saying, even though she knew she sounded like a nagging wife. “Are you sure you’re eating like you should?”

“I’m fine. I eat a lot of PB and J.” He gave her a careful look. “What about you? How are you feeling?”

“I haven’t been as sick this week. Only first thing in the mornings, really. I went to a doctor this week. She says everything seems to be fine so far.”

“Good. That’s good.”

“She gave me a better idea of a due date. I’m about seven weeks along, due sometime mid-January. It will be here before we know it.”

Could they mend all that was broken before then? She truly hoped so.

“Can I...give you a hand with the shopping?”

“Aren’t you on market duty with your grandmother?”

She glanced at her watch. “Yes. The market goes for another hour and then I have to help her take down everything. I could go with you after that, if you don’t mind waiting.”

He appeared to consider her offer of help and finally nodded. “I would appreciate that, actually. As you well know, shopping is not my favorite thing. Most of the time, anyway.”

She smiled at the memory. Some of their most enjoyable moments involved grocery shopping. When they had been dating, still living apart, they started a regular Saturday morning date where they would go to the store together. After they married, those usually turned into Saturday afternoon trips, since they liked to spend lazy weekend mornings in bed.

Her chest ached at the memory and she tightened her hands on Beau’s leash, filled with a fierce yearning that they somehow could manage to regain all they once had.

“What about the dogs?” he asked, jerking her back to the present.

“What about them?”

“We can’t take them to the grocery store. Could you leave them at Leona’s place?”

“Oh yes. Her dog Oscar does a good job of watching over them.”

“Right. Oscar. I can’t believe he’s still around. He was old when you and I first met.”

“Still going strong. I’m sure Grandma can keep an eye on them until she’s done here. We can go ask her, to make sure.”

He smiled at her. It was tentative but definitely a smile. A little effervescent bubble of joy floated through her.

“While you finish helping Leona, I’ll pick up some fresh produce at the market, unless it’s all picked over by now.”

She made a face. “When it comes to the farmers market, the early bird really does get the worm—or at least the best choice of produce. But I’m sure there will be some good stuff left. Now the trick will be getting Gracie to hold still so I can put her leash on again.”

“Gracie. Here, girl,” he called.

The corgi immediately waddled over to him as if she had been obeying his commands all her life. He hooked the leash on, held it in one hand and reached the other out to help Ava off the bench.

When he didn’t immediately let go of her hand, Ava felt that bubble of joy expand in her chest.

They walked toward her grandmother’s stall, each of them walking one of the dogs.

When they arrived, they found one of Leona’s friends had taken Ava’s place running the charge app on the tablet.

“We’re doing fine here,” Leona assured them. “Don’t worry. Enjoy the market with your husband.”

Ava wanted to protest that she had come that day to help her grandmother, but she knew by Leona’s firm tone that arguing with her would be pointless.

“Thanks, Grandma.” She kissed her wrinkled cheek. While Ava had found this separation from Cullen excruciating, at least she had been able to spend priceless time with her grandmother.

She wished she could say she had been able to renew her relationship with her sister as well. After their trip into the mountains, Ava had nurtured high hopes that she and Madi might be able to slip back into their once-comfortable relationship. Things hadn’t quite worked out that way. Her sister seemed determined to maintain a sturdy barrier between them. Granted, her schedule was hectic at best. Madi was still working at both the vet clinic and the animal rescue and seemed to put in long hours at both every day.

“Is he okay to go with us?” Cullen asked, pointing to Beau.

“We are supposed to walk him every day to help stretch his leg. Nothing too strenuous, but I would say walking around the market would be perfect.”

They quickly filled up the bags he had brought along, buying fresh peppers, zucchini and cucumbers from one stand and new potatoes and onions from another.

It felt very much like old times to Ava, even if their conversation didn’t quite flow as effortlessly as usual.

“I hope you have plenty of room to take all this stuff back to camp,” she said, gesturing to the reusable shopping bags he carried.

“That’s always the challenge, but we somehow have been able to make it work.”

“Are you tired of camp food yet?”

“Not really. To be honest, I don’t pay much attention to what I’m eating. The work is too interesting.”

He was doing exactly what he always dreamed about, immersing himself in the challenge and joy of scientific discovery.

“Has it been difficult living in the mountains for weeks at a time?” she asked.

“Sometimes,” he admitted. “The nights can be long up there. But I have plenty of books to read on my e-reader and I keep reminding myself of all we’re accomplishing.”

While she had learned to enjoy camping in small portions since marrying Cullen, spending longer than three or four days in a tent left her edgy and anxious, desperate for a hot shower and a soft bed.

How had she and Madi endured months in the mountains? Ava had hated it. The flies, the cold nights, the lack of privacy and basic sanitation needs.

He husband was there by choice, though. He wasn’t a lost and frightened girl, yanked away from everything comfortable and safe. He was in his comfort zone. He was living the dream he’d carried for a long time, of actually working on a research project that could provide significant advancements in the study of dinosaurs that lived in the West.

She used to love listening to him speak with passion and intensity about his work, his eyes sparkling and his words spilling over each other.

She missed that.

She missed a hundred things about him. Curling up against him on a cold, rainy Portland night. His laugh that could come out of nowhere and warm her from the inside out. Their conversations and debates and inside jokes.

And she missed this, she realized. Simply being together. The everyday, mundane things like grocery shopping and washing dishes together that were the mortar filling up the cracks of a marriage, keeping out the bitter cold winds of life.

How could they regain that closeness again? Was it even possible?

She had to protect and nurture that tiny seed of hope.

“Why don’t I take these things to the Jeep, then I’ll meet you back at your grandmother’s stand?”

“Okay.”

He held out Beau’s leash for her and Ava reached for it, her fingers brushing against his. She had to fight down a shiver at the feel of his skin, callused and rugged from the dig, and it was all she could do not to toss his bags of fruits and vegetables to the ground and sink into his arms.

Ava returned to her grandmother’s stall to find her already packing up the few remaining bundles of flowers.

“I sold the last two pints of strawberries a few minutes ago. Pretty good day, overall. I thought I would take these remaining bouquets to the assisted living center. I have a few friends over there who can use a spot of color to cheer them up.”

Leona was always doing things like that, trying to reach out to brighten someone else’s day. It was one of many things Ava admired about her grandmother.

“I’m sorry I was gone so long.”

“You were exactly where you needed to be. Cullen looks good, doesn’t he?”

Ava almost shivered again. He looked better than good. He looked rugged and wild and...amazing.

“I offered to help him with the rest of his shopping. Do you mind if I leave Gracie and Beau with you?”

“Not at all. Oscar and I can keep an eye on them this afternoon. As soon as I’m packed up here, I’ll drop these flowers off and then I’m going to put my feet up and watch one of my Masterpiece shows.”

Her grandmother was passionate about British mysteries and usually convinced Ava to watch them with her in the evenings.

“You take all the time you need,” Leona went on. “It will be good for you and Cullen to be together for a few hours.”

Ava wanted more than that, especially now with the baby coming. She wanted to figure out how to rebuild what they had before into something even better.

“Thank you.” On impulse, she reached up and kissed Leona on her weathered, lined cheek. “I love you, Grandma. I hope you know how much.”

“I love you right back, that much and more. And aren’t I lucky to have two wonderful granddaughters who still enjoy spending time with me?”

“We are the lucky ones,” Ava said. She meant every word. What would she and Madi have done fifteen years ago without Leona to remind them of goodness and light and love?