Chapter 29
We were just teenagers when our father led us into the depths of the Coalition, promising a utopia forged in self-sufficiency and communal living. Little did we know that the idyllic vision masked a sinister reality. Life within the compound was a twisted dance of obedience, isolation and the constant fear of the charismatic leaders who wielded power like a weapon.
—Ghost Lake by Ava Howell Brooks
As Madi turned and walked away, Ava tried to breathe through the pain in her chest at the unbreachable distance between her and her sister.
Everything she did when it came to Madi was wrong. Misstep after blunder after miscalculation.
She thought they were making progress, especially after Madi helped her go into the mountains to speak with Cullen. For a while, her sister had seemed to warm a little more. Each time Ava visited the animal shelter, Madi would stop and talk to her about the baby, about their grandmother, about Gracie and Beau and the other animals at the shelter that Ava was coming to care about.
She had hoped they were slowly repairing their cracked relationship, bit by bit.
Now it felt as if all that progress was for nothing, as if a huge, jagged fissure had spread between them in an instant.
She wasn’t sure which was worse, the ache in her heart or the steady, dull ache in her abdomen that had been bothering her since she awoke that morning.
She pressed a hand there. Easy, little one, she murmured in her head, which she knew intellectually made no sense. The baby didn’t have ears yet to hear actual words, forget about reading her mind to catch all the unspoken sentiments.
Another cramp rippled across her abdomen and Ava inhaled sharply, grabbing for her ever-present water bottle.
Her grandmother was beside her instantly. “Are you all right, my dear?”
“I... Yes.” The cramp subsided and she drank more from her water bottle. More than likely, she was simply dehydrated. She always forgot to drink enough during these Saturday markets.
“You should sit down while you have a minute. I can handle any customers.”
“I’m fine,” she insisted.
Her grandmother gave her a stern look that brooked no argument and Ava obediently subsided into one of the camp chairs.
She sat quietly, willing the last of her discomfort to ease, until Leona called her over to help with a problem charging a customer’s debit card.
The rest of the market passed uneventfully, with no more reporters or angry sisters accosting her. Again, Leona sold out of all her baked goods, most of her vegetables and fruit and all but two of her bouquets.
They were back in her grandmother’s kitchen, enjoying a sandwich and some lemonade while all three dogs flopped on the floor, when Leona set down her lemonade and gave Ava a long, solemn look.
“I think it’s time you tell Madi the truth.”
Ava set down her lemonade glass, pearled with condensation. “What truth? The baby? She knows all about that.”
Madi seemed excited about Ava’s pregnancy. She called the baby the Squiglet and talked about how she intended to be the fun aunt, even from long distance.
Their own relationship might be forever damaged because of Ghost Lake, but Ava held on to hope that at least they would be able to salvage something for the sake of her child.
“I’m not talking about the baby,” her grandmother said, a thread of impatience in her voice. “I think you should tell her that you’re the anonymous donor that helped her establish the animal rescue.”
Shock slammed into her like an avalanche roaring off the mountain. “I’m... What?”
Leona gave her an impatient look. “Contrary to popular belief, I’m not stupid. I also don’t believe in coincidences.” She shrugged. “You happen to get what I can only assume was a fairly healthy advance from your publisher for a book none of us knew you were even writing, and a short time later, Madi suddenly receives an anonymous donation to the animal rescue foundation, one large enough to make all her dreams come true. I’m smart enough to put two and two together.”
Ava inhaled sharply, trying to settle the panic that suddenly tasted like bile. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?” Leona studied her with eyes that seemed to see entirely too much.
“Yes! I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Leona sighed and reached for Ava’s hand. “I’m talking about a woman who loves her sister, who has spent fifteen years trying to take care of her, even when that sister continually insists she doesn’t need help from anyone. You should tell her.”
Ava could feel her fingers tremble inside her grandmother’s hand. Her emotions, always close to the surface these days, spilled over.
She couldn’t lie to her grandmother. What would be the point? Leona could always see right through her, anyway.
She gripped her grandmother’s hand. “I can’t tell her. And you can’t, either. Promise me.”
“Why?”
She squeezed those fingers that could ruthlessly yank weeds and deftly arrange flowers with the same inherent grace. “Madi already believes I think she’s incompetent because of her traumatic brain injury. She will be furious if she finds out I was her angel investor. I’m sure she will take that as further proof that I don’t believe she can do anything on her own.”
“Not if you explain you did it out of love.”
Ava was quite certain that nothing she said or did would convince her sister that her motives were anything but presumptive and dictatorial.
“Madi’s dream of an animal rescue is the reason you agreed to publish the book, isn’t it?”
She thought about denying it but knew there was no point.
“Not the only reason. But yes. A big part of it. I wanted to be able to help her. She’s my baby sister. I love her and want her to be happy.”
“You should tell her,” Leona said again. “She deserves to know the truth. You might think you’re protecting her. But which of you are you really protecting?”
Ava thought of all the harm she had caused by keeping secrets. She hadn’t told Cullen the truth about everything that had happened to them at Ghost Lake. He was the man she loved and trusted more than any other in her life, yet she had kept that part of herself and her history separate. It was purely for self-protection, because she had feared that if he knew the truth, he wouldn’t see her the same way. He would see her as damaged, scarred forever by all that had happened to her.
The same way she looked at Madi.
Ava scrubbed a hand over her face as the enormity of the realization sunk in. After Madi had been shot, Ava treated her as a victim. As she had watched her sister’s long road to recovery, all those hours of physical therapy, occupational therapy, she had come to consider Madi someone who needed to be protected at all costs.
Of course their relationship had suffered in the years since. Because they weren’t equals in her mind. She had survived and moved on while Madi would be forever scarred.
They were both victims.
Madi might have scars on the outside. The brace she wore on her leg, her hand that didn’t work as she might want.
Ava’s scars were all internal. She didn’t trust. She didn’t confide in others. She always protected part of herself to make sure she was never vulnerable again, as she had been at Ghost Lake.
“Tell her,” Leona said now, her eyes determined and wise. Ava knew her grandmother was right, as usual.
If Ava ever wanted to have a mutually healthy relationship with her sister, she could not withhold the truth from her. Madi needed to know and Ava needed to be the one to tell her.
“All right. I will.”
“Good. Promise me.”
“Do I have to pinky swear, too?”
“No. A promise will suffice. I trust you.”
“Fine. I promise I will tell Madi the truth.”
“Today?”
She couldn’t see any point in arguing. “Yes. Today.”
“Good.” Leona leaned back on her chair. “Now that’s sorted, tell me why Cullen didn’t make it to the farmers market today. I missed seeing him.”
So did Ava. With every heartbeat, every breath.
She sighed. “He picked up a few supplies when he came down earlier in the week.”
“I suppose that makes sense. It was good to see him, wasn’t it?”
Beyond good. It had been wonderful. She had been shocked to return home from volunteering at the shelter to find Cullen coming out of the guest bathroom at Leona’s house, hair wet from the shower and a smile on his handsome features.
She had been tempted to pull away the towel and drag him into her room. Since her grandmother was downstairs—and since they still had so many unresolved issues between them—Ava had refrained.
He said he had a free evening and decided to come down and take his wife out for dinner, if she was free.
She was completely available, that night or any other night he wanted. Her fatigue from the day had lifted as soon as she saw him and she had quickly changed clothes, hugged the dogs and Leona, and left with her husband’s hand in hers.
They had gone to dinner at a favorite restaurant in Sun Valley and she had wondered if everyone inside the place could see how deliriously happy she was in her husband’s company.
Before he drove away later that night, they had sat in the lush, sweet-smelling garden here, talking and laughing, their fingers touching, almost as if everything was back to normal between them.
It wasn’t. She knew that. They still had a long way to go before they could regain all they had lost. But at least she had some hope that they were both on the right path together, moving in the same direction.
“He said he would try to come down tomorrow or Monday.”
“If it’s tomorrow, we’re invited to dinner with Boyd and Tilly again. Cullen would be more than welcome to join us, if he wants. You know how Tilly is. The more the merrier. That’s the way she likes things.”
“We talked about maybe renting e-bikes and riding over to Hailey, then having a picnic lunch.”
Her grandmother’s features brightened. “That would be lovely, too. But are you sure you’re up for a bike ride?”
“On an e-bike? Definitely. The motor does all the work for me.”
“Maybe I should get me one of those things. What do you think?”
Ava wrapped her arms around her grandmother and kissed the top of her gray hair. “I think you would be even more of a terror than you are now. By all means, get an e-bike. In fact, all your friends should get them as well and you can start a biker gang.”
Leona laughed hard at that mental picture. Fortunately, she was so amused, she dropped the subject of Ava talking to Madi about her gift to the animal rescue.