Chapter 3
Chapter Three
J et lag was a pain in the butt and I’d forgotten to bring some melatonin with me.
While Gigi slept peacefully in her bed, I spent my time unpacking in the guest room and walking the house. Tony would sleep in there, and I would sleep with Gigi, but the guest room was the only place where I could put my clothes.
When the house grew too small to contain my sleep-deprived anxiety, I went outside to sit in the rocker Gigi kept on her porch. The brisk Irish air sometimes calmed me. It was beautiful outside. The night sky twinkled with stars that winked down at me from their high places. As a teenager, I used to beg Gigi to let me sleep on the porch so I could stargaze all night.
Yet despite the memories and Gigi’s insistence I was young, I didn’t feel young any longer. I felt old on the inside—old and cynical about my life. My soul felt empty. I could not return to my former ignorant state after Mom and Conn woke me from demon sleep. Every day I had to ask myself if the father who raised me was a misguided good guy or a determined bad guy. Would I one day have to side against him in a way that could never be taken back?
And, since it seemed the world knew I couldn’t protect myself from magickal attacks, I realized what a serious burden to Mom I was and that she was right that her enemies might use me as leverage.
I wasn’t dumb about her work. She’d exiled me to Ireland out of necessity. How in the world was I supposed to protect a magickal ring if I was that much of a security risk to her and her work?
Training , the ring’s male voice said inside my brain.
What I heard could have been an echo of my doubts, but the voice didn’t sound like my own. I felt sure the ring was talking to me. It hadn’t taken me long to learn the difference. The ring issued orders, commands, and judgments. What did I have to look forward to with this kind of destiny?
I sat in Gigi’s favorite outdoor chair and rocked to soothe myself. I had shared my worries with no one but Mom, who’d not reassured me.
I’d not had a moment’s peace since Dad paid a demon to put me into a trance sleep. It worried me all the time that Dad might one day do it again. How could I stop him?
It worried me remembering how helpless I had been and how I’d pleaded with him not to do it. What if Gigi hadn’t called Mom? What if Mom hadn’t come?
I’d been mad at Mom then because she was so adamant about Dad being a bad guy. It was funny how that anger died in the face of the unpleasant reality that my father was a lying, manipulating scoundrel.
I still believed Dad loved me in his own way, but now I feared what form his love would take in reality.
Looking back on my lonely childhood without my mother being around during my teenage years, I could see Dad’s love for me was the selfish and possessive kind back then as well. What mattered most to my father was what he could control and he had wanted to control my mother.
If what Gigi said was true, he’d used me to control both of them. My happiness hadn’t even been secondary. Dad just assumed I’d settle for what he allowed me to have.
I rocked faster and faster before the chair began scooting on the wooden boards. When I realized I was rocking to keep pace with my troubled thoughts, I made myself slow down.
Adulting sucked. That I couldn’t stay neutral about either parent was a constant source of upset. I also didn’t want to spend every waking moment worried about others hurting me or my mother. Nor did I want to wonder if my father had sent every bad guy I encountered. Surely, my life was meant to be more than that. Right?
All these changes were hard to understand and harder to accept. Would I never have a normal life?
Since that was an unanswerable question, I needed to think about other things—more pleasant things.
Farther down the road that ran by Gigi’s house was a smaller house and a farm. My great-grandmother, Murieann O’Malley, the previous Daughter of The Dagda, left the property to Mom when she died. Gigi took care of Mom’s inheritance for her because Mom intended to move back to Ireland one day.
A married couple with two children lived there currently. The man worked the farm raising cattle, sheep, and horses. The woman taught school and the children went with her each day.
That would be a simple way to live.
And I could see it would be a pleasant life to have a husband who loved you and children to carry on your name. I could see why Mom still wanted that sort of life. In another twenty years, Gigi would need help from someone. It would make sense for Mom to return. Conn would come with her. Maybe Rasmus would as well.
Mom had told me we lived on that farm when I was small. I had no memories of the house, the land, or of anything that happened there. Mom’s memories were from a more innocent time in her life when she loved Dad and believed he wanted the best for her.
It was still hard for me to believe that Dad married her because his military had wanted him to. Mom had married Dad because she loved him. If Mom made that kind of error with a man, what chance did I have of finding someone decent?
I closed my eyes. A large swish of air blew against my face and made me reopen them. Tony landed softly in the yard and got rid of his wings. They glowed when they were out, but his human form was a dark shadow against whatever light was available.
He didn’t do the whole body conversion thing that Rasmus did when he changed. That was one of the primary reasons I felt Tony was not a guardian.
I stared as my trainer climbed the porch steps to sit on the top one near my feet.
“Gigi didn’t know if you would be hungry or not when you got here. She saved you some dinner just in case. It’s in the refrigerator.”
Tony laughed at my statement. “That was kind of her.”
I nodded in agreement. “She’s doing better. The Shadow Breakers were here when we arrived.”
“Yes. I saw them.”
I drew the cover I’d brought outside more tightly around myself. “Mom worked for the group here but I don’t trust the ones I saw tonight. They gave me a bad feeling and I never even talked to them. Gigi is sleeping soundly. She doesn’t share my concerns.”
“Trust your instincts, girl. We’ll see what they plan soon enough.”
I nodded. “Please don’t call me ‘girl’ in that tone. My name is Fiona. Being na?ve doesn’t make me a child. It’s bad enough that my parents treat me like one. I don’t need you doing it as well.”
Tony seemed surprised. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
I nodded in the dark. “It’s fine. I just didn’t want it to continue. I promise I will try to be someone you can easily train. You have no idea how tired I am of being helpless.”
“You have never been helpless, Fiona. You were kept unaware. Magick is your destiny.”
I sighed in relief to hear him say it. I hadn’t believed my mother or Conn, but Tony never left me any room to doubt him. “Thank you. Mom said the same thing, but when I couldn’t conjure fire, I thought she was mistaken.”
Tony grunted. “You are not equipped to conjure. Summoning and spell casting is a specific kind of magick. Your powers are meant to stop magickals, even powerful ones like your mother. You possess the reverse.”
“Seriously?”
Tony chuckled. “Yes, but you don’t seem excited. Don’t you believe me?”
I chuckled a little. “How can I trust you? I just met you.”
“Good point,” Tony said with a smile.
“Can my magick keep a demon from putting me to sleep?” Tony’s frown made me wave the comment away. “Never mind.”
“Did your mother’s demon do that to you?”
“ No, no, no ,” I said with a laugh. “Conn is like a second father to me. He tracked down the demon who did it and broke his arm. My father had paid the demon to do it.”
Tony frowned. “Your father is typical of his kind. Children of guardians nearly always go bad.”
“What about you? If you’re truly an angel, you have to be one of the ‘fallen’ ones. Your wings glow but you don’t. Isn’t that why you’re stuck saving me instead of saving someone more important?”
“ I’m special ,” Tony said with a smirk. “And so are you. We need to work on your self-esteem.”
“You talk like you’re older than me, but you don’t look much older. And the tone of your reply is very condescending. I can tell you consider me beneath you.”
Tony laughed. “Yes, I do consider that, but not very often. I only think sexy thoughts when I forget your youth, which I do whenever you get that world-weary expression. Your parents are not normal. No one will ever feel more sorry about that than you do. I don’t plan to pity you, Fiona. I plan to toughen you up. When your power awakens, you will be even more beautiful then than you are now.”
All the breath in my body exited at once. I stared at the gorgeous being in the dark while I tried to resume breathing. Knowing he found me sexy made me feel strange. “Are you saying angels have sex?”
“I have no idea what those answering to that term do behind closed doors. I do not use any human label to define myself. I suggest you consider emulating that trait. The labels we allow to define us become woven into our reality. I don’t allow any to be woven into mine.”
“Since I have no idea what kind of magickal I am, I have a natural advantage of being undefined.”
The rocker kept rocking even after I stood to escape this lame conversation. Who knew how old this being was? Just because he looked my age didn’t mean he was.
And just because I hadn’t had sex in like forever—thanks to Dad turning my boyfriends into steroidal monsters—well, that didn’t mean I was going to indulge this being’s urges. Or my own about him.
I knew ignoring all this was the smart thing to do. Yet I also knew this was where Mom would tell me I was being a cowardly female. And she’d be right. I was a human mingling with magickals. The magickal ring I wore might not feel a need to stop its angel caretaker from seducing me. I also doubted it would bother explaining the repercussions, either.
“I’m way too jet-lagged to have this discussion tonight, Tony. Come with me and I’ll show you to your room.”
“Will you keep me company while I enjoy the meal your grandmother left for me?”
I looked out at the night. Mom had told me when she and Conn met there had been an instant rapport between them. All I felt for my angel was irritation and a healthy bit of fear. Any interest I had in him would remain unnamed and unacknowledged. My life was safer that way.
And I still believed Tony was an angel no matter what he said or denied. Without a doubt, he was powerful. He’d proven that to me on the airplane. If someone like him claimed I was powerful too, then I’d be an idiot to not befriend him.
So, fear or not, I had to lift my chin and deal.
Being friends would have been easier for me if Tony didn’t look like some wide-shouldered blonde god. His admission of finding me sexy would not help me keep my fantasies under control.
His smile was friendly enough, but the secrets in his eyes shouted at how wicked he was. The biggest secret of all was that he wouldn’t give me his name. How could you ever trust a person who refused to tell you their real name?
I looked at Tony and knew I had to at least try to hold my own. My name might be Derringer, but deep down, I was an O’Malley—just like my mother. I would text Mom about this tomorrow and tell her I met my mentor. I wanted her to know I’d accepted my journey.
I stared at my non-labeled angel in the moonlit dark. “The women in my family are contrary by nature. I’m striving not to be overly contrary when I deal with you. Once I’m rested, I’ll also try not to be rude. But you need to accept that I won’t be able to control that impulse all the time. I don’t want you whining about me later.”
He smiled at me in the dark. “Am I supposed to guess what you’re trying to communicate with your disclaimer?”
I smirked at him. “Tonight, it means that I’ll warm up your dinner while you wash up and get settled. I’ll even sit with you while you eat. If I’m not a proper hostess in my grandmother’s house, she’ll be mad at me, and I fear my grandmother. Now, come into the house with me, Non-labeled Angel. It’s cold out here.”
Tony chuckled. “I thought you’d never ask. And so sweetly too.”
“Don’t get used to it,” I said, holding open the door for him. “I’m rarely this nice, even to my mother.”
I’d watched too many vampire movies for inviting him in to feel right, but there wasn’t any other choice. Maybe my grandfather had felt the same way. I wished I had known to ask when he was still alive.