Chapter Nine – Alison
The screen door creaked as Alison stepped out onto the porch. The scent of sun-warmed earth mingled with the sweet smell of flowers from the backyard greeted her. She had to admit, she was glad to get out of the kitchen.
Not that Mary and Waylan hadn’t been wonderful, she liked them a lot and they had both tried…no, succeeded…in making Alison and Tessa feel at home. And so far, Alison would have no hesitation in leaving Tessa with them while she met up with Suzie and the other nurses on Thursday, if that’s what her daughter wanted.
But… She sucked in a deep breath. Her nerves had gotten the better of her and when Ezra teased them about the big animals.
Alison seemed to have regressed instantly. It was like she had involuntarily withdrawn into herself, once again becoming the insecure woman she was during her marriage to Ronald.
Even Tessa had noticed. And that broke her heart. When she left Ronald, she’d promised herself she would never let Tessa see that side of her again.
She closed her eyes and breathed out.
But that wasn’t who she was now. She shook her head slightly, trying to dislodge the unwelcome thoughts. She’d worked too hard to build herself back up, to reclaim her confidence after Ronald had systematically dismantled it over the years. One awkward moment wasn’t going to undo all that progress.
“Ready, Mommy?” Tessa said as she followed Alison out of the kitchen, a chocolate cookie in her hand.
“I am,” she said with forced enthusiasm. Then she hesitated, half-expecting Waylan or Mary to follow, offering a guided tour of the ranch. But when she glanced over her shoulder, there was only Jay.
Her stomach dipped unexpectedly. She wasn’t sure why she assumed his parents would join them. Maybe because having them here would have made this moment feel less personal, less intimate .
She was acutely aware of Jay, who stood a few feet away, hands tucked into his pockets. His gaze swept across the yard, as though he were trying to memorize every detail of the land that should have been entirely familiar.
Because, in a way, it’s not, she reminded herself.
“You okay?” he asked, turning his attention to her. And oh, how she wanted to bask in his gaze.
Alison met his eyes. They’re so deep, unfathomable, she thought, finding herself momentarily lost in them. Then she suddenly remembered that he’d asked her a question. “Yeah. You?”
A small line formed between his brows, his shoulders rolling with tension. “Still…sorting things out in my head.”
She understood. His own home felt unfamiliar to him, a place lost in memory he couldn’t grasp. It made her chest ache with empathy.
She knew all about losing herself. Her true self. But if she had found her way back then surely there was hope for Jay.
“We’ll figure it out,” she said softly, her voice carrying more warmth than she’d intended. “I’m here for you if you need anything .”
A fleeting emotion passed through his eyes, perhaps a brief sense of relief or even gratitude. Before he could speak, a small tug pulled at Alison’s hand.
“Where do we start?” Tessa asked, her eyes darting between them as she finished her cookie and wiped the crumbs from her mouth.
Jay cleared his throat, giving himself a little shake. “Chickens are closest.”
“You know where they are?” Alison asked. Had being here jogged his memories?
“No.” Jay shook his head. “But I can hear them.”
“You can?” Alison strained her ears, trying to catch whatever sounds had reached Jay. But all she could hear was the distant lowing of cattle and the occasional neigh of a horse.
“This way,” he said, nodding toward a small outbuilding about fifty yards from the main house.
“Chickens first!” Tessa skipped along after Jay as he strode away.
“Chickens here we come,” Alison said as she caught a hold of Tessa’s enthusiasm and hurried after them.
As they neared the chicken coop, Alison finally heard the soft clucking sounds that Jay had somehow detected from the porch. Jay sure must have good hearing to have heard the chickens from so far away. Then again, she reasoned, he was familiar with the sights and sounds of the ranch, having spent his childhood here. Even if he didn’t consciously remember, those memories were within him, ready to be awakened.
The chicken coop was a sturdy wooden structure with a sloped roof and a small, fenced yard where several hens pecked at the ground. As they got closer, the birds looked up, their beady eyes assessing the newcomers.
“They’re so fluffy!” Tessa exclaimed, pressing herself against the wire fence, her small fingers curling around the metal.
“Want to collect some eggs?” he asked Tessa, his voice gentler than Alison had heard it before.
Tessa’s eyes widened. “Can I really?”
“Sure.” Jay’s mouth curved into a half-smile that made Alison’s heart skip. “My mom…” he paused, seeming surprised at how naturally the word had come to him.
“Your mom…” Tessa tilted her head to one side, waiting for him to finish the sentence.
“I…” He blinked, looking confused. “I’ll go find the food for them.”
“Don’t take too long,” Tessa called after him. “They’re waiting for their dinner!”
Jay chuckled as he opened a feed bin near the coop. “They’re always waiting for dinner,” he said with a chuckle, scooping grain into a small bucket.
Alison cast him a sidelong glance. “Are they?”
He opened his mouth, paused, then frowned slightly. “I…think so?” He shook his head as if trying to clear it. “Why don’t we test that theory?”
“Sounds like a plan,” Alison said and reached for a handful of grain.
“Tessa?” He offered the bucket to Tessa.
“Yes, please.” She scooped up a small fistful.
“Like this.” Jay hesitated, then took a handful of grain. With a quick toss, he scattered it onto the ground. Instantly, the chickens swarmed in a feathered frenzy, pecking and flapping with comical desperation.
“You were right!” Tessa squealed, laughing as she threw the grain on the ground and returned for another handful.
A breath of laughter escaped Jay’s lips as he held out the bucket to her. Alison almost missed it, but that tiny release of tension felt like a victory. A small one but a victory, nonetheless.
Jay crouched beside Tessa as she threw her next handful of grain. “They like you already.”
Tessa beamed, turning to the chickens with fresh excitement. “I like them, too.”
Alison exhaled as she watched the sweet interaction. Jay might not remember who he was, but she could see the man he was now. Kind, gentle, and so very protective, even when he was uncertain of himself.
What more could she ask for in a man? What more could she want in a man?
“What’s next?” Tessa asked after they had emptied the bucket of feed. Although the chickens looked as if they would quite happily eat a second and maybe a third.
“I don’t know.” Jay straightened up and looked around, his eyes a little out of focus. “Goats?”
“Goats!” Tessa nodded enthusiastically.
“Don’t tell me, you can hear those, too?” Alison asked.
“No,” he shook his head and gave her a reproving look. Then he cracked a grin, looking more relaxed than he had since they had met. “I can smell them.”
Alison wrinkled her nose but then she laughed. “Okay, then follow your nose!”
Jay led them around the side of a weathered barn, where a small paddock held three goats, two adults, and a small kid. The scent that had guided Jay was unmistakable now, earthy and pungent.
“Phew!” Tessa pinched her nose dramatically, then immediately abandoned the gesture when she spotted the baby goat. “Look, Mommy! A baby!”
The kid was white with brown patches, its tiny horns just beginning to bud. It pranced around its mother, occasionally stopping to headbutt the air as if practicing for future confrontations.
“Cute,” Alison said as she hunkered down at the side of the enclosure. The baby goat eyed her for a moment and then scampered over to say hello.
Tessa came to stand right next to her. “Can I stroke it?”
“Jay?” Alison glanced up at Jay. She didn’t want to be the overprotective mom, but she also didn’t want the goat to nibble on Tessa’s fingers or butt her.
“Yes. They’re friendly,” Jay said, moving closer to Tessa. “Come on, we can go in. Just approach slowly with your hand out, palm up. Let her smell you first.”
Tessa followed close behind Jay as he opened the gate and went inside. “Like this?” Tessa asked, following his instructions, her small hand trembling slightly with excitement as she extended it toward the curious goat. The animal stretched its neck, sniffing at her fingers before nudging them with its velvety muzzle.
“Just like that.” Jay rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Don’t be afraid.”
“It tickles!” Tessa giggled, her eyes bright with delight.
Alison watched as the baby goat pressed its nose against her palm through the fence, its tiny tail wiggling with excitement. “They’re much friendlier than I expected,” she admitted.
“Most animals are if you give them the chance,” Jay said quietly, and something in his tone made Alison look up. There was a faraway expression in his eyes, as if he’d surprised himself with the knowledge. “Oh!”
“She likes you.” Tessa giggled as one of the older goats came over to say hello and brushed up against Jay, demanding attention.
Jay’s expression turned thoughtful. “Yeah…I guess he does.”
Alison drew nearer. “Looks like you’re a natural.”
Jay reached down and scratched the goat behind her ears. “Or maybe it’s not the first time I’ve done this.”
Alison’s chest tightened. Of course, he’s done this before, she thought, this is his family’s ranch.
“I wish I could have a baby goat,” Tessa said, looking at her mom with big puppy dog eyes.
“Oh, no, not the look.” Alison wagged her finger at Tessa but could not stop herself from laughing.
“Come and see how soft they are,” Tessa held out her hand to her mom and Alison took it, allowing herself to be dragged closer to the goats. Not that she put up much of a fight. They were cute. Once you got used to the smell.
“They are adorable,” Alison agreed as she petted the smallest goat.
“You’re so lucky, Jay,” Tessa said. “Living on a ranch.”
“I guess I am,” Jay said. “Shall we go and see what else we can find?”
“I can hear the horses!” Tessa said, cupping her hand to her ear as a neigh rang out.
“Then lead the way.” Jay held the gate open, and they all filed out.
“See you again soon,” Tessa said over her shoulder to the goats.
As they walked toward the sound of horses, Alison noticed Jay’s stride had changed. There was something loose, more confident in his movements. It was a subtle change, but a welcome one. It gave her hope. Just as everything about the Thornberg Ranch gave her hope.
By the time they reached the open meadow, Alison had a spring in her step, too.
Tessa ran ahead, spinning in the golden sunlight. “I love it here!”
Jay chuckled, watching her. “She fits right in.”
Alison sighed, crossing her arms. “She does.”
Jay turned to her, his voice quieter. “And you?”
Her pulse raced because the question felt heavier than casual conversation. She swallowed, then forced a small smile. “I think I like it more than I expected.”
Before Jay could respond, a sharp neigh echoed across the meadow. Alison turned, spotting a dark horse lifting its head high, ears pricked forward.
Jay stilled beside her, frozen to the spot as the horse trotted toward him. The horse called again as if greeting an old friend and without hesitation came straight to Jay. Alison held her breath as the horse pressed his nose against Jay’s chest, nudging him in a slow, searching motion.
Jay’s breath hitched. And then, his hand moved. Slowly, hesitantly, he pressed his palm against the horse’s nose. Then he murmured, “Good to see you, Hero.”
Alison gripped the railing as Tessa gasped beside her. “Mommy…he remembered his name.”
Jay froze. Alison could see the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. But then, after a long moment, he exhaled, patting Hero’s neck. “I did, didn’t I?”
Alison couldn’t breathe for a moment, an ache of emotion threading through her chest. He remembered. Even if it was a tiny piece, it was something —a window on his past.
Jay turned to Tessa, a new confidence lighting his eyes. “Come on, Tessa. Come and say hello.”
Alison watched as Jay gently guided her daughter toward the horse, his voice steady, reassuring. Hero snorted softly, lowering his head to sniff Tessa’s outstretched hand. The sunlight etched them against the backdrop of rolling hills, a picture so perfect it nearly broke Alison’s heart.
Something about it pierced her heart. With Jay, it all seemed so easy, so natural.
Like this was the life they were supposed to have. Like this was the man she was supposed to be with.
And maybe that was the most dangerous thought of all. Because as much as Tessa was falling in love with the Thornberg Ranch, Alison was falling a little in love with Jay Thornberg.
But he was still finding his way back to himself. And she couldn’t let herself hope for things that might never be.