Chapter 4
S ince she was a young girl, Hannah had fantasized about what her wedding would be like.
First, there would be the reading of the banns. Each Sunday, she and her intended would exchange romantic looks across the nave as their names were read out to the congregation.
Then there would be all the fittings for her dress. It would be specially made for the occasion, tasteful on account of wearing it to church, yet still fashionable enough to make other ladies jealous. Her hair would be perfectly styled with silken ribbons around her beautiful bonnet, that would be festooned with its own embellishments. All of it would match the dress and hair of her attendant, who would be Caroline, naturally.
The church would be gorgeous in the morning light flooding through the stained glass to cast the sanctuary in golden reds and rich blues. She would walk up the aisle under the happy and loving eyes of her friends and family, ever eager to meet her future.
How unfortunate that the wedding Hannah had was nothing like her fantasies. No reading of the banns, no special dress, or flowers in her hair.
Papa had wanted no whispers taken back to Town so hastened to secure a common license the day after the forced engagement. A week later, they were the first at the church on a grey and rainy morning where candles were needed to turn the church from blackness to murky shadows.
At least Caroline had stood as her attendant. It was a small comfort, although there had been little for her friend to attend to as the whole affair had been short and to the point.
The wedding breakfast had been little different from breakfast any other day, the exception being the well-wishes bestowed by the guests on her and her new husband.
Her new husband who had made a point of staying far away from her since they had returned to Cosburn Park after the church.
Which only made the fact that they were departing for London at the conclusion of the breakfast all the more terrifying. It had not occurred to her that after the wedding she would have to bid her family goodbye and leave the only home she had ever known, but everything was different now.
She was a married woman. Her home was where her husband took her. And her husband was taking her to London.
When they left Cosburn Park, the carriage was as silent as a graveyard and just as welcoming. Simon had sat on the bench as far from her as he could manage, closing his eyes—whether to sleep or simply feign it, she could not say—but he remained that way the entire journey.
It was probably for the best. After the tongue lashing she had endured in the gardens, she feared what Simon would have to say to her now. She did not think she could withstand it, whatever he might say. His words in the garden had cut deep, particularly because every word he uttered against her had been true.
In all her plotting, she had never once considered Simon and how her scheme would affect him. And not because she had been too na?ve to the ways of the world or too desperate to escape the clutches of Lord Lansdowne.
The truth was that she had simply not given any consideration to how it would affect him because she had never given his life much consideration.
Simon existed as her dear childhood friend and a treasured member of the family. He was someone who existed within the walls of Cosburn Park, but when he left them, she gave no consideration to his existence outside of it.
She knew nothing of his life in Town, his friends, his business or what he did with his days and nights. She knew his past well enough, but she knew nothing of his present.
Did he enjoy the London season? Was he a regular guest at the decadent events in Mayfair, or did he shun the proper parts of society?
Did he spend his time indulging in the more nefarious parts of the city? Was he a regular at the gaming hells and the new gin palaces she read about?
She could not imagine Simon in either scenario. He was an enigma for her. In truth, it had been years since she had spent any considerable time in his presence. Not since Simon had finished at Oxford and made his home in London rather than at Cosburn Park.
That had been during her first and only season in London. He had attended her first night at Almack’s at Sarah’s insistence, wanting Hannah’s dance card to be full. She could not recall if he had spent the rest of the evening at Almack’s or if he had gone somewhere else after their dance.
The truth was that when Simon was not before her, she did not give him much thought at all.
And did that not make her the worse, most selfish person to ever exist?
The guilt was a heavy burden, but it was hers to bear. Her actions had brought them here, and she only had herself to blame for being enclosed in a silent carriage as it trundled through the streets of London.
And Simon appeared no closer to forgiving her trespasses than before, considering it had been some time since they had entered the city, yet he still sat with his eyes closed.
She was certain now he was feigning sleep. No one could naturally sleep through the deafening din of the mass of humanity that occupied the city.
People still crowded the streets even in the evening hours, going about their lives in singles, pairs, and groups. On foot, on horse, in wagon, carriage, cab. She had never witnessed such a throng of people.
She did not recall it being like this when she had visited before, but that had been seven years ago and for less than a month. Her memories of that brief visit had faded away to such a degree that life in Town would be a brand new world for her. She wondered how she would fare far away from the safe familiarity of Cosburn Park.
She glanced over at Simon, still silent and unmoving. He was unlikely to offer her any support. How unfortunate it appeared she would be here on her own now.
No, that was not quite true. Caroline would be here in May for the social season. She only had a month on her own before her friend arrived. One moth. One very long, very lonely month.
The carriage continued on to a quieter part of the city, the streets well-maintained and bathed in an orange glow from the gas lamps. She had no concept of where they were, but the neighbourhood must be Mayfair, and the exact location became evident when the carriage turned onto a street with terrace houses facing a large square green.
They had finally arrived in Hanover Square, which would be her new home now.
It was only when a footman opened the door that Simon finally opened his eyes, but he made no move to speak to her. He simply stared ahead, refusing to look in her direction. After a long moment, she finally turned, accepting the footman’s hand to help her out of the carriage.
She stared up at the terrace house, its windows glowing with cheery orange light among the dark brick walls. At least her new home appeared welcoming, considering her husband passed by her and entered the house, leaving her to follow alone.
Not what a new bride expected upon her arrival at her marital home, but Hannah assumed few bridegrooms were quite so angry with their brides as Simon was with her.
The entrance hall of her new home was inviting, with its white walls and flagstone floor. Its many lit sconces cast out enough light to see the details in the intricate plasterwork medallion on the ceiling.
The butler graciously took Simon’s hat and coat, and a footman readily assisted her with her travelling coat.
“Mrs. Langley,” Simon said, albeit reluctantly. “May I introduce you to Bailey, our butler?”
She was certain the only reason Simon had even bothered to speak was because of the butler’s eager attention on her.
“It is an honour to welcome you here, Mrs. Langley,” Bailey said with a reverent bow to her. “I and my staff are ever at your service, madam.”
“Thank you, Bailey.”
At least there was one person who welcomed her into this house. Its master certainly did not, considering he left the entrance hall, leaving Hannah to follow alone through the small lobby and into an awe-inspiring sight.
The most elegant flagstone staircase wrapped around the room, climbing up the inside of the house higher and higher. Hannah tilted her head back to follow the winding path up towards a skylight that revealed the night sky high above. It was certain to be magical in the daytime, when sunlight streamed through it.
A fair-haired woman stood at the foot of the stairs, her dark dress and the ring of keys that hung from her waist marking her as the housekeeper. Although even without that, it would be obvious by the way she held herself. This was a competent woman securely in charge of her realm.
“Mrs. Langley, may I introduce you to Mrs. Chapman, our housekeeper?”
Hannah wondered if these would be the only words Simon would speak to her in their marriage. Introductions he was expected to manage because of society’s rules and not another word otherwise.
The temptation to ask him immediately was strong, but she would not embarrass herself before the staff. For she was certain his answer would not show any kindness towards her.
“It is an honour, Mrs. Langley,” Mrs. Chapman said with a curtsy. “I have prepared the lady’s rooms as Mr. Langley requested. I can show you to them if you’d like, madam.”
She looked to Simon, but he had gone to speak in a hushed tone with Bailey, pointedly ignoring her.
“Yes, Mrs. Chapman,” Hannah said. “That would be lovely.”
“This way, madam.”
Hannah began to climb the steps to follow the housekeeper, but Simon called out her name to stop her.
She turned, hopeful that the silence was over. Now they could finally properly speak about what had happened and settle how they would move forward in their life together.
“My secretary will arrange any accounts you require at the shops here in Town. Manage the household however you see fit. You may set the menu however you prefer as well, as I will eat at my club.”
With that, he left the hall, disappearing through a doorway. Hannah only caught a glimpse of a bookcase before he closed the door to what must be the library.
A decisive dismissal if ever there was one, all the more awkward as it was given to a bride on her wedding day. Still, Hannah put on a smile for Mrs. Chapman, who gave her a sympathetic look.
“This way, madam,” Mrs. Chapman repeated, and they continued up to the first floor, which Mrs. Chapman told her contained the drawing room and the boudoir.
On the second floor, Mrs. Chapman showed her to the lady’s rooms, which took up half the floor, the other half occupied by the master’s rooms.
Hannah glanced towards the door down the short corridor on the opposite side of the gallery, but was soon led away by Mrs. Chapman.
“Is there anything you would like, madam?” Mrs. Chapman asked her. “Supper or a bath can be prepared, if you’d like.”
“No, but thank you, Mrs. Chapman,” she said. “I believe I would like to rest. Might you send up my maid, Archer, so that I may change?”
“Of course, madam.”
With that, Mrs. Chapman left her alone, and she took in the room. It was very simply decorated, a functional bed with velvet curtains to draw around it for warmth, a matching canopy overhead. The rug on the floor did not match the drapes over the sashed windows in the far wall, but both were functional and appeared new.
She knew the house was a recent purchase for Simon. Apparently, he had given little thought to the lady’s rooms beyond the most basic furnishings it required.
She supposed he had not expected the room to be used any time soon.
Or perhaps he had left it as such so that the lady he expected to live in it could decorate it herself and put her own touch on her home.
And instead of the woman he was so thoughtful to consider, he had been forced to take on her: manipulative Hannah, who thought of only herself.
She had used Simon for her own ends, giving no consideration for what this would mean to him and what he would have to give up because of her.
She had upended the life he had built here in London and driven him from his new home.
It was fitting she was now alone here in her new home, in a new city, with no friends, no family.
This sad and lonely future was her punishment for robbing Simon of his future, because she was too selfish to consider that he could ever have a future.
***
Simon always found the sage green walls in the small drawing room at Brooks’s to be calming. Although others preferred the excitement of the Great Subscription Room, where fortunes changed hands, Simon preferred the club’s small drawing room and its soothing green walls. There he might sink into a plush chair by a window and relish a brandy in peace, contemplating philosophical questions or political issues, or simply let his mind be blissfully blank if he chose.
In desperate need of that peaceful emptiness of thought, he had fled his house for the club. He had taken advantage of supper when he had arrived, but none of the food had appealed to him. He ate simply to fill the emptiness in his stomach, but did not relish any bite.
He retreated to the green embrace of the small drawing room, but even with a glass of brandy in hand as he sat in his favourite chair, he found no peace.
The shouts of celebration and devastation from the Subscription Room were grating to the point where he thought he might crush the brandy glass in his hand.
What the devil had changed at Brooks’s in my absence?
But he knew that this was not about Brooks’s having changed. He was the one who had changed.
Or rather, his life had changed and now all that was in him was rage.
It was all that had been in him for days now. Ever since Hannah had ruined his life.
And that was exactly what she had done. There was no salvaging anything. It was all ruin.
It had been a devastating blow to realize Hannah’s true feelings for him. Although he knew she would never have any romantic feelings for him, he believed she possessed a general fondness for him. Friendship or familial affection, at the very least. Yet he now understood she was utterly indifferent to him.
Which was a much deeper wound to suffer than discovering she outright despised him. Irrelevance hurt so much more than hatred, which only made him furious at both himself and Hannah.
And so instead of the green walls calming him, he merely sat in his favourite chair, stewing in his anger and outrage.
That was until he heard his name called out by a familiar voice.
Matthew Wright, the Marquess of Rothsay, strode confidently towards him, and Simon cursed his oldest friend’s arrival.
Not that he had any conflict with the man. It was only that Rothsay would instantly detect his foul mood and relentlessly pursue an explanation.
Simon tried his best to plaster on a smile as he rose to greet his friend.
“I did not expect to see you in Town, Rothsay.”
“I had not expected it myself,” he replied. “However, my wife discovered there were those in need of aid, and she was eager to provide it.”
Indeed, Lady Rothsay was known for her empathy, always there to rescue the unfortunate. Although they were usually of the animal persuasion.
Simon could not think of what animals would require them to come all the way to London.
“Do you recall meeting Lady Nott and the Misses Livingston at Lockwood Priory last year?” Rothsay asked. Simon nodded and gestured to the chair across from the one he had occupied, and they sat down. “Lady Nott planned to present the younger girls this season. Unfortunately, she had a fall and is now on bedrest for the next few months. That would have delayed the season until next year for the girls. When Cat received the letter of the news of Lady Nott’s injury, she immediately volunteered to present the ladies so they would not miss their season.”
Simon remembered the Misses Livingston quite well, energetic and hoydenish sisters, always searching for amusement and interest of the male persuasion. They would be quite the handful for both Cat and Rothsay.
“I never would have expected your return to Town would be as the mature chaperone to two young ladies,” Simon chuckled.
Prior to his marriage, Rothsay had resided in London, where he revelled in the city’s vibrant social scene alongside Simon and their friend, the Earl of Camden. As a trio of young bucks, they had left a trail of mischief and scandal in their wake.
“It makes Cat happy,” Rothsay said with a shrug of his shoulder and a grin. “Who am I to question my wife’s happiness?”
His friend was very much in love with his wife, even after four years of marriage and the birth of two children.
A surprising outcome, considering that Rothsay and Cat began as a marriage of convenience.
Though Simon should not be quite so surprised. Despite not knowing Rothsay before their marriage, Cat had always respected her husband and did not dismiss him as irrelevant. They had not built their marriage on deception and manipulation and the complete disregard of Rothsay as a person with his own feelings!
“Langley, are you well?” Rothsay asked. His eyes were on Simon’s hands, which were white-knuckled as his fingers dug into the arms of his chair.
Simon relaxed, hands settling flat over the indents his fingers had left in the upholstered cushioning.
“Tired, I suppose. I only arrived in Town a few hours ago,” he said, in hopes of dismissing any concern. “Did Cat’s mother and grandmother accompany you?”
“Only her mother. Cat insisted on bringing the children with us and May did not want to be away from them either. Granny stayed at Pelham Hall.”
“Will Lady Kelton not be lonely?”
Rothsay snorted. “Granny was quite happy to see the back of us. She told us she would enjoy some peace and quiet. Although with all those animals, I cannot say how peaceful it will be. Did I tell you she has taken to rescuing foxes? I do not know how I ever agreed to it. I shall be the laughingstock of the hunt if anyone finds out.”
Simon was surprised it had not happened earlier. The elder matriarch had quite the soft spot for all animals, even foxes.
“Are you staying at Vaughan House?” Simon asked.
“For both mine and my father’s sake, we have let a house on Brook Street. I am unwilling to chance the progress we have made to simply save a shilling or two.”
Indeed, Rothsay had constantly butted heads with the Duke of Vaughan for years, culminating in his father demanding that Rothsay marry and take his place as heir to the dukedom. Lucky for both men that the forced marriage had been to the perfect woman. Had it been to anyone else, Simon was certain the marriage would have destroyed any relationship Rothsay had with his father. And even destroyed Rothsay himself.
After all, Simon now understood firsthand how marriage could destroy a man.
“Your face is a storm cloud,” Rothsay declared. “Something has upset you. What has happened?”
And this was the problem with having lifelong friends. It was impossible to conceal one’s true feelings from them.
And one needed to tell the truth, otherwise, they would call one out.
“I have married.”
“What? Who? Why?”
Simon answered his friend’s questions in order. “I have married. Hannah Talbot. It is a complicated situation.”
“Your sister’s stepdaughter? The one you were in love with?”
Simon could not help but wince at the bald declaration of the feelings he had never given voice to before.
“I never said I was in love with her.”
“It was easy enough to know. You would not stop talking about her when we were in school. In fact, you only stopped talking about her after you told us she was engaged.”
“A childhood infatuation,” Simon said dismissively, uncomfortable with the idea of talking about this.
“And now she is your wife. How did that happen? You never wanted to marry.” Rothsay’s eyebrows rose into his hairline. “Oh no…did you compromise the girl?”
“Hardly. In fact, she compromised me.”
Simon related the events at Cosburn Park, finding himself becoming angry all over again.
“And so we were married quickly to stop any gossip. Her foolish act to escape the chains of matrimony only tied her to me for life, damning us both.”
“And where is your wife now?” Rothsay inquired.
“In my new house. I have given her the run of the place so she might have the freedom from marriage she so desperately wanted. I hope she enjoys it,” he replied, more bitterly than he intended.
“Do not be too harsh on her. Women can do desperate and mad things when it comes to marriage. Both to avoid it and for it. After all, my own wife took a chance on me to save her family.”
“Yes, but you both came into the thing with open eyes. I did not.”
“I understand frustration at having your hand forced, but you have always cared for Miss Talbot. I would think the end result is positive for you.”
“On the contrary, it has demonstrated how little regard she has for me. Imagine being married to someone who believed you do not merit even the slightest consideration.”
Rothsay gave him a conciliatory nod. “I can imagine that is not pleasant, but you have many years ahead of you. Perhaps you could change her mind if you put in the effort.”
Having known Hannah for nearly two decades, he believed that time was not what the situation required, but he no longer wished to discuss the matter.
“For now, I believe we both need space,” Simon said. “I plan to stay here at the club for the time being.”
“Well, you will need to see your wife when you both come to dinner. Expect an invitation once we are properly settled at the new house,” Rothsay said, and Simon shook his head.
“There is no need.”
“Oh, there is certainly a need. As soon as I tell Cat you are married, she will insist. You would not want to upset my wife, would you?”
As Lady Rothsay had only ever been kind to him, the answer was obvious. “No, I would not.”
“Then you will accompany your wife when you receive the invitation and I will hear nothing more about it. Cat is prickly enough about presenting the Bellas. She is terrified she’ll lead them wrong. I will not have her offended by you rejecting an invitation from her,” Rothsay said, and Simon had to respect Rothsay’s affection and protective nature for his wife.
Simon wished he could say he would look forward to dining with them, but they would both know it was a lie.
In fact, as he looked at the future that stretched before him, he could see nothing to look forward to now.