A Court Bright and Broken (Age of Fae #1)

29. Wishful Thinking

Chapter 29

Wishful Thinking

R aewyn

The pitcher of saol water was empty.

I hadn’t meant to drink it all . When night fell and Stellon hadn’t returned to the room, I’d grown restless—and bored with reading, a condition I’d believed impossible before tonight.

And I was irritated. At my stupid ankle. At being stuck in this suite, as luxurious as it was, day after day.

At him for being gone all day and night. Which made no sense.

Stellon had no obligation to me, other than, I supposed, the aversion to having a starved human skeleton cluttering up his fancy room. He was taking care of my needs only so that I could recover enough to leave.

It was what we both wanted.

But the thought of him downstairs, meeting and greeting—and flirting with—scores of beautiful, elegant women…

Anyway, I’d forced my mind away from whatever Stellon might be doing and planted it firmly back on my family.

In spite of my distracting surroundings and very distracting host, all that mattered was getting back to them before Sorcha did.

That meant getting this ankle fully healed so I could walk. Or run. Whatever it took.

Stellon had said that saol water possessed healing properties, so in an attempt to heal faster, I’d poured myself a little more than was probably advisable.

Okay, well, a lot more.

On the plus side, it had the helpful side effect of drowning my sorrows.

I’d been so stupid to get all nervous and fluttery lying beside him last night. And then this morning, imagining that he might be about to kiss me? I’d literally cringed thinking about it after he left.

What a little fool.

But now… all of that embarrassment and shame felt very far away. I could hardly manage to even recall the troubling thoughts that had plagued me throughout the day.

I felt more relaxed than I had in a long time—possibly ever. I was also a bit sleepy.

There was no point in waiting up for Stellon. That was the kind of thing sweethearts did, and I was certainly not one of those.

In fact, I wanted to be asleep when he got home—who needed to hear tales of the glorious evening he’d spent wining and dining his many eager bridal candidates?

I’d just removed my dress in preparation for bed and was standing there in only my shift when the bedroom door opened.

Stellon entered, looking around the room.

When his gaze landed on me, his eyelids flared and he gave me a smile so dazzling, I felt it in my thighs.

“You’re home early,” I yelped. “You said you’d be out late. I still hear the music drifting from the windows down below.”

“Disappointed?”

His smile didn’t drop as he moved closer. “Did I interrupt your ax-throwing practice?”

“I’m not in the competition,” I said. “Obviously. Humans aren’t even invited.”

Why had that come out sounding so snippy? I didn’t want to be invited.

Did I?

“And if they were?”

Stellon continued moving slowly toward me like a prowling mountain lion. “Would you throw your hat in the ring, Firebug?”

“Of course not.” Unfortunately, the word “course” came out a bit slurred and sounded more like “coursh.”

“I still wouldn’t be interested, no matter how—”

I caught myself just in time. I’d been about to say, “No matter how you look in that fitted shirt and those tight breeches.”

Thankfully Stellon had no idea what a hard time I was having keeping my eyes off of them.

Cursed saol water.

“No matter how… ” Stellon prodded, grinning at me like he expected an adoring compliment to come his way, as if he expected me to fawn all over him like the Fae women did. Ha.

“No matter how much other women might want to be a princess,” I self-corrected in a haughty tone.

“Seeing your life up close, I’ve realized being a Fae royal is rather miserable,” I said. “You have almost no freedom in your life. You can’t choose how you spend your days, or where you go, or even whom to marry. Speaking of that, why are you home so soon? Did you succeed in identifying the ‘lucky girl?’”

And why had that come out sounding so grumpy? What was the matter with me?

Stellon’s grin widened, and he loosened his collar, unbuttoning several buttons until the sides listed and revealed his collar bones and the tops of his chest muscles.

“I left early, because I was bored,” he said. “I realized I’d have a much better time here with you.”

He tossed his cravat onto the settee and rolled up each sleeve. Perhaps the Elven saol water had heightened my senses, but I couldn’t help but notice the flex of his forearm muscles or the appealing way the veins stood out in his hands and wrists.

“With me?” I gulped.

“Yes. You’re far more interesting than anyone down at that dreadful party.”

Collapsing onto the nearest settee, he draped an arm across its back and sat in that spread-leg way men did when they were relaxed and confident.

“Why don’t you come and sit with me.” He patted the cushion next to him. “We’ll enjoy the music, and you can tell me about what you did today. Did you read anything good? I’ve been dying for you to get to the Auspexiate’s memoir so we can discuss it.”

Shaded stars . How did he always know exactly what to say to put me off my guard?

Did he know there was nothing more appealing to me in the world than discussing a good book with a friend?

Make the “friend” look like him, with that face, that… physique… and the allure was nearly impossible to resist.

But I had to.

“I’m too sleepy.”

Glancing over at the empty pitcher, Stellon raised his brows. “I can see why. That’s a lot of saol water for someone your size.”

His eyes flicked up to meet mine. There was a knowing gleam in them.

“Any particular reason you decided to imbibe so profusely this evening?”

That look—and his tone—didn’t sit well with me. He was so arrogant, suggesting it had something to do with him.

“If you’re implying that I was jealous because you were down there… cavorting with other women, you can think again.”

Stellon laughed. “I assure you, no cavorting took place. Neither did any frippery —or dalliance . There wasn’t even a single trifle .”

I frowned at his provoking tone. “If you think your big, fancy, rich-boy vocabulary is going to get you out of this, think again. You were insinuating something, and I want to know what it is.”

“Well, you do sound a little jealous,” he said. “Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part. If you’d been the one downstairs ‘cavorting’ with other men, and I’d been the one up here alone, I’d be jealous. I’ve already spent far too much time thinking about the men back in your village who might be courting you.”

What? Shaking my head, I tried to clear it.

How had the conversation even gotten here? I was not jealous—and even if I was, it was pointless.

Stellon’s romantic life had nothing to do with me.

And what was that he’d said about wishful thinking and him being jealous?

My brain was all muddled, and my feelings were too loose and close to the surface. I needed to end this discussion before it spun entirely out of control and I started saying things I had no business saying.

“I need to go to bed,” I said, turning toward the refuge of the mattress then spinning back to point at him. “You should sleep on the sofa tonight.”

Sadly, the sudden twirl set me off balance, and my proclamation was marred by dizzy staggering.

Stellon was up and over to me so fast he was a blur. Maybe it was just my drunken perception. Before I could protest, he’d swept me off my feet and was carrying me to the bed.

The close proximity to his body was the opposite of what I needed right now. He was so solid, so strong. He carried me without trouble, as if I weighed no more than a pillow.

“Put me down,” I pleaded.

“I’ll put you down when we reach the bed,” he said sensibly. “I don’t trust your legs to hold you. You’re drunk, Firebug.”

“I am not,” I said then let out a loud hiccup.

“Fine, I’m drunk,” I admitted, flopping my head to his chest, suddenly too tired to resist.

He smelled so good I wanted to cry. What was it with these Elves and their alluring scents? As far as I knew Stellon hadn’t bathed before the social tonight, and he’d no doubt exerted himself during the day.

Why then did he look perfectly fresh and smell so enticing he made my mouth water?

Laying me on top of the covers, he leaned over me, supporting himself with a hand on either side of my shoulders as he studied my face.

“Why did you drink so much? I warned you of the effects of that water.”

“I know. I just… I need to get better. Faster. I need to heal and get home to my family before…”

My voice trailed off as I curtailed myself from telling him about Sorcha.

“Before?” he prompted.

“Almost everyone I know is poor and suffering, but my family is worse off than most,” I explained. “The day I met you, I was at the Rough Market to sell my mother’s locket… for food.”

His smile dropped immediately, a line forming between his brows.

I went on. “We were all on the verge of starvation. It’s been a bit better lately, but without me there, I fear things will get bad again—even worse than before. I’m responsible for them. I have to help them.”

“I’m sorry, Firebug,” Stellon said. “I didn’t realize how bad things were for you. That’s quite a heavy load to carry all by yourself. Is it your father’s injuries that have you so impoverished?”

“That and the tithe,” I said. “We’re not the only ones. In my village, there are many families living on the edge because the tithe takes away any sort of margin they might manage to build. If someone gets sick or there’s a single bad growing season, it can mean starvation for the entire family—or going to work in a pleasure house for the one who’s supporting them.”

The look on Stellon’s face was stricken.

“That’s… terrible. Unthinkable really.”

It hit me that his life here in the castle was so isolated he honestly didn’t realize how much suffering abounded in the human villages he and his family presided over.

A few trips to the Rough Market, where people had money to buy, wouldn’t have given him the full picture of his subjects’ lives.

“You didn’t know,” I said, amazed.

“No.”

One hand came to his forehead and spanned it, gripping his temples as he straightened.

“Maybe I should have, but I didn’t.”

“Your father knows,” I said. “He must know. And he just doesn’t care.”

Stellon blew out a breath, running both hands through his hair as he paced a couple of steps. Then he returned and sat on the edge of the bed, taking one of my hands inside his.

“I’m going to fix it,” he vowed. “I’m going to send someone to your village with food and other supplies for your family. Just tell me what they need and where they are, and I’ll have it sent to them immediately.”

His offer shocked me. It also touched my heart. “You’d do that?”

“Of course. I can’t help all the humans who are suffering across our lands, but I can at least take care of your family. Please, Raewyn… let me.”

Alternating waves of disbelief and gratitude lapped at my heart. And for the first time, I felt a little willingness to let myself be helped, to not insist on figuring it all out on my own.

This was a side of Stellon I’d never seen. He truly seemed upset at the plight of the humans under his father’s rule. At the plight of my family—penniless peasants he’d never even met.

It made him even more attractive to me than he’d been before. Because now his beauty wasn’t just on the outside. I squeezed the hand holding mine, fighting the urge to touch even more of him.

What am I doing? I wasn’t thinking clearly, thanks to my overindulgence tonight.

Could I even trust him enough to tell him where to find my family? And had he not said that, in this time of heightened vigilance, anyone leaving the castle would be closely watched?

A wagon full of supplies headed to a human village might arouse suspicion and lead the king’s spies directly to my innocent sisters and father.

“I don’t know,” I said, withdrawing my hand from his to cover my face.

“I can’t think right now. I’m sorry I drank all your lovely water, by the way.”

Stellon chuckled. “There’s plenty more where that came from. Besides, you’re pretty cute when you’re in your cups. Actually, ‘cute’ is the wrong word, and since you’re probably too drunk to remember this come the morning, I’ll go ahead and say it…”

He lifted my hand to uncover my eyes so he could look into them as he spoke. “You, Raewyn, are the most exquisitely beautiful woman I have ever seen. I am utterly obsessed with you.”

That’s when I kissed him.

I wasn’t sure how it happened.

All of a sudden, I was sitting up and gripping the back of his neck like my life depended on it and pressing my lips to his.

At first, Stellon didn’t react. It was like he was frozen. But after a few seconds, he responded, kissing me back ferociously.

His hands cradled my jaw then moved through my hair, down my back and around to my ribcage, resting just beneath my breasts. It felt incredible, and the desire for him to go on touching me was more potent than anything I’d ever felt.

I touched him too, allowing my hands to roam and explore his neck and shoulders, those tantalizing chest muscles beneath the thin fabric of his shirt. Running my hands down his sides, I reached for the hem of it, wanting to get my fingers beneath it and feel his skin.

His hands left my body and gripped mine, stopping me.

His breathing was labored. His voice sounded rough when he repeated his earlier diagnosis.

“You’re drunk, Firebug.”

My wrists writhed inside the manacles of his hands, struggling for release. Something had been loosed in me, and like any wild animal, it did not want to be caged.

I felt like a whole different version of myself, freer, lighter, and hungrier than I’d ever been—but in a different way.

For the first time I could remember, I actually wanted something for myself.

Him.

There was a noise from the direction of the sitting room—a door opening by the sound of it.

Stellon released my hands and twisted toward it, listening with a fierce expression on his face.

And then there were footsteps. And voices.

One voice in particular stood out to me. I recognized it from the night of the ball, and it still sent a shiver of revulsion down my spine.

Stellon knew the voice as well, obviously, because as it called out his name, his eyes went wide. He looked down at me, clearly in a deep panic.

“My father is coming,” he hissed.

“How did he get in?” I whispered back.

When Pharis had paid an unexpected visit to Stellon’s chambers, he’d pounded on the door, demanding entry. It was hard to believe Stellon had forgotten to lock the suite’s exterior door behind him when he came home tonight.

“The king has the key to every room in the palace,” he explained. “Quickly now—we have to hide you.”