Chapter 6
CHAPTER SIX
ESTEE
T his is not happening. It doesn’t matter that I’m not even sure what this is. I’m not doing it. I’m not getting mixed up in whatever mess Theo’s found himself in. It doesn’t matter that the moment he grabbed my hand, peering into my eyes as if they might be a window to my soul, my wolf surged forward, her interest in him almost too much to keep at bay.
None of that matters because I’m getting the hell out of here.
I spin around and clutch the door handle. “I’m taking the women from my kingdom, and we’re leaving. Right now.”
The metal knob feels icy under my palm, grounding me for the briefest moment as Theo reaches for me again, this time wrapping his hand gently around my bicep. “Estee, please. Just give me time.”
I whip my head around, a snarl already on my lips. “Remove your hand before I remove that arm from your body.”
My wolf howls within me, a low, mournful sound. She doesn’t like the hostility, but what does she expect? How can I trust this man? Whatever fleeting and almost hollow…gods, I can’t even call it a connection. Whatever that was, it wasn’t real. It can’t be. Especially because now all I feel is anger.
She whimpers, clawing at my mind—pleading, but not forcefully. She wants to see him for herself, in her true form, but I can’t let that happen. I can’t allow myself to be vulnerable when there’s so much uncertainty.
Theo lets go of me and holds his hands up innocently. “I won’t force you to stay, but I will beg you to reconsider. I know this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, and you have no idea how sorry I am about that. I wanted more for my mate, for you. I didn’t…” He grips the back of his neck, his eyes pleading with me to believe him as he lowers himself to the ground. “Just know that this is real. I’m not lying and, if you’ll let me, I’ll do whatever it takes to prove the truth to you. Give me one week.” He drops to his knees, desperation etched across his face. “Please, Estee. Don’t leave me yet.”
Gods. He’s literally groveling at my feet, staring up at me with those dark, tortured eyes. His hand twitches, like he wants to reach for me again, but he stops himself.
“I’ll do whatever you ask,” he pleads, his voice trembling. “Please, just give me more time to sort this out.”
“What is ‘this,’ Theo?” I demand, looking down at him, trying to ignore the pulse of sympathy that grows within me.
Damn it. Bringing a king to his knees isn’t as fun as I imagined it would be.
Still, I can’t falter. Not when I know something is wrong.
He drops his gaze, shoulders slumping. “I know this will sound like a lie, but I swear on my life, two things are true.” Slowly, he looks back up, his eyes locking onto mine with a fervor that makes my skin tremble. “One: you are my mate, Estee Blackwood. Two: I don’t know exactly what’s blocking you from openly feeling what I do, from knowing what I know without a shadow of a doubt, but I will figure this out, and when I do, I’ll explain everything to you. I promise.”
His words pierce my chest, each one like an arrow. His desperation is tangible—so much so that I can almost taste it, heavy and bitter on my tongue. Yet, I still don’t know what I’m going to do until the words leave my mouth.
“I’ll give you twenty-four hours,” I say curtly. “Tomorrow, you’d better have something more to tell me, or I will leave, and you’ll never see me again. That’s a promise.”
He nods, swallowing hard. “I understand.”
I slip out the door, closing it behind me. Leaning against the wooden surface, I press my palm to my chest, trying to steady my breathing, but the emotions inside me are too wild to contain. That wasn’t a strong enough connection to be a mate bond, but even I can’t deny that there’s something there when he touched me. A curiosity that might be better left alone.
“I’m so sorry,” Theo’s words are a hushed whisper that barely make their way through the door. “More than I can possibly explain.”
I don’t know if he meant for me to hear him, but the anguish in his voice wraps around my heart, squeezing until I almost want to cry. Gods, why is this happening? Why can I sense these emotions so deeply, yet not feel the bond? How can he claim I’m his mate when my own heart is this conflicted?
It isn’t supposed to be this way.
Shoving myself away from the door, I force my legs to carry me down the hallway. I can’t afford to be distracted by Theo’s sorrow. There are questions to answer, and I’m not going to find them standing outside his office, wondering why I care. Heading back toward the room I was given, I try to focus on a plan for the next twenty-four hours. First, I need to call Isla, let her know what’s going on. Then, I’ll find Drea and convince her that she and her mate should transfer to Polaris. I’ve only known her a short time, but I won’t let her stay in Selaris with all this uncertainty.
And then I have to decide what to do about Theo.
I know I told him he had a day to bring me proof, but really, that time is for me. To clear my head, to figure out if there’s any truth to this intermittent and weak connection. I can be stubborn—brash, even—but it’s not without reason. I spent a childhood on Earth feeling like an inconvenience, not knowing who I was, searching for a sense of belonging that came decades later than it should have.
Three hundred years of living as a human, cursed to be reborn over and over again, without my memories… I can’t just shove all that hurt aside. Not as easily as Isla did.
She had Asher before she left, and she has him now that we’ve found our way back to Lunara. I’ve only ever had her, and a lot of the lifetimes I lived on Earth, I didn’t even get that. I floundered for so long, always searching and never finding. Though I didn’t know it was Isla I was searching for, I knew something was missing.
Once again, I find myself alone and searching, but this time, it’s not for my sister or the world we belong to, it’s for answers that, depending on which way this goes, have the power to destroy me.
Years have passed since I’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable. I worked hard to strengthen my mind, to protect myself from those who sought to hurt me instead of lifting me up.
Now, I’m faced with Theo, who’s claiming me as his mate and seems to want me to accept all of this on his word alone. No. I can’t allow that. Not when there’s only a flicker of a connection. One that not even my wolf is absolutely certain of.
Gods, this is a mess.
Beneath the frustrated growl that builds within me, there’s a whisper that won’t let me run from this place—a question plaguing my thoughts: what if my centuries of pain, of loneliness, have been leading me to this moment? What if Theo’s not lying? What if, somehow, this is my fate?
For the last ten years, I’ve strongly believed that everything happens for a reason, that things will always work out for me eventually. Just because I don’t want to accept the reason right now doesn’t mean the sentiment is no longer true. I just have to find my center again.
With that in mind, I know what I need to do.
Still heading back to the room, I make a mental list of all the things I need and have every intention of locking myself away tonight, but then I hear Drea’s worried voice.
“Gods, Estee, when I heard…”
She doesn’t need to finish her sentence. I understand her shock more than she knows.
“Are you okay?” she asks, reaching for my hand. “You look pale. Did you get sick again? Why aren’t you with Theo still? Is he really as bad as we assumed? I know this isn’t what you wanted, but at least we’ll be here together.”
I offer her a kind smile and shake my head. “One question at a time, but inside the bedroom, okay?”
“Right.” She nods, pulling at the ends of her hair. The action reveals her neck, showing light scratches over her skin.
As soon as we’re inside, it’s my turn to pepper her with questions. “Why aren’t you with your mate? Did he hurt you? He didn’t abandon you already, did he? I’ll kill him.”
Drea giggles and shakes her head before starting to twirl about the room in childlike fashion, a smile growing on her face as she holds her arms out. “Orion is perfect in every way.” She stops to face me, her cheeks flushed and eyes bright. “His only fault is that he didn’t want me to leave, but his roommates came home, going on about the princess of Polaris being King Theo’s mate, and I knew I had to come find you.”
“Oh.” Great, everyone knows. I shouldn’t be surprised, but that means Asher will soon hear and so will Isla and, ugh, that phone call is going to be…interesting.
“So, why aren’t you with your mate?” Drea presses, eyeing me carefully as I cross the room to get some water from the drink cart.
I hesitate to tell her the truth, not because I don’t trust her, but because saying the words out loud makes them all that much more real. Or potentially so.
“It’s okay,” she says, nonchalantly. “I know I’m not royal. You don’t have to tell me.”
My head turns so quickly toward her that I hear a pop in my neck. “This has nothing to do with you or your stature, Drea. I promise. The situation is complicated, and I’m not sure how I feel about the whole thing.”
“I know you didn’t want a mate, but doesn’t the euphoria of the bond override the reservations you had? Or are you really that badass that you can fight the connection with pure will?”
My entire body goes cold. Good gods, am I doing this? I know I believe in the power of thought, but I never considered…
Have I sabotaged myself because the fear of becoming someone’s mate after centuries of loneliness was easier to hold onto than possibly having my heart shattered by the one person everyone always said would complete me?
My mate.
Drea’s suddenly in front of me, helping me sit down before I collapse under the burden of my thoughts. “Hey, what’s going on? Do I need to call a healer?”
I shake my head, trying to find my voice. “I don’t feel the bond with Theo. But he does, and even my wolf thinks something is there. Yet, I just ripped him apart, blaming him for everything when maybe…it’s my fault.”
My wolf rises within me, her presence steady and calm, trying to soothe my racing heart. I wish I could hear her voice—any reassurances that I’m not going insane.
Drea clasps my hands in hers, her grip warm. “It’s not you. At least, not all you. Even Orion says there’s something off with King Theo. He only makes appearances when he must. He doesn’t have any real friends and keeps his advisors at arm’s length. Supposedly, the gods chose him as the next king since the previous one got sick and had no heirs, but the pack talks, and everyone believes something’s being hidden.”
I want to smack my head against the wall just to stop the emotional whiplash, but at least Drea’s words are grounding. Something is off here. I wasn’t wrong to be cautious. And while I might be at fault for not feeling the bond, there’s more to this kingdom than meets the eye.
“You and Orion should go back on the boat with the others to Polaris,” I state firmly. “If things are as bad here as they sound, you’ll be safest back home. I’ll make sure Asher knows that I sent Orion with you, and he’ll get his transfer approved.”
Drea’s head is shaking before I’ve even finished speaking. “I’m not leaving you here on your own. You’re going to need me.”
“No offense, but what can you do that I can’t?” I ask, genuinely.
She slowly smirks. “I can get the staff to talk. You’re royal, I’m not. With the situation being that you forced me to stay behind, ignoring my desire to return home to Polaris with my newfound mate… Once they believe I’m one of them, I might be able to find answers for you. The help always knows.”
While she makes a good point, just the fact that she’s willing to put herself in that position makes me reconsider.
“You can stay, but you won’t be talking to anyone on my behalf,” I tell her with authority. “I don’t want you putting yourself in a situation where you might find more trouble than we’re already dealing with. Do I make myself clear?”
She chuckles and reaches to hug me, tears shimmering in her eyes. “Thank you, Estee. Thank you for seeing me as a person.”
“You’re stuck with me now,” I promise her, and I mean it.
It doesn’t matter that she’s never lived as a royal. Drea’s quickly become a dear friend, and I intend to make sure she’s taken care of.
Just as soon as I figure out what the hell is going on in this kingdom.