CHAPTER 38
Frankie
I frantically run to Zarreth. “Come on baby, please!” I cry as I shake his limp body. “Don’t fucking leave me. You promised you wouldn’t leave me again.”
I summon every ounce of power I have, pushing it into him, but he doesn’t move. “Damn it! Come on, Zarreth. I fucking need you. I am yours and you are mine.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I grit my teeth, pushing with everything I have in me while praying to every god I know.
“I won’t do this life without you.” I bang on his chest with balled up fists as tears fall from my eyes. “Get up!”
I strip us both down, lying on top of him, making as much skin on skin contact as possible, hoping a kernel of power hidden somewhere in my body will heal him. But I have none left to give, so I pour every ounce of my love into him.
Something tries pulling me from Zarreth, but I hold on with all the strength I have. “Frankie?”
“Get the fuck away!” I yell. I know Ronin isn’t a threat, but I won’t let anyone near Zarreth.
I close my eyes, laying my head on his chest, breathing in the scent of burning cedar.
This is all my fault. If I hadn’t been so stubborn, Zarreth never would have come here. He has sacrificed so much for his people, his family. Me. He is dead because of me, and I can’t even bring him back.
Anguish churns inside me like a dagger to my heart. My soul screams with a relentless ache, reminding me I have no reason to live. I cycle through the options of how I will end my life if he doesn’t come back to me when I feel his hands run through my hair. His warm lips press against my head.
Everything in me comes back to life.
“Zarreth!” I cry as I look at his beautiful amber eyes. He’s alive. He came back for me.
“Never think about killing yourself again,” Zarreth seethes. “Do you hear me?”
Tears fall down my face as I nod.
He sits us up and cups my cheeks, looking deep into my eyes. “Say it,” Zarreth demands as he moves his hands to my shoulders, shaking me.
“I hear you,” I mutter.
Zarreth shakes me harder. “Say it,” he yells. Why is he being so aggressive?
My teeth clatter as my neck whips back and forth. Zarreth’s fingers dig into my flesh, his nails threatening to break skin. “Zarreth, you’re hurting me.”
He violently shakes me as he repeats, “Say it. Say it. Say it.”
“Zarreth, stop it.” I hit him in the chest. “What is wrong with you?”
I blink my eyes open as I look around. I must have fallen asleep. The scent of cedar fades away, replaced by the smell of burnt flesh and copper. Bodies are scattered around Zarreth’s lifeless body.
He didn’t really come back to me.
I look at his bare chest. Time stretches into an agonizing eternity as I watch Zarreth’s mating mark gradually fade before my eyes. A wild, primal scream rises in my body as I let loose a sorrowful wail.
“No! This can’t be!” I scream. It’s gone. His mark is gone. I look at my own chest, watching every last bit of color fade away from the mark. “No!”
My body violently trembles as I push myself up. I feel as though the ground has shifted beneath my feet. Naked, I stumble my way out of the cave covered in blood, holding my chest.
I don’t see the soldiers quaking in fear, falling over each other to get away as I walk toward them. I don’t even see Ronin as he lightly treads toward me, careful not to startle me.
The last bit of humanity has already left my soul, leaving nothing but darkness in its wake. I can feel hatred taking over. I want to kill everything around me, burn it all to the fucking ground.
“When light fades and shadows play, the Realm Eater comes to take you away,” I sing, drifting deeper into the murky depths of my mind, my voice a haunting whisper.
“Frankie,” Ronin says cautiously.
I stop walking and slowly tilt my head as I focus on his blue eyes. Vast oceans filled with grief stare back at me.
“Frankie, put the knife down,” Ronin pleads.
I hear his words, but they have no effect on me. Instead of doing what he asks, I sing the second verse of the fucked-up nursery rhyme. “Step softly, dear wanderers, for I’m watching you all, and I’ll feast on the brave ones who answer my call.”
“Where’d you hear that?” he asks, stepping forward and reaching for the knife. I bare my fangs at him and growl, making him stop in his tracks.
Warm, sticky liquid trickles between my fingers. Satisfaction sweeps through me as I watch my blood drip to the ground.
Instead of repositioning the knife so I can hold it by the handle, I grip the blade tighter. The pain doesn’t register. I need more. I squeeze even harder, pressing the sharp steel deeper into my flesh.
Darkness bubbles from deep within my soul. My power returns tenfold as dark, oily magic spreads throughout my veins.
“Why do I get to live when the two people I love the most died protecting me? Why do you get to live while your best friend lies dead not far from us?” I focus my gaze on the crowd of soldiers surrounding us, raising my voice. “Why should any of you live when there is nothing worth living for?”
I close my eyes, tilting my head to the sky, as a scream erupts from deep within my chest, raw and untamed. It drowns out the screams of those around me. For the first time, I embrace the darkness within.
I will kill them all.
I barely register the hands firmly gripping my upper arms. Ronin is screaming something at me, but I can’t hear him. It sounds like he’s standing at the other end of a long, narrow tunnel.
I shake my head, confused, forcing my eyes to open. I finally snap out of my trance, looking around.
Demons with blood-stained tears on their cheeks are holding their heads in agony. I know I should stop the darkness that’s pouring from me, but I can’t. I’m not even sure I want to. I imagine everyone laying in a pool of their own blood as a sense of peace washes over me.
“Frankie, this isn’t you,” Ronin pleads as blood drips into his mouth from his nose. “Zarreth wouldn’t want this for you. This is not the person he fell in love with.”
Confused, I turn toward him. “The person he fell in love with is dead.”
Ronin grabs my face, turning it toward a demon convulsing on the ground. Another demon is crawling toward him with his arm outstretched. I watch his body completely collapse to the ground.
“Look at what you’re doing. You’re better than this. You’re better than Aradon or Dante. Don’t be like them,” Ronin begs.
As my cloudy brain tries to process what he’s saying, a sharp pain stabs through my heart. My claws morph into normal fingernails while my fangs shorten into human teeth. I feel the darkness leave my body as I fall to my knees. The crowd collectively cries in relief.
I look at my chest, watching the faintest outline of tattered wings slowly return to my skin. Zarreth!
I scramble to my feet and run back into the cave. He’s in the exact same position I left him in, but I can see the outline of his mating mark.
An invisible thread from my heart to his weakly pulls me toward him. Our bond! I can feel it.
The smell of sulfur fades, replaced by the scent of lavender mixed with cedar as the last of the darkness leaves my body. I drop to my knees, tentatively touching his mark. He’s warm.
Flooded with relief, I collapse to his chest as a bright white light shines between our entwined bodies. A light so pure it feels like it’s seeping into my soul. Soon the entire cave is glowing, the air thick with electric charge.
I feel his breath against my ear before I hear my name. “Frankie.”
He’s alive.
His eyes search for mine with an intensity that makes my heart ache. The moment our gazes lock, I unravel.
“Oh my God.” Placing a trembling hand on his cheek, I hold my breath, afraid to get my hopes up. Afraid of what I will become if this is another cruel dream. “Is this real?”
His fingers cup my face, his touch igniting every nerve ending in my body. Crashing his lips into mine, he turns us on our sides so we’re still facing one another. “It feels real to me.”
I clutch him tightly, my fingers desperately digging into his skin, trying to anchor myself to him in case this is merely a figment of my imagination. His muscles bulge under my hands as he moves to wipe away my tears, his touch warm against my skin.
Neither of us breathe a word as we bask in the comfort of the white light surrounding us. Maybe this reality only lives inside the warmth of this light. If we don’t move, maybe we can stay this way forever, embraced in each other’s arms.
The light begins to fade, the edges of our world blurring. No!
“Don’t leave.” I panic. “Please don’t leave me, Zarreth.” I beg, praying this won’t end.
His eyes soften as he places his forehead to mine, our breath mingling in the small space between us. “I’ll never leave you, Melita .”
I whimper at his words, but still close my eyes, shutting out the fading light. I can’t bear the thought of losing him again.
“Frankie,” his voice calls to me, steady and soothing. “Open your eyes.”
I slowly lift my eyelids, bracing myself for the emptiness I so dread. The beautiful light is gone, but my mate remains. “You’re still here,” I breathe, my voice thick with emotion.
“I’ll always be here. We’re bound. Nothing can change that, not light nor darkness. I am yours and you are mine.”
I haven’t been able to look Zarreth in the eye since we arrived in the Human Realm last night.
Even though the K4 left my body, Ronin’s voice constantly repeats in my head, reminding me of the monster I’ve become. This is not the person he fell in love with.
When we got home, I went straight to my bedroom and didn’t come out. Zarreth was the only one I allowed in.
I know Jess is worried sick about me, but how can I face her? My fearless best friend who infiltrated a demon gathering to save me. She risked her life for me, while I took lives from others. I don’t deserve her kindness. I don’t deserve anyone’s kindness.
I don’t know why the K4 was only temporary for me, but I’m grateful it’s out of my system. Apparently when I took it, the hellhounds inside the cave were not the only ones to die. All the hellhounds and a handful of demons standing next to the cave also died. Unfortunately, Dante traced away before my powers reached him.
Zarreth and Ronin tried convincing me that what I did was because of the K4, but I know better. I recognized the darkness within me like an old friend. It wasn’t the K4 that made me lose control. It was me, the Realm Eater.
Zarreth pulls me closer to him so there’s no space between my back and his chest. “Stop doing that.”
I roll toward him as the sheets wrap around my waist. “Doing what?”
“Thinking.”
I huff. If only it were that easy. He grabs my chin, lifting my face toward his. I keep my eyes low. “Look at me, Frankie.”
When I finally look into his amber eyes, I see nothing but love and admiration.
Zarreth uses his thumb to wipe a tear away. “You are not evil. You saved me and so many others last night. You killed Aradon. Think of all the demons who owe you their lives because of that.”
I want to argue with him, tell him that no one owes me anything. I want to tell him he’s wrong, that he should stay away from me, but I’m too selfish. Instead, I pretend everything is alright. “Is that bacon?”
Zarreth nods, wiping another tear from my face. “And coffee. Ronin and Jess are making breakfast.”
I crawl out of bed before pulling on a pair of shorts and one of Zarreth’s t-shirts.
He looks at Ms. Kitty, who’s curled up by his feet. “I could possibly compete with bacon, but I don’t stand a chance against coffee.” Getting out of bed, he pulls on a pair of sweatpants before coming toward me.
“Come here, little one.” Zarreth bends down, helping me onto his back so he can give me a piggyback ride to the kitchen.
Taking a deep breath, I slide an invisible mask over my face, smiling as we come around the corner.
Jess is sitting on the counter watching Ronin make scrambled eggs. Her body jerks when she sees me, like she’s going to jump down and run over to me, but she stays seated. I know it kills her not to coddle me, but I appreciate everyone feigning normalcy right now.
I hop off Zarreth’s back, making my way to the coffee pot. “Where’s Macen?”
Poor Macen didn’t know what to think of me. I’m sure he would love to see my head on a stick after what I did to his horde, but he helped us anyway. He didn’t say much to me, but he wasn’t rude either.
I will forever be in his debt, and I will always be grateful for what he did.
“He was gone when I woke up,” Jess says. “Apparently I’m not his type.”
I roll my eyes. “You work fast. How do you know you’re not his type?” This feels good. I can do this. I can have normal conversations. I will not fall apart.
“Apparently he likes the burlier type, packing twelve inches.” Jess uses both her hands to show us just how long twelve inches is.
I look over at Ronin and we make eye contact. He gives me a big smile and winks at me.
Zarreth walks over to Ronin, patting him on the back. “Look at you bagging your childhood crush.”
“Ha!” Ronin says, dividing the scrambled eggs between four plates. “Maybe one day,” he says before asking me to grab the forks.
I’m thankful for the simple, ordinary task until I spot Grandpa G sitting on the counter above the silverware drawer.
I extend my hand to touch the wilted leaves but stop halfway. I chew on the inside of my lip before swallowing nervously. Can I revive Grandpa G, or will I kill him like everything else in my life?
Closing my eyes, I remember my grandpa bouncing four-year-old me up and down on his knee. I gently touch the plant, pouring as much love as I can muster into it.
I open my eyes and hold back a silent sob as a tear rolls down my cheek.
Grandpa G perks up. Another tear escapes as his leaves turn green. I feel a little lighter as the smallest weight lifts from my shoulders. It’s not a lot, but it’s something.
Maybe there’s hope for me yet.
Maybe.