Chapter 14
14
POPPY
I was up early the following morning to drive over to Bumblebee Barn, but I wasn’t feeling particularly fresh after another nightmare involving Damon. In it, I’d accepted an invitation for coffee but, when I tried to leave, I couldn’t because I was glued to the chair and the chair was bolted to the floor. I implored my fellow café-goers to help me but they were all shrouded in cloaks and, when they turned and lowered their hoods, they were all Damon. I woke up pouring with sweat and had to go downstairs to make a calming hot chocolate, just like Mum used to make for me when I was a child and had bad dreams.
I knew exactly why Damon had infiltrated my dreams – because Wilf had messaged last night to say Damon had been at Dove Cottage yet again because he’d thought Wilf was lying to him about me being on holiday. Wilf had assured me that he hadn’t given Damon the slightest indication as to where I’d gone, refusing to even confirm whether it was in the UK or abroad.
On a more positive note, I’d had a message from Marnie assuring me that Dad was as well as could be expected and there’d been no recent midnight meanderings . She’d included a lovely candid photo of him in the residents’ lounge watching the birds with Poppy the bear sitting on his knee on top of his fiddle cushion. My phone lockscreen photo was the one taken of us together at his ninetieth birthday and the wallpaper was the one of just him, but I changed it to the photo Marnie had just sent, loving how relaxed and content he looked. He wasn’t the only one. It had been strange not seeing Dad this week, but I was conscious how much better I felt in myself for not going to The Larks every day, building up false hope that he’d know who I was and dealing with the disappointment when he didn’t. When I returned to Winchcote, I would cut back on my visits. The guilt would nudge at me no matter what Marnie said, but it would be so much better for my mental health.
It was getting lighter as I drove the short distance to Bumblebee Barn. Amber was in the farmyard topping up the water bowls for the dogs and cats.
‘Good morning!’ she called as I opened the car door. ‘Early enough for you?’
‘It’s fine. I’m usually up by six.’
Radley appeared from the barn and curled round my legs.
‘He likes you,’ she said as I bent down to stroke him, and he wiggled his head to give me better access to scratch his ears.
‘It’s mutual. I’ve never had a cat, but I’ve always loved them.’
Radley had such a handsome face and his grey and black tabby markings were just like on one of the cats Cuddles & Paws had taken to Dad’s ninetieth. Animals were such great company and the thought fleetingly crossed my mind that maybe I should get a cat, but I swiftly dismissed it. I didn’t have the time to settle it in.
‘It’s not light enough to see the field properly yet,’ Amber said. ‘How about a tour round the farmyard first?’
‘Sounds good to me.’
‘This is the garage,’ Amber said, indicating the barn Radley had emerged from. ‘We keep the quad bikes and main tractor in here and it’s used as a workshop. The long building you can just see beyond that is Events Barn. It was a dairy shed back in the day but we don’t have cows anymore. Barney’s mum, Natasha, runs an events management business and Zara works for her. They keep the stock and equipment in there.’
I remembered the name from yesterday – Amber’s best friend and chief bridesmaid on Saturday.
Amber led me in a diagonal line across the farmyard. There was another barn on the left which she told me they called ‘garage two’ as it held more farm vehicles and equipment. On the left beyond the farmhouse was a copse. A wide track circled round it before opening out onto a second large yard with buildings on three sides. Amber pointed to the first building on the left. ‘This will be our farm shop. We’ve only just had permission to convert it into retail space and add a second floor. The initial idea is to have locally sourced food downstairs, including food from our farm, of course. Upstairs will be gifts – probably a combination of local crafts and popular brands, but Zara’s still working on that. She’ll eventually step away from the petting zoo and the events and take over as the farm shop manager. She’s the most organised person I’ve ever met, so she’ll have the place running like clockwork.’
‘You’re not going to be running the shop?’
Amber shook her head. ‘No. I’m the project manager of the whole thing but I wanted to give Zara something to get her teeth into. Sourcing stock and merchandising excites her, but it does nothing for me. I’m better at the big picture vision stuff. I’m involved in all the key decisions about the non-farming activities, but I’m enjoying not having a clearly defined role. I’m a spare pair of hands for whoever needs it – usually the one who shouts the loudest.’
We crossed the yard and entered a stable block opposite the shop. The lights were already on inside and I counted four stalls on each side with horses looking out over six of them.
‘Morning, Milo!’ Amber called.
I hadn’t noticed anyone in there but a dark-haired man, probably late twenties, poked his head over one of the stalls.
‘This is Poppy. She’s staying at Whisperwood this week.’
‘Hi, Milo!’
Milo didn’t meet my eyes, mumbled something indecipherable, and ducked back down again.
I glanced at Amber, surprised at the lack of greeting but she mouthed, Nothing personal .
‘Do you like horses?’ she asked.
‘I like all animals, but I’ve never been around horses. Never ridden.’
She introduced me to all six, giving their names and whether they were owned by the farm or stabled there.
‘Do you offer riding lessons?’ I asked.
‘No. Barney gives the odd lesson on Munchie to Imogen – his best mate Joel’s daughter – but he doesn’t have the time or interest to offer lessons. We both ride and so do his parents and sister but not as regularly as we’d like. If you stay again and fancy a go, you’d be very welcome.’
‘I’d like that although, with Mary planning to sell up, staying at Whisperwood Farmhouse won’t be an option.’
‘Fair point, although my friend Samantha has holiday cottages at her place, Hedgehog Hollow. You could always stay there.’
I followed her back into the yard.
‘While we’re out of earshot, don’t worry about Milo. He’s brilliant at his job but he doesn’t do people. As I said, it’s nothing personal. He’s a bit grumpy this week. We have a groom but she’s off sick so it’s fallen on Milo to see to the horses and, even though he loves all animals, pigs are his passion and he’d spend all his time with them if he could.’
It was fully light now and showing promise to be another beautiful if chilly day. We headed down a wide track to the left of the stables.
‘This is the petting farm for our school visits,’ Amber said. ‘Natasha and Zara have been running them and we’ve had some great feedback so far. There’s a lot more we can do, but it’s a starting point.’
I took in the lawned area containing various wooden shelters, houses and runs in front of a wooden barn and smiled at the large sign – Welcome to Cuddle Corner – with some cute cartoon animals on it.
Amber hadn’t said what the third building at the bottom of the U-shape was used for so I asked her about it as we walked back to the garage.
‘We’re not sure what to do with it at the moment. We wondered about a holiday cottage but the location isn’t right. There’s too much going on around it so I could just imagine all the complaints about noise. We could expand the shop into it, make it smaller units for local businesses, expand the school activities…’ She shrugged. ‘Lots of options but nothing that screams for immediate attention.’
Before long, I was on the back of a quad bike and heading up a gently sloping track between the farmhouse and fields. It was such a thrill to be on one again, the wind blowing my hair and cooling my cheeks. In the distance to my right, I could see Whisperwood Farmhouse. We passed pigs, goats and then sheep. Bumblebee Barn was stunning and I really couldn’t have come to a better place. I wondered whether Sharon and Ian had suggested it because they knew that, as well as falling in love with the surroundings, this was a place where I’d be able to relax, switch off and find the person I used to be before illness dominated my life.
Another quad bike was parked by the gate of one of the fields containing Herdwick sheep and a dark-haired man was making his way towards us who Amber introduced as Barney.
‘I’d normally shake your hand but best we don’t today,’ he said, laughing as he wiped his hands down his mucky boiler suit. ‘This isn’t mud.’
‘What happened?’ Amber asked.
‘There was some string tangled round one of the Herdies and I thought I’d pinned her to remove it, but she dodged me and I landed somewhere bad. Typical day in the life of a farmer.’
‘You’ve got a gorgeous farm,’ I said, glancing around me at fields stretching out as far as the eye could see. ‘These views!’
‘Stunning, aren’t they? I’m so lucky to have all this and even luckier to have someone to share it with now.’
Barney and Amber exchanged loving smiles, making my heart melt. It had been a long time since anybody had looked at me that way and I really missed that connection with somebody special.
‘Are you sure you don’t mind me joining you on Saturday night?’ I asked, feeling like Barney should have a say. If he said the right words but didn’t look convinced, I’d make my excuses later, but he smiled widely.
‘It’s our pleasure.’
Milo coming in over Barney’s walkie-talkie prevented any further chat. Amber kissed Barney goodbye over the gate and we clambered back onto the quad bike to go the short journey to the field they were thinking of for the beehives.
‘I haven’t done any research,’ Amber said as she pushed open a barred gate into the chosen field, ‘so I have no idea if this would be suitable.’
The field was lush pasture with a spattering of wildflowers bursting between the grass. Surrounded by trees on two sides, it had the perfect combination of direct sunlight but shady areas.
‘Is that a pond?’ I asked, noticing an area of water in the distance.
‘Yes, a natural one. It gets bigger when it rains heavily, although it doesn’t flood the whole field or anything like that. It doesn’t dry up in the summer as there’s a spring which feeds it. What do you think? Any good for hives?’
I turned in a circle, taking it all in, nodding slowly. I could picture the rows of hives, hear the buzz of the bees, smell the woodsmoke and the mesmerising mix of honey, beeswax, resins and pollen. I felt the same peace and contentment here as I did at Honey Bee Croft, happy memories flooding my mind of tending to the bees with Dad, always learning from him and feeding off his passion and enthusiasm. What I wouldn’t do to be the beekeeper here!
‘It’s perfect, Amber. Any beekeeper who gets this as their apiary is very fortunate. It’s accessible, away from people and animals, it has light, shade and water and it’s not visible from the road so unlikely to attract vandals. Your beekeeper might want some sort of storage shed or container but it’s not essential. I used to keep my stuff at Saltersbeck Farm but there was a break-in so I keep it in the van now.’
‘Someone broke into your storage shed? Why?’
‘For a laugh. It was kids being stupid.’
‘I despair of people sometimes. Who breaks into a beekeeper’s shed for a laugh? I hope you got your stuff back.’
‘I did, but it was damaged, so I had to replace it anyway. Mindless.’
She tutted. ‘When I was filming Countryside Calendar , we came across some awful cases of mindless behaviour, but for every instance there’d be several lovely examples of people caring for animals or neighbours which restored my faith in human beings.’
I smiled at her. ‘Most of them are good. My next-door neighbour Wilf is amazing. He’s in his eighties but he’s always looking out for me. I look after his Yorkshire terrier, Benji, when he’s going somewhere he can’t take dogs but I’m pretty sure he brings him round more than he needs to because he knows it takes the edge off the loneliness.’
My voice cracked as I said the final word and I drew in a sharp breath. I’d only recently admitted to myself that I was lonely so what on earth had possessed me to blurt that out to someone I’d only just met? What must she think of me?
‘Wilf sounds lovely and so does Benji,’ Amber said, smiling at me gently. ‘I’m sorry you’re lonely. I know how that feels.’
‘You do?’
‘How about we go back to the house for a cuppa and we can talk about it?’
‘You’re sure you have time? I don’t want to impose any more than I have already.’
‘Right now, I have all the time in the world. Let’s get back and pop the kettle on.’
Still stunned with myself for telling Amber I was lonely, flight mode kicked in when we made it back to the farmyard and I was so tempted to make an excuse and leave, but I could hear Mum’s voice in my head – Do one thing every day that scares you . Talking about the loneliness which had plonked itself down beside me when Mum died, wrapped itself around my body when Dad moved into The Larks and squeezed tightly the day he no longer recognised me didn’t just scare me. It terrified me but, as I followed Amber across the farmyard, my stomach churning as she made us both a mug of tea, I knew I was going to let her in. And that was also scary.
We sat down opposite each other at the large kitchen table and she fixed her eyes on mine. ‘So, talk to me about your loneliness.’
And I did. Out it all came. How Dove Cottage had once been a place full of warmth and laughter, but all I felt now was sadness and loneliness. How my elderly neighbour’s dog was the best company I had most weeks and how I lived for the days Wilf asked me to dog sit. How my two best friends had both ditched me and made me feel worthless. And how, weirdly, I hadn’t felt lonely at Whisperwood Farmhouse despite being in a strange place on my own.
Amber told me about how she hadn’t realised she was lonely until she met Barney and then she faced up to how she’d avoided returning to her London flat between filming because she’d known she’d be lonely there.
‘I know you said you don’t feel lonely at Whisperwood, but how about you meet a few more people? Some of my bridesmaids are coming round tonight to help me prepare the wedding favours over a couple of glasses of bubbly. It’ll give you a chance to meet some of my friends which means you’ll know more of us on Saturday and, to be honest, we need all the spare hands we can get. We’ve got a lot of favours to sort.’
I stared at Amber, feeling quite overcome with emotion. She’d invited me to her wedding, given me a dress, shown me round her farm and now she was inviting me to spend an evening with her friends. She had to be the kindest, friendliest person I’d ever met and I already felt sad at the thought of not seeing her again after the weekend.
Driving back to Whisperwood Farmhouse a little later, I felt as though I’d been enveloped in a fluffy blanket. I had no idea that people you’d only just met could be kinder and more thoughtful than those who you thought were your closest friends. In a couple of days, Amber had shown me more about what friendship looked like than Shauna and Jo had across all the years they’d been in my life.
Not long after I got back, Phil rang to confirm that he’d managed to shift things around and would be able to join me at the wedding. He couldn’t stay late as he’d have a very early start the following morning, but was free to meet me at the hotel at four, giving us a few hours to catch up before the evening do started.
‘I’ve also taken the liberty of booking you a room at Fennington Hall,’ he said. ‘It was the last one available so it’s fairly basic, but it means you can relax and have a few drinks. And don’t even think about asking me how much you owe me because this is my treat to you as an apology for not being around more when you’ve been going through so much.’
‘Aw, Phil, I couldn’t expect you to be. You don’t live near me and you’ve got a new baby.’
‘I know, but I could have called you more.’
‘Ditto, but I always knew you were on the end of the phone if I needed you. Anyway, I’m really looking forward to seeing you. There’s a lot going on in my head at the moment and I’d love to hear your take on a few things.’
‘Sounds intriguing. See you on Saturday.’
I put the phone down feeling a lot brighter for so many things – for talking to Amber about how I’d been feeling, for new friends to meet this evening, for seeing Phil on Saturday and for feeling more like me again with plans in the future that didn’t have anything to do with any terminal illness diagnoses.