Chapter 3
It must surely be a dream. Or a night terror, more like it. But as she opened her eyes, Elizabeth was all too aware that this was no dream, but horrible reality. Here she was, laying on the floor of the Netherfield library, with Mr Darcy of all men on top of her.
She had never been this close to a man before. It was altogether scandalous and terrible. And yet…and yet…was there not something rather wonderful about it, all at the same time? She quickly chastised herself for the thought. No proper young woman thought of such things, things like the sensations travelling through her, filling her whole body with warmth as he had touched her cheek. When his eyes had travelled to her lips, she had almost thought that he might kiss her.
“ Miss Elizabeth, you must let me know if I have hurt you. Are you well?” He asked it again of her, since she had forgotten to answer. Indeed, she had forgotten to breathe. She blinked slowly. For the first time, she allowed herself to really look at him. His face was handsome, to be sure, just as Charlotte had said. Being this close to him, Elizabeth could hardly deny it now. He had a strong, square-cut jaw and hazel eyes that reminded her of a misty forest. And his lips —
No. She could not think of them. She was already experiencing too many conflicting, confusing emotions as it was.
“ I am well,” she said. His chest was pressing against hers, but that was not what was making it difficult to breathe. His closeness was cutting off her air supply, sending a heady mix of emotions all over her. But though it had been only moments, it had felt like they had been laying prone here for an eternity. It was highly improper, even though it had been an accident. “ I suppose you should get off of me now?”
Mr Darcy blinked, as though astonished at his position. “I am terribly sorry,” he said huskily, quickly hauling himself to a sitting position. “ Here, now. Let me help you.” He offered her his hand, and she took it, still rather shaken.
But when Elizabeth attempted to sit up, she suddenly felt dizzy, her eyes going wide as she tried to keep the darkness from overtaking her. He knelt beside her, embracing her to keep her from falling. “ Careful. Take it slowly,” he coaxed.
She looked into his eyes, their faces just inches apart. Did his eyes move down to study her lips? No, she must be imagining things. This was Mr Darcy, surely the last man to be interested in her.
“ Elizabeth —” he whispered. There was so much contained in that one word, her name. And oddly enough, it had never sounded like that on anyone ’ s lips. Her heart fluttered.
Before she could say a word, there was a rush of people who stood at the doorway. Elizabeth’s heart sank as she saw easily a dozen of her friends and neighbours gaping at her, covering their mouths with their hands. Though they had done nothing improper, she could easily imagine what their position looked like: utterly indefensible.
Mrs Stratland, a notorious busybody, pushed her way through the crowd, exclaiming, “ We heard a crash! What in the world has happened?!” Her tone held a mixture of excitement and concern. But when she reached the front and saw their prone position, she gasped and started whispering to one of the other ladies.
“ Look away, Mrs Stratland,” a gentleman said, and place his arm under hers to help her turn. Elizabeth caught Mrs Stratland looking over her shoulder at the shocking scene, giving a small smile in Elizabeth’s direction. Her cheeks grew warm as Mr Darcy helped her to a standing position. She smoothed her skirts, then looked at him to see if he knew what they ought to do. They had done nothing wrong, but unfortunately, it looked anything but innocent.
“ Oh, my goodness! My poor nerves! You are ruined, Lizzy!! Utterly ruined!” The crowed parted for Mrs Bennet, fanning herself and looking as though she might really faint, rather than only pretending, as she was apt to do. She wailed loudly, leaning heavily against Lydia and Kitty for support. Lydia snickered in her hand, and Kitty followed her example, as she always did. Never before had Elizabeth so fervently wished to disappear. What had caused everyone to come rushing into the library at that moment? Had she blacked out for a moment? Everyone said they had come because they had heard a crash, but had it really been so loud that it could alert people all the way down the corridor that something was afoot?
“ This must be a misunderstanding,” Caroline Bingley said hurriedly, her face ashen pale. “Mr Darcy is our guest — he would not do such a thing…” She trailed off into silence.
Somewhere in the back of the crowd, a gentleman snorted and muttered, “A likely story. Anyone can see what is going on here.” Elizabeth winced to hear a coarse chuckle, as though in agreement. Strange times indeed, when Caroline Bingley came to her defence — or perhaps not so strange, since it was Mr Darcy’s honour that she was defending. Miss Bingley had already shown herself to be a most devoted partisan for the gentleman.
Elizabeth glanced at Mr Darcy. He had remained silent in the face of all the accusations. It was a worthy thing to keep one ’ s composure in a situation like this. Even so, she wished he would say something.
Mr Darcy seemed to have eyes only for her. Several more people had pressed into the room, but they all parted so her father could come to the front. “ What is the meaning of this?” her father asked.
“ Your daughter has gone and ruined herself! And with none other than Mr Darcy!” Her mother wailed.
Elizabeth ’ s shame only deepened. She did not like Mr Darcy, but that did not mean she wanted to be rude to his face. “ Mama!” she hissed. “ It was only an accident.” The excuse sounded weak in her own ears. She could only imagine what their audience was thinking. No doubt the most vicious gossip would come out of this night.
Mr Darcy cleared his throat, drawing everyone’s attention. He waited until there was silence, every eye in the room fixed on him. “Though I assure you that our situation is the purest accident, and Miss Elizabeth Bennet’s actions are above reproach, it is true that I have compromised her.” He turned to her, his eyes full of concern and genuine sorrow. “ We must now consider ourselves to be engaged.”
Miss Bingley’s face fell, and she looked as if she was about to protest. She bit back a response, disappointment filling her face. For Elizabeth, it was a small triumph. She had watched as Miss Bingley had shamelessly flirted with Mr Darcy, trying every trick in the book to get her to notice her. And here she was, suddenly engaged to the man Miss Bingley had wanted.
Only Elizabeth didn’t want him. She would gladly give him up, if only she could.
Many in the crowd gasped, and Elizabeth realised that for some, this was even better than going to the London theatre. But this was no play. This was their lives and she would not be tied to a man for the rest of her life because of a silly mistake. “ I do not think an engagement will be necessary. It was an accident,” she protested. “We have done nothing wrong.” She moved to where her father and mother were standing — her father looking as grim as she had ever seen him and her mother wringing her hands and crying in hysterics.
“ It is true, we have not acted in any way amiss. I tripped and fell. It is that simple.” He looked at each of the people standing around, watching them. It must have been terrible for him, to have so many eyes fixed eagerly on him, avidly collecting gossip. Miss Bingley had said as much when Jane had been convalescing at Netherfield. Mr Darcy was not to be teased, nor laughed at. And many in the crowd were no doubt laughing behind their hands, giggling at her misfortunes. They had no idea the cost to Mr Darcy’s pride, nor her own.
Mr Darcy came to stand beside her, their shoulders almost brushing. He looked down at her and gave an encouraging nod. “ Again, I say that Miss Elizabeth has done nothing for which she need be ashamed. But I know how the world works. And I will not leave you unprotected.”
Elizabeth could stand no more. The thought of dancing with Mr Darcy had been one thing. One half-hour was something she could contend with for the sake of propriety. But to spend her life with him? The idea was unbearable.
“ Papa, please. You must believe us —” she protested, but he silenced her with a severe look.
“ Quiet, Lizzy,” he whispered. He looked at Mr Darcy, giving him the most serious stare she had ever seen from him. “ You will come to Longbourn to discuss the betrothal tomorrow.”
Her father took her hand and placed it in the crook of his arm. He led her away, back to the ballroom. But she could not stand the eyes boring into her soul. Did everyone know? It seemed the news had spread from the twenty or so people that had been witness to their compromising position, like a wildfire overtaking a forest. If Mr Darcy did not marry her, she could never show her face in the village again, nor anywhere else in England, for that matter.
She had heard of young ladies running away to America to ‘ disappear ’ . But that was something she could not even consider. What of her family and friends? And she had done nothing wrong! How unfair that she would be forced to marry a man she loathed!
Jane came over to her as soon as they appeared in the foyer. “ My dear, Lizzy, what on earth…” She let her words trail off, and hugging her, started to lead her to the front door. Of course, there was no way they could stay. She would be the talk of the town, and would not continue to show her face when no good would come of it.
Lydia pouted violently at leaving the ball. Kitty began to cry as they went to retrieve their wraps, and their mother made a great show of being about to faint. Mary looked violently disapproving, and Mr Bennet’s mouth was still set in a sour, grim line.
Elizabeth hung her head. Out of all his daughters, it was worst of all that she had so disappointed him. All her life, she had been her father’s favourite. Indeed, he had never tried to disguise it. But now, how far she had fallen!
“ It will be well, Lizzy. You will see,” Jane said as they settled into their seat in the carriage. Mary sat beside them, and Lydia and Kitty squeezed in beside their mother. Their father climbed up beside the driver, and they set off toward home. Jane took her hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze.
“ You are wrong, Jane. Elizabeth has ruined all of you. All of you!” Mrs Bennet wailed. “ Mark my words, Mr Darcy made a good show of wanting to protect you in front of everyone. He felt guilty, that is all. But I will be surprised if he even comes to call on your father in the morning.”
“ Mr Darcy did nothing wrong,” Elizabeth said dully. She was unsure why she felt so vehemently that she needed to defend him. But even with all of Mr Darcy ’ s flaws, she knew he had not acted with intent. It had only been a terrible accident.
“ Mama, Mr Darcy is an honourable gentleman. He will do right by Lizzy,” Jane said.
“ Everyone, let us be quiet for the duration of the ride home,” her father said, turning slightly to make sure they had heard him. Elizabeth wished she could melt into the carriage seat and slowly fade away. How was it that her evening had begun with so much promise and had ended in such disaster?
Thankfully, the younger girls obeyed Mr Bennet. Even their mother lapsed into silence. They were as silent as the grave until arriving at Longbourn. Elizabeth and Jane were the first to climb down from the carriage and head into the house. She mumbled a “ good night” to her family before she hurried up the stairs with Jane and entered their bedroom. Once the door was closed, Elizabeth felt the last remnants of her strength drain away. She went to the bed and burst into sobs, her shoulder racked by the force of her emotions.
“ Oh, my dear Lizzy!” Jane said in dismay. She had closed the door, but she opened it again, called for the maid, and asked her to bring up a pot of tea and two cups. She closed the door again, just as Lydia and Kitty were bounding up the stairs. Jane stayed by the door and waited, listening until the girls had passed by and were settled in their room.
Elizabeth wiped her nose with a handkerchief, but the tears would not stop flowing. “ Oh, Jane, it is terrible. What am I to do?”
Jane came over and sat on the edge of the bed, drawing Elizabeth there as well. “ Tell me everything that happened.”
Elizabeth did as she asked, and after the story was done, Jane hugged her for so long that she was sure she was going to fall asleep in her arms. “ He said he would marry you?” Jane asked.
“ Yes. But I do not want that. You know how I feel about him — ” Elizabeth stopped, an unfamiliar tug gripping at her heart. Suddenly, she remembered the feel of her hands on his muscular chest. And the way he had looked so deeply into her eyes. It was altogether too confusing to discuss with her sister. She could not make it take any kind of sensible form, even in her own thoughts.
Elizabeth and Jane took a moment to change out of their gowns and into their nightdresses. Soon, the tea arrived, and Jane served her a cup. If the steaming liquid did little to calm her nerves, it was at least soothing to her stomach, which had been in knots since the fateful incident. Jane poured herself a cup and rejoined her on the edge of the bed. Elizabeth tucked her feet up under her and sipped slowly on her tea. Jane waited, sipping in silence as well until Elizabeth was ready to talk.
She sighed heavily before she started in. “ Is my life over, Jane? I cannot help but think that this is the end of me, all my dreams for the future. How can it all be gone in the space of a few hours?”
“ Mr Darcy is not an unkind man. And he is very well off. Surely life with him will not be as bad as you fear.”
“ That is not the point. Indeed, his affluence is not wholly a benefit. It is because of his wealth that he thinks he can look down on others and treat them as if they are less valuable than himself. Mr Darcy is not only proud and cold, but thoroughly dull as well. I cannot think how awful it will be to face him tomorrow.”
“ Perhaps there is no need for you to face him in the morning. Papa can handle things, surely?” Jane finished her tea and set the cup aside. Elizabeth finished hers as well and handed the empty cup to Jane. Wishing she could curl up and disappear, Elizabeth brought her bare feet up onto the bed and wrapped her arms around her knees. But simply disappearing was not as easy as all that.
“ I must do something, Jane. There must be a way to prove our innocence. I cannot live with a man like Mr Darcy as my husband for the rest of my life. I cannot!” Elizabeth felt the tears welling once more, but blinked them back. No more tears, for tears could solve nothing.
Her resolution was badly tested by Jane’s gently sympathy, which came dangerously close to unlocking the flood. Saying little, Jane helped her get under the covers and tucked her in as though she were a child. She placed a hand on Elizabeth ’ s shoulder. “ It will be well, Lizzy,” she whispered. “I am certain of it.” With that, she climbed into the far side of the bed and blew out the candle.
Long after Jane’s breathing had evened out into sleep, Elizabeth lay awake, thinking over the strange turn the night had taken. If only Mr Wickham had been there. If only he had asked her to dance as he said he would. At the time the note had been delivered, surely they would have been dancing together, laughing and talking without a care in the world.
Her mind swirled around the events of the night. Mr Darcy had been so aloof and judgemental before their fateful meeting. Why had he come to the library? Had he followed her there? And who was the Mrs X of the note? It seemed past all understanding.
Even given Mr Darcy’s presence in the library, why had he fallen? He was not normally a clumsy man, and the floor of the library was smooth and even, without so much as a seam between floorboards to trip over. And why had everyone come into the library so quickly, in time to see them compromised? The more she thought things through, the more Elizabeth felt certain that something was wrong. Their ill luck did not seem like an accident. Absurd as it sounded, it felt intentional. She did not think it was merely her displeasure at the outcome that had her believing someone was behind the whole incident. But who — and why?