A Game Of Love (A Forbidden Game #2)

Chapter 1

Tobias

Trapped. That's what I feel like at this moment. Held captive by my own mind, my body betraying me, forcing me to stand here and watch every excruciating moment of the scene before me.

“Oh, god!” Lilly gasps, the sound leaving her lips nothing but pure pleasure. Pleasure caused by a man who isn’t me. Not just any man, the man I call my best friend. A man who is like a brother to me. Was. Was like a brother, because all I want to do right now is wrap my hands around his neck and squeeze.

“Such a good girl. You cum so prettily, Lilly.” The way Bishop looks at her like she is his whole fucking world feels like a fist wrapping around my heart. But the next words are what crushes it to dust. “I love you.”

How the fuck did he think he had any right to tell her that? Sure, he’s spoken those words to her before, but not like this. Not when they mean something completely different this time.

Lilly smiles up at him dreamily, and it’s yet another blow. The only thing that keeps me from fully losing my mind is that she doesn’t say the words back.

The longer I stand there, the more I feel my body starting to shake. Devastation, hurt, betrayal... so many different emotions rush through me at the same time, battling each other to be in control.

Lilly bites her lower lip, eyes still heavy with lust. For him. For fucking him!

“We should go... before anyone sees us.”

“Too late for that,” I manage to rasp out, voice just as broken as my heart feels at this moment.

Lily's eyes snap over to mine. “Toby!” her voice a low whisper. She ducks out of Bishop’s arms, moving a few feet away from him.

Quickly, she messes with her hair, patting it down as if trying to hide her sex-mused hair would help anything before tugging at her dress.

“It’s... It’s not–”

“It’s not what it looks like?” I ask, expecting myself to blow up in anger, to scream, to lose my head. But all I feel is hurt and a numb feeling slowly crawling its way over my body, seeping into my bones.

“Toby, man–”

“Don’t!” I beg, jaw clenched and nostrils flaring. Not in anger but in need of air. I feel like I’m drowning. I want to claw at my chest, my throat, to demand this soul-crushing pain to go away. “Don’t lie to me. Just... don’t.”

Bishop blows out a heavy breath, nodding his head as he runs his hands through his hair. The same fucking hand that was just inside her.

A wave of nausea turns my stomach.

“How long?” I ask Lilly, unable to look at the man I trusted more than anyone in this world. Apart from the girl who stands before me. I’ve never felt so alone.

“Toby, please,” Lilly says with caution, taking a step towards me.

I shake my head roughly, taking a step back. “How long?” I don’t miss the hurt that flashes across her flushed cheeks. It can’t be anywhere near the hurt I’m feeling in this moment.

She wraps her arms around herself as if needing someone to hold her. Bishop instantly notices and goes to take a step forward.

“Don’t fucking touch her.” A spark of anger ignites inside me. “Don’t you fucking touch her.”

“Toby, man, please. Just hear us out. Talk to us.”

“Don’t you fucking speak to me,” I seethe, pointing a finger at him before swinging my gaze around to the girl who owns my whole existence in the palm of her soft, slender hand. “How long have you been fucking my best friend behind my back?”

Anger flashes in her pretty blue eyes. “Don’t.” She shakes her head. “Don’t start making assumptions you know nothing about.”

“Assumptions?” I laugh in disbelief. “You wanna tell me he wasn’t just finger fucking you up against that wall?” I point towards the house.

“We haven’t had sex,” Bishop insists.

“I know you wanna say ‘yet’, so damn bad, don’t you, Bishop?” The laugh that leaves me is slightly hysterical. My eyes find Lilly. “Fine, if you’re not fucking, you’re still doing something. How long has this been going on?”

She swallows hard, running her hands up and down her arms.

Could it be cold out? Most likely, but right now, I don’t feel anything, unaware of anything else going on around me.

“Since the night of the game.”

My eyes widen. “Only a week?” I laugh. “You expect me to believe that? Sure as hell looks like you two have had something going on a lot longer than that. Unless you really do work that fast, Lilly.”

That was a low blow, and I regret it the moment the words leave my mouth.

Her face morphs with anger.

“Don’t talk about her like that,” Bishop growls, a dark look taking over his face.

Lilly steps in front of him to stop him.

“No.” She shakes her head. “We’re not doing this, Toby. I can’t. I refuse to let you use your anger to say hurtful things to me. Not anymore,” she insists.

I go to speak, but she cuts me off.

“Don’t fucking talk. You're going to stand there, and you’re going to listen to everything I have to say. I will not be arguing with you or begging you. This is how it will be, this is how it will go, and if you can’t accept that, then I can’t offer you any more of me. I have nothing left to give you, Toby.”

The way her voice breaks, it fucking kills me.

“I love you, Toby. I want to be with you so fucking bad it hurts. It physically hurts. You know this, I’ve told you all this before. But the fact is, I like Bishop. I really, really like him. Maybe even love him.” That makes me flinch, but I don’t speak, letting her continue. “He’s good to me. The best friend, an amazing man who’s been by my side. I need him.” Tears roll down her cheeks, every little drop feeling like acid on my heart.

“He’s been there for me when you couldn’t be. Wouldn’t be. When you walked away, leaving my heart in shambles that night, he was there to pick up the pieces... in more ways than you know. He’s not the one who ran. You did. He stood by my side when I felt so alone and broken.”

Her chest is heaving now, getting worked up with every word as she angrily wipes at her eyes. “But you know what? Even after everything you did, I still want you!” she shouts through clenched teeth. “I will always want you. But at what cost, Toby? I said I’d wait for you, you said the same. But the fact is, I want him too.” She points to my best friend. “I want him in every way I’ve always wanted you. I will not choose. I will not be forced to pick between two different parts of my heart. So if you want me, you have to accept that he has me too. Can you do that? Could you share me, Toby? Could you be with me knowing I’m with him too?”

Fists clenched at my side, every word hits me like a knife to the chest.

I move on instinct to turn around, to storm away. I don’t want to hear anymore. I don’t want to listen to her tell me how much she’s fallen for him. How much he means to her. It's fucking gut-wrenching.

“Toby!” she yells my name so loud I’m surprised no one is rushing over to see what all the commotion is about. I pause, heart pounding against my ribs, straining to break free with every pump. “If you leave, if you walk away from me right now, Toby... I’m done. We’re done. For good.” Her voice shakes, words trembling with heartbreak.

My shoulders slump in defeat, any fight I had leaving my body. That's how I feel. Defeated because my heart already knew all of this. Maybe not in such grave detail, but only a fool would miss the signs, miss the way they are with one another. Clearly, they felt something more for each other for a while now.

I just refused to acknowledge it, to allow any thoughts of someone else being with Lilly. Touching her, tasting her. For her heart to belong to anyone but me. To be thinking of any other man but me.

The really fucked up part that has me at war with myself is that I’m grateful for him. For him being there for her when I wasn’t, for taking care of her when it should have been me. Apart from our parents, he’s the only person on this earth that I trust with her life. And that’s why this hurts so fucking much. Not that they’re together. But the fact that he lied to me. I could understand Lilly. I get it. But him? It fucking stings.

I’m Lilly’s. Every single inch of me, mind, body, and soul. I know there’s no way on earth I could ever want another woman as long as I live.

And I know that if I leave here right now, demanding she pick, she wouldn’t choose me. It would be the signature on my death certificate.

I’ve only been back on my meds for a week now, but they’ve already helped so much with stabilizing my mood and allowing me to see things a little clearer.

I’ve already hurt her enough and caused her so much pain. I can’t bear to bring her anymore.

So I need to do what's best for her... even if it kills me. At least as much as I’m able to do.

And as much as I think it would be best to just walk away and take myself out of the equation, I know I could never do it. As long as air still flows through my lungs, I can’t live a life that Lillianna Tatum wasn’t in.

“Yes,” I whisper, slowly turning back around to face them.

Both of them stand there in stunned silence, watching me, waiting for me to lose my mind. But I don't.

“What?” She blinks a few times as if she can’t believe the words. Honestly, I don’t blame her. Even I’m a little bit surprised with myself.

“I said yes,” I repeat a little bit louder. “This... all of this is going to take some time to process,” I breathe out, running a shaky hand through my hair. “Part of me thinks it’s a fucking dream.” I laugh humorlessly as I shake my head. I take a step forward, thankful she doesn’t move away from me. “But if I don’t accept you being with him.” I sneer the last word, flashing venom towards the man who betrayed me more than anyone has before. My eyes find hers again. “I’ll lose you for good. And I’d rather fucking die than lose you,” I vow with earnestness. “So, I’ll learn to deal. It’s going to take time. Fuck, maybe even a few therapy sessions to work through my feelings about all of this.” I scrub my hands over my face, partly in hopes of washing away the image of her coming apart on his fingers.

“I love you, Lilly. I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” my voice cracks. “I just want you to be happy. And if he makes you happy–” I swallow down the bile in my throat. “If he treats you good, then that's all that matters right?” Lies. Lies. Lies.

Not the words I speak but the way I’m saying it. Because, so help me, god, it’s taking everything inside me not to pummel my best friend to a bloody pulp.

“Toby.” She narrows her eyes, not fully convinced by my words.

“I need–I need to go,” I whisper, taking a step back. “To think. To process.” My eyes lock on hers, pleading with her to believe these next words. “This isn’t me walking away, Flower.” It takes so much work to get every muscle in my face to force a smile. “I could never walk away from you, Lills. I just need... time.”

Her lips part as she tries to think of something to say. Maybe ask me to stay? But she doesn’t, just licks her lips and nods.

“Okay. I understand.” Her voice sounds so small. “Just tell me... tell me you don’t hate me.”

That has me taking a step forward. Cupping her face, I force her to look me in the eyes. “I could never hate you, Lilly,” I insist. “Never. Doesn't matter what you say, what you do, nothing could ever make me hate you. You own me.” I smile sadly, brushing her cheek with my thumb, her skin warm. Touching her settles me. She’s always had that power over me. “I love you so much.” I kiss her forehead, letting my lips linger. “I love you so fucking much. But if I don’t leave right now, get away from what I saw, and give myself time to process this, I’ll kill him.”

“Toby,” Lilly squeals my name with shock, eyes widening.

“I might have to accept you two being together, but that doesn’t mean I have to like him.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Bishop asks, his voice filled with hurt. He has no fucking right to feel that way. Not after what he did.

“You lied to me.” I look at him, taking a step away from Lilly. My heart screams at me to go back to her as I take another step and another away from her. “You went behind my back and started something with her. Then you kept it from me.”

“We were just trying to protect you,” Bishop insists. “We love you, man. We didn’t want to hurt you.”

I shake my head. “Finding out this way hurt way more than if you two were to just sit down with me and tell me.”

“We were going to!” Lilly promises. “We were.”

“When?” I ask her. “A few weeks, months? When everyone else in the school knew but me?”

“It’s not like that, man,” Bishop says.

“The fact is that you're my best friend. I asked you to take care of her, to watch over her and instead, you wormed your way into her heart. You took the one thing that kept me alive on this earth. And for that, I don’t think I can forgive you.”

“I didn’t take her,” he growls. “She’s right there, telling you she wants you too.”

“I know,” I snarl back, shaking my head, knowing I can’t do this right now. Not with all of this being so fresh and raw. “I know,” I say, a little calmer. “And I bet you wish this was a deal breaker, right?” I laugh. “I bet you wish I’d walk away so you can have her.”

“You know it’s not like that,” Bishop sighs heavily.

“Well, I'm not.” I shrug. “So fuck you. She’s mine, too. And I’m not going anywhere.”

But even as I say the words, I look at Lilly. “This isn’t me leaving,” I remind her. “I’ll text you later.”

“Toby!” she calls after me. Every cell in my body wants me to run back to her, pull her into her arms, and agree with whatever she says so I can just have her, hold her. But that's not reality, that's not how my brain works.

So, I get in my car and drive home, to my parent's house. I’m so in my own head that I don’t realize I’m home until I’m pulling into the driveway.

Turning off the car, I lean back in my seat, close my eyes, and just feel.

I scream long and loud until my voice cracks and my throat is raw. Until every ounce of anger leaves my body.

When my breathing finally evens out, and I open my eyes, I jump in surprise when I see someone at my passenger door.

Rain opens it and slides into the front seat. “Mind if I join you?”

“No,” I mutter, looking back out the front window.

“Heard you there a moment ago. Everything okay?”

“No,” I say again. “Not unless finding your best friend with the girl you’re madly in love with counts as okay.”

“Ahh,” she says, letting out a little sigh.

My eyes snap to Rain, narrowing them as I see no surprise on her face. “You knew?” A pang of hurt hits me.

“I knew they felt something for one another, yes.” She nods.

“And you didn’t tell me?”

She raises a brow. “You're kidding me, right?” she laughs. “Toby, I love you. But you do know you’ve been a bit of a ticking time bomb these past few months, right?”

“Fuck,” I groan, leaning forward to press my forehead to the steering wheel. “I know. I fucking know.”

“How are you doing with all this? What ended up happening?”

“I didn’t lose my shit if that's what you're asking.” Grumbling, I roll my head to the side to look at her.

“Can you blame me for wondering?”

“No,” I sigh, leaning back into my chair again. “This is all fucked up.”

“What is? The fact that Lilly doesn’t just want you anymore? That she can open her heart to another man. A man who’s been there for her, who’s loved her for a long time. Maybe not as long as you have. But he’s wanted her for years.”

“I know. I know. I know.” I sigh again. “I know all of that. I just chose not to believe it. Not to see it. But fuck, trust me, I know.” I move my head to look at her. “How are you not losing your shit about all of this?”

“Of you being in love with Lilly?” she asks, and I nod my head. She grins in amusement. “Honey, I knew since you two were little kids. I’m pretty sure all the parents have.”

“Really?” My eyes widen in surprise. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because it was your life, your feelings, and you all have the right to choose when and how you figured it all out. We didn’t want to interfere.”

“And you’re not mad?”

“Why would we be mad?” she asks, genuinely sounding curious.

“Because she’s my sister.”

“No, she’s not.” Rain laughs. “Sure, your dad is with her mom. And Ellie is your mother. But she’s not your sister. Never has been. Never will be. You two have always meant something more to one another, always destined to be something greater. We all knew it. When you guys hit teenage years, we sat down and talked about it, you know.”

My brows furrow. “Talked about what?”

“The possibility of the two of you becoming something more someday.”

“What?” I move to angle my body towards her. “Okay.” I let out a breath. “And what did you all decide?”

“That it's your life. Your hearts. If you wanted to be together, we wouldn’t keep you two apart. If anyone would know that you can’t help who you love, it’s this family.” She laughs.

“But she’s my stepsister.” I blink, a little stunned at her words.

“It seems you're the only one who is hung up on that part, Toby. Now it’s up to you to decide if that’s going to be the defining factor that keeps the two of you apart.” She pats my knee. “Just know, when you’re ready to tell us, if you choose to take that step, we’re going to love you both. So don’t let fear of what others might think keep you from being happy. Because at the end of the day, they don’t matter. What matters is what’s in your heart, who is by your side, and who makes you happy.”

She gives me a smile before sliding out of the car. Before closing the door, she peeks her head back inside. “Just remember, no one is against you, Toby. We love you. We want you happy. That's it.”

Then she closes it, leaving me sitting there, stunned as I’m forced to sit in my own thoughts. Well, shit. Have I been overthinking everything this whole time?

No. Not everything. There’s more than one reason why I’ve stayed away from Lilly, and being her stepbrother is just one of them. This town, this school can be savage. It makes me fucking terrified of what they might say or do to Lilly if they find out.

Fuck!

This isn’t going to be easy. I’m going to have to find a way to re-work my brain that’s been hardwired for years to think in a completely different way.

But I have to at least try. If I don’t, I lose Lilly. And I can’t–no, I won’t let that happen.