A Game Of Love (A Forbidden Game #2)

Chapter 5

Lillianna

A few hours later, all the pumpkins are carved, decorations are made, and we’re sitting around our massive dining room table, eating some barbecued steaks, burgers, and hot dogs.

The whole time we were carving, I couldn’t take my eyes off my guys. Bishop and I were playful, and Toby and I even shared a few smiles and laughs. But the glares Toby kept sending Bishop anytime he talked to me or joked around felt like a weight pressing down on my shoulders. I hate it. But I didn’t call him out on it or bring attention to it. If I did, it might have started an argument, and I didn’t want to ruin the good time we were having.

They’re men, they can deal with this on their own. The best thing I can do right now is to stay out of it.

Overall, I had fun today with my family. No fighting, just the regular chaos that is us.

“So, boys, how's practice going?” Mom asks, pulling Toby’s attention from the conversation he was having with his dad.

Toby looks to Jax with a wince of guilt before flicking his eyes to Bishop. They stare at one another for a beat before Toby looks at my mom. “It’s going,” he murmurs. “Guys are still pissed with me. Rightfully so. But everyone is determined to keep going. We might not be making it to the Frozen Four, but we plan on playing every game we can this season.”

“That's a good mindset.” Mom smiles softly. “Does what happened in the last game have to do with you not being able to qualify?”

“No,” Toby snorts. “As good as our team is, this year we have some duds.”

“Toby,” Jax growls, shooting him an unamused look.

“I’m sorry, but it’s true. All our best players left last year. It’s going to take another year or two before the team gets back up to the level it has been. With me and Bishop leaving next, you either need to re-think some people on the team or do some college scouting on your own.” Toby shrugs, picking at his steak before looking up. “Tell me I’m wrong?”

Jax stares at him for a moment, brows pinched before sighing heavily. “You're not.” Like the reality of that statement hits him hard. “And I do plan on doing some scouting this year. I had my eyes on a few guys last year, but it didn’t work out. They took scholarships to other schools.”

“I can help if you want,” Toby offers.

“You’d do that?” Jax asks, brows raised, sounding a little surprised.

“Yeah. Just because I’m leaving doesn’t mean I don’t want the team to continue to succeed. It’s the least I can do after the shit storm I caused.” He lowers his eyes again, shoulders slumping.

I hate seeing him upset.

“Thanks.” Jax nods. “I’d love that.”

“So, Lillypad. How's life going for you?” Chase asks, changing the subject.

“It’s going good. Classes are good.” I smile over at him.

“How’s things with Ryan going?” Theo asks.

My eyes snap over to Toby, his whole body tensing with the question.

Swallowing hard, I look over to Theo. “We’re just friends.” I chew on my lip, my belly in knots with what I’m about to tell them.

“Really?” Mom asks. “How come it didn’t work out?”

“He’s a good guy. An even better friend. We just realized that's how we should stay.”

“You have bad luck,” Bennett comments with a snort, and I shoot my baby brother a glare.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You dated Jonas and decided you were better off as best friends. Same with Ryan. Is your plan to friend zone all the guys, big sis?” The little shit grins. “At this point, you're going to be single forever. Planning on being a nun or something?”

“Just for that, you're no longer my best friend.” I point my fork at him.

“It’s not like you're hurting for friends these days,” he laughs. The whole damn table breaks out in snickers.

“You all suck,” I mutter, leaning back in my seat as I cross my arms. “And for your information, I don’t friend zone everyone.” I glare at Bennett.

“Oh really?” He cocks a brow. “Some poor sap actually made it to a higher level with you? I’ll believe it when I see it.” He laughs again.

I love Bennett, I really do, but sometimes he shows me just how much of an annoying teenage brother he can be.

“Actually, yes. Someone did make it to boyfriend status,” I huff, giving my brother a cocky smirk.

The whole table goes quiet and I freeze, realizing what I just said as my heart thunders in my chest. Well, this is one way to tell my family.

“Who?” Chase asks after a few tense moments, blinking at me like he’s waiting for me to tell him some horrible news.

I watch out of the corner of my eye as Bishop slowly raises his hand, and my cheeks burn bright red.

All of my parents turn to stare at him, lips parted in surprise.

Except for Rain. She’s sitting back with a smug look on her face. She knew! Did Toby tell her?

“You’re dating my daughter?” Brody asks in a low, kind of scary voice.

“Yes,” Bishop replies with confidence.

“When did this happen?” Mom asks, her eyes lighting up. Oh, thank god, she’s not mad.

I didn’t expect her to be, but a part of me was still worried. The jury is still out on my dads, though.

Sitting up straighter, I try not to look at Toby, but I can feel his intense eyes on me. “We’ve been hanging out a lot more since I started at SVU. Over time, our feelings started to change into something more.” I smile, feeling Bishop’s hand grasp my knee under the table. “We only made it official a week ago.”

“Like last weekend?” Mom’s brows furrow. I nod, a feeling of guilt hitting me.

How could I make things official with Bishop while our best friend was hurting? What kind of person does that?

“Hold up!” Bennett laughs excitedly. “Are you for real? The two of you are dating?”

“Are you not paying attention?” Toby growls. “She just said that.”

Bennett pays no mind to Toby’s obviously pissy mood and gets up from his seat. “This is amazing!” Bennett rounds the table to hug Bishop. Bishop laughs and gives him one of those bro hugs. “Good choice, sis. The other guys were losers.”

Bishop snorts, and I gape at Bennett. “They were not!” I huff. “Jonas is a sweetheart, and Ryan was too.”

Bennett raises a brow. “If you're anything like Mom, sweethearts aren't your thing.”

Now all my dads laugh, even Rain joins in.

“Hey!” Mom objects. “Theo is the sweetheart of the group.”

“Theo was the older professor you dated when you were in college. Sounds like Dad was a bad boy to me.” Bennett shrugs as Mom’s cheeks go pink. “He might look all sweet, but he’s not.”

Theo chuckles. “Don’t know if I should be offended or take that as a compliment.”

“Okay, can we get back to the fact you're dating my baby girl?” Chase growls, jumping to his feet as he stares angrily at my boyfriend.

I’m shocked. Out of all my dads, I didn’t expect him to be this upset.

“Dad, what the hell?” I narrow my eyes.

“You.” He points at Bishop. “I know all about you. You're a good guy. A good man. A good friend to our son. But you're also a manwhore.”

“Dad!” I gasp, eyes widening in horror.

“Don’t you ‘Dad’ me,” he huffs, still looking at Bishop. “Don’t think I haven’t overheard him and Toby talking about girls in the past. And by the sounds of it, he’s been with a lot of them. And good on him. But not when he’s now dating my baby girl.”

A sick feeling rolls in my stomach at the thought. Because sadly, he’s right. Bishop has never hid the fact that he’s been with a lot of girls. He had a new one on his arm every week. Not since I’ve come to SVU, but I saw it in high school and once he went to college.

“You're right.” Bishop clears his throat. “I have a past. But that's just it. It’s the past. None of those women meant anything to me. Lilly is the only one I want. The only one I see. And if we’re going to be open and honest here, I’ve been in love with your daughter for years now. I’ve wanted her to be mine since we were kids. But, I didn’t cross that line because...” He flicks his eyes over to Toby for a moment, and I hold my breath. “Because she was one of my best friends. I didn’t want to ruin what we had. We were still young, and I was a few years older than her. I knew I was going off to college, and I didn’t want to hold her back from enjoying her teenage years. As fun as having a boyfriend or a girlfriend back then can be, most of them don’t last past graduation. She means more to me than that. We’re older now—wiser, or at least I’d like to think so. I had my fun. I’m done with that; it’s in the past. I know what I want my future to be, and that's to be at your daughter's side.”

The whole room goes quiet, even the twins don’t make a peep.

Turning in my seat to look at Bishop, I stare up at him with watery eyes. My heart swells with emotion. His words... fuck, they mean everything to me.

“Really?” my voice cracks, my lower lip quivering.

He swallows thickly, nodding his head. “I love you, Lilly. There’s no one else on this earth I’d rather be with. When I think of my future, I only see you.”

“Bishop...” His name comes out as a soft plea. I don’t care that my family is watching, I don’t care about anything else at this moment apart from the boy sitting next to me.

Standing up, I loom over him and cup his cheeks. “I love you too.”

The way his eyes light up and the smile that takes over his handsome face will live rent-free in my head.

Leaning down, I kiss him softly, letting all my feelings for him flow into the simple action.

I wanted to wait, to make sure my heart knew it wasn’t going to get hurt again before I told another man that I loved him. But after a declaration like that, I know my heart is in good hands with this one.

The sound of a chair screeching has me breaking the kiss. Toby storms off, away from the table, and takes off somewhere into the house.

“Toby,” I whisper, instantly feeling like the worst person ever. I didn’t even think about how he would feel seeing that. My fingers press against my tingling lips as I watch him leave.

My eyes dart down to Bishop’s, and he gives me a soft smile. “Go.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, not bothering to look at anyone else in the room.

“I’m sure.”

Nodding, I lean down, press a quick kiss to his forehead and take off to go check on Toby.

I know he said he was going to accept Bishop and me being together, but that doesn’t mean I should be acting like this in front of him.

I’m not going to hide what I have with Bishop from anyone anymore, but I need to be more considerate about Toby’s feelings, right? At least for right now. He just found out about us last night.

And here I am, the next day, telling our family I’m dating his best friend.

Something tells me none of this is going to get any less complicated or weird anytime soon.

I hope that's not the case. I really do.

Tobias

I thought I could do it, but I can’t. I just fucking can’t.

I’ve never in my life wanted to kill my best friend more than I did just now. Watching them together, like a happy little couple, kissing in front of me as they proudly tell the whole fucking family they’re dating, had me wanting to climb over that table and wrap my hands around his fucking neck.

She’s mine! My fucking girl. I don’t want to share her. I don’t want to watch her love another man, to have someone else's hands on her.

Slamming my bedroom door shut, I start to pace around my room. I can feel the anger start to boil inside me.

I’m doing my best to take deep breaths, to not let my anger get the better of me, but it’s not fucking helping. White hot rage is all I can feel, red is all I see.

My hands clench and unclench at my side as I start to breathe deeply.

Don’t do this, Toby. Don’t react like you want to. If you do, you risk losing her, and that would hurt so much more than having to share her.

It’s easier said than done, though. Because no matter how much I tell myself to relax, it does fuck all.

For the first time in a week, I feel like I’m not in control of my body. I fucking hate it. My meds have started to kick in, but they haven’t taken the full effect. Between taking my meds and talking to my therapist on the phone, I’ve been pretty good about stabilizing my moods.

And I really thought I was fine after I didn’t react the way everyone thought I would last night when I found the two of them together.

But I guess I was just too shocked and numb to really feel the full effects of what's going on until now.

Lilly is with my best friend. The best friend who’s known how much I’ve been in love with Lilly since we were kids. The best friend I trusted with my girl, only for him to worm his way into her heart too.

Now... I have to fucking share her. She’s not mine anymore.

“Toby?”

Her soft, worried voice has me pausing. Wild eyes snap over to see her standing in my doorway.

She doesn’t ask, walking in like she has for years.

Closing the door behind her, she leans against it and watches me, assessing me. She’s trying to take stock of this situation, see if I’m going to lose it. But she doesn’t look scared, just worried.

That has my shoulders slumping. I don’t want her to be afraid of me. To see a monster when she looks at me, especially if all she sees is me reacting badly to every situation.

“I’m sorry.” I close my eyes, scrubbing my hands over my face.

“You're upset,” she says it as a fact.

“I’m fine,” I mutter, turning around to walk over to my bed and sit down on it’s edge. Leaning forward, I put all my weight on my thighs and let my head hang forward.

“No. You're not.” She knows me too damn well sometimes.

“No. I’m not,” I repeat, lifting my head to look up at her with exhausted eyes. “I’m tired. I’m tired of always being upset, for getting angry at every little thing. Life can’t always go my way, I know that. But when my brain thinks a certain way, it’s not easy to shut down those thoughts. I lose control of my own mind, and I hate it. I hate me.”

Her face softens. Biting her lip, she makes her way over to me. “Don’t talk about yourself like that,” she scolds, her voice insistent. “You might hate yourself right now, but I don’t. I love you. I’ll always love you, Toby. I don’t like seeing you like this... seeing you hurt.”

The next moment her fingers touch my face, cupping it as she looks down at me like I’m her everything, like she wants to bundle me up into her arms and keep me forever. I’m a goner. But I’m always a goner for this girl. One look from her, and I’m ready to hand everything over. “You shouldn’t love me,” I rasp. “I’m no good for you. All I do is hurt you.”

“Then stop,” she says simply.

“I’m trying.” I close my eyes, leaning into her touch. I don’t want her to ever let go of me. “I’m really trying, Lilly. But fuck, it’s so damn hard. I thought I was doing good. But then tonight...” I open my eyes, shame filling them as I look up at her. “I’ve never wanted to hit my best friend before. Seeing him kiss you like that, saying those words to you...” I shake my head, closing my eyes again as I grit my teeth. “It’s like everything I’ve been working so hard to keep at bay came crashing back in. I know I need to accept it if I want to be with you. And I do, so fucking bad, but—”

“I’m the one who’s sorry,” she says, interrupting me.

My eyes open as I sit up, brows furrowing. “What do you have to be sorry about? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I didn’t take your feelings into consideration by telling the family about Bishop like I did. But I don’t plan on hiding what I have with him. I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t. It will physically hurt me to keep pushing my wants and needs down for the sake of others.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Lilly.” My voice breaks because I feel gutted.

“I know you don’t.” She smiles down at me, brushing her thumb against my cheek. “And I believe you won’t. Not like you have before. Because I have faith in you, Tobias Munro, even if you can’t seem to find it for yourself right now. I have enough for the both of us.”

This woman... This fucking woman is amazing, and I do not deserve her one bit. But I will never be able to let her go. Who was I kidding thinking I ever could?

“That’s why, for now, when you're around, we’re going to respect your feelings. No PDA. Just best friends like we’ve always been.”

I groan. “You shouldn’t have to do that. Not for me.”

“I don’t have to do anything, Toby.” She laughs, reaching up to run her fingers through my hair.

Fuck. That feels so damn good. I shiver as her nails scrape against my scalp, and I practically purr like a cat, enjoying her touch. “I want to at least give you the time to get used to the idea. We shouldn’t be shoving it in your face anyways.”

“I love you,” I whisper.

“I love you too.” She licks her lips, eyes flicking between mine.

I want her so fucking badly it hurts to breathe.

She sucks in a breath as I grip her hips, pulling her towards me. She comes willingly and stands between my legs.

“I miss you.” My head is tilted all the way back now to look up at her.

“I miss you too,” she whispers softly, her hands continuing to play with my hair.

It feels so damn good I could cum from her touch alone. My cock strains against my jeans, demanding to be inside her again.

As fucked up as that night in the locker room was, I can’t stop thinking about how it felt to have my cock buried deep inside her, to have her pussy trembling around my length as she came so damn perfectly for me. I want that again; I need to hear her sweet sounds of pleasure.

I took her damn virginity like a beast. She deserved better than that. If I knew, I wouldn't have done it. That much I know, even though I felt like another person was controlling me. Deep down, I would have known taking something that important from her in a moment like that wasn’t right.

Even with all that said, every second that my lips were on her skin, my hands roaming her body, and her core gripping my length was pure bliss. The best drug I could ever have taken.

“Have you been getting my flowers?” I know it’s lame, she deserves more. And I plan on doing a hell of a lot more to make up for my mistakes. This week has been rough, but I couldn’t just sit around doing nothing.

She laughs, soft and musical. It makes my damn heart sing. “Yes.” She smiles down at me. “All of them. As beautiful as they are, I could only keep so many in the room without driving Bee nuts. So I’ve planted some in the garden out back of the house.”

“Really?” My brows shoot up. “Why not just toss them?”

“Because why waste something so pretty? They’re living things. It would be a shame to just let them die. Don’t tell Mom, but I think they look better than the other flowers she planted.” She gives me a cheeky grin. “And they’re from you. So they mean everything to me.”

At that, my heart damn near explodes.

“This,” I sigh, blowing out a breath as I bury my face into her stomach. “This is what I want, Lilly.”

“What is?” she asks, her voice low.

“You. Us. The connection we had before. I’m tired of running from you, from my feelings for you. It all made sense to react the way I did in that moment. But now that I think back, I realized it was all because I was afraid.”

“Of what? Us?” she asks. “Why would you be afraid of us?”

“Not us.” I lean back to look up at her stunning blue eyes. “Of what the world would think.”

Her brows furrow. “Toby, you know I don’t give a shit about what people think of me.”

“I know you don’t. But I do.”

Hurt flashes across her face, and I know I fucked up my words. “You're ashamed of me?”

“Fuck no,” I growl, gripping her hips as I pull her closer to me. “Never. I could never in a million years be ashamed of you, Lillianna, because there’s not a single drop of anything inside you to be ashamed of. What I mean is that I’ve seen how people react to our family’s dynamic—the whispers, the nasty comments, the dirty looks. All I could think about was putting you in the spotlight and bringing all that negativity to you. The idea of people saying nasty things about you, looking at you like we were something dirty if they found out you were dating your stepbrother, it fills me with so much rage. It makes me want to protect you from the world, from people like that.”

“I know you think it’s your job to protect me, you’ve been like that since we were kids. But it’s not, baby,” she whispers softly. My heart slams to a stop. Baby. She called me baby. I never knew that one little word that so many people throw around so casually, as a pet name, could mean so much. But fuck, it really does. “You made a lot of choices for me in my honor, and I understand why you did it. I love that you love me so fiercely, that you would be willing to burn the world down if it means keeping me safe. It means so much more than you will ever understand. And believe it or not, I have that same love for you.” She continues to stroke my hair in a soothing manner as she speaks. I feel like a lost little boy right now, and she’s the guardian angel keeping me safe with her brilliant light.

“You do?” I whisper, hating how vulnerable I feel in this moment.

She nods her head. “But do you know what I wouldn’t do? I wouldn’t make decisions that involved you without talking to you about it first. Because you have a right to have a say in what happens in your life, Toby. I deserved that too, you know?”

“I know,” I croak, an intense amount of guilt hitting me. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you are,” she says sadly. “I do. I understand now. I just... I can’t help feeling like we’ve lost so much time being apart because of something that could have been solved with a simple conversation.”

“It wasn’t just the fact that I wanted to protect you from the haters of the world. I also had myself convinced that I was broken. That I wasn’t good enough for you. That you deserved better than me. But I was selfish and couldn’t let you go. The idea of losing you fucking gutted me.”

“But you lost me anyway, didn’t you?” she asks, tilting her head to the side. “For two years, we’ve hardly talked to one another. It killed me, Toby; it fucking crushed me. Now, I don’t want anymore apologies, no more defending your actions. It’s over. It’s in the past. We can’t change it, and at this point, we’re going to keep going in circles if we don’t grow the fuck up.”

My brows shoot up, a smile quirking on the corner of my lips. “You know, you're kinda hot when you get all bossy like this.”

“Yeah?” She grins back, tugging a fist full of my hair. I grunt, my cock jerking in pleasure. I never thought I’d be into like something like that, but Lilly can do whatever the fuck she wants to my body—bite me, scratch me, pull my hair, I don’t care. I want it all. From her . “Then I’m just getting started. Don’t think what I’m about to say gets you off the hook in any way. I expect big-time groveling, Mr. Munro.” She narrows her eyes, but I can hear the playful tone in her voice.

“I will kneel at your feet and kiss the ground you walk on, Flower.” I groan when she tugs at my hair again. I want to be inside her—fuck, I need it more than I need my next breath.

She bites on her lower lip, looking all sexy. “Don’t give me any ideas now.” She shakes her head. “Stop distracting me.”

“Sorry.” I can’t help but grin. I’m loving every moment of being in her arms.

“As I was saying,” she scolds teasingly. “This is how things are going to go. We are together. Not friends. Not step-siblings. We’re boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Do I get a say in this?” I ask playfully when in reality, I’m fucking losing it on the inside. I’m seconds away from bursting out of this room and beating my chest like a damn caveman as I shout to the world that Lillianna Tatum is my girl. Mine. Like she was always meant to be. She wants me to be her boyfriend? Fucking done, no argument from me.

“Nope,” she says, running her fingers along my cheek. “You're not going to fight me on it, not going to fight your feelings. We’re going to work on getting back to the way we were. I know we’ll get there just fine,” she whispers. “You're going to share me with your best friend whether you like it or not. And when you're ready, you’ll have your bro talk and will be back to being best friends. Everything will be okay between the two of you because I know you love that man like he’s your brother. You're just pissed and processing your feelings about all of this, and that's okay. It’s a lot of changes; you have the right to feel the way you do.”

“It’s not going to be easy,” I grumble. “Seeing you two together like that.”

“I know.” She nods her head softly. “But you know what?”

“What?” I move my mouth to the side, kissing the palm of her hand.

“You're going to be okay. All of this will be okay.”

“How do you know?” Because even I don’t. Every day, I wake up and wonder if my world is going to crash down around me. It’s a scary place to be.

“Because I’m going to be right by your side, every step of the way. I will be there, sword in hand, battling your nightmares with you. You're not alone, Toby. With me, you will never be alone. There’s no side of you that will ever make me stop loving you, stop wanting you. In my eyes, your broken pieces are like precious sea glass. Not something that’s supposed to be fixed, they're meant to be the way they are. They might be ugly to others but to me? They’re something to be treasured; they’re beautiful. Take the time you need for whatever you need it for. But know I’m going to be there with you while you do it. We’re in this together, Toby, just like it was always meant to be.”