Chapter 7
Lillianna
Monday morning, I’m up, dressed and ready to go an hour before Bee and I are supposed to leave for our first class.
“You are way too chipper this morning,” Bee grumbles as she scavenges through her dresser for something to wear. “Ugh!” she huffs, throwing her arms in the air. “There’s nothing to wear. I need to do laundry.”
“Then do it.” I laugh, sitting on the edge of my bed. She’s right; I am in a very good mood this morning. How could I not be?
After so much time and pain, my life is finally perfect.
Okay, that's a far stretch because it’s nowhere near perfect and won’t be because life never works out that way. But it’s on its way to getting as close to that as possible.
No, I haven’t just forgiven Toby for everything. But I’m also not going to waste any more time being upset or sad. I’m not one to hold something against someone else, especially if it’s something that they don’t fully have control over.
Toby was in a bad headspace due to his bipolar disorder. His seeking help and being determined to do better, not only for me but for himself, is a big step.
He’s stubborn and typically doesn't own up to something when he’s in the wrong, so for him to be so open about this, I know he means it.
He’s trying, and that's what matters to me.
I think the biggest thing he could do to earn back my trust and get fully back in my good graces is not fight me on dating Bishop and share me without it being a constant battle.
It’s new for all of us, so I guess time will tell.
I still haven’t told Bee that Toby and I made things official just yet. Part of me feels like she’s going to chew me out for it. I know I’m stupid. I should have made him grovel more, work his ass off before we took that next step, and blah, blah, blah. Any girl would call me stupid for giving in so easily.
But here's the thing: I don’t want to make him do all of that. As misguided as his reasoning was, in his mind, he was doing what he thought was right.
The way he acted towards me, he thought he was protecting me.
Why would I punish him more when he’s already been punishing himself for years?
So, if you're looking for an epic, over-the-top, long, drawn-out, make-him-pay grovel, you're not going to get that here.
That doesn’t mean I don’t expect him to show me that he’s changed, to show me what I mean to him.
He’s already started doing that this past week.
I’ve waited too long to have that man be mine in every way I’ve dreamed of. I’m not waiting another day.
I’m also hoping now that we’ve crossed that line, it will help with his healing, and he’ll see that he is worthy of me and being in my life.
I don’t care about what anyone else thinks about me, my life, or who I love.
But Toby does. Because he doesn’t want people to look at me the wrong way or for me to become the source of the town’s gossip.
He doesn’t know that I know all the things people said about me in high school. How they thought it was creepy that I followed Toby around all the time. Or how it was gross that his sister wanted to fuck him. Insert eye roll here.
The thing is, I didn’t care about the dirty looks or the nasty whispers.
Because at the end of the day, I had the guy who was my everything. My protector, my best friend, my soul mate. He was mine.
Nothing they said would have changed that. And it didn’t. They said what they said, did what they did, but Toby was still with me all the time.
When we were home, we were glued at the hip.
Until we weren't. Until his mental illness—one I had no idea about—took over his life and ruined everything.
I don’t hate the man, I hate the illness.
Even so, I still love him. I’ll always love him. The ups, the downs, and the in-betweens because he will always be Toby.
“Do it? Girl, have you seen how packed the damn laundry room is all of the time? The only time I’d get a chance to do it would be in the middle of the night, and you know I need my sleep.”
“Boy, do I ever.” I laugh, not bothering to hide my amusement. “Why don’t you just bring it to your parents' place and wash it there? That's what Bishop does.”
She pauses, blinks a few times, then looks over at me. “Well, fuck. Why didn’t I think about that?”
“I don’t know, babe.” I laugh. “I’m not your brain.”
“Maybe you should be.” She narrows her eyes. “Want the job?”
“Girl, you don’t want me in charge of your brain. Mine is already a mess as it is.”
Her face softens. “How's all that going? How was the weekend?”
“It was good.” I smile softly. “We went to the pumpkin patch, and the kids had a good time. Then we spent the day carving, decorating, and baking.” I chew on my lower lip.
“Aaaaand...” she says, gesturing to me to continue. “I know that look, Lils. You got more tea, so spill.”
“I told my parents that Bishop and I were official. At the table. With everyone around.” I cringe.
Her eyes widen. “How did your parents react?”
“Honestly, pretty good. They love your brother.”
“Brody didn’t try and kick his ass?” she asks, raising a brow. She knows my dad all too well.
“Nope. Actually, it was Chase who was ready to throw down.”
She snorts out a laugh. “Are you kidding me?”
I shake my head. “I’ve never seen him so angry. I mean, it didn’t last. But that was after your brother melted my damn heart with all the right words.”
“Sly bastard,” she mutters.
I laugh.
“Anything else?” she asks, searching my eyes.
“Nope.” I look away too quickly.
“Bitch, please. Spill, now.”
Not looking at her, I quickly say. “Toby and I are official too.”
She blinks at me for a moment. “I’m sorry, what?”
Groaning, I shove my face into my hands. “Last night, after we told everyone about Bishop and me, Toby was upset. He took off into his room, and I went to check on him.”
“Well, the big idiot can just suck it the fuck up. He had his chance, and my brother took his.” Bee shrugs. Then her brows furrow. “But you're saying you're dating Toby now? What about my brother?”
“I’m with them both?” I say it more like a question, but I know it’s the truth. I’m just not sure how Bee is going to react.
Her brows jump. “And they know this? About each other?”
“Of course, they do,” I grumble. “I wouldn't go and date them behind one another's backs.”
“Huh.” She nods slowly. “So you’re what? You’re poly now, like your parents?”
The need to defend myself creeps up. “Would that be an issue?”
“No.” She shakes her head quickly. “I just want to know if this is just you dating the both of them while figuring out who you should pick in the end... or if you're with both of them, together, no choosing.”
“No choosing,” I answer confidently. “I love both of them. I want both of them. I don’t want to pick one over the other.”
“And my brother is okay with this?”
I nod. “He is. He’s amazing.” I smile. “So supportive and ready to do whatever it takes to make me happy.”
“You're doing the same for him, too, right?”
My smile drops. “I’d like to think so. I check in on him, see where his head is. I didn’t just go make all these decisions without talking to him first. But I also told him what I wanted before we took the step into something more. He knows I love Toby, and I know I’ll never get over him. Never want to. He accepted that. It’s his best friend. He can share me.”
“Can Toby share you?” she asks, raising a knowing brow.
“He’s trying,” I whisper. “He’s Toby. He’s jealous, overprotective, and possessive. It’s been like that for years. It’s not something he can just stop doing. And I understand that. But he’s working on it. And that's all I can ask. He knows what it means if he can’t share me.”
Her eyes widen. “Would you really pick Bishop over being with Toby if Toby can’t make this work?”
Pain radiates through my heart, and it makes my stomach hurt to say these words. But I do. “I would,” I admit, my voice thick with emotion. “I love them both. But Bishop isn’t asking me to choose, he’s putting my happiness first. He’s told me himself he doesn’t mind sharing me because he just wants to be with me.” A grin takes over my face, one that shows how wistful I feel when I think about that. “If Toby made me choose, I’d pick Bishop because he would never have asked me to make such a choice. Maybe that makes me selfish, but I can’t help how I feel.”
“Shit. You really do love Bishop, don’t you?” She lets out a breath.
“I love them both.”
“Okay then. So my girl is getting two guys while I don’t even have one.” She groans dramatically as she flops back onto the bed, the serious conversation over. She took it a lot better than I thought she would. “I’m not happy about this. Only because I hated seeing you hurt the way you did because of Toby’s actions. I understand his situation, but it doesn’t change the fact that he hurt you. I love you. You're my best friend. I just want what's best for you, and I’m always on your side. But if Toby fucks up again, I’m taking his nuts.”
“What?” I snort out a laugh.
“His dick too. No more chances,” she warns.
“I love you.” I laugh, the weight on my shoulders easing off. “And you do have a guy. A guy who’s head over heels for you. Don’t act like there’s nothing there.”
She bites her lower lip, grinning. “Okay, maybe there’s something there.”
I raise a brow. “Keep going. It’s your turn to spill.”
“We maybe, sorta... kinda, took that step over the weekend,” she says with nervous excitement.
“You mean, you’ve had sex or are dating now?”
“Both?” she says it like a question. “We had sex. And dear god, that man can fuck.” She fans herself, blowing out a breath.
“Oh my god.” I laugh, shaking my head.
She sits up, giving me a devilish grin. “You don’t know what you missed out on, babe.”
“Are you really saying I should have fucked Jonas before I broke up with him?”
Her eyes flash with jealousy. “Never mind. Scratch that.”
I laugh. “I thought so.”
“Anyway,” she huffs. “After we were done and snuggling in bed, he asked me to be his girlfriend.”
“And?! What did you say?”
She turns to me with a guilty look. “I ran.”
“What?!” I jump to my feet. “What do you mean you ran?”
She groans. “I got dressed and ran out of his room like my ass was on fire.”
“Oh, babe.” I give her a pitying look.
“And now I bet he hates me. I ruined everything,” she groans dramatically.
There’s a knock at the door, and we both pause, looking to the other. “Who do you think it is?” Bee whispers.
“It’s for one of us.” I shrug. “Maybe it’s him.”
“Or maybe it’s my brother like it is every morning.” She rolls her eyes.
That has my heartbeat picking up its pace and excitement coursing through me.
I rush towards the door and fling it open. She was right, Bishop is there, standing with a coffee in hand like he always is. But he’s not alone.
“Hi,” I say shyly, not really sure how to react now. We haven’t talked about this, the two men in front of me were on the outs. Based on the glare Toby shoots Bishop’s way, I'd say that's still in effect. But when his eyes land on me, his face softens, and he smiles.
“Hi, Flower,” he murmurs. “Got this for you.” He holds out a bag.
“Thanks.” I take it, opening the bag to see a yummy pastry, and I smile. “I can’t wait to eat this.”
“Good.” He laughs softly. “I have to get to class, and because it’s on the opposite side of campus, I don’t have time to walk you to yours.” He swallows thickly as he looks at Bishop. “But he can,” he says before turning back to me. “I’ll grab you tomorrow morning if that's okay?”
“Yeah,” I say brightly, trying not to get too hopeful. “That sounds perfect.”
He steps into the room, making me take a step back. Once he’s out of sight from potential prying eyes in the dorm’s hallway, he cups my face and presses his lips to mine.
I sigh, swaying into his touch as warmth spreads through me. “I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper.
“Come watch us practice tonight?”
“Okay.”
He chuckles, grinning against my lips. “Are you just going to say okay to everything I ask of you?”
“Maybe,” I say breathlessly.
“Be mine?” His question comes out playful, but I know Toby; he’s wanting to make sure we’re still good and that I haven’t changed my mind about us being something more.
I haven’t. If anything, it’s taken everything in me not to be dancing around like a crazy lady, excited that we’re finally where I’ve wanted to be for years. He’s mine. I’m his. His! Holy shit, he’s my boyfriend.
“Okay.” I grin, biting my lower lip.
He growls, diving forward for another kiss. This time he sucks my lip into his mouth, prying it out from between my teeth. “I love you.”
My head swims. “I love you too.” My damn belly is in knots. Is this real?
“Okay, that's enough,” Bee gags. “Go away.”
Toby chuckles, swinging his gaze to my best friend. “Good morning to you too, Bee. Lovely to see you again.”
“It will stay lovely as long as you don’t break my bestie's heart again. I can get a jar of formaldehyde if needed,” she warns, her gaze piercing through him.
Toby turns to look at something over his shoulder. “Good luck with that one,” he says. “You're going to need it.”
“Don’t worry.” I grin when Jonas chuckles. “Her feisty-ass is one of the many reasons why I love her.”
“Eww. Now it’s my turn to tell you two to get a room,” Bishop says, and I watch as his eyes darken. “Nope, fuck that. Forget I said that. No room. Stay at least a hundred feet apart at all times.”
“Stop it.” I laugh as Bishop blocks Jonas from stepping into the room. Jonas glares at my boyfriend.
Bee’s eyes widen. Poor girl. I give her a cheeky grin. “I knew you didn’t scare him off.”
Jonas laughs. “Is that what she thought?” he laughs. “Bumble Bee, it’s going to take a lot more than that to get me to run.” He pauses for a moment. “Never mind, I don't think there’s anything you could do that would make me run.”
“Wanna test that out?” Bee grumbles.
I roll my eyes, moving to grab Bishop’s hand and pulling him into the room so Jonas can step in. “Don’t mind her. She’s having big feelings, and it’s freaking her out,” I tell Jonas.
He grins, laughing softly. “It’s okay. I got this.”
“I know you do.” I grin. “Go get your girl.”
He grins wide, shooting me a wink before looking over at a very annoyed Bee.
“So, it’s gang up on Bee day?” she huffs, crossing her arms.
Biting my lip, I try not to laugh as I tug on Jonas’ arm. He looks at me with an amused expression and leans down so I can whisper in his ear. “I think you need to do whatever you did last night. Work some of that aggression out of her.”
Jonas chokes out a laugh, leaning back to look at me with wide eyes. “She told you?”
I snort. “Babe, we tell each other everything.” I look at Bee. “You, be nice and take your clothes home to get washed,” I remind her.
“Fine, Mom,” she snarks, rolling her eyes.
“Love you too!” I sing, shoving my coffee and pastry bag in the guy’s hands before grabbing both Bishop and Toby’s free ones, pulling them from the room, and letting the love birds be.
“What was all that about?” Bishop asks, looking back over his shoulder to the dorm room door.
“Nothing.” I don’t stop until we’re all in the elevator. I spin around to face both of my boyfriends.
I take a moment to slowly drink the pair of them in. Tall, dark, and sexy. Two hockey players covered in tattoos.
How the hell did I get so lucky?
“Keep looking at me like that, Flower, and I’ll fucking devour you right here in this elevator,” Toby teases, eyes filled with heat.
I suck in a gasp, my eyes growing in size.
“She’d like that,” Bishop chuckles. “Noted.”
“I’m allowed to look,” I huff, crossing my arms. “You're both hot, okay? Can you blame me?”
Toby’s lip twitches with a hint of a smile while Bishop's grin is wolfish as he preens. “Look all you want, il mio cuore. ” He waves his hands in front of his body. “It’s all for you.”
Toby lets out a low growl, shooting him a look.
Bishop cocks a brow. “It’s true.” He shrugs.
The elevator door opens. “Whatever.” Toby moves forward, and my smile drops. “I’ll text you, okay?”
I nod my head. “Okay.”
He looks around before quickly stealing a kiss and leaving me alone with Bishop.
When he’s out of sight, I sigh heavily and lean into Bishop as he pulls me into his arms.
“He’s getting there,” Bishop promises. “Honestly, he’s doing a lot better than I thought he would. He hasn’t kicked my ass, not even a punch in the face. No threats. Nothing. And when we ran into each other at the coffee house, he didn’t tell me to get fucked when I told him I was there to buy you coffee. I let him grab you something to eat, though. See, I can play nice too.”
I let out a heavy breath. “I miss us.”
“Us?”
“How the three of us were back when we were teenagers.” I spin around in his arms to face him before snuggling into his touch. “But maybe I’m chasing the past. We’re older now, we’ve grown into different people. Am I naive for wanting the old ‘us’ still?”
“No,” he says. “Because I know we can still have that. You have it with me.”
I lean back to smile up at him. “We do have that, don’t we?” I agree.
“Only change is, we’re dating now. And I get to see you naked.” He grins widely. My cheeks heat.
“Stop it.”
“Am I wrong?”
My belly flutters. “No.”
“Come on, girlfriend,” he says in a teasing tone. “Let’s go to class.”
I’m downright giddy as Bishop kisses me in front of whichever students are in the lobby. I can feel their eyes watching as they whisper. I don’t care. Look away.
Bishop Grant is off the market. He’s mine. And I’m not letting him go.
With my hand in his, we walk through campus.
It’s a big place, and not everyone here knows who we are. Well, not me. Mostly Bishop. The hockey team is a pretty big deal. Same with the football team.
There are some looks as we go, and while someone else might feel nervous getting this kind of attention, I love it.
Not because I crave people's approval or I have this need to be seen with one of the hottest hockey players at the school—that's high school bullshit I’ve never cared about—it’s because the more people see us together, the more I know our relationship isn't just between us anymore.
I don’t need anyone's approval. I just want to be able to hold my boyfriend's hand, kiss him whenever I want, and just... I don’t know. Have a normal relationship?
I deserve that, don’t I?
I’m not sure how this is all going to work. Soon, the school will know Bishop and I are together. When Toby is ready to take this step too, people are going to talk. I already know that.
And while I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks, Toby is afraid for me. I love him for it, but I also hate that his brain works that way; it’s the reason why we’ve lost so much time.
I’m glad we talked, that he opened up to me again and let more of that vulnerability in. It shows me he wants this, that he trusts me, that he’s trying.
So that's why I don’t feel too bad about starting things without him. When he’s ready, we can be the same way.
All that matters is I have him.
My phone pings and I pull it out of my pocket, grinning when I see a text from Toby.
Toby: Thinking of you. Like always. Be a good girl, okay?
My core heats.
Me: You know me better than anyone, Mr Munro. When am I ever a good girl?
Toby: You and I both know you’ve always been a good girl, Lilly.
I grin, biting my lower lip.
Me: Things change, big guy. You’ll see.
Toby: Can’t wait.
“Is that your boooyfriend?” Bishop teases.
“Stop it.” I laugh, shoving him with my shoulder. “And yes. It was.”
Bishop smiles down at me. “Are you happy?”
“Yeah.” I nod, voice soft. “I am. I know this will take a lot of work, but I’m excited. It’s nice, you know?”
“What is?”
I sigh, looking away as we continue to walk. “To not be sad. To not hurt. To not worry if I’m going to feel alone and rejected for the rest of my life.”
“Lilly,” Bishop growls.
“It’s fine.” I give him a reassuring smile. “Really, it is. I promise.”
We come to a stop just outside the lecture hall that’s holding my next class. Bishop turns to face me, taking my face into his hands. “And I promise that I will never allow you to feel that way again.”
My heart thunders in my chest. “I believe you.”
He leans down and, in front of everyone, he kisses me.
“Holy shit. Is that Grant? Who’s he with?” I hear someone saying. When we break apart, I look over to see some of the hockey guys. “Holy shit, it's the coach's daughter.”
A few girls shoot glaring looks at me as they linger around the guys. Puck bunnies. Ones that look like they want to claw my eyes out as they take in Bishop and me together.
Maybe I’m a little petty, but I grin, grabbing at Bishop’s waist as he wraps his arm around me.
“Dude!” a guy named Chris comes over. “Are you two dating?”
“Damn right we are,” Bishop answers proudly. “Lilly is my girlfriend now. I’m no longer a lonely bachelor.”
The one with the long black hair bares her teeth. Shit. That is Kacy, someone I know has had her sights set on Bishop for a long time.
The knowledge that they’ve hooked up in the past doesn’t sit well in my stomach. I shouldn’t be jealous, we weren’t together then. I’ve known he‘s had a past for a while now.
As if she can tell what I’m thinking about, her angry glare turns into a smug grin as if to tell me she’s had my man before me.
She leans in to speak to the blonde next to her and my stomach sinks again. Beth. Another one of Bishop’s old hookups.
Fucking hell. Now that I think about it, he’s hooked up with most of the puck bunnies on campus.
“You okay, babe?” Bishop asks, snapping me out of my own little pity party.
“Yup.” I beam up at him.
His brows furrow as he looks me in the eyes. Then his gaze flicks over to the girls nearby, as the guys he was talking to join them and he growls.
“Don’t,” he warns me. “Don’t you dare for a moment think that any of my past matters. They’re nothing, Lilly. They meant nothing to me. It was before I knew there could be something with you. They never stood a chance.”
“I know,” I whisper, a bit of my insecurities swimming around inside.
“No, you don’t. But I’ll tell you.” He cups my face again, staring deep into my eyes. “Everyone in my past were just people to pass the time. You have been the person my heart has always wanted. I was just trying to feel something when I thought I’d never get the one thing I needed. But now that I have you? It’s as if all of that never happened. I found my home. You're my home. Mine,” he growls, crashing his lips to mine and leaving me breathless and dizzy before coming back up for more. “I love you. No one else. I want you. No one else. You're it for me. My end game. My forever. I’m sure someone out there thinks they will be the exception, that they can change my mind. But it’s all foolish thinking. Because no one in the world could ever make me stray. Why would I want anyone else when I already have my queen right in front of me?”
“Bishop,” my voice cracks. “You're going to turn me into a crying mess before my next class.”
Tears spill down my cheeks, and I don't even care that people are seeing me cry. They're happy tears.
“No crying,” he reminds me, brushing the tears away.
“I love you.” I pull him down for another much-needed kiss.
He stands and watches me as I head into the building, making sure I’m safe. He doesn’t leave, not even as I head deeper inside.
As I head into my class, I take a seat, grinning like a fool.
I don’t understand a single thing that's spoken about because all I can think about is Bishop and what he said.
Everything's going to be okay. I’m going to be okay. I just know it.
It’s about damn time.