Chapter 13
Lillianna
“I don’t think I’ve been so nervous about a game before,” I say, chewing on the side of my thumb while watching the guys on the ice.
It’s the first game back since the big blow-up a few weeks ago. I’ve been worried that the whole incident would have thrown them off their game, but they proved me wrong, coming back stronger than ever.
A mix of both pride and guilt swirls inside my belly as Jonas blocks another goal. The crowd goes nuts, and Bee is on her feet, shouting and cheering for her man.
Pride fills me because my best friend is kicking ass down there, and because of that, we’re winning. Then the guilt hits me because my eyes drop down to the bench where Toby is sitting, jersey on, in support of his team.
He looks miserable. I know he wants nothing more than to be out there playing right now, and it’s killing him to sit by while someone else takes his spot.
But I’m so damn proud of him because instead of fighting Dad on the decision that was out of his control, he accepted the consequences of his actions like an adult.
The crowd cheers again, snapping my attention away from Toby and back out to the ice.
“What did I miss?”
“Bishop just blocked a shot,” Bee says, eyes glued to the ice. “Fuck yes! That's my big brother. Woo!”
Laughing, I shake my head. See, she loves him.
Finding Bishop, my belly heats as I watch him in action. He’s so damn sexy.
“Is it wrong of me that if we win, I want to ride Jonas like a sex-crazed maniac while he’s still dressed in his jersey? He doesn’t even have to shower, that man smells so damn good, all sweaty.”
Eyes widening, I choke on a surprised laugh. “Bee!” I gasp.
“What?” She grins. “Tell me you wouldn’t want to do the same to your man,” she taunts, then frowns. “Okay, eww, that's my brother, don’t tell me any details of your sex life.”
If this was a few days ago, I’d say there was no sex life. My cheeks heat at the memory. Sex with Bishop was amazing. No, beyond that. It was a life-changing experience. I know that might sound a little dramatic, and I’m a little jealous knowing why he’s so good at it, but that man knows how to pleasure a woman. He was true to his word and worshipped me for hours.
It’s been a few days, but I can still feel him inside me. I want more. Need more. He’s awakened something inside me that I don’t think I want to lock back up.
All the things he said about what he and Toby would do to me had me cumming harder than I ever have before.
My attention shifts back and forth between my boyfriends as I chew on my lower lip, my thoughts drifting to all the different things they could do to me.
“Earth to Lilly,” Bee says, waving her hand in front of my face.
“Sorry, what?” I blink a few times before turning to look at her.
“Oh god, you were thinking about sex, weren't you?”
I laugh and shrug. “Yeah. Kind of hard not to.” I look back to the ice in time to see the guys making their way to the box.
Bishop takes his helmet off, shaking out his sweaty hair, his dark strands sticking to his forehead.
He accepts a bottle of water from the coach and squirts some on his face.
“Fuck me,” I whisper, thighs clenching together.
“Nope. Go away.” Bee pushes at me. “I don’t need to see you making sex eyes at my brother.”
“Fine by me.” I jump to my feet. “Bye.”
“Where are you going?” she calls after me.
“You said to go away,” I call back, not bothering to look behind me as I make my way down the steps.
“I wasn't being serious!”
I know she wasn’t, but I’ve been wanting to go down and sit with Toby for a while. I know I’m not supposed to be in the box with the players, but I’m the coach's daughter. No one’s going to question it, and Dad won’t say no to me.
Just as I step into the box, the team makes their way back onto the ice, a shout of encouragement from my dad as they do.
I get a few odd looks, but no one says anything as I shuffle behind some of the players, making my way over to where Toby is sitting in his jersey, shoulders slumped as he watches the game.
“Hey,” I say, taking the edge of the bench next to him.
His eyes snap over to mine, and when I see the look in his eyes, all I want to do is hug him and tell him everything’s going to be okay.
“Hey.” His face softens, almost a look of relief taking over his features as a smile tugs at his lips.
“How are you doing?” I ask, placing my hand on his knee and giving it a squeeze before pulling back, wishing I could kiss him right now.
He blows out a breath, looking back out to the ice. “Could be better. But I’m gonna take the punishment because I deserve it.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, biting my lower lip as I look out to the ice, my eyes finding Bishop. He looks so damn good out there.
“For what? You didn’t do anything.”
“I did,” I sigh. “I did the kiss cam, not thinking about how you would feel. We were in a messy spot, and what I did wasn’t right. Friends or not.”
He shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have reacted like that. It’s just...” his voice lowers to a whisper. “Seeing him with his lips on yours... touching what’s mine,” he growls. “Set something off inside me. I wasn’t thinking right.” He swings his gaze back to mine. “In more than one way.”
“I know.” I give him a soft smile. “I forgive you, you know. Not sure if I said that yet, but I truly do forgive you for everything that happened that night.”
His eyes search mine as he swallows hard. “That makes one of us.”
My heart hurts. I want to take his face into mine so badly; to kiss him, tell him I love him, tell him we’re going to be okay.
I settle for, “I’m so proud of you, Toby.” My eyes well up with tears. “For asking for help, for wanting to be better. For doing better. I’m so damn proud of you.”
His jaw clenches, nostrils flaring as his eyes flick between mine. “Do you know how fucking hard it is not to kiss you right now?” he growls, low so only I can hear.
“I’m right there with you,” I breathe out, belly heating with want for him.
“Tonight, are you doing anything?” he asks, and I shake my head no. “Go out with me.”
My lips curve into a smile. “Okay.”
“Okay.” He nods, a smile finding his own.
He turns his attention back to the ice, as do I.
We sit side by side, cheering on the team with every good pass, block, and goal.
Like a moth to a flame, I can’t help that my body leans towards him, shoulder against his, holding myself up. If someone looks too close, it might seem like there’s hardly enough room on the bench for me, so I have to be close.
Soon—I hope to god soon—I’ll just be able to be with Toby. No hiding, no pretending. Just us, together.
As I sit here, so damn close to him, all I can think about is the other night.
He told me I was his first. For pretty much everything. Me. His first time having sex. When he told me that, I wanted to cry with happiness.
Knowing that no other woman has known what it felt like to have Toby inside of them gave me some kind of primal satisfaction.
My eyes find the clock, heart pounding as I see the seconds count down. Both Toby and I stand, eyes on the puck.
The other team gets it close to our net, but Bishop blocks it, passing it to another teammate.
Our team takes it down the ice, dodging and passing. They pull back their stick and slap it forward, sending it right into the net and breaking the tie.
My eyes go wide as I grin like a fool. Both of us start to cheer like crazy.
The team goes nuts, as does the crowd.
Once they’re done celebrating, the team skates over. Quickly, I rush to leave, knowing it’s about to get wild in this box.
Just as I’m about to step out, someone grabs my arm. “Where do you think you’re going?” a deep voice asks. I spin around to find a very sweaty, very sexy Bishop looking down at me.
“Congratulations!” I cheer, beaming up at him.
He ducks down, claiming my lips in a punishing kiss. “Thanks, baby,” he murmurs. “Wanna celebrate?”
The smile falls from my face as guilt swims in my belly. “I... I, ahh, made plans with Toby.”
I didn’t even think about celebrating if the guys won.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He grins, kissing the tip of my nose. “Go, have fun. Do you mind if I hang out with the team?”
My brows furrow together. “No, of course not. Why would I?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. A lot of the guys’ girlfriends have issues with them drinking and hanging out. With the puck bunnies and all.”
“Are you going to cheat on me?”
His eyes widen. “Fuck no. I’d rather chop off my own dick and chew on it like beef jerky,” he says in utter horror.
A snort slips free as I laugh at his choice of words. “Then, no, I don’t care. I trust you, Bishop. I’m not your keeper. I’m not going to control your life. You’re allowed to have friends and time without me.”
“You’re fucking amazing, you know that?” he growls, kissing me again.
“I know.” I flutter my eyelashes.
“You ready?” Toby asks, looking from me to Bishop. “Good game.”
“Thanks,” Bishop beams.
“Yup, I’m good to go,” I tell Toby.
Seeing them like this and starting to get along brings me hope.
“See you two tomorrow. I’ll be by around noon,” Bishop reminds, sneaking me another kiss before going back to the team to celebrate.
Toby and I walk side by side, making our way through the crowd. Once we’re outside, he grabs my hand and pulls me through the parking lot.
“What's the rush?” I laugh as I struggle to keep up with him.
He says nothing, and once we’re by his car, he opens the passenger side door. I raise a brow but get in. He closes the door, rushes around to his side, and quickly gets in.
“Toby?” I laugh. “You're acting like someone’s after us. What’s the rush?” I ask again.
“This,” he grunts, leaning forward. He grabs the back of my head, holding me still as he crashes his lips down on mine. I moan as he kisses me senselessly.
“Do you know how fucking hard it was not to touch you? Not to kiss you. Not to pull you in my fucking lap and wrap my arms around you?” he growls against my lips before kissing me again.
My head swims, and my heart swoons, right alongside my core heating.
“I know. Me too,” I pant, breathless, as he pulls back.
“Let’s get out of here,” he says, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot.
“So, where are we going?” I ask, rubbing my thighs together, feeling a little nervous but also excited.
He shoots me a grin that has my belly in knots. “I could take you out to dinner. Or a movie. But it’s late. And yes, it’s the weekend, but tomorrow is going to be a fun and exciting day, so I don’t want to keep you out late.”
“Okay.” I laugh. “Look at you, being all caring and what-not.”
He rolls his eyes. “I’ve always cared about your well-being, Lilly.”
“I know,” I whisper, giving him a soft smile. “It’s one of my favorite things about you.”
He snorts. “Really? You like my obsessive and possessive tendencies? I find that hard to believe.”
“Actually, I do,” I admit.
He gives me a side-eye. “Really?”
“Yes,” I laugh. “It always gave me hope that you loved and wanted me more than a friend. Because while everyone else bought it as an older brother being overprotective, I didn’t. I knew there was always something more between us.”
He licks his lips, hands tightening on the wheel. “I’ve always felt more for you. Never once did I see you as my sister,” he whispers.
“I know. And it’s the same for me.”
Since the dorm bathrooms are still being worked on, I’ve been staying at home the past few nights.
And while Toby and I haven’t had sex again, there’s been some hot and heavy moments. I’ve become addicted. To both of them.
It’s like they’ve awakened some kind of nymphomaniac in me or something.
You know what, I don’t even have a bit of shame about it. Why should I? It’s my body. If I enjoy sex, then there’s nothing wrong with it.
It’s not like my guys don’t enjoy doing all the dirty things to me.
Seriously, I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot with these two.
Sometimes, I think it's too good to be true, and the other shoe is gonna drop.
I know I shouldn’t think this way, but I can’t remember the last time this amount of good luck has come my way.
He blows out a breath. “I hope it’s not too corny or anything, but I was hoping we could watch a movie in the basement?” He looks my way, that boyish side of him showing. “I want a redo of that night.”
My pulse races, stomach swooping as I think about that night. The night he rejected me after making me feel so damn good. After experiencing something I’ve never felt before with another person. A night I’ve been wanting to forget for a while now.
“I’d like that.” I chew on my lower lip. He takes my hand and gives it a squeeze, a smile finding his face.
Maybe this is what we needed. Something to help push us forward and put the bad parts behind us.
When we pull up to the house, Toby shuts the car off and turns to me. “I want to ask you something.”
“Okay.”
He licks his lips, looking a little nervous. “This is a big deal for me, and I feel so damn stupid asking you this, but I... fuck.” He blows out a breath, running a hand through his hair before scrubbing his face.
“Toby, it’s okay. I promise I won't judge you.” I take his hand again, placing it in mine, and give him a reassuring squeeze. I can tell whatever he wants to say isn’t easy for him.
“You know I’ve been talking to a therapist online, right?”
“Yes.” I nod.
“Well, Monday, I have an appointment to go see her in person. I’m not going to lie, I don’t want to go alone.”
My brows furrow. “Are you asking me to go with you?” I ask.
“Would you? I feel like if you're there while I’m talking to her, it might be easier for me to talk about and explain how my brain works, you know? Or how it was working in the past. I don’t know.” He blows out a breath, shifting in his seat to look forward. “Maybe it’s stupid.”
“No, it’s not.” I tug on his hand. “It’s not stupid. I’d love to go, Toby.” A warm feeling blankets over me. For him to trust me like this, to be able to open up and be vulnerable by having me present for his session shows how much he's changed.
“Really?” His eyes dart to mine.
“Really.” I smile back.
He stares at me for a moment before leaning forward. “I fucking love you,” he growls before stealing a kiss. “Now, let’s go inside.”
With giddy excitement, I open my car door before he’s even able to get out and wait in front of the car. He laughs, shaking his head before joining me. Wrapping his arm around my shoulder, I lean into his touch, resting my head on his shoulder as we walk into the house.
We’re greeted with voices, letting me know people are still up. The twins are most likely in bed by now, but with it being the weekend and Halloween tomorrow, Bennett is most likely still up.
I smile, a laugh slipping free as we walk into the kitchen to find my parents and Bennett in what looks like a food fight.
“What on earth is going on?” I laugh, taking in the mess of the place.
Rain is tossed over Chase’s shoulder, cake smashed in her hair, screaming at him to put her down while he just laughs like a madman.
Bennett and Brody are in a standoff, each with a handful of cake, neither of them looking away.
Then there’s Theo, standing in front of Mom as she peeks over his shoulder, icing smeared on her face.
She looks over at me, a big, bright smile on her face. “Lilly, baby, you’re home. How was your night?”
“Clearly not as fun as yours.” I grin. “What’s going on?” I ask again.
“Put me down, you big dumb idiot!” Rain shouts.
“Not until you admit I’m the victor,” Chase laughs.
“Never!” Rain shouts back.
“Ouch!” Chase drops Rain to her feet, nearly on her ass, and looks at her in horror. “Did you just bite my ass?”
“Damn right I did.” Rain grins before grabbing a handful of cake off the counter and shoving it in Chase’s face.
“Lilly, save me!” Bennett screams, still not looking away from Brody.
“Dad. Put the cake down, and no one gets hurt,” I say with amusement.
You see, stuff like this, it’s not unusual for our family. It’s one of the things I love the most about my parents. They love us unconditionally as well as each other. Always making sure our lives are happy and exciting. There’s never a dull moment with them, that’s for sure.
“No. Because this little shit thought it would be funny to shove a handful of cake down my pants.”
“What?” I snort out a laugh. “Bennett.”
“Well,” Bennett huffs, but I see the smile on his face. “He was just standing around like a big grump while it was happening. I wanted him to join in and have some fun.”
“Could have thrown it at my damn face,” Brody huffs.
“Oh, now, be nice, Broody.” I can’t help the grin that takes over my face when I call him the nickname I did as a kid.
He looks up at me and that's the opening Bennett needed to launch his handful of cake right into Brody’s face.
Brody grunts, then blindly throws his handful. Only it sails past Bennett and hits me right in the face.
I squeal, jumping back into Toby. “Dad!” I shout.
“Shit, sorry, Lillypad.”
Wiping the mess from my eyes, I shoot him a death glare.
A choked laugh leaves Toby, and I can feel his chest shaking with laughter. Spinning around, I turn the glare at him. “Don’t you laugh at me.”
“I’m not.” But the asshole grins.
Huffing, I turn back to the mess that is my parents. “Why the hell are you all having a cake fight?”
Mom steps out from behind Theo.
“Uncle Cooper and Uncle Blake are renewing their vows in December and asked if your Mama and I could make the cake.”
One of the hobbies Mom picked up while being a stay-at-home mom with us was baking. That was when she wasn’t working at the bookstore.
She got pretty good at baking cakes. Always made them for our birthdays and special occasions.
“Really?” I grin wide. “That's so exciting! I can’t wait to see them again. I’m so happy for them.”
Cooper is one of my mom’s best friends. She's known him since she was in college. Some of the stories I heard made me fall in love with that man. He was the type of friend everyone needed. Same with the moms’ other friends, Val, Lexi, and Tabitha.
They were all a pretty big presence in my life growing up. But sadly, as time went on, they moved away.
Cooper went off to play for the UFL, later being drafted into the NFL. His then-boyfriend, Blake, now husband, went with him. They met at SVU, and their story is so damn cute.
Aunt Val ended up moving away a few years ago after finding the two loves of her life, living happily in LA. She’s been trying her hand at acting while one of her boyfriends works as a lawyer and the other as a graphic designer.
As for Lexi and Tabitha, they both found their person, moved away, and got married.
They come and visit every once in a while, but not nearly enough. That's why I’m so damn happy to get to see them at Uncle Cooper's vow renewal.
“It is.” Mom steps forward. “How was the game?” Mom asks Toby. “Jax isn’t home yet.”
“We won.” Toby gives her a forced smile, and Mom’s eyes light up.
“That's amazing!” she beams. “I’m so happy. Jax must be over the moon.” Toby nods, looking uncomfortable. Her face softens. “Only two more games, and you'll be right back in there. Just one more week. I know you can handle it.”
“Thanks,” Toby sighs. “I’m trying. Sucked to just sit there when all I wanted to do was be on the ice.”
“I know. But I’m proud of you.” Mom smiles and ugh, the moment these two are having makes my heart squeeze.
“Thanks, Mom.” Toby leans in and kisses her cheek.
“So, what are you two up to tonight?” Mom asks, looking between the two of us.
“We were thinking of watching a movie. Just the two of us. Is that okay?” Toby asks.
Movie night. That's what he wants to do. Honestly, I’m not mad about this date. I love having movie nights with Toby. And after the last one... well, I think we need a redo; a better memory to replace that one.
“Of course.” Rain steps up, wrapping her arm around Mom. “We’re just going to clean up, then head to bed to wind down. Just make sure you two clean up after yourselves.”
“By wind down, you mean your weird kinky time?” Toby grins.
“Oh my god. No, ewww.” I gape at him in horror, and he bursts out laughing.
“Lilly, you damn well know we have sex. We’re adults.” Rain grins while Mom’s face goes bright red.
“I know.” I shiver in disgust. “Trust me, I know.”
All I can say is I’m glad their rooms are on the other side of the house from ours and soundproofed.
“Okay, you two have fun,” Mom says, pushing us towards the basement door. “You have no idea how happy it makes me to see you getting along again.”
I smile up at Toby, he grins down at me. Me too, Mom, me too.