Chapter 14
“You seem restless, brother,” Niah observed as she rolled her neck, placing her sword back with the others on the rack.
He was restless—not that restlessness even began to scrape the surface of the layers of emotions inside him. The last several days had been nothing less than blissful. Walks with Gwendolyn, stolen kisses, their evenings of laughter with the others in the den. Coming to her bed in the evening, holding her close as she slept. He was beginning to feel like he was holding on to a dream. A dream he knew could not last.
He wiped the sweat from his brow with a cloth but made no reply.
“She is safe here,” Niah said, taking a guess at what troubled him. “The dampening spells will keep her magicks at bay well enough to not cause harm. She is probably safer here than anywhere, except for the Veil.”
He knew this already, but it did nothing to calm his unease. “Your point?” he asked flatly.
“Sirus,” Niah declared with impatience. He glanced over at the direct use of his name. “The others might suspect, but I wasn’t reborn yesterday. I know about you and Gwen.”
His blood rushed with ice. “There is nothing to know,” he replied.
Silence fell as they held each other’s gaze. The longer it lingered the more palpable the tension became.
Niah’s expression turned harsh. She took her time before continuing, clearly deliberating her next words carefully. “You’re drawn to her,” she observed, her voice cool. “Not just by her magick or her beauty, but by her spirit. Her trust.” The words cut deeper than the blade of one of her knives. “I will not tell you what to do nor warn you away from your choices. Hades knows I have no right to do such a thing.”
She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her expression remained as severe as ever. “I once thought being immortal was the greatest gift of all,” she told him. “That it would give me wisdom beyond everything, because I would have lifetimes to learn.” She shook her head. “But I was foolish.” Her hands fisted at her sides, then loosened. “Most of life’s greatest lessons are forged in the fires of pain, and what can you learn when you spend eternity feeling nothing?”
Niah’s eyes shot to his. Heat flashed within them, scalding and clear. She straightened her back, the warrior inside her refusing to be cowed by discomfort. “I fell in love once,” she declared.
The confession startled him. How unwavering she was.
“Her name was Currin. She was a pixie. An Eldreth,” Niah continued.
The Eldreth were some of the foulest of ancient pixie families. They didn’t simply dabble in the black market of magick—they ran it. They were hard and opportunistic Folk with an intricate underground network of thieves and brokers and buyers. If something you desired was impossible to find, the Eldreth were there to help. For a hefty price.
“We’d been in the same city when a vampire killed her uncle,” she explained. “I was searching for a shifter who was mimicking a mage; she’d heard whispers of a vampire nearby. Currin assumed it’d been my doing and came to fetch the name of who hired me.” Niah smirked at the memory. “I think I fell in love with her before she even tried to plunge her dagger into my neck.”
Something deep in his bones stirred. Love. They were vampires. Niah seemed to feel more than most of their kind, but even her world was mostly gray. It was the same for all of them. A result of the magick used to create vampires.
Niah lifted her eyes to his, as if she could read his thoughts. “I did love her, Sirus,” she declared. “And she loved me.”
He continued to watch his sister in silence. He saw the pain that lurked deep in her eyes. “When she realized trying to get a name from me was pointless she tried to kill me instead and failed at that too. When I did not return the favor and forced her to hear me out, we developed an agreement of sorts. I would help her find the vampire who killed her uncle if she helped me find that fucking mimic.” Niah shifted and leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. “We worked well together, but it took her time to trust me. I did not expect us to become lovers; it simply happened. And it didn’t stop.”
Her body tensed, and she looked up to the ceiling. The tension fell away slowly. “She was beautiful and strong and blunt. She did not look at me with fear or loathing. When we came together, it was explosive and tender all at once.” Niah lowered her face and closed her eyes. “I could not understand it. I could not fathom why she treated me as she did. I simply tried to savor it while it lasted.”
She smirked. “I could have completed my contract sooner, but I didn’t. She knew I was delaying and never said anything. When I knew I could delay no longer, I told her it had to end.” Niah swallowed, and her smirk fell away. “She offered me a position in her family’s service. So that we could be together.” His sister’s expression hardened, and her eyes met his. Sirus could put some of the pieces together himself, but he waited for her to continue. It was obvious what choice she’d made.
“I would not give up the vampire who killed her uncle,” she told him, just to give it voice. “It only took me a few days to uncover who held the contract.”
Assassin work was mostly done by the Clan of Serpents, and to kill a key member of the Eldreth was no small contract. “Sabien,” he guessed.
Niah nodded, her eyes dropping. “I knew if I gave her his name, she would hunt him down and find him. I knew when she did, Sabien would kill her without a second thought.” She closed her eyes again. “She forgave me for not giving her the name. I think she knew I only wished to protect her, even though it upset her. She trusted me. She knew that if I didn’t believe her capable, it would end poorly. She still wanted me.”
Niah’s eyes opened, and she let out a stilted breath. Sirus could feel the emotions wafting off of her. Her eyes turned dark, her face grim. “I’m a vampire. From the start, I knew I could never live a happy life, but I was in love. I nearly took what she offered just to be near her.” She shook her head. “It wasn’t enough.”
A void lingered between them. A silence that was heavy and thick.
“If she had asked me to run away with her, I’m not certain I would have done it, but I might have. She didn’t. She loved me, but I could smell the fear on her. I could see it in her eyes. She would not give up her family. Her legacy. Not for me. And she did not ask me to become hers. At least, not out in the open. She asked me to be hers only in the darkness and the shadows.”
Niah took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It was not enough. Our love was not enough to tempt either of us away from our paths. She told me I was a fool. She was right, but I think we were both fools. We are all fools in love, after all.”
Her eyes grew black as they became lost in memory. “She was poisoned as revenge against her family some years later—for some deal that had gone wrong. I was here when it happened. Training with Kane.” That ice he knew so well rose around her like a cocoon, but she did not let it take her fully.
Sirus felt an odd connection to his sister in that moment. When the time came and Gwendolyn’s mortal body perished, he knew it would kill some part of him too. No amount of distance or time would keep that from happening.
“I am sorry,” he told her, and he meant it.
Niah shifted on her feet, his words breaking her dark trance. She looked off into the distance, her jaw rigid with tension. “For a time, I regretted my choice. I regretted that I didn’t take her offer. I blamed myself for her death. That I hadn’t been there to protect her. But I would not be her secret lover only to be kept in the darkness.” A heavy sigh steeped in emotion fell from her. “I will always be grateful for it. Just as I will always miss her.”
Her eyes dropped to her hands. “Currin saw me as more than a killer. I doubted her then, but I wanted to believe it was true. I am proud to be a vampire, Sirus. I have always been proud of what I am and what we are together. We are not mere vessels to do the bidding of others. We choose the contracts we take. We choose what lines cannot be crossed. We are not born of magick in the womb, but that does not make us worthless, and I am tired of others acting like we are.” Her anger was raw and visceral, much less guarded than Sirus had ever seen it. “I am sick to death of being made to feel like I deserve less. That I am no more than a dog to call to heel. I hate it more that we have been fed that bullshit, that we’ve swallowed it for centuries without question.”
“It is the way of the world, Niah,” Sirus replied. Vampires were created to be dogs, and so they were, in a sense.
She glared at him. “Not for Gwendolyn.”
It was sharp and precise and pierced clean through him. Sirus tensed, his own anger and frustration boiling up inside him. It was not so simple. Leopards couldn’t just change their spots. Vampires lived lives of death and war and were reborn with one purpose: to kill. The worlds of magick and men both felt that visceral chill run through them when a vampire came near. The chill that told them to run because death was upon them.
“Gwendolyn knows what I am,” he told her.
Niah scoffed. “Corrin loved me. She didn’t see me as a monster, yet she still wouldn’t have me. She was bound by duty and family and fear.” She shrugged. “Gwendolyn might know what you are, but she doesn’t fear you. She’s not bound by anything. I cannot say why in hells you were lucky enough to cross her path, but I see it in the way she looks at you, Sirus.”
“Enough,” he snapped. It was one thing for Niah to talk of him, but another to talk of her. Sirus knew Gwendolyn cared for him, but she had never declared to love him.
To love him would be madness.
Niah took several steady steps toward him, until she was only a few feet away. Her eyes never wavered. “You have heard my tale. Do as you will, but know this: I may be younger than you, brother, but in this I am wise. Love is chaos and strife, but it is not impossible. Gwendolyn will have many burdens to bear if any of what Levian suspects turns out to be true. Are you so sure the Veil is what she would choose if she were given a choice?”
Sirus left Niah, feeling a weight in the pit of his stomach. These last few days had felt like a dream. A dream he did not want to end. Not yet.
Every time Gwendolyn’s breath hitched near him. Every time she bit at her bottom lip. Every time she laughed. Each of those moments brought him joy and pain.
Niah’s lover had asked her to be hers in the darkness, and she had refused. Sirus knew he was already Gwendolyn’s. There would never be another for him. The only difference was, if he asked her to stay, he’d be the one asking her to live life in the darkness.
The monster in him wanted to keep her for himself. To never let her go.
Perhaps it was because he loved her that he knew he would never ask her to stay. He would never give her the choice.
Gwendolyn deserved more than shadows.
Gwen stared into the fire, her book propped on her lap, open to the same page for way too long. She hadn’t actually been reading. Instead, her mind had been drifting. Remembering last night with Sirus. The kiss she’d stolen from him in the hall this morning, after breakfast. The little growl he’d made.
She felt happier than she’d ever felt in her whole life. Every minute she spent with Sirus made her heart swell. Slowly, they’d begun to open up to each other, but over the last few days it was like a dam had broken. For hours they would talk, make love, talk more. To be fair, she did most of the talking, but he was always asking questions. Listening. Poking fun at her in that bone dry way of his.
It was still wild to her that Sirus had never cuddled nor slept next to one of his lovers before. That first night, he’d been ready to take off without a second thought. She wanted to be mad for him. Angry that he’d grown so used to such rejection, had expected it. And she was mad, a little. She also felt a little special knowing she’d been his first.
Gwen’s cheeks warmed, a little flutter spreading through her stomach. It was the part of the night she cherished most. The feeling of his warm, muscled body wrapped around hers as she drifted off to sleep.
She was in love with him. It scared the ever-living crap out of her, but there was no denying it at this point. She had it, and she had it bad. The bigger problem was, she had no idea how she was going to tell him.
She’d gotten pretty used to his silence at this point, but the idea of her confessing her love and him looking at her all icy and stoic made her stomach queasy.
“Are you feeling alright, darling?” Levian asked, drawing Gwen out of her head.
“Hm?” she mumbled, sitting up in the armchair she’d been lounging in. “Oh, yeah. Just tired.”
Levian was scuttling around the library, grabbing this and that. It was only half past eleven. The group wouldn’t leave for The Prison for another half hour, but it was all anyone had been talking about all day. Gwen’s stomach knotted, and she closed her book. There was no point, really.
She stood, stretched, and strolled over to Levian, who was tapping her long nails on the tabletop, her face twisted, as if trying to remember something.
“Need some help?” Gwen asked.
“No. No,” Levian assured her as she began to rummage through a pile of papers. “It’s just the dampening spells and I’m trying to find—Ah! Here it is!” she chimed, snatching the paper she’d been hunting.
Gwen smirked, watching the mage dart off to add the paper to her pile. Levian was dressed in a pair of dark pants, a sage green button-down top, and a knit sweater. Her braids were piled messily on top of her head and wrapped in a scarf. She looked more like a librarian than her usual sexy, femme, ethereal self—not that she wasn’t still gorgeous and ethereal. But she’d definitely had to borrow some clothes from Niah to put this outfit together.
“Are you sure about all this?” Gwen couldn’t help but ask again. She knew Levian wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t for her, and she couldn’t help but feel more than a little guilty.
The mage stopped her rummaging and eyed Gwen impatiently. “Of course I’m sure. We need answers, and I’m going to get them however I must.”
Gwen nibbled her lip. She wanted answers too, but knowing Levian was about to travel to the bowels of the earth to visit her incarcerated father in an enchanted faerie prison to get them wasn’t exactly what she’d had in mind. She’d wanted to go with them when she found out about their plan, but everyone had unanimously voted against it—it being extremely dangerous and her being mortal and all that. It annoyed her beyond sense. Even if she was staying behind with Sirus.
Levin clearly read the skepticism on Gwen’s face and rolled her eyes. “You’re as bad as Barith.” She let out a heavy sigh. “Anyway, it’s not just about you. This is long overdue, seeing my father. My mother has been harping at me to do it for years. To make peace or whatever. Though I suspect she’s hoping I’ll put some kind of gruesome curse on him while I’m there. Preferably something painful.”
“Your mom sounds like she’s pretty hardcore.”
The mage laughed as she flipped through a giant book on one of the tables, that weird burnt skull with the gold symbols resting at her elbow. “That’s putting it mildly. But yes, she’s a force not easy to ignore. Merlin is lucky the fae imprisoned him before my mother got a crack at him. You’ll get to meet her in the Veil.”
Gwen’s stomach sank. “Oh. Cool,” she said, not sounding at all excited.
The mage glared up from her book. “You still don’t seem thrilled with the prospect,” she observed.
Levian had been the one to gush on and on to Gwen about how wonderful the Veil was. How it was a great honor to be allowed within the dryads’ sacred city.
“It’s just weird to think about,” Gwen replied, trying to play it off. “The idea of going to stay in a hidden faerie city.”
“It will be an adjustment,” Levian admitted, shoving the book into her enchanted bag, along with several other things. “But I assumed you’d be ready to settle yourself somewhere, at least for a little while.”
Gwen was ready to be settled. Only she felt pretty settled where she was. “Do you see her much? Your mom?”
“Not very,” Levian replied with a tinge of sadness. “She doesn’t leave often, and coordinating a visit is tedious, as you can imagine.”
Getting in and out of the Veil was basically impossible without a direct escort, which was hard to come by, apparently. It was why Gwen was still here at Volkov. Though Levian had warned her it could be any minute of any day that they decided to finally come for her. It had put Gwen on edge at first, but the more time that went by, the less worried she’d been. Levian had also told her it could take months.
“You miss her?”
“I do,” Levian admitted. “I don’t see her as often as I should.”
Gwen wasn’t really sure she should ask, but she felt compelled. “Do you miss him? Your dad—I mean, Merlin?”
Levian’s face turned sour. “I miss a version of him. The man he was when I was little. But he is long gone. A memory. Nothing more. The man who sits in The Prison deserves to be where he is, if not someplace worse. Barith is convinced he’s going to ensorcell me to try and escape, and honestly I wouldn’t be shocked if he were right. So that should tell you something.”
Merlin definitely sounded like a Grade A asshole, from what Gwen had heard. And she’d heard a lot. Mostly from Barith. “I’m surprised you got Barith to come with you. He doesn’t seem very excited about the idea of going there. Or you going there.”
The mage scowled. “We’ve known each other a very long time. Too long, probably. He’s a bit overprotective at times.”
In the time Gwen had spent with the mage and the dragon, she’d wondered if there wasn’t more between them than just friendship. Not that she would ever mention her theory to Levian directly. “Too long?” Gwen questioned.
“You might not have put this together,” Levian replied, finishing up her packing. “But it’s not particularly common for creatures to develop close bonds with someone not of their own kind. Barith and I know where each other’s bones are buried. We’re also worlds different, as you’ve no doubt noticed. He would spend his existence naked, wandering the woods and chasing after forest nymphs if he could. I prefer more civilized company myself. Not that we don’t both enjoy a raucous bacchanal.”
“Like Abigail’s Beltane parties?” Gwen asked.
Levian flashed a devilish smile. “Exactly.”
“How have you two stayed friends so long if you’re so different?” Gwen asked, truly curious.
“It’s hard to say,” Levian replied. “We’ve fallen out of contact at times, but we always seem to end up in each other’s company again. Maybe we’ve saved each other too many times. Or perhaps it’s because we’re both black sheep. To be honest, I’ve never particularly cared for dragons, except Barith. They’re a brutal, old-fashioned bunch, devout to their outdated traditions.”
Barith hadn’t told Gwen much about his family. She’d asked him a few times in general conversation, and he’d mentioned his mom or some cousins, but he’d never really elaborated.
The dragon was rough around the edges but a definite marshmallow on the inside. It was hard for Gwen to think of him as brutal.
“Brutal in what way?”
“They’re barbaric,” the mage explained with a look of disgust as she fiddled with some more papers. “They treat their children little better than animals until they come of age. Force them to fight each other to gain the favor of their parents. Female dragons are known to be even stronger than the males because of it. They must fight even harder to rise above the males. They’re cunning too. Many dragon families are ruled by Queens. Barith’s mother is Queen of the Sun Dragons.”
Gwen’s jaw nearly hit the floor. “Barith is a prince?”
Levian huffed a sardonic laugh. “Far from it. His mother is a queen, but that doesn’t make him anything special. When the time comes that his mother isn’t strong enough to lead, a new king or queen will be chosen. Though Barith’s family has ruled for over a millennium. One of his sisters will likely take her place.”
“He has sisters?” Gwen blurted in disbelief.
“Three. They’re all loathsome.”
“You’ve met them?”
“Only one,” Levian replied with a sneer. “Judith. The youngest. It was not a pleasant encounter.”
It was hard to imagine Barith’s siblings being so horrible, given how jovial he was by nature. Maybe that was why he hadn’t mentioned them before? Still, it was a little weird he hadn’t even dropped a hint. Though now that she knew he had sisters, it made a ton of sense. Barith had shifted from flirty to brotherly with her with almost no effort at all.
“You don’t think Barith could be king?” Saying it out loud almost made Gwen laugh. The thought of him with a crown on his head seemed ridiculous.
“It’s not impossible, but doubtful,” Levian told her. “He’s been away for a long time. All dragons go through a period they call the Wandering, a time for them to sow their oats out in the world before duty calls them back home.”
“What sort of duty?”
“Mating,” Levian declared, as if it were obvious.
“You’re kidding?” Gwen asked, a little shocked.
“It’s more like an arranged marriage. But once they’re mated, dragons are tied to one another forever. The whole thing sounds utterly miserable.”
It didn’t sound great to Gwen either. “When will he have to go back?”
“It’s hard to say. He’s been on a particularly long Wandering already.”
“Does he not want to do it? Be mated, I mean?”
Levian looked into the void beyond Gwen’s shoulder. “Barith dislikes being told what to do in general but he cannot avoid it forever. It’s what must be done. What’s expected. And he would want to. It’s their way.”
The bitterness that fell over the last words made Gwen wonder again if there wasn’t something more between Levian and Barith. It was almost as if the mage had resigned herself to the fact that Barith would soon have to go find his mate. So what was the point in getting attached?
It struck Gwen that she felt the same way about Sirus. If she was to be shipped off to the Veil, what was the point of trying to grow close to him? It was a little late for that now though. Her stomach knotted into a pretzel. She had to tell him how she felt. She had to tell him that she wanted to stay here at Volkov.
“How are things with Sirus?” Levian asked shifting through some scrolls.
Gwen’s heart leapt, and she was thankful the mage wasn’t paying close enough attention to see her blush, as she was fiddling with the pages of a book written in some unknown language. “Good,” she confessed.
“Good?” Levian repeated, stopping to look at her. “You’ve been spending a good deal of time together for it just to be good.”
Crap. “We’ve been getting along,” Gwen said, trying to deflect. She didn’t want to talk about it. Actually, she did. She was dying to talk to someone about it. But she chickened out. “It’s nice.”
Levian smirked, her violet eyes glistening with amusement. “Vampires are strange creatures,” she told Gwen. “Secretive, private, and withdrawn. I’ve known Sirus for nearly five hundred years, and I can honestly say you probably know more about him than I do.”
That struck her. The idea that someone who had known Sirus for as long as Levian could know so little about him. That after only knowing him a few weeks, he’d opened up to her so much. Gwen fought back the small smile of satisfaction that threatened.
The mage scoffed. “Heavens, you’re a horrible liar,” she mocked, coming to stand next to Gwen. “I know you like him, darling. In fact, the whole house knows you both are smitten with one another.”
Gwen’s stomach dropped out. The mage chuckled at her reaction and patted her arm. “You two have shared much,” the mage told her. “Magick. Blood. Death. Those are powerful forces.” Gwen’s heart lurched into her throat. Her first instinct was to deny it, but she didn’t.
“I’m kind of freaking out,” she admitted. With that tiny sentence, she felt like a giant weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
Levian smirked. “I’ve never fallen in love with a vampire, but I can imagine it’s an incredibly unnerving experience. Is this why you’re leery of the Veil?”
Hearing the word “love” thrown around so casually made her insides twist. “A little,” Gwen grumbled. “I don’t know. It’s stupid. I’ve only known him for a few weeks, and I don’t even know what the hell is going on with me. Everything inside my brain is telling me this is a bad idea, but…”
“But you love him anyway?” the mage finished for her.
Gwen groaned and thunked her head down on the table. Levian rubbed her back. “The heart has a will of its own, and it’s rarely convenient,” she remarked sympathetically. “Have you told him how you feel?”
Gwen replied with another groan.
“I see,” Levian said pensively. “I may not be the most qualified person to give you advice on this topic. Goddess knows my love life has been more like a tumultuous wander through a raging inferno than a joyous walk through a spring meadow, but I feel like this one is rather obvious.
“If you feel there is something there, something real between you and Sirus, you must tell him.”
Gwen lifted her head and looked to Levian. She opened her mouth to speak, but before any words could form, Barith came lumbering into the library.
“You didn’t convince her to abandon this stupid plan of hers, did you?” he asked Gwen.
Levian turned her attention to the dragon and let out a deep huff. “No,” she replied for Gwen. The mage stomped over to him and looked up into his face. “You’re a pain in my ass, Barith,” she snapped. “You’ve dragged me through swamps, bogs, and one particularly horrible cursed forest, which I still have nightmares about.”
Barith glowered at her, hauling in a breath to hurl back some retort, but Levian raised her hand to stop him. “I’m glad you’re coming with me,” she added. “I know you don’t want to go, but you’re doing it anyway. Thank you.”
The dragon blinked, his forehead wrinkling. “Did you just say thank you?” he asked in bewilderment.
Levian cocked her hands on her hips. “I did.”
Barith looked at Gwen and then back at Levian with an expression of confusion. “Did hell freeze over, or am I just dreaming?”
The mage adjusted her braids and her scarf and went to gather her bag. “Mark the occasion,” she told him sharply. “It’s the first and last time it will happen.”
The dragon smiled wide. “You’re welcome,” he replied smugly.
“You’re such an ass,” Levian growled as she glanced up at Gwen.
“An ass you’re glad is coming with you,” he reminded her.
Levian rolled her eyes and gave Gwen a brief hug goodbye. “We’ll talk about your vampire issue when I get back,” she whispered low.
“Try not to murder Barith while you’re gone,” Gwen whispered in return.
“I make no promises,” Levian replied with a deep, nervous breath.
“Are you ready?” Niah asked from the doorway.
Levian nodded and glanced up at the grandfather clock. It was nearly midnight now. “Yes,” she replied. Rath had showed up to see them off as well. Sirus was nowhere to be found.
Before they left, Levian turned to Gwen. “I promise to find out all that I can.”
Gwen’s stomach tightened. The whole point of this trip to see Levian’s father in The Prison was for her. “Thank you,” she told the mage.
Levian smirked. “Don’t thank me yet.”
After they all said their goodbyes, Gwen set off to her room. Sirus would probably come tonight, and she knew she needed to tell him how she felt. With every step, her anxiety grew heavier and heavier. That little harpy of insecurity creeping up on her.
She would tell him, she’d decided. Soon. Just not tonight.