A Laird and a Healer (Rebel Highland Brides #2)

Chapter 12

G ordon was left reeling. As soon as she left his study, he roared and turned, slamming his fists onto the desk, almost breaking it in two. His heart thundered, and powerful emotions raged within his heart. Fate was a cruel mistress. He had been forced to say goodbye to a wife he had loved as a friend, and now he was forced to say farewell to a woman he had started to love romantically.

It had been bad enough after their first kiss. As he felt the stirrings of love, he was flooded with this thought that he didn’t deserve it at all. It had caused him to run away without saying a word, and he was ashamed. He had faced down wolves and bears and bandits. He had mastered every weapon known to man. He had climbed mountains, cut down trees, and bathed in icy water. He had endured all of these things, and yet it was a simple kiss from a beautiful woman that had shattered him.

And how was he to recover from this? Was he supposed to wait at the entrance of the Keep, watching the horizon for her to return? He knew how these things went. Once she was gone… Well, the chances of her returning were slim. His heart beat with fear for her traversing the wilderness. There were all kinds of dangers that could claim her life, and he was tempted to ride by her side, ready to cut down any threat that might have endangered her.

But he couldn’t leave Keith. Nor could he send his guards out to escort her. If they were caught in another’s territory, then it might be seen as cause for war. It went against the fundamental beliefs of his clan. The Abernathy Clan remained neutral, keeping out of other clan’s affairs. They did not involve themselves in things like this. It was entirely uncharacteristic, but then again, Tara had a way of making him act out of character.

He lifted his gaze to the ceiling and then clasped his head. Sleep had only just begun to return to him, and now he was going to be plagued with sleepless nights while Tara was away. And although she promised to return, he knew it wasn’t that simple. Even if she eluded the dangers of the world, there was still the matter of her brother-in-law. Would he be willing to allow her to return to the Abernathy Clan?

It was a long time before Gordon roused himself. He dragged himself to Keith’s room, hoping that seeing his son would make him feel better. Keith was asleep, but stirred when Gordon entered.

“I’m sorry for waking ye,” he said.

Keith shrugged. “I hae been sleeping enough.” he paused. “Tara told me that she’s leaving. What’s wrong with her family? Is someone ill?”

“A bad man tried tae abduct her nephew. She wants tae return tae be with them and help them.”

Tara was cruel, prying open his heart to let these feelings cascade through, only to turn away from him and tell him that she needed to return to her family. But he could blame her for it, of course. He had gone to drastic lengths to protect his own son. Her devotion to her kin was admirable, and was just one more reason to love her.

By the gods, there were so many reasons by now. Every day that passed, he discovered a dozen more, and the kisses they shared pierced his heart to such an extent that he felt weaker than every before. He had always prided himself on being a strong, proud man. That was the Abernathy way, after all, but Tara had reduced him to this wreck, to this pining, hurt man whose mind could not settle without her.

Keith nodded. “Is there anything we can dae tae help?”

“Nae from here.”

“I’m gaeing tae miss her.”

“Aye, me tae, son.”

“Ye are fond of her, aye?”

Gordon tilted his head and furrowed his brow. When had his son gotten so astute? “Why would ye say that?”

A mischievous smile drifted across Keith’s face. “There hae been a couple of times when ye hae been in here and ye thought I was asleep. I opened my eyes a crack and I noticed how her cheeks went red while talking tae ye. And ye kept looking at her behind her back. Besides, Lilith told me about how ye danced at the feast.”

Gordon pressed his lips together. “I should warn the maids that gossiping is beneath them.”

Keith laughed. “I dinnae mind Tara, Da. I like her. I think Ma would hae liked her tae. She can take care of me, and when I’m strong enough, I will do what Ma told me.”

Gordon arched a curious eyebrow. He hadn’t been aware that Laurel had said anything to him.

“What would that be, son? To be the greatest warrior of the clan? The best archer? Rider?”

“She told me that I hae tae keep an eye on ye, and I hae tae make sure that ye smile once in a while. She said ye would find it tae easy tae feel sad and alone.”

Gordon ran his tongue along his gums and nodded. “Well, yer Ma always knew me better than I knew myself.”

“She wanted ye tae be happy, Da. And I want that as well.”

“Thank ye son,” he said, placing his hand on Keith’s arm. “I dinnae know when ye grew sae old and wise, but ye are teaching me a thing or tae. But I’m afraid that I cannae guarantee that Tara will return. I know she wants tae, but sometimes life can pull us in other directions.”

Tara may not have cared about politics, but Laird Knox certainly did, and there were far more fruitful and prosperous matches waiting for Tara than to be married to the Abernathy Clan. There was a reason why few Abernathy lairds had married outside their clan. Tara was strong-willed and may have argued for that union, but Laird Knox was still the one who held the power, and if he did not see a benefit to his clan, then Tara would not be allowed to leave.

And the thought of never seeing her again made his blood turn to tears. He sank into his chair and put his head in his hands, groaning at the way his heart tormented him. He also hated this Ken Gilmour with all the fury he could muster. If there had been no attempt on Tara’s nephew, then she would not be in such a rush to leave, and he could have enjoyed exploring this newfound intimacy. His hand curled into a fist. If only all the problems of the world could be settled with a simple thunderous punch.

“Cannae ye offer her anything that will make her want tae come back?” Keith asked innocently.

Like his mother, Keith had a way of cutting through to the simple truth of matters. Gordon pressed his lips together and then nodded, deciding that while Tara was still in the Keep, he should make the most of it. Perhaps there was more to be said after all, even if he couldn’t convince her to stay.

And if this was the last time he saw her then he wanted to enjoy her company for as long as possible. It would make things hurt more intensely afterwards, but they were going to hurt anyway, and he was no stranger to pain.

Tara was preparing to leave. She attempted to ignore the knots in her stomach and the dizziness in her mind. Her thoughts ran back and forth between her family and Gordon. In one moment she thought she should throw aside everything she had already said and remain with Gordon, but then in the next she was flooded with guilt, thinking about the state that Caroline must have been in. Either way, she was letting someone down, and she was having to miss out on something that was important to her. She almost wished she could split herself in two and leave half of herself here, and half of herself could return home.

But life was never that simple, and everything required a sacrifice.

She was so lost in thought that she didn’t notice her door opening. A flicker of movement caught her eye and she turned. Gordon was standing there, closing the door behind him, filling her vision. His broad shoulders grew more expansive as he approached, his piercing eyes peeled away the layers of her flesh and gazed at her soul. His scent filled the room, and she became weak again.

Evening was settling in. She had already lit candles. They flickered all around the room, and a gentle fire burned in the hearth. Light and shadows danced together, making it feel as though the room were a dance hall, alive with a crowd of people.

But in reality, they were alone, and Tara was beginning to suspect that anything might happen when she was alone with Gordon.

“Ye hae nae left yet,” Gordon said.

“I thought it was prudent tae wait until morning,” she replied.

“A wise decision.”

He closed the distance between them. Soon enough he was directly in front of her. She was staring at his broad chest. His hands were inches away from hers. Her knees shook and all she wanted was to lose herself in his kiss again, but such a thing was dangerous, and probably cruel. She did not want to torment him. She did not want him to suffer anymore than he already had.

“I came tae ask ye again tae stay.” There was a hint of desperation in his voice.

“Gordon… please dinnae. I hae already promised ye that I will return.”

Gordon shook his head. “And I will hold that promise dear tae me. I hope ye know that I will be waiting for ye, as long as it takes. But I hae been worrying about this cousin of yers. It seems tales of his cruelty hae traveled even this far. I dinnae like the idea of ye encountering him again. At least if ye stay here, I can protect ye. Ye know what he is like, even better than me. Ye dinnae want tae suffer at his hands.”

“And I dinnae want my nephew tae suffer either. Believe me, Gordon, if there was a way for me tae both stay here and be with my family then I would take it, but I cannae resist the call of my kin. However, I dae solemnly swear with all the honor I hae, both as a woman and a healer, that I will come back tae ye.”

“Are ye certain this is just nae a way for ye tae escape? After all, ye were demanding tae leave ever since ye arrived,” he teased.

Tara smiled, pleased that he could alleviate the tension somewhat. “I changed my mind. I find that my surroundings hae become far more welcoming than they once were.”

“Is there another reason?”

“Aye. Ye are the reason. Gordon, I will think of ye while I am gone. Ye will never be far from my thoughts.”

“And ye shall never stray from mine,” he replied quickly in a single breath.

He reached for her hand, but then he paused in the middle of the motion. An uncertain look came across his face. His tongue darted out, licking his lips briefly.

“There is another matter… I know ye said that ye will come back, but for how long?”

“I dinnae know,” Tara replied. In truth, she hadn’t had much of a chance to think that far ahead.

“What if I said I want ye tae stay for as long as possible. Would ye be able tae leave yer home behind?”

Tara’s heart fluttered as she believed she knew what he was really asking him, but she wasn’t sure she was in the right frame of mind to answer that question yet.

“Am I still ye prisoner?” she asked. There were so many other factors to consider, and still so many things to learn about each other. So instead of answering with sincerity, she tried to make a joke of it.

Gordon’s eyes turned hard, and his lips formed a thin line. “If ye were, then I could lock this door and prevent ye from leaving. That would be one way tae keep ye safe.”

For a moment, she believed that he might do it. “Please, Gordon.”

He scowled and threw a hand in the air. “Of course ye are nae a prisoner, Tara. But would ye hate me for it, even if it was done tae protect me?”

Tara swallowed a lump in her throat. “Aye, I would. I hae nae asked for yer protection, and ye cannae protect everyone. Life always comes with risk.”

“And loving someone always means ye hae tae be prepared for them tae dae things ye disagree with.”

“I dinnae want ye tae hate me, Gordon.” Her voice cracked with emotion.

Gordon placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a reassuring look.

“I would never be able tae hate ye, lass. This is just hard for me. I hae lost sae much already, and now I hae tae let ye gae as well. And I know that ye hae promised tae return, but the world dinnae always allow us tae keep our promises.”

“It will allow me tae keep this one. I will make sure of it. Naething will stop me from coming back tae ye, I swear it.”

Her answer was flushed with determination, and she discovered a genuine desire to remain by his side. For most of Tara’s existence, life was something that happened to her. She went along with things as happily as she could, rarely making waves or causing trouble. There were only two things she had been willing to throw everything she had into and pursue no matter what. The first had been healing, and the second was Gordon.

“Then I’ll ask ye again, if I requested that ye stay for longer when ye return, would ye be willing tae leave yer clan? Can ye see a future for yerself here?”

Tara looked into his eyes and understood how difficult it was for him to ask something like this. She had always imagined someone asking her this question, but in her dreams it was usually in a grand hall after a dance. However, she now wouldn’t have wanted to be asked any differently, and certainly not by any other man.

This Keep and clan was not the kind of future she envisioned for herself. It was lonely and isolated, lost in the wilderness, and that was the way its people liked it. But while Gordon might have appeared cold from the beginning, she quickly discovered he was anything but. And now when she looked out of the window, she did not merely see a bleak mist coating the horizon, but a gentle world filled with all kinds of flora and fauna.

She appreciated the strength of the mountains, the beauty of the lush trees, and the elegance of the rivers that slithered across the land. It possessed a unique beauty that only revealed itself when one took the time to look properly, but once it was recognized it was impossible to ignore, and so it was with the man who embodied the nature of this place.

When she first met Gordon, she was filled with terror. His hands had been brutish, his countenance cruel. But now his hands were tender, and his eyes were filled with adoration. She had seen the kind of love of which he was capable, and it burned in her soul. He loved things with everything he had, and what more could anyone want from a man?

“Of course I will,” she said, her words driven by instinct rather than her mind.

Her family would always be there, but hopefully, they would not continually be in dire need of her help. She could not live her entire life away from Gordon, not now, not when she knew the kind of effect he could have on her heart. She wanted this to be a temporary break, not a farewell.

He placed his hand against her cheek. It ran around her neck.

“Then would ye let me stay by yer side for the night at least?”

Tara found herself nodding. He bent his head and kissed her with all the intent he could muster, as though he was bestowing all the love he possessed onto her soul, giving her every reason to come back to him.

He led her to bed and pulled the blanket aside. For the first time in a long time, Tara missed the routine of writing in her journal before she slept. The bed creaked under his weight as he pulled her into bed and wrapped the blanket around her. He lay behind her, and she had her back to him. He drew his arms around her, and she nestled against his large body, completely cocooned within him.

The heat from his body emanated around her, and she was more comfortable than she had ever been before. His breath tickled the back of her neck, making thin strands of hair dance. His hands pressed against her abdomen, holding her close. Her back was directly against his chest. She was lulled to sleep by the rising and falling rhythm of his deep breaths, as well as the warmth of his arms.

It was as though she were lost in a fire, but this blaze did not hurt her. She ran her hand along his powerful forearm and then entwined her fingers with his, hoping that through these gestures he would know that she intended to keep her promise no matter what.

The Abernathy Clan had not seen the last of Tara Gilmour, and this was not the last time she would pass beyond the threshold of the door.

It was not the last time she would be in Gordon’s arms either, but until they found each other again the memory would blaze in her mind, warming her coldest moments and keeping her heart beating with all the ferocity of a raging river.