A Love Like the Sun

Chapter 43 Can We Always Be This Close?

“It’s okay, Ni. Really,” Issac is saying to me. “I’d rather you take the time to think…”

I wrap my arms around him, desperate for the contact, and he holds me just as close, stroking my back in soothing circles, always willing to be the comfort.

But I swallow, pull back, and reach for his face because it’s my turn to comfort him.

“I don’t need time,” I say, and his eyes widen ever so slightly, nervous for my answer. “I’m terrified, Issac. But I can’t let you leave me here without telling you that I’m so in love with you too.”

His inhale is sharp, his eyes flick closed. Tears slip below his lashes and I want to kiss each one. But he buries his face in my neck, and I can feel his mouth against my skin.

“Are you sure?” he asks quietly, and I think of the boy in the bone-colored sweater wanting to feel love again.

I wish he could hear my heart, the certainty just below the pulsing fear, but with courage, I unroot the words. “It’s annoying that you do whatever you want and even more annoying to admit that I love it sometimes. You’re so smug about your music taste, and it’s infuriating because there’s no place I’d rather be than sitting beside you and listening to your playlist instead of mine. I hate how it feels like you take a piece of me with you when you leave, and I’m missing it until you come home. You make me feel safe in my silence, which is not something just anyone can do. I’m in love with you, Issac. And if none of that is proof enough, I guess I’ll admit I can’t bring myself to eat chicken parm without you.”

He laughs with his heart, shows me his face, the hope in his eyes, and I know what I said was enough before he kisses me. It’s tender, soft, and slow. But I feel every single year of longing on our lips.

When we break apart, I realize just how many times we’ve been in cars, sharing secrets, wishes, and dreams. I’d never let myself imagine I’d be sharing my heart with him like this.

Issac presses his lips to my neck, says, “You’ll miss your plane.”

“I can stay,” I whisper, wanting him to kiss my skin again.

“You can’t.”

“I know,” I say. “Wildly Green needs me.”

“I think we need the week too,” he admits.

I pull back, look up at him. “Why?”

“You’re terrified, and so am I,” he says, touching my cheek. “I’m so happy that you love me. I feel like I can float. But I’m trying to stay grounded because the truth is, there’s still so much to think about. We have these feelings, but you’re my family, my best friend, and that’s the most important part. The truth is our dreams take us different places. You’re in Rhode Island, I’m out here. I’m high-profile, you’re a private person. I want to be with you, Laniah, but your life will be changed forever. Being with me might cause you hurt in the future, we’ve already experienced it. I already know what I’m willing to give up, but I’m not sure you’d want me to give up certain things. You should take the time to think about what you’d be willing to compromise. To make sure if we try this, a real relationship, we do it right. With clear heads.”

I release a breath. Issac just named most of my fears. He doesn’t even know about the deepest one. That someone can be right, and life can still tear them from you. But I can’t help smiling because he said he wants to be with me. Issac Jordan loves me. I love him. And we want to be together.

“I’ll take the week,” I agree, and reach for another kiss.

Issac speaks against my lips, says, “But don’t you dare eat chicken parm without me.”

I’m floating when I step out of T. F. Green airport and my feet touch land in Rhode Island. It’s only black pavement, lined with cars and trash cans, but the air smells sweeter, the sun is brighter; I’m not feeling fatigue at all because Issac is in love with me. But Mom’s is the first familiar face I see, and I wasn’t prepared for the slow comedown I’d feel opening her car door. She offered to pick me up from the airport, and if I was of sound mind to hold on to the high of love for a little longer, I might’ve texted her and told her I was going to take an Uber. Because seeing her alone here after what just happened with Issac makes my stomach twist with the reminder that my father isn’t riding in her passenger side. He never will again.

Before she can ask about my weekend adventure, I bombard her with Wildly Green questions, eager to distract her and hear her gush about the planning she and Lex had to do with Sherry this weekend.

But when she pulls up in front of my house, she turns in her seat. “You’ve changed,” she says, using her knowing mother’s stare on me. “You’re different somehow. Did something happen between you and Issac?”

I want to sit with what happened by myself for a while, but she’d know I’m lying, and there’s no reason to hide. Not anymore. I try to form the words, start over in my head. She puts a hand over mine and I squeeze hers. “He told me he’s in love with me, Mom.”

Saying it out loud brings sparks of feeling again, and I find myself smiling through old worries.

My mom is quiet for a few seconds. Then: “Finally.”

She takes an exaggerated breath, throws her hands up to thank the heavens.

I narrow my eyes at her.

“What, Laniah Leigh? That boy’s been in love with you since you were children.”

Warmth cuts across my cheeks. “Why didn’t you say anything? How come it has always seemed like you didn’t want us together? You even warned me a few weeks ago.”

“Because you’re both dense. I mean, after years of pretending, I figured when the truth finally came out, one or both of you would find a way to ruin things.” She cocks an eyebrow at me. “You didn’t already ruin it, did you? You told him you love him too?”

“Have a little faith in me,” I say. “But, yes. Right before my flight.”

She squeals and dances in her seat. “Did you run through the airport like in the romance novels?”

I laugh and lean over to hug her. “No, Mom, but I would’ve if I had to.”

She rubs my back, and asks, “How are you going to get this cross-country relationship to work?”

“We’re going to discuss it,” I say, leaving out the agreement we made to take a week. She’ll think we’re being silly. “All I know is that I can’t ever lose him.”

She makes a small, startled noise over my vulnerable confession, and hugs me tighter. “Baby, that boy is never going anywhere.”

“Even if I eventually break his heart? Even if he breaks mine?”

“Even then,” she says. “Do you know what I see when you and Issac are together? Two people who get to be their entire selves. When you’re with him, you look the most like you. I recognized it because I used to have that with your daddy. He was my soulmate.”

She doesn’t know that comparing me and Issac to her and my dad was the most perfect thing she could’ve done, and the scariest thing I could’ve heard. My eyes well, heartbroken for her, nervous for me.

“Mom,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

“Shh,” she says, and pulls back to brush tears from my face, even though her eyes are brimming with them too. “There are other loves, but you only get this kind once in a lifetime.”