CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHARLIE
“Nope.”
My fight or flight instinct kicks in and that’s all I can think to say. I don't know if it’s fear or pure adrenaline, but I spin around so fast and run to my bedroom, shutting the door behind me and locking it. I pace and try to breathe for a couple minutes before grabbing a pair of sweatpants, a sports bra and an oversized t-shirt to change into. I grab my favorite throw blanket from my bed, wrap it around my shoulders, and sit on the floor at the foot of my bed. Staring at the door, I wait.
How is he here? Where has he been? How did he get in?
I need to get a grip. I’m hyperventilating. I need to calm down before I pass out. Breath Charlie, you have to breathe. I take a few deep gulps of air. If this is Yuri, he’s my friend. He won’t hurt me. Will he? Of course not. Right?
I cannot shake the feelings of frustration, worry, or confusion. After what feels like twenty minutes of just staring at the door and panicking, a soft knock on my door pulls me out of my dissociated state. I take in a sharp breath.
“Charlie, can you please come out here so we can talk?” His voice is hollow and dark, nothing like the happy, caring boy I remember.
What happened to him? I don't know if I should be angry, scared, or relieved he is here. When I pictured seeing him again this is not how I expected it to go. I could never have imagined him breaking and entering!
How the hell did he get into my apartment? How did he even know where I live? This is insane! I am going insane. I am all about your internal monologue but this is getting ridiculous.
I start rubbing at my temples feeling a headache coming on. I have to be dreaming. This isn't real! I pinch my arm just to make sure I’m awake. He knocks gently again and I hear him sigh.
“Charlie, please?” He sounds exasperated.
He thinks he has the right to get annoyed at me? When he breaks into my apartment? After, what, ten years? Furious, I decided to get up off the floor. I am angry and hurt and I feel betrayed and he is going to feel my fury!
I yank the door open, the hinges crying at the quick, violent motion. Looking up into his dark, amused face, I grind my teeth seething with anger.
“Get the hell out of my apartment, Yuri Volkov.”
He is easily 6’3, a wall of muscle that there is no way I am fighting my way through. So I fight him with my words instead!
“You can't just break into my home and my life after all this time! Not after you abandoned me without a single word!” I burst past him, pull open the door, and thrust my hand toward the hallway. Tears burn the back of my eyes once more, but I refuse to cry for him, again .
“And you can leave my phone on the counter on your way out!” A deep crease forms between his dark brows for a second and then his face is blank. Then the corner of one side of his lips quirks up. “What did you expect? Some warm greeting after you and your family disappear? Poof! Gone! You broke my heart and now you’re breaking into my apartment after ten years of complete silence! I thought you were dead !” I shout trying not to screech.
I can feel my face turning red with fury and frustration. Especially after admitting he broke my heart. That piece of embarrassing information fell out of my mouth from pure frustration. I’m so angry at myself for letting that wall crash down so quickly. He can’t just waltz back into my life after ten years! When he left, he didn’t just abandon our friendship, he left me traumatized for the rest of my life!
I suck back the stinging tears; I will not let him see me cry, nope. He will not see my heart break, he doesn’t deserve it. I will not let him make me feel this way! Too many emotions are streaming out of me. Seeing him here, in my apartment, alive and acting like nothing happened at all is causing my voice to shake and my confidence to falter. He’s acting like this is just a normal Saturday morning.
I stammer, “Or…or in witness protection! You left me, Yuri! Left. Me.” Ten years of pent up whatever, just left my mouth, and he just stands there like a statue, staring at me. “Well, get out…” I command and point my finger toward the door. He still doesn’t move. We take a good five minutes of just staring at each other. It is so quiet I fear he can hear my heart beating. My mind is racing in the silence and I can’t take it anymore. “Listen, I’m glad you’re not dead, I think…” I start to say, trying to calm down and regain some sense of control.
“You think, Malyshka ?” He questions, as that stupid little smirk appears again, like he is amused by my reaction.
“ Don’t , call me that!” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. That nickname does weird things to my heart after all these years. Things that I am not yet ready to deal with right now while in the middle of an argument. “I am a bit shocked and emotionally overwhelmed at the moment and am still questioning whether I hate you…” or love you, but I can’t tell him that! “..or am happy you're not dead. So, if you don't mind, kindly , leave.” I wave my whole arm toward the door this time.
He starts walking toward it. Then quicker than lighting flashing down from the sky, he shuts my door and spins toward me. In that one fluid motion, he has me pinned to the wall with one giant, warm hand over my mouth, lightly clearly just making sure I won't alert a neighbor before he gets a word in. He is standing so close to me I can feel his breath on my face, our chests brush ever so slightly as I take in a breath trying not to panic as he brings his face closer to mine. He is so close I am pretty sure he can feel how hard my heart is beating.
“We need to talk, Charlie, and I am not leaving until I explain,” He grunts in annoyance. I roll my eyes and rip his hand off my face.
“So you grew up to be a grade-A-douchebag? That's disappointing,” I say sharply, anger, and a little something else, seeping from me. I try to shove him away, but he barely moves an inch. What is he made of, iron ? And why is he so damn hot! What gave him the right to grow up to be so damn good looking! “Let me go. I no longer have any interest in your explanation so get out!” I bite out. My teeth have been clenched for so long my jaw starts to ache. I try to remove myself from the cage his arms have created around me but I can’t.
“But you are interested, aren’t you?” He asks, leaning even closer to me, making me look up to stare into his eyes and stealing my air. What? What is he getting at? Does he feel the tension too? Nope, of course not . He is just a guy, being a guy. I take in a measured breath tasting his breath in the air so close to me, and let out a sigh.
“I was…” I say, my fury lessening and being replaced with curiosity and heartache. “How could I not? You were my best friend Yuri, and you were gone in the blink of an eye. I was heartbroken, confused, scared, and didn't understand why my best friend was gone.” I move one of my hands to the center of his chest pressing hard enough to feel his heartbeat just to reassure myself I’m not dreaming. His chest is solid, like a brick wall solid. Holy Hell! I internally facepalm myself! What the hell Charlie!
He watches me, looks into my eyes, and just lets me vent. “It was like you never existed, and I was left with a memory no one shared. I was alone,” I confess trying really hard not to cry and just stare at my hand resting on his heart. “I dreamed of seeing you again so many times. Never did my dreams turn out like this.” I finally push past him walking to the kitchen. I take a heavy breath, hands planted on the counter, “I need some coffee.” I sigh, placing my pointer fingers on either side of my temple to attempt ridding myself of this headache: a headache only caffeine will cure. I turn back to face Yuri, “You want a cup?” I ask because he obviously isn’t leaving anytime soon no matter how many times I ask. He doesn’t answer.
I feel him behind me, his presence making me shiver, but I refuse to turn around and look at him. I take a deep breath trying to get my hormones in check. I stand on tiptoes to grab the kettle from the cupboard and place it on the stove. I can't do this right now. I start to rub my temples again to try and relieve the pressure building up in my brain while also trying not to enter a full blown panic attack.
“I can’t believe how small you still are.” he breathes “Determined and stubborn too.” I can hear the smile in his voice which only makes me more frustrated.
I am having a hard time putting the puzzle piece that is this Yuri next to the boy I knew when I was a kid. He was so full of life and smiles. Now, I’ve noticed, in the few short minutes that I have been with him, he is a cold blizzard, an impenetrable brick wall; he is trying to hide something. The light in him is completely gone, which makes me sad. I was hoping if we saw each other again he would be happy, but just looking into his dark eyes I can see he isn't.
“What do you want?” I sigh and slowly turn toward him waiting for my water to boil. He is a lot closer to me than I thought and as I turn I bump my elbow into his hard stomach. I try really hard not to apologize for touching him since he is the one who got so close to begin with.
I lean against the counter, tilt my head up toward him waiting. He’s just staring at me with a look in his eyes I can’t quite read and my stomach starts doing flips. Crap! Stupid hormones!
“You just got more and more beautiful as you grew, didn’t you?” He whispers and brings his hand to touch my cheek, his thumb brushing softly against my skin. I gasp at the contact and try not to lean in and remind myself I am mad . M. A. D. Mad. It takes everything in me to turn back around and grab the kettle, now boiling, and start making myself a cup of pour over coffee.
“Did you want a cup of coffee, or not?” I say impatience, fear clinging to my words. The silence is once again stiff in the air as I add cream and sugar. Once it’s in a very large mug, I head for the living room because he still isn’t answering me.
I take a deep breath, put on my reporter hat, and say, “I may as well make myself comfortable if we are going to have story time. I am not going to listen to excuses, Yuri. I want answers, real ones .” Turning toward him, my face devoid of emotion, and my lips pressed in a thin line I say, “No BS. I am not twelve anymore. If you are going to explain, then I want the absolute truth, do you understand me?” That stupid smirk appears again as he nods his head. “Great, let me email my boss to let him know I am not coming in today.”
I shoot off a quick email to Bill. I’m a little nervous to miss work because I’m so newly hired, but I just tell him I am not feeling well and won’t be in the office. My head is still pounding and I’ve developed an aura in my peripheral vision, so it’s not really a lie. I make sure to let him know I will work on some of the information he gave me yesterday from home.
I turn toward Yuri while he takes a seat on the couch. My blanket over my shoulders and coffee in hand, I wait for the story that is about to change everything.