Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Charlie
As soon as I got home last night, I crawled into bed and passed out the second my head hit the pillow. What I like most about Finn is that he didn’t pressure me to talk about things I wasn’t comfortable with. He could sense if we were entering uncomfortable territory and he would quickly reroute the conversation.
Ever since I can remember, it’s not been easy for me to open up to others. My therapist and I are working on that, but it’s a painfully slow process. I’ve mainly been opening up to Marnie; she’s been my lab rat for my “big feelings” moments. With her, I can safely blurt out my thoughts or emotions in peace.
The store is practically dead at this time of day, with me and a snoring Vera being the only ones here. A chime fills the store and, when I look up, a younger guy comes in with slumped shoulders; he can’t be older than nineteen or twenty. He hurries over to the counter, and I can’t hide the confusion on my face as he approaches.
He pants, face red from exertion. “Are you Charlie?”
My eyes narrow. “Depends who’s asking.”
“He said you would say that. Here.” He sets a small cup on the counter. “This is from the boss.”
The squirrelly kid spins around and marches back outside. I blink, stunned by the interaction that just happened.
What the hell was that about? I grab the cup and inspect it. Sure enough, it came from Finn. On the cup, there’s a message that says,
I’m feeling hopeful about this one, –Finn
And he drew a smiling flower on the cup’s sleeve.
I feel myself grinning from ear to ear, thankful no one else is around to see me.
Finn must be slammed with customers today because, knowing him, he’d much prefer to hand deliver this cup. I take a sip, and it tastes like an elevated hot chocolate.
As much as I hate to admit it, this is delicious.
While part of me is glad he isn’t here to see my poker face slip, another part of me wants to see him smile with pride after successfully finding a coffee I enjoy.
Maybe I won’t tell him how much I like this cup.
Setting the paper cup on the counter in front of me, my attention returns to his friendly note on the cardboard coffee sleeve.
Anxiety simmers inside my chest when I think about falling for a guy like Finn. Suddenly, that anxiety morphs into sadness as I worry I may not be good enough for him. He’ll probably end up disappointed, just like the rest of the guys I’ve dated. I’ve been burned so many times that I tend to shy away from dating completely—too afraid to let people in because of every failed relationship I’ve had.
When the excitement wore off in my last relationship, I thought it was safe to fully be myself. In the beginning, my ex and I would go on all the stereotypical dates: we’d try new restaurants, head to the movie theater, or get together with groups of people for a night out. As the relationship began to settle, I thought it was okay to let my guard down. I finally confessed that I didn’t like going out because I’ve always been more of a homebody. But my ex loved being around people and needed it to feel alive.
He just couldn’t understand why I wanted to stay home and decompress after a long day. When I pulled back from socializing, he continued to push forward. Eventually, he became distant and weirdly obsessive over his phone. So obsessive that he would get upset whenever I would casually ask who he was talking to so much. Days of unhappiness evolved into weeks, which turned into months. I was stuck in this continuous, tortuous loop of countless fights filled with hurtful words about my character.
Can’t you smile more?
Why must you always have an attitude?
Do you think you could turn on the charm for one night?
You should really start acting more like this girl I work with — people love her.
I finally ended the relationship. There’s only so many hits a woman can take before she’s pushed over the edge. I knew I deserved better.
Even if that meant staying single.
Admittedly, I know the feelings that I’m never enough are irrational—not all men are the same. Annoyingly, sometimes those tiny voices deep in your mind can begin to scream so loud and are impossible to ignore. Those deep-seated insecurities try to claw their way to the surface, and I try my best to push them down for as long as I can. I can’t handle these emotions right now.
It’s an internal struggle because, while I like Finn and want to get to know him better, it takes me a while to warm up to someone.
A few hours pass by and the steady stream of customers poking around the store keeps me busy.
Off to the side, I hear my phone vibrate twice on the store’s counter. Stepping over Vera, I look at my messages and see a text from Finn.
Finn
It’s been two hours. Did that huge monster of a plant in your shop swallow you whole? I knew that monstrosity was out to get you . . .
Anyway, I need you to rate the drink on a scale of “good” to “really good.” What will it be?
Satisfactory. Maybe a B?
Finn
I’m just going to quit my job now. Maybe I can join the circus since you’re making me feel like a clown.
Must you be so dramatic?
Finn
Only because you wound me, Charlotte.
We’re getting formal now, Griffin?
Finn
I don’t like that. I feel like I’m in trouble, but I’ve been a very good boy.
I feel my cheeks start to burn at the thought of him whispering those words in his gravelly tone. My fingers fly over the keyboard, typing a reply to steer this conversation into a less . . . intense direction.
Please don’t. You’re making it weird now.
Don’t you have a job to do? Coffee to brew? Milk to steam?
Finn
Yes, I’m multitasking.
Maybe if you stopped multitasking, your skills would improve.
Finn
OUCH. I’m going to take this as your way of flirting with me.
Whatever helps.
Finn
You’re a tough one to please, Charlie. Lucky for you, I’m a tenacious gentleman.
See you Friday.
I’m not sure you can put “tenacious” and “gentleman” in the same sentence.
Finn
I can, and I did. *Wink Emoji*
Setting my phone on the counter, I stare at his last message—an emoji. How do you reply to an emoji? Do you send another one back?
Ugh. This is too much effort for me right now.
I set my phone down on the counter and begin to repot a few philodendrons that a couple of customers brought in. When I hear the store bell chime, I’m up to my elbows in potting soil.
“CHARLES!”
That could be one person, and one person only.
Josephine.
She and I see each other at most once a month, mainly because this woman is always on the move exploring new places. Her rich auburn hair, colorful clothes, and vibrant personality come barreling into my store and make their way to my workstation.
“Hey, Joseph. What brings your van into town? Did you run out of bell-bottoms?” I look up, wiping my hand on my apron.
As she claps her hands, her copious amount of rings and bracelets clink together. “Charles has jokes! You’re just jealous that I can pull them off.”
“Oh yes. So jealous,” I deadpan.
Joey takes after our parents’ flower child spirit. Even though she has a home nearby, she travels all over the country in her VW van, wearing 1970s clothes and jamming out to folk music.
“Did you forget it’s our little dinner thingy?” she asks, bending down to pet Vera. Vera lets out a content groan when Joey begins scratching her belly.
Rounding the corner, Joey rises from the ground and launches herself at me—wrapping her arms around me in a way-too-tight hug.
I think I’m going to puke.
“You know I hate this,” I croak out.
“Feel the love, sis. Just feel it.” She squeezes even tighter, and I’m about as rigid as a statue. “Wow. You smell amazing.” Her nose presses against my hair as she inhales deeply. I can feel each strand go up her nose, making me shudder in disgust.
I hate this.
A familiar chime echoes through the store once again, which could only mean?—
“Char and Jojo!” Jack yells, his heavy work boots thumping on the floor as he makes his way over to us.
Stopping at the horrific sight of Joey hugging me, his eyes dart back and forth between us. “Uh oh. Why are you hugging Charlie? The last time everyone hugged her, and she allowed it, was when Mom and Dad died.”
Accurate.
I’m not a big hugger. I tolerate it like I tolerate a root canal.
Jack, being the obnoxious asshole that he is, joins in on the hug.
This day has officially taken a turn for the worse. It’s worth mentioning that both my siblings are taller than me. My brother is six foot four and my sister is five foot eleven. So not only do I have twice the amount of humans hugging me, but I’m being smothered by two tall bodies radiating an ungodly amount of heat and affection.
“Can everyone get the fuck off me? Please?” My voice is muffled because Joey has pressed me so hard against her chest that I’m sure the fringe of her coat will leave an imprint on my cheek.
“Say the magic words,” she taunts.
“Yeah, we won’t let go until you say it. You know how this ends, Char.” I feel Jack’s body shake with laughter.
I’m definitely writing them out of my will and adding the dog as the sole heir to my belongings.
“You’re the best brother and sister I could ever ask for, and I love you oh so very much.” My voice is saturated with sarcasm. “Happy? Now get off! I can’t breathe between Jack’s weird, musky cologne and your overpowering floral body spray.”
“I don’t appreciate the sarcasm, but I’ll take it.” Jack releases me before Joey pulls away as well.
We’re standing in the middle of the store, and the few customers in the store give us the strangest looks.
“Don’t worry about her!” Joey shouts to the customers, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. “Our sweet Charlotte just can’t get enough of our love. Sometimes, she asks us for hugs at the most inconvenient times. Ain’t that sweet?”
Jack is chuckling, offering zero help for my situation.
With puzzled expressions, the customers drop the plants they were holding and leave the store.
“You owe me for those.” I turn to my sister.
Joey scoffs. “Whatever. Those people suck anyways.” Joey hops up onto the counter, swinging her legs. “Are we cooking tonight at your place, or going out to eat? I’d prefer to stay in. Since we’re staying in, what should we eat? I’m kinda feeling chicken. Let’s do chicken. What should we have for a side? I’m thinking we should have a salad. Let’s have a salad.”
Jack and I exchange a glance while shaking our heads. Joey loves asking and answering her own questions.
Jack chimes in, smiling. “Chicken sounds good.” He looks at Joey, knowing I already need a break from her. “How about you come to the grocery store with me? We’ll head to Charlie’s after.”
“Sounds good to me. I’ll close up in a few,” I add.
Joey smiles. “Sweet. See ya then, Charles!”
After my siblings leave the store, I pull my phone out of my pocket and set a reminder in my phone to text Finn later. I was a little disappointed that it wasn’t Finn himself walking into my store earlier with my drink. He has an air of charisma about him that leaves me wanting more whenever he isn’t near.
And as I stood behind the counter, gazing out at my store, I couldn’t ignore the fluttering feeling in my chest. The small, secret part of me that quietly accepts that my crush on Finn was starting to take root.