7. Rowan
CHAPTER 7
ROWAN
W hen Gil was fucking me, it was like being in the eye of a hurricane. Everything around me could have been tearing apart, but there was only him and me in the center of everything.
Gil had… changed me? Was that too dramatic?
Probably. I was half giddy, half terrified of what we’d done. Of what it meant.
To him. To me. In general.
The truth was I had relatively little experience with men. Or women. I’d always been kind of awkward. Besides my short-lived crush on Eric and meeting my wife in college, there’d been a couple nervous encounters with other girls as a horny teen, but not much else. I had a feeling that even if I’d been with half the football team and the cheer squad, nothing would have compared to the way Gil fucked me. I never knew it could be like that.
With his back to me, I suddenly felt shy and far more exposed than when all his attention was on me. I wasn’t good at people. I wasn’t good at knowing what they wanted or making friends. In general, being a single dad had taught me to care a little less about what people thought of me. All that mattered was making sure Fisher was looked after.
But Fisher needed some independence from me, and I needed to have my own life again. I’d wanted to make friends with Gil. He was gorgeous, and cool for lack of a better word. He was the embodiment of every guy I’d ever dreamed of having. All long legs and sexy arms and that scar on his face? I wanted to kiss it.
Was that weird? That was probably weird.
Searching desperately for something to say, I defaulted back to the reason I came back over and asked about that beer.
Gil’s tone of voice was gruff, but not in the sexy way like it was before. He was more distant. Like he just realized he made a mistake.
“Sure,” he said, “a beer.”
But he didn’t sound sure. Maybe I should go, I thought. I sat up too fast and hissed when the rigorous sex we had made itself known to my body. I wasn’t injured, just far more tender than I thought I’d be.
“Holy crap.”
“You okay?” Gil turned so he was kind of looking at me. Like the only reason he had to look at me was because it was his obligation to check on me after rearranging my guts.
I winced again as I slid out of bed and stood clumsily in Gil’s room. “I’m fine. I just didn’t think it would hurt this much after.”
The atmosphere in the room changed and he turned to face me fully. The set of his jaw indicated that he was displeased.
“Rowan, were you a virgin?”
I snorted. “Gil, I have a kid. You’ve met him. About five-foot-five, red hair.”
Gil’s expression darkened. “You know what I mean.”
“Well, no. But like… also maybe? I’m not sure what you count as virgin. If you’re asking if I’ve ever had anything in my ass, the answer is yes. If you’re asking if I’ve had a man’s cock up my ass before, the answer is no.”
“You should’ve told me.” Gil’s hands clenched and unclenched at his sides.
“Why?” Suddenly sick of the direction of this conversation, I hunted for my pants. I was covered in cum and didn’t really want to go home smelling like sex, but maybe I could sneak in and make a beeline for the shower. Or maybe I could drive around until after Fisher was supposed to be in bed and then sneak in.
“Because you should have.”
“Yeah, well, you should have told me that it mattered to you.”
I didn’t know where this sudden burst of backbone came from. It had been a long day. A long month, really. Locating my pants, I tried to put them on, but anger swelled up in me like a storm surge. Grabbing onto the waist of my pants, I tried to shove my foot in and failed. And when I finally succeeded in getting both feet in, I realized my pants were backwards.
“Fucking, fucking, fuck.” I cursed as I tried to step out of my pants. I wobbled and nearly fell over, but a strong hand caught my arm. I looked up at Gil, whose thunderous expression had eased off.
“Rowan, stop. It’s fine.”
I narrowed my gaze. “Is it? It didn’t seem fine a minute ago.”
“It’s fine.” Gil repeated, then helped me out of my pants. “Did you want a shower? You’re covered in cum.”
He stated it like it was no big deal. Water is wet. Fire is hot. Rowan is covered in cum.
“That would be great, actually.”
Gil released my arm and motioned toward the en suite. “It’s all yours.”
I looked Gil in the eyes and waited for some kind of indication of how he was feeling. What he was thinking. Was he mad at me? It felt like I was being dismissed and I tried not to take it personally, but I couldn’t help feeling a little rejected.
“Thanks.” I padded off to the bathroom and shut myself inside. Gil’s bathroom suited him. It seemed like such a dumb thing to say, but it was all dark walls and white subway tiles. Gil was the only person I’d ever met who had plants in his bathroom. They added a touch of life to the room that it would have sorely missed without them.
I wanted to decorate my bathroom at home just like this. But maybe with one of those fancy rain showerheads or a deep clawfoot tub with the sloped back. The kind that you could fill up to your chin with water and soak your life away in.
Despite my urge to use all the hot water, I kept my shower short. A weird kind of thrill shot through me when I used Gil’s products to give myself a quick clean. Now I was going to smell like him regardless.
Long before I was ready, I turned the water off, dried myself, and slid back into my clothes. I frowned at the sight of Gil’s empty bed. There wasn’t going to be a shred of evidence that I’d even been here. Nothing but a rapidly drying wet spot and some cum on the edge of the sheets where I’d wiped it off my fingers, too scared to taste it. Too overwhelmed to do it in case I’d have to analyze what it meant later. But I’d set a trap for myself, because I was still thinking about it and the more I thought about it, the more it felt like a missed opportunity.
A shooting star I’d forgotten to wish on.
I found Gil in the kitchen. His back was to me when I came in and I had half a second to appreciate the wide expanse of his bare shoulders, the taper of his waist, and the way his jeans sat low on his hips. Then Gil turned around. His torn jeans and sockless feet made my mouth go dry. He hadn’t even zipped his pants. The fly hung open revealing the nothing he was wearing underneath them.
It would take almost no convincing to get me on my knees in front of him. I’d never sucked a dick before but, God, did I want to suck his.
Gil crossed the room, his bare feet almost silent as he went to the fridge, then approached me with a bottle of beer.
“Thanks.” I said, unsure where to look. Gil was like the sun, too bright to look directly at, but he must have taken it as an insult.
“There a problem?” He stepped back and leaned against his counter. He was the kind of guy who just exuded confidence. He crossed one foot over the other and let the counter take his weight as he sipped at his beer.
“No, just, uh… can you zip your pants up?” Maybe if I smashed the bottle of beer over my head hard enough, I’d lose consciousness and be put out of my misery.
“You’ve seen me naked, Rowan. I’ve been inside of you.”
My dick twitched when he said my name. It was dumb. How was I suddenly seventeen and useless around hot men again?
“Yeah, that’s the problem.” I cleared my throat then took a sip of beer. “You’re kind of distracting.”
“Only kind of? Looks like I need to up my game.” Gil held my gaze while he reached down, beer in one hand, and dragged his zipper up slowly with the other. I felt the rasp of the metal teeth biting into my soul.
Suddenly out of things to say, I took a long slow sip of the beer. It was better than the donkey piss I’d first brought over, but there was still room for improvement.
“I love your bathroom,” I blurted, for lack of anything better to talk about. “It suits you.”
I thought of how nice it might have been to have shared that space with Gil. To have seen him stripped bare, vulnerable. To lick the water off his— stop it— I told myself. There would be no water licking and no shower sharing. There would be friendly beers now and then because that’s what neighbors did. “I have to pretty much redo every room in the house. Eventually. Some rooms are more important than others, so who know when I’ll get around to my bathroom. But yours is nice.”
“You bought the old McAllister place up the street, right?”
“Yeah. The yard is still in a bit of a state, but it’s getting there. It’s a lot of work for one person, but I at least want the yard done before I start work.”
“Yeah, once their old man passed away, his kids cleaned the place out, slapped a for sale sign in the yard, and never looked back. You’ve got your work cut out for you.”
Gil smirked and something inside me twisted up in a knot. His words felt like a challenge. Or maybe I was too raw after what we’d done. Too upside-down about all the things I felt for Gil. My attraction had seemed so one-sided at first, and then everything between us happened so fast, I was still trying to catch up.
“I’ve got it covered.” I frowned at my beer and picked at the label.
“Never said you didn’t.”
I felt the hairs at the back of my neck stand up. My throat tightened and I tried not to look at Gil’s bare chest, or the bits of skin I could see through his holey jeans, or his fucking feet. Feet had no business being attractive, but Gil’s appeal clearly went from head to toe in a literal sense for me.
“If I did something to offend you, or if I wasn’t good or something, I’m sorry.”
“Wasn’t good?” Gil seemed almost affronted by that. “What do you mean if you weren’t good, you’re sorry?”
“It’s not like I knew what I was doing, and I know this was like a one-time thing, but I don’t want it to be awkward between us, and I feel like you’re mad at me.”
For the longest time Gil didn’t speak. When he did, his voice had lost that hard edge to it. But it was almost worse now, because the gruffness was better than the barely hidden sadness in Gil’s words.
“You were far from bad, Rowan. Trust me on that.”
The heat that flooded my face could rival the surface of the sun.
I made myself look Gil in the eyes. He looked more relaxed, like there’d been some kind of storm going on inside him as well, but now there was nothing but calm in his eyes.
“I should get home and check on my son.” I could have texted Fisher if I was that concerned, but I’d long ago mastered the art of using my child to get out of situations. I might have moved, but my habits had moved with me.
“Thanks for the beer. But, Rowan, let me buy the next ones.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that. “Are you sure? Third time might be the charm. At least this batch was drinkable. The guy who sold me the first six had a bit of a shit-eating grin when I went back for something else.”
I finished my beer and handed the empty to Gil. I didn’t hope that Gil’s fingers would brush against mine as he took the bottle, giving me one last touch. Which was good because it didn’t happen. I pulled my hand away and tucked it in my pocket. “Yeah, uh, thanks for… just… thanks. I’ll see you around, I guess.”
“See you around, Rowan.”
Gil stayed in the kitchen while I walked myself to the front door and stuffed my feet in my shoes. I walked out of Gil’s house wondering if things would ever start to feel normal again.