Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
Julia dug her trowel into the dirt, stabbing at the root of a dandelion. Overhead, the sky was a brilliant blue, and cotton-candy clouds drifted lazily across it. Beside Julia, Vivian was trimming dead leaves off one of her zucchini plants. The two of them had started to make a habit of spending quality time together in Vivian’s garden, and it was now one of Julia’s favorite things about her quiet new life away from New York.
“When did your love for growing your own vegetables start, Mom?” Julia asked, smiling at Vivian.
“Oh, when did it start?” Vivian sat back on her heels and placed her hands on her thighs, staring into space. She smiled as she thought. “I think it all started when you kids were little and your dad wanted to take you fishing. If I was inside while he was getting you ready, somehow it always turned into some kind of battle. If I made any suggestions or tried to do something differently, he would always veto my ideas. He always seemed to know better what you kids needed for the fishing trips, so I would just stay out of the way and let him get you kids ready. I knew it was his passion, and he probably did know better than me in the end because I don’t go fishing. And I thought it was a nice time for you to spend with your dad.”
“Huh.” Julia frowned, feeling bad for her mother. Vivian was still smiling, but it struck her that her father hadn’t behaved very graciously during those times. “So that’s when you started gardening? To have something to do while we were gone fishing?”
“Yes.” Vivian chuckled. “As soon as your father suggested a fishing trip, I’d put my gloves on and start digging out here in the tomato beds.”
After a few seconds of silence, Julia asked, “Did that bother you, that Dad wanted to do it all on his own?”
Vivian shook her head. “No, it didn’t. Now, if he’d acted like that all the time, that would have been different. But it was just when he was getting you four ready to go fishing. I think when I got involved he felt as though I didn’t trust him to take care of you kids and get you ready. And I did, and I learned that I needed to show him that. Both parents need to know that the other trusts them.”
Julia inhaled and let out a long sigh, thinking about her situation with Cooper, and feeling as though he didn’t trust her to take care of Macey. Vivian immediately seemed to realize that something was on her daughter’s mind.
“What are you thinking about, sweetheart?” Vivian asked, placing a hand on her daughter’s arm.
“I just—well, I feel like I’m running into that issue with Cooper. I know I’m not Macey’s parent, but I am his partner, and when I try to take care of her, it seems to be clear that he doesn’t trust me and he’ll never see me as being able to do things for Macey as well as he can. I’m trying not to be frustrated about it, but it keeps coming up, and I feel bad about it. I feel like whenever I try to take care of her, he stops me and does it his own way instead.”
Vivian nodded, listening intently. “I understand how you feel, but I don’t think you need to feel too bad about it. I think it’s only natural for him to act that way, since he has been raising Macey on his own for so long now.”
“But what if it never changes?” Julia felt tears spring into her eyes as she voiced her fears aloud. “What if we get married someday but he never sees me as an equal parent?” She bit her lip, taking a deep breath. She wanted her future with Cooper to be a happy, comfortable one, and she wanted to be able to take care of Macey the way a mother would. She felt a surge of worry create a knot in her chest.
“Don’t fret.” Vivian’s voice was gentle. “Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling with me, but I don’t think you need to worry about that at this stage. After all, you’re not married, and you haven’t been dating for all that long.”
Julia nodded, blinking away the rest of her tears. “You’re right. And I guess I can understand where he’s coming from, since I’ve never had kids of my own. I’m not experienced in that way.”
She remembered how she’d worried, when she first started dating Cooper, about how she would handle dating a man with a small child. She’d worried that she wouldn’t know how to care for Macey at all. Now she felt as if she did know how to care for the little girl, but Cooper’s concerns were holding her back from doing so.
“You’re getting there.” Vivian smiled affectionately at her daughter. “The love you have for that little girl is a great start.”
“I do love her.” Julia smiled, thinking about how much Macey meant to her. “She’s so sweet and darling. And, I don’t know, I just love her. Not just because she’s so charming. There’s also a protective instinct there. I just want to make sure she’s okay.”
Vivian nodded and squeezed Julia’s hand. “Absolutely. Children need us, and we have strong instincts that encourage us to take care of them. But that being said, parenting is extremely tricky. Just because we want to take care of a child doesn’t mean that we know how. I don’t think anyone ever really knows how to be a parent. Just be patient with Cooper while he’s getting used to the idea of you also caring for Macey. And maybe you should tell him how you’re feeling.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Julia leaned over and gave her mother a sideways hug. “That’s good advice.”
They continued to garden, and she thought about what her mother had said. She knew that talking to her boyfriend about how she was feeling was a good idea, but she didn’t feel ready to bring it up to him, at least not yet. She tried to take her mind off the troubling situation as they continued to garden, and soon the pleasant smells and the sound of the birds chirping in the trees had led her mind to other topics of thought.