Chapter 39
Chapter thirty-nine
Kate
Iwoke with a start.
Clutching Millie’s plushie to my chest, I reached for the space beside me, but it was empty. Even though my brain was wide awake and in agony, my eyes were slow to open. The motion of my lids parting felt a lot like sandpaper being scraped over my cornea.
I ignored the pain. The devastation inside my heart was far, far worse, anyway.
Once I was in a seated position, I spotted a note from Tristan.
He couldn’t sit and do nothing and went out looking for Mac and some answers.
It’d been three grueling days with no word from her kidnapper nor the police. That was why I understood that Tristan needed to get out.
I wanted out too.
With a new found determination, I went through the motions of getting dressed. Just as I ventured out of Millie’s room, I walked straight into my mom.
Her eyes went wide. “How are you feeling? Can I get you anything to drink or eat?”
I shook my head. “I’m going out.”
“Out?” Mom’s voice rose a few octaves. “Sweetie, the detectives said to—”
“I can’t!” I yelled, spearing my fingers through my hair and tugging the ends to the point of pain. “I can’t sit here and wait. I need to be out there looking for her.”
Sadness and understanding flitted over my mom’s features in equal measures. Still, when she opened her mouth, I wanted to smack my hands over my ears to drown out her words.
“Where will you go?”
“Anywhere but here,” I cried.
“I’ll drive.”
Eleanor appeared from I didn’t even know where. She had her keys in one hand and my jacket in the other. Mom eyed her warily, but instead of protesting like I thought she would, she simply nodded.
“Let’s go.” Eleanor handed me my jacket with a gentle smile.
I snatched the garment and bolted for the door; Eleanor hot on my heels. A breeze hit my face as we rushed to her car, the sunrays casting long shadows across the driveway. My heart pounded in my chest, a frantic rhythm matching my racing thoughts.
“Where do you want to go, Katie?” Eleanor asked as she started the engine.
I wracked my brain, then finally settled with, “The park. The one near my apartment. She loves the swings. Maybe...” My voice trailed off.
Eleanor didn’t hesitate; pulling out of the driveway and heading toward the city. Silence stretched between us, the only sounds the hum of the car’s engine and my ragged breathing.
“We'll find her,” Eleanor said softly.
I didn’t answer her, choosing instead to let the silence stretch.
“Why are you doing this?” I finally asked a long while later. “Thought you hated me.”
Eleanor’s hands tightened around the wheel. Keeping her gaze glued to the road, she worked down a swallow then another and another. She didn’t say a word. Not a single freaking word.
If it were any other time, I’d probably care that she was ignoring me.
Or maybe I wouldn’t. I didn’t know. Didn’t have the space to care.
Not while Millie was still out there with heaven only knew who.
Pain sliced through my chest, fast and fierce.
Thick, hot tears spilled over my lids and rolled down my cheeks.
Where the hell is she?
“I don’t hate you, Katie.” Eleanor’s voice broke through my scrambled thoughts.
Snapping my gaze away from the passing scenery, I shot my sister an incredulous look. “Really? So you making fun of me and sleeping with my boyfriend is you not hating me? Gosh.” I shook my head. “I feel sorry for the people you actually hate then.”
With a quick jerk of her head, she swerved off the road into a nearby parking area. After shoving the car in park, she twisted in her seat to face me. Thick, black mascara tracks stained her wet cheeks.
“I don’t hate you,” she repeated. “I…I’m jealous of you.”
My eyes bugged out of my skull. I opened my mouth but was too stunned to say anything, so I snapped it shut.
“Everything is always so effortless with you,” my sister went on. “You’re beautiful without trying. You’re smart without breaking a sweat. Even Bryce was enamored with you from the moment he saw you.”
More tears fell, and she quickly swiped them away.
“I knew him first, did you know that? He was in my economics class and wanted to have lunch. I told him I couldn’t because I’d already made plans with my sister.
That’s when I pointed you out. The very next day, you told me about this guy you met the previous night. ”
He’d shown up at the coffee shop where I’d worked on my paper and had asked to join me. We’d talked for hours.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She shrugged. “You were so excited; I didn’t want to spoil that.”
“But it was better to crawl into his bed after I’d fallen for him?” I held up my hand. “You know what, I don’t care. I don’t want to talk about the past, about Bryce, about any of it. I just want to find Millie.”
Eleanor nodded. “My timing is shit, and what I did was so unforgivable, but”—she reached across the console to grab my hand—“I’m sorry, Katie.
I’m so, so sorry. I’ve wanted to apologize a million times before but then I’d hear Bryce whisper your name or see the way he looked at you, and the damn jealousy would take over. ”
Dropping my gaze to her hand wrapped around mine, my thoughts drifted to the past and how different everything would’ve been if it hadn’t happened the way it had.
“You hurt me, Eleanor.” I found her stare and held it. “What you and Bryce did not only broke my heart, it shattered me to pieces.”
Her shoulders shook with the force of the sobs leaving her body. If I weren’t so numb, I probably would’ve felt bad.
“You can’t break something and expect it to work the same after the pieces have been glued back together. There will always be cracks, insecurities, vulnerabilities…fears.”
More tears fell down her face as she lifted her hand off mine. I grabbed it before she could pull away completely.
“I’m not mad,” I told her honestly. “I found someone, no, not just one, two someones whose love reached between the cracks and imperfections to complete me. If you never betrayed me, if Bryce never cheated, if I stayed when he begged me to…” I shook my head.
“So many ifs and none of them would have led me to where I was supposed to be. To Millie. To Tristan.”
My sister’s brows drew together, and her mouth parted to speak. I wasn’t done yet.
“I accept your apology. Admitting how you felt couldn’t have been easy.” Holding her gaze, I allowed the rest of my words to flow from my tongue. “I wish it could erase the years of hurt we’ve both suffered, but that’s not how life works. The best I can do right now is to promise to try.”
She squeezed my hand. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I swear I’ll do everything I can to earn it.”
Despite the tears still rolling over her cheeks, her lips lifted into a small smile. Before I knew it, she reached across the console and drew me into a hug.
I was too stunned—and honestly, too freaked out—to move even an inch. My arms stayed glued to my sides while I awkwardly rested my chin on her shoulder.
It lasted maybe a second before Eleanor pulled away and shrank back in her seat. “That was weird, right?”
I nodded but didn’t say anything.
She gave me a sheepish smile. “That’s okay. We’ll get to where we once were. One step at a time.”
I wasn’t so sure. Thankfully, I didn’t have to tell her that since my phone buzzed in my lap. I saw Mom flash on the screen before I answered the call.
“Come home.”
There was an urgency in her voice that made my heart stutter.
“What happened?”
“Sweetie, come home. Tristan is here, and so is his detective friend…”
I didn’t hear what else my mom said. If Mac was there too, there would be news. I just didn’t know whether it was good or bad.
“We need to go back.”