A Properly Conducted Sham (Most Imprudent Matches #5)

Chapter 39

Chapter Thirty-Nine

BENNET HALL, SURREY - NOVEMBER 7, 1816

LEE

Charlotte reluctantly agreed to let Mrs. Hyde take Leo for the night feedings. I suspected her decision was made primarily to avoid the scene that would surely result from her refusal.

I resolved to dismiss the woman first thing in the morning, rather than subject my wife to the confrontation. The nurse was terrified of me. I may as well put my hideous countenance to use.

It was a jarring realization. Months ago, her clear disquiet at my appearance would have been devastating. I would have hidden away in my observatory for weeks, refusing to subject anyone to the sight of me. But now… Somehow, entirely without notice, I didn’t feel hideous any longer. And not once had Charlotte expressed displeasure, quite the opposite. She only noted the scars so as to offer me the absolution of her soft fingers and sweet lips.

In fact, the length of her—significantly less round than she’d been this morning—was pressed along the knotted flesh of my side. I had almost forgotten what it was like to have her this close. As soon as we had reached a level of comfort with each other, Leo made his presence felt instead. His home in her belly forced a physical distance between Charlotte and me.

A sleep-heavy sigh escaped her when she shifted.

“Uncomfortable?”

“Sore. Too exhausted to rest,” she replied.

“Can I help?”

“No, I’m afraid not.”

The only reply I could offer was a hum.

After a stretch so long I had begun to suspect she had drifted off, she spoke. “You should go see the stars. Make sure to chart Leo Minor for me.” My heart offered a jolt at the affectionate tone in her weary voice.

“Are you sure? I do not want to leave you.”

“Please? I want it framed, for his birth.”

I nodded. “I won’t stay long.”

“Perfect,” she said with a smile.

I began to rise, but she pulled me back down for a quick kiss that shouldn’t have been nearly as affecting as it was.

The hall was silent when I slipped into it. As I passed the nursery, I paused to peer in only to find it empty. Across from the nursery, a candle burned under the closed door. Disappointed to find my son with Mrs. Hyde and unavailable for a quick cuddle, I continued down the stairs and out into the brisk night air.

CHARLOTTE

As soon as Lee stepped out, I flopped across the bed, spread out as wide as possible. I wouldn’t sleep—I was too exhausted for it. And I was regretting letting Leo out of my sight with every passing moment.

I understood that one of a wet nurse’s duties was to keep the child quiet. And Leo had proved, thus far, to be a remarkably tranquil child. But I hadn’t heard a peep out of either of them in some time. Certainly this feeling, whatever it was, would be tempered by the sound of his cry. I missed him, my son, but it was more than that. It was as though I had lost a limb, and I kept making to use it, only to remember it wasn’t there.

I shifted to sit up with more effort than anyone should have to make, then punched the pillows in irritation and flopped back down. As I sprawled across the sheets, it occurred to me that Leo was what was missing. There was no weight of him, pressing against my spine, my organs, stretching my skin. My body was my own once again, more or less, if my aching breasts had an opinion on the subject.

I curled up onto my side, the only position that had been bearable for months. But it was wrong, somehow. It left me bereft, wanting.

Finally, I accepted the obvious solution. Forcing myself upright again was a chore, and standing required even greater effort. I was weak and shaky as I padded over to the door and down the hall to the nursery.

The door was cracked open. Leo wasn’t in the empty bassinet. A glance across the hall revealed a flicker of candlelight from under Mrs. Hyde’s door.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught them—Cass’s yellow footprints. The beast and I had entered into a truce in recent weeks, and I had mostly forgiven her for her artwork. But they weren’t footprints any longer. Not really. Oh, I could see the prints along the wooden boards because I knew what they were. But they had been transformed. Every single one.

Stamens and leaves had been added, details, too, turning each little paw pad into a flower petal. There was but one possible culprit.

I didn’t realize it until I caught sight of a drop landing beside a flower, but tears were slipping down my cheeks.

They were beautiful. Lee made them beautiful. He took a mess, and he made it lovely. Just like he did with me.

My chest could barely contain the pounding of my heart. I would go to him in the observatory. I would explain that our marriage hadn’t been a sham to me, not for months, perhaps not ever. I would tell him how I felt—that I loved him so much I couldn’t contain it. I would beg him to let me stay here, to let me be his lovely mess.

Across the hall, a disgruntled rowll-mrow came from behind the closed door. Mrs. Hyde was a brave woman to trap that beast in the room with her.

A paw appeared underneath the door, digging and scratching. I sighed. It would be best to free the menace before she maimed the woman in order to win her freedom.

As quietly as I could, I turned the knob, nudging the door open. Cass spilled out, rubbing herself along my legs with a disgruntled mrawl-rawl . Something about that sound…

Icy dread filled my veins. I didn’t know how. Or why. But I knew.

I thrust the door open all the way, letting it smack against the wall with a cacophonous clang.

The room was empty, silent but for a flickering candle, burned nearly to the holder, and a letter.