Chapter Thirty-Eight Hélène #2
“Eddy would not want you to drown in grief, as I did with Albert.” Victoria sighed.
“Trust me when I say that I know how you feel. When Albert died, I could not get out of bed. It felt like the entire world had collapsed in on itself, like I was suffocating. But at least I got twenty years with Albert. You and Eddy had not even started your life together, had not yet tasted the joys of marriage.”
Hélène tried to imagine what Victoria would say if she knew the truth—that Hélène and Eddy had indeed tasted some of the joys of marriage. Tell her, she imagined Eddy goading her. Grandmother could use a bit of shock. The thought made her want to laugh.
And then, half a heartbeat later, she wanted to cry.
“I almost didn’t give you that ring.” Victoria gestured to the gold band, which Hélène was still holding tight.
“I didn’t want it to become an obsession for you, the way Albert became for me.
It all happened before you were born, of course, but you must have heard what a recluse I was after Albert’s death.
I retreated to Balmoral, shut all the blinds, saw no one. ”
“What drew you out of it?” Hélène whispered.
“I realized that I had the other great love of my life to think about.”
“Your children?”
“My country.”
There was another beat of silence. Victoria’s bright blue gaze met Hélène’s, and for a moment, Hélène felt like she was looking into Eddy’s eyes.
“You are so young, Hélène. I know you loved Eddy, but don’t do as I did and bury yourself alive. Keep living, for his sake. Here, or abroad, it doesn’t matter. Just promise that you will live, since Eddy cannot.”
Hélène stared down at the ring in her hand to avoid the queen’s gaze. “As it happens, I am leaving England. My mother and I are going to Normandy.”
“Of course. It is too bad that the lift on your exile did not extend to your brother and father, but you know, it would be quite difficult for the Third Republic to allow the Pretender and his heir back in France.”
Hélène started to nod—then she realized what the queen had said. How did Victoria know about the terms of her exile? Unless…
“Your Majesty. Did you get our exile lifted?”
The queen shrugged. “Republican governments are so hard to deal with,” she said vaguely. “I make it a point never to negotiate with France. That is Lord Salisbury’s job.”
“Thank you,” Hélène said fervently. How wondrous of Victoria, to know exactly what Hélène needed and provide it.
The queen gave a slight, enigmatic smile. “Speaking of your brother, how is he? I keep hearing good reports from Lord Roberts, his commander in chief.”
For the past four years, Philippe had been stationed with the Royal Rifle Corps in Bombay.
“You may not have heard, but he is leaving Your Majesty’s service,” Hélène admitted.
“He and my father are going on a tour of the United States. You know my father fought in the American Civil War, as part of the Union Army? He wanted to show Philippe all his old battle sites, introduce him around.”
They were also going to Canada, to quietly muster up support for the Orléans cause among the French inhabitants of Montréal and Québec. But Victoria didn’t need to know that.
“A trip to America! I cannot wait to hear about it.” The queen’s eyes danced as she added, “Does Philippe have any plans to marry?”
Hélène was almost amused; the queen was incorrigible. “Who were you thinking to match him with? Maud?”
“Not Maud! She needs someone quieter—one of the Danish princes, perhaps. I was thinking of Thora. She could use someone adventurous, and of course it would help Philippe greatly if he married into this family—” Victoria broke off, shaking her head.
“I said I would swear off matchmaking, and here I am, doing it again. Old habits die hard, I’m afraid.
” She smiled sadly. “In any case, I don’t need Philippe to marry into my family. I have you.”
Hélène looked at the queen, startled.
“You may not have been able to marry Eddy, as the two of you so ardently desired, but I will always consider you one of my own,” Victoria said fiercely.
“Thank you, Your Majesty. That means the world to me.” Hélène stood and curtsied again—but the queen held out a hand, stopping her mid-motion.
“Don’t bother with the formalities, please. And I would be honored if you stopped calling me Your Majesty. You must address me as Grandmother, the way you would have if you and Eddy had wed.”
“I shall say it in French, if that’s all right with you.” Hélène paused before saying, “Grand-mère.”
Then, to Hélène’s utter shock, Victoria stood and pulled her into a hug. Her arms wrapped around Hélène’s torso and she held her close, as if she was pouring all her love for her late grandson—all the affection she had failed to express in his lifetime—into this single gesture.
When they pulled apart, both women’s faces were wet with tears.
Victoria took a moment to compose herself, then nodded to Hélène. “This is farewell, my dear, but I hope not goodbye. Or as you would say, au revoir.” Until we meet again.
When the queen had left, Hélène remained standing for a long while, holding Eddy’s gold wedding ring to her chest. She needed to find a ribbon, so she could wear it close to her heart.
And then she would go to France.