Chapter 23
My mind goes blank at the question. Why would he ask me such a thing? And in front of so many people?—
Oh right.
My book.
He’s reciting a line from my book.
Apparently, we’re not merely reading the excerpt like I did before. We’re…
Acting it out?
The thud of my racing heart reaches all the way down to my hands, making the book shake as I open it to the right chapter. I may have written The Governess and the Rake, but I don’t have the whole thing memorized. William stares at me, frozen in character, as he waits for my reply. I take a few moments to gather my composure. Once I think I can face William without losing my senses, I pivot toward him.
I scoff. “Make love to you? Why would we go straight to lovemaking when we haven’t even kissed?”
William steps toward me, a wry grin curving his lips. “Allow me to amend that.”
As William reaches for my cheek, I pause, glancing at the book again. He freezes once more, holding patiently in place with his hand hovering in midair while I scan the scene. There are several lines of the heroine’s internal thoughts as well as descriptions of body language, but William is already embodying the rakish hero’s every move. The stage play must have kept its script quite close to its source material. If I do what William’s doing and act out the body language, I don’t need to read anything but the dialogue. Well, I have that memorized at least.
I place the book on one of the nearby shelves and fall back into the scene. William resumes motion, and his fingers brush my cheek. I knock his hand away and step back. “Don’t you dare touch me like that. Without affection. With that cold and loveless look. I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to scare me away. Trying to convince me your feelings are merely physical. That I’m nothing more than the dozens of women you’ve dallied with before.”
The book club ladies utter sounds of approval, which calms my nerves.
I’m no actress, and I know my performance is stilted, but I doubt anyone’s paying attention to me when they can simply watch William. I’m even stunned by him. By the way he reacts to my words with every part of him—expression, posture, motions. He truly is a brilliant actor.
He snatches his hand back and turns to the side. “You are nothing more than another dalliance, Dolly. If that isn’t enough for you, then you can leave.”
“Leave? Leave your room or…or the manor?”
He shakes his head, jaw set. “How can you perform your duties as my nephew’s governess when you’re constantly lusting after me?”
My mouth drops to show Dolly’s indignation. “Lusting after you? Is that all this has been? Lust?” I approach William and he turns his back to me. “I healed you, Alexander. I stitched your wounds after your duel with Lord Herringbone when everyone else would rather see you punished for your recklessness. And I…I healed your heart.”
“You know nothing of my heart.” William’s voice trembles in a perfect imitation of Alexander’s poorly hidden emotional state.
“If that’s really what you think, I’ll leave. I’ll leave the manor, my position as governess, and we can go our separate ways.” I force a quaver into my voice. “I’ve had enough of your moods. Of feeling your love only to have it torn away again and again. If you won’t accept my love now, you’ll never get a chance again. Goodbye, Alexander.”
I whirl on my heel and take a step away. I ensure my right hand is within reach, for William is supposed to grab me by the wrist?—
The front of his body collides with the back of mine and his arms wind around me. I’m so startled, I let out a squeak. Well, I suppose that’s a valid response from Dolly, but why is William holding me around the middle? Did the script change this part of my scene?
He clutches me against him, squeezing me tight as he buries his face in my neck. Another action I didn’t write. “Forgive me, Dolly. Don’t leave. You know me too well. You know the very core of my being.”
A shudder runs through me at the feel of William’s hot breath on my neck, the way his muffled voice reverberates through me. It takes me a few moments to recall what I’m supposed to say next.
“I won’t fall for your hot and cold demeanor anymore,” I say, voice breathless without any effort on my part. “Tell me how you feel once and for all.”
He releases my middle and takes me by the wrist instead, spinning me to face him. He steps toward me, forcing me back until I come up against the bookshelf. With my wrist still in his hand, he pins it over my head, against one of the shelves.
This is exactly like it is in my book, aside from the bookcase behind us. It’s supposed to be a wall. And I’m finding it increasingly hard to keep my pulse from racing.
William stares down at me with a tortured expression. His throat bobs, right on cue. “You know how I feel.”
I’m supposed to lift my chin, but I’m so flustered I can’t meet his eyes. At least I can deliver the right line. “I don’t.”
William brings his forefinger under my chin and lifts it. An action that isn’t written in my scene because I’m supposed to be looking at him. My breath hitches as he forces me to meet his eyes. He brings his face mere inches from mine. “Then may I show you?”
My lips part, my answer ready. I know what I’m supposed to say and what happens next. But…but shouldn’t we cut the scene here? We’re in public, after all, and…bloody hell, there’s William’s issue to consider! He can’t kiss someone he isn’t attracted to, nor is he comfortable performing intimacies in public. Maybe I should?—
His fingers lace through mine, still pinned over my head, and he gives my hand a squeeze. It isn’t an action expressed in my scene, and there’s something reassuring about it.
I release a slow breath, calming my panicked thoughts.
William leans ever closer until our noses touch, just the lightest brush of skin against skin. Another action not in this scene. Then, with his voice so low there’s no way it could carry beyond me, he whispers, “May I, Weenie?”
Finally, I deliver Dolly’s response. “Yes.”
William leans the rest of the way in, and his lips press against mine. They’re soft yet firm, perfectly warm. Nothing cold or probing like Archie’s mouth was. Our lips linger together for a long moment. My mind empties. Spreads out into a beautiful blank page. I don’t remember where I am. Who’s watching. I’m only aware of William’s lips. The scent of his skin. The taste of chocolate and peppermint between us. The squeeze of his palm. The way our lips part at the exact same moment and he kisses me again, harder this time. The way I angle my head, craving just a little more?—
Applause erupts, splattering ink across that blank page in my mind. I stiffen. William lingers just a second longer, exhaling against my mouth, then pulls away. I blink into the space he occupied, my spectacles fogged from our breaths. Our audience has risen to their feet, their applause even louder now. William faces them and bows. Belatedly, I do the same, my motions stiff and clumsy.
William has finally earned the attention and approval of the book club members, who now surround him, begging him to autograph that scene in their copies of the book. The meeting dissolves into casual chatter, and I participate in it, answer questions, laugh at the right times. Yet half my mind remains wrapped in that kiss, my gaze constantly seeking William in the small crowd. He doesn’t meet my eyes like he did at the party at Somerton House. Instead, he seems truly engaged in the conversations around him.
“You don’t have to worry about my request earlier.” Monty’s voice shatters my train of thought.
I don’t know how long he’s been standing beside me or how long he’s been watching me staring at William, but I force myself to shift all my attention to him. “Pardon?”
He lowers his voice. “About spending the night in your room.”
“Oh.” Right, he did make that request earlier. Because he assumed William and Zane would spend the night in William’s room. Does he no longer believe that’s the case? My heart flips with relief.
“Zane and I had a chat just now,” he says.
I find my gaze has strayed to William again, and Zane has joined him. They whisper something in his ear, which elicits a furrowed brow from William. Then his eyes lock on mine. I avert my gaze back to Monty. “Is that so?”
Monty takes a cigarillo from a slim silver case and tucks it over his ear. Thankfully he knows better than to light that thing in a bookstore. Then why does mischief play in his eyes? “We came to some similar conclusions.”
I frown. “Like what?”
“Like the fact that I won’t need to spend the night in your room after all. I can spend the night in Zane’s.”
More relief floods my heart. Was he wrong about William’s relationship with Zane? Did Monty find himself a lover instead? A genuine grin warms my lips. “Did you and the opera singer hit it off that well?”
“We did indeed, but I think you have the wrong idea. I’ll be spending the night in Zane’s room alone.”
I puzzle over his words…until their meaning becomes clear. He’ll stay in Zane’s room tonight because Zane will be staying with William.
The smile falls from my face. “Oh.”
Monty lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s a shame that kiss wasn’t behind bedroom doors. It didn’t count toward your bet. Now William’s going to take away your one-point lead for a tie.”
My gaze shoots to William. His eyes are already on me, and I wonder if he’s been watching me talk to Monty this entire time. Zane angles their head toward the front of the store. William’s mouth lifts in a taunting curl, his eyes glinting with menace.
He gives me a pointed nod and leaves the crowd with Zane.
Hurt and rage boil inside me as I watch them walk away. Disappear from view. I imagine them crossing the street to the hotel, hand in hand.
I’m frozen in place, my imagination alternating between thoughts of them together with thoughts of he and I together.
After that kiss, I…
I…
Well, I don’t know what I was thinking. What I was feeling.
William didn’t kiss me. That was Alexander kissing Dolly. He was playing a part. Just because he kissed me before an audience doesn’t make me special. He’s already confessed that kissing me wouldn’t be a problem. He’s merely proved it.
Now he’s going to spend the night kissing someone else.
And…more.
I’ve never felt such a blazing envy. Everything inside me wants to march after him and sabotage him with my free pass, just like I said I would.
Monty releases another exaggerated sigh. “If only there was something you could do to stop them. Then you could keep your lead.”
It’s like he read my mind. What he doesn’t know is that there is something I can do to stop them.
Do I dare?
I want to, but there’s one thing that holds me back.
A small, shriveled piece of my heart that shrank even more when I saw the way they looked at each other. William and Zane have history. Whether as friends or lovers, it’s clear they know each other. Like each other. Want to spend the night together. I can’t ruin that. I can’t come between them or what they have together. What if it’s love?
My chest constricts further, but I don’t fully understand the source. Am I conflicted because I want to maintain my lead in the bet? Or is it more personal than that? Is my envy for academic reasons? Or romantic ones?
I recall the feel of William’s lips against mine. The way he squeezed my palm. The way he asked permission, soft enough for only me to hear.
Desire floods me, followed by another spike of rage, and I can no longer convince myself it’s for the sake of our bet alone. Perhaps I’m petty. Perhaps I’m half out of my mind. Whatever the case, I want to be the last person William kissed. I want what Jolene wanted. I want what I already stole from Jolene, and I want to keep it for as long as I can.
Clenching my jaw, I march away from Monty.
“Oh, did you think of something?” The lack of inflection in his tone makes me wonder if he knows about our free pass after all.
I stride to where I draped my coat and wrap it around me.
“Are you leaving now?” Queen Gemma’s voice fills me with guilt.
I face her with an apologetic smile, only to find most of the book club members looking at me too. I shouldn’t leave them. These are my fans. My readers. People who admire and respect me.
I know what I should do.
And yet…
“I’m so sorry,” I say. “I hate to leave in a rush, but…but I need to ruin someone’s night.”
With that, I turn on my heel and race from the bookshop.
Outside, I pull my coat tight around me, bracing myself against the cold. It must be past ten in the evening now, and the streets are quiet save for the music and chatter streaming from the late-night establishments serving dinner, drinks, and entertainment. It’s a far more subdued atmosphere than either of the cities we’ve been in before, which makes sense for a winter resort town that caters to polite society. As I cross the street toward the Verity Hotel, my boots crunch on fluffy snow, only an inch deep despite the enormous snowflakes that trickle down. My heart races with anticipation, my lips curling. A giddy mood takes over me, fueled by the thrill of my purpose.
It’s that giddy mood that almost gives me pause. I’ve felt this way before—determined, light on my feet, a flutter in my heart—and it didn’t end well. Yet that was different. That was a matter of love. This is a matter of sex. Sex and sabotage.
Oh, what a fun book title that would be!
The doorman allows me entry with a respectful nod, and it takes all my restraint to slow my pace as I move through the elegant lobby, past reception, and toward the staircase. Only then do I pick up my pace again, climbing the stairs to the second floor as fast as I dare. I’m out of breath by the time I reach our hall, but it only adds to my excitement.
I’m going to sabotage William.
Redeem my free pass.
Earn a point in our bet.
Secure my two-point lead.
Keep my two-point lead.
Win the three-book contract.
Move to Faerwyvae.
Live in a place where I’m famous and respected and surrounded by admirers.
Kiss William.
Kiss…William.
Kiss…touch…make love to…
William.
My cheeks burn hot, and it isn’t only from the strain of activity. I stop outside his bedroom door and raise my fist, poised to knock. That giddy flutter in my chest intensifies, my mind still swirling with thoughts of what I’m about to do with my rival. My mind lingers on the way he kissed me in the bookstore, and for the love of all things, I want that again. I want more of that.
With a deep breath, I let my fist fall in a rapid knock.
My heart hammers so loud, I can’t hear if there’s motion coming from inside the room. William and Zane must already be inside. They left a few minutes before me. What if I’m already too late? What if they’re entangled in each other’s arms, each other’s lips? What if I have no right being here? What if I’m taking our game too far by interrupting what might be love?—
The door swings open just a crack. Inside, the bedroom is dim. The sliver of William I see reveals an open collar and waistcoat, no jacket, his cravat hanging loose and crooked around his neck, his lips quirked sideways.
Mylips.
Those are my fucking lips.
I ball my hands into fists and finally say those two words he’s been taunting me to say. “Free pass.”
William opens the door wider, snakes his hand around my waist, and pulls me into his room. “I thought you’d never ask.”