Chapter 36
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
T he following morning, the roads were deemed safe enough for the Bennet sisters to return to Longbourn, which put Elizabeth and Mr Darcy in company one last time—at breakfast. Despite her fraught emotions after their heart-breaking conversation, she somehow summoned the strength to exude an air of indifference towards him, and true to his word, he hardly uttered a syllable or cast a look towards her. Although Elizabeth was acutely aware of his movements and any contributions to discourse that he offered, it was easier than she had anticipated to avoid his gaze and conversation when he did not offer it. He had not even come to Netherfield’s front hall to take leave of her and her sisters when the hosts made their goodbyes at the end of their stay. She had dared not name the feelings this had invoked in her, lest she reawaken everything she was attempting to bury.
On Saturday, two days after they returned home, the morning of the wedding had finally arrived, and Longbourn was bursting with frenzied activity. Women, both family and servant, ran back and forth in every direction getting ready for the day while the men were ushered—or ordered—round to fulfil last-minute tasks.
Elizabeth sat upon her bed, relishing some much-needed quiet amidst the chaos. She supposed she might call it her room now, for Jane had resigned it this morning. All her things were packed and gone to Netherfield. Elizabeth felt her chest rise and fall with her breath as she sat knowing it could not be long until her mother sent a sister or a maid to fetch her for another of the multitude of wedding tasks. Unsurprisingly, having Jane away for the days leading up to the ceremony had caused undue distress as there were many details that depended upon the bride’s presence for completion.
If nothing else, sewing lace trim on Jane’s gown and decorating Longbourn with garlands and ribbons had allowed Elizabeth to conceal her tumultuous emotions. She did not want her melancholy to take anything away from the day her sister had long dreamt about. Thankfully, Jane was too distracted by her own happiness and the busyness of the preparations to notice Elizabeth’s desolation. Nevertheless, pretending to be in happy spirits had begun to wear on her, and she relished even a moment of respite. All her thoughts were occupied with Mr Darcy.
Today is likely the last I shall ever see him. The notion provoked both anxiety and relief. You told him not to pursue you, she reminded herself. You told him you could not trust him again.
Her thoughts were interrupted by her mother’s shrill voice asking for her. Mrs Bennet was in the drawing room and somehow, even a floor away and through a closed door, Elizabeth could hear her shouting, “Lizzy? Lizzy! Where are you? Oh, where has that girl got to?”
Elizabeth heard someone murmur something in reply and thankfully it seemed the matter was dropped. Still, she needed to join them. She must stand up with Jane, and the time to go to the church approached rapidly. She changed quickly from a morning dress into her pale yellow gown, dressing herself and pinning her own hair since summoning the maid would only alert her mother to her whereabouts. Leaving her bedchamber, she almost immediately ran into her mother and Mrs Gardiner standing in the hall.
“Did you not hear me calling you?” Mrs Bennet asked immediately. “Your hair! How is your hair not done properly yet? They are bringing up the carriages!”
Aunt Gardiner only gave her a concerned look, but Elizabeth avoided her gaze and went to find her sister.
She found Jane sitting in front of the dressing table in their mother’s bedchamber. Instead of looking at herself, she was twirling one of the wedding flowers between her fingers, smiling in a dreamy, distant way. She looked ethereal with her hair pulled back and pearl combs placed delicately throughout her golden hair. Elizabeth’s heart swelled even as her eyes stung with tears at the sight. How could she have been so caught up in her own feelings when this day was about Jane and Mr Bingley?
“Oh Jane,” she cried. “You look so, so beautiful. But how do you feel?”
“I hardly know,” Jane admitted. “Excited and thrilled…a little frightened, perhaps?”
“Exactly as you should be on such a wonderful occasion. Come now, let us make you a wife!” Elizabeth exclaimed with a laugh .
Their ceremony went off perfectly, which considering it was a Bennet affair, gave Elizabeth considerable relief. Seeing the happiness on Jane’s face went a long way to making her feel happy as well. Alas, being in Mr Darcy’s presence without any attention from the gentleman was harder than she had imagined. His perfect indifference was more painful than any spite could have been. When they entered the vestry to witness the lines being written and make the marriage official, she yearned for a meaningful look or stare of the kind he had before so frequently bestowed on her.
Alas, he offered nary a word or glance in the small room. He was ever true to his vow to honour her wishes, she reflected sadly. She condemned herself for even wanting to hope for his attention; had she not asked him to leave her alone? What was wrong with her?
The wedding breakfast at Longbourn progressed in the same way. Although she spoke to her family and neighbours, and managed smiles for Jane, she could not help but be completely aware of whatever part of the room Mr Darcy moved. Which, at this moment, was precisely located opposite of her as he engaged in conversation with Mr Andrews. As she watched him, she only dreaded the condition of her heart after he left. It would be far more difficult for it to heal this time, when it was entirely her decision to send him away.
“Miss Bennet? Did you hear me?” Her thoughts were interrupted by Royce, who was unexpectedly standing next to her. She felt a burst of irritation at the sight of him.
“I apologise, sir. I did not. What did you say?”
“I asked whether you and your sisters fare well after being trapped at Netherfield? Your mother told me of your unfortunate circumstances. ”
“Unfortunate indeed. I do not believe I could have lived another day in such a dreadful state.” She smiled to show she only teased. “But I am ungenerous to my new brother and his excellent household. Other than the tedium from being indoors too long, we were very well cared for.”
Royce nodded at that, then spoke of the commonplaces appropriate for the day, asking about the ceremony, complimenting her and her sisters on the arrangements and the like. Finally, he broached what it seemed had been his intention in conversing with her.
“Will you be at home on Monday? I should like to call on you.”
She smiled and nodded with more energy than she felt. “Yes, I will.”
“There is something of great import I should like to discuss with you.”
There was an earnestness in his voice that alarmed her. For a brief moment Elizabeth wished to recant, to tell him no, she would not be at home on Monday, or any day for that matter. This is what you wished for , she reminded herself . Safety. A man you can trust if not love .
As she opened her mouth to speak, she glanced sideways and noticed Jane hovering near their conversation, her fingers fumbling with the side of her dress. Although Jane did not interrupt their conversation, her eyes flickered between herself and Royce.
Elizabeth smiled and called out, “Jane! Is there something you require?”
She shook her head, as her cheeks flushed slightly. “No, not at all. I did not intend to interrupt. But there is something I would like to show you when you are available.”
Elizabeth looked up at Royce with a soft smile. He chuckled as he gestured towards Jane. “I would never dream of standing in the way of sisterly matters. In any case, I see Miss Catherine over there. She wished to show me and Maria one of her most recent sketches.”
Leaning closer, he murmured just for her ears, “I look forward to speaking with you on Monday.”
With a bow, he turned and made his way towards Kitty across the room. Elizabeth returned her attention to Jane, who leant towards Elizabeth and whispered excitedly, “There is something I would like to show you outside. Charles has given me the most remarkable wedding present.”
“Oh?”
Jane looked at her with sparkling eyes. “Yes, I cannot wait for you to see it.”
Elizabeth nodded, and the two slipped discreetly out of the room. They moved deftly through the corridor, and into the entry hall, where Elizabeth started at the sight of Mr Darcy standing with Mr Bingley. The two men appeared to be waiting for them; Mr Bingley hopped from one foot to the other, as he clearly anticipated showing them whatever the mysterious present was.
Her eyes briefly met Mr Darcy’s. It was only a fleeting glance, however, as he quickly turned his attention to the floor. She sighed quietly. At that moment, the sound of approaching footsteps drew her attention. When she turned to discover the source, she saw a small group of their neighbours and friends also making their way to the front of the house, their murmurs of curiosity and excitement evident.
Sir William Lucas was the first to speak. “Mr Bingley, we have heard rumours of a most intriguing gift outside, and desired to see it for ourselves.”
Jane looked at Mr Bingley with widened eyes, and Elizabeth could not help but smile. Despite Jane’s efforts to be covert, the news of the mysterious gift had travelled fast. Mr Bingley gave Jane a wry smile before shrugging slightly. Looking back at Sir William, he said, “You are correct. It is on the front drive.”
With that, a small crowd drifted towards the windows; Elizabeth joined the others following Mr Bingley through the front door and found herself standing next to Mr Darcy. She felt her heart flutter being close to him again but refused to look up at him.
Once she arrived outside, she immediately recognised the gift as the beautiful carriage that she and Mr Darcy had taken refuge in. She had almost forgotten it was to be given to Jane. Elizabeth’s eyes widened and she felt a blush overtake her as she remembered what had occurred inside of it only days ago. Mr Darcy, however, looked upon the carriage with a closed expression. Had he already forgotten? She only wished her emotions could be as easily diverted. And now it would only be more difficult, she groaned inwardly, as she would have to be reminded of those wonderful hours every time she rode with Jane in her carriage.
As the crowd was admiring the vehicle, Elizabeth heard Sir William’s jocular voice. “It is beautiful and solidly built, Mr Bingley,” he exclaimed, “and well able to protect a lady from wind, rain, and unexpected snowstorms.”
She risked a look towards Mr Darcy, but he remained impassive, staring at the carriage. A hot blush accompanied the keen sense of mortification that assailed her, and she immediately turned and walked into the house. Several others followed her; it was still too cold to be lingering out of doors.
Soon after, the new Mr and Mrs Bingley boarded the carriage and left for Netherfield amidst the cheers of all their guests. Not long after, Miss Bingley and the Hursts departed for London and the crowd slowly began to disperse.
Elizabeth glanced over her shoulder, wondering where Royce had gone . Did he leave without me noticing? As she turned her gaze forwards again, she was taken aback to find Mr Darcy standing right before her.
“Miss Bennet, if you will permit me, there is something I would give you before I leave.”
The formality of his tone and the rigidity of his stance made her ache. “Oh? What is it?”
“Er…well, here.” He handed her a book. She looked at the cover. It was Charlotte Temple , the novel she had lectured him about during their first meeting in Hertfordshire when she had argued with him rather than admit to herself how thrilled she was to see him again.
“I did not realise you had taken it.”
He briefly inclined his head. “Forgive me…I really have no excuse,” he said quietly, and paused for a moment. “I wanted only to understand why you defended novels so passionately. I did not intend to keep it so long, nor did I want to leave Meryton with it.”
“Yes, well, did you want to…I mean, I have read it a number of times, and do not need it if you wished to keep?—”
“No.”
She drew back, stung by his quick objection.
“I think it would be better if it stayed with you.”
Elizabeth swallowed, uncertain as to why she had offered him the book or why she felt hurt by his refusal. “Very well.”
After another brief incline of his head, Mr Darcy was gone.
She watched sorrowfully as he nudged himself through the crowd, pulling something from his pocket and rubbing it with his thumb as he walked. A moment later, a small black object slipped from his hand. He stopped, as if realising that he had dropped it, and turned, looking at the ground searchingly.
Kitty, engaged in conversation with Maria Lucas only a few feet away from Mr Darcy, bent down to pick it up and turned towards him. He appeared mildly alarmed as she turned the small object around in her hand, unabashedly curious.
“Oh! I see now that it is Lizzy’s. I do apologise,” she said, looking up at Mr Darcy. “I must have imagined that I saw you drop this.”
She turned and walked towards Elizabeth, handing her the object before returning to Maria. Elizabeth looked at her palm and immediately recognised the thin, black hairpin lying there. It bore the initials ‘EB’ on it. Her initials . Her pin. It was the same pin that she had given him outside the parsonage all those years ago. Looking up she saw that he had not moved, but was watching her closely. Her insides twisted, her breath quickened, and she was unsure what, if anything, to do. It was Mr Darcy who solved her dilemma by turning round and leaving the room. The front door opened and closed, and moments later she watched as his carriage went down the lane, away from Longbourn, away from her.