A Song of Death and Desire (The Sirens of Witches Cove)

11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I n the past two weeks I have spent as much time as possible on land. Looking for him. For Eagan. Raidne is even more worried about me now. And to tell you the truth, I’m worried about me. He’s become an obsession. He is all that I think about. I don’t know what to do about this fixation. What kind of future could there be for a human and a siren?

My sisters have noticed the changes in me. I’m not eager for hunts like I used to be. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will have to take a soul again at some point. I have no choice in that. I need souls to survive. But I won’t consume their bodies anymore. It now feels repulsive. The first time I tried to partake after my encounter with Eagan, I was violently ill after one bite. I wretched and wretched, having to swim away from the frenzy into water untainted by the stench of human blood. I’ve told myself that now, I’ll only hunt when I am in desperate need of a soul. The rest of the time, I’ll stay away. For the first time in my life, I find myself truly hating what we are.

What I am.

What I do.

The guilt that started as a niggling discomfort now causes a tightness in my chest and my stomach to roll with nausea. It’s impossible to ignore the hushed voices and wary glances of my sisters as they question what is wrong with me. They are avoiding me, giving me a wide berth as if what I have is contagious. Sometimes I feel hurt by the cold shoulders, but most of all, I feel relief at not having to fake feeling okay.

Today is a hunting day. While some days, boats practically run straight into us, on others, we have to seek them out. My exhaustion is continuing to worsen, and I know I’m going to have to find a soul soon, but I’m still trying to hold off a little longer.

I swim at the back of the pack, allowing Raidne to take the lead. My fatigue slows me, my movements are sluggish, and it takes a lot of effort not to fall behind completely.

Raidne locates a boat and we all swim to the surface and prepare to sing. But before our mouths open, I recognize him.

Oh, goddess, no.

It’s Eagan.

Even from this distance, I know it’s him. It’s almost like there’s a cord connecting us, and I’m hyper-aware of his presence. His midnight hair and the shape of his body are so familiar to me. I don’t know him but somehow, I can sense him. He’s standing on the boat alone, gazing out towards the endless expanse of ocean before him. What is he doing here? My emotions tear me in two—the relief of seeing him again but also overwhelming fear. How could he be stupid enough to venture back into the ocean?

“Stop!” I scream, startling my sisters surrounding me. They all turn to me with confusion, eyebrows raised. My breaths come in pants as I struggle to communicate through my panic. They bare their teeth at me; their displeasure at being interrupted mid-hunt is palpable. For a moment, I’m filled with panic as it looks as if they are going to ignore me and turn back to him.

“You have to stop!” I say again, pleading for them not to begin their song.

“Kai, what is it?” Raidne asks me softly, moving closer.

“You can't. We can't. Not him.” I'm speaking fast, barely coherent.

“Shh, it's okay,” she soothes. “Take a deep breath for me and try to explain what's going on.” I shake my head, the words not coming. How do I explain this? How can I protect him? Seeing my difficulty, Raidne swims to the rest of our group and I hear her having quiet but firm words with them. Hissing and shooting glares in my direction, they move in the opposite direction of Eagan. My breaths slow as I realize none of them are continuing to pursue the hunt and are allowing me the privacy I need to get my shit together. They may not understand why I asked them to stop, but they are reluctantly complying anyway.

“We can't kill him, Raidne,” I start.

“Um…why not? What is it about him that makes him so different?”

I take a deep breath, and before I allow myself another moment to talk myself out of it, the story pours out of me. I explain how I found him on a hunt. How I tried to do what we always do, feed on his soul. But I couldn't do it, and I don't know why. I describe the way his eyes, as blue as the clearest waters, held me captivated. It was like I was under his spell when he was supposed to be under mine. I tell Raidne about how keeping him alive created an obsession within me, a tightness in my chest that I couldn't banish until I found him. Then, my regular trips to land and how I so desperately searched for the man I could not forget. And when I found him and heard his name, Eagan. And his voice! How it transfixed me, stoking the flames of my obsession.

“And now he's here!” I cry. “He’s back on a fucking boat in the ocean when he barely escaped death the first time. I couldn't let him die then, and I can't let him die now. There's something about him, Raidne, I don't know how to explain it, but he needs to live.” I finish my story and gaze into the sympathetic eyes of my best friend, my sister.

“Are you kidding me right now? Why didn't you tell me you were going through all of this? I could have helped you. I knew something wasn't right. You have gotten yourself into a real mess, haven’t you?” she admonishes kindly. “Don't worry though, I’ll make sure that the others don’t harm your human. But you are going to have to figure something out. And quickly. You know our sisters won’t like being denied this hunt especially without an explanation.”

She’s right. Of course, she is right. I’m grateful that although she may not understand the connection I feel towards Eagan, she isn't going to do anything to hurt him because she knows how it will hurt me. Not for the first time, I find myself feeling overwhelmingly grateful for Raidne being in my life.

Raidne moves back to the group and with a few more words they swim away. A couple look back at me with annoyance at being deprived of a soul but the further they get from the boat, the lighter the weight on my chest becomes. Raidne gives me a gentle smile before turning to join them and again I am endlessly appreciative of the privacy she is allowing me.

There will be consequences for my little meltdown. I know that my sisters will be angry because they have had to leave today. They will have questions and when I don’t immediately answer them, they will be pissed off. They will never understand my sympathy for humans.

I don't know how long I spend watching Eagan. It may have been minutes. It may have been hours. But I am entranced. I ensure that I observe him from behind, so he does not see me. The waves help to obscure me from view. As much as I long to be near him, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of him seeing me.

I am still not certain why he is out here. He doesn't seem to be doing anything. He has no fishing equipment, nothing that might indicate his purpose. He's just… staring. Staring out towards the endless sea. Searching.

My heart stutters with the thought that he could be looking for me. The short burst of excitement that fills me is quickly squashed by dread. If he is looking for me that means he remembers me. What would he do if he found me? Would they view us as monsters? Would he view me as a monster and reject me for what I am?