18. Chapter 18
Chapter 18
I pry my eyes open and immediately wince at the sun that pours through my window. Every part of my body aches. I feel like I have been hit by a truck. And then reversed back over for good measure. For a moment, I think that I had the craziest dream. A siren, a witch, two midnight black ravens with creepy eyes. But as I begin to wake up fully and become more aware of my surroundings, the onslaught of memories bombard me. I’m forced to admit that it wasn’t a dream and that not only do sirens and witches exist, but one has actually now come to land and is going to be living amongst us.
My stomach growls. What time is it? When did I eat last? I feel like I have been in daze, functioning on autopilot for days, weeks even. This is the first morning in a long time that I have woken up fully cognizant of the world around me. My stomach pools with dread when I remember the events of the past weeks which I now know were the result of the siren’s song. I want to curl back up into the fetal position and force myself back to sleep so I don’t have to face the damage I’ve caused to my life and those around me. How could I have let things get so fucked up?
Despite having far more clarity now, I’m still not entirely certain how much of my actions can be attributed to Kairi and what parts I might be to blame for. My stomach rolls when I think about the things that I have lost. Kelly, my job, I’m sure I’ve blown things with my friends too, especially Tom. I groan when I realize just how long it has been since I’ve spoken to my sister, Sienna. We used to talk all the time, and she was so concerned about me after the boat crash. She wanted to come and visit but I asked her not to, assuring her that I was fine. I can’t even remember the last time we spoke. It’s a wonder she hasn’t come knocking on my door, cursing me out for ignoring her.
The thing is, I regret my behavior immensely, but I don’t regret things ending with Kelly. They absolutely should not have ended the way they did. Did they even actually end? Now that I think about it, I don’t think we even had a conversation about breaking up. I was so disinterested and distracted that she left, and I didn’t follow. At some point she came and packed up her things and I don’t think I even noticed or cared.
I bury my head in my pillow and fight back the tears that burn behind my eyes. I know that I was not fully responsible for how I behaved but I feel like a huge asshole. Kelly and I had been together for a long time, I had even started to have thoughts about asking her to marry me. I had begun to have doubts about our relationship, feeling like we just weren’t the right fit for each other but I tried to push those concerns away, telling myself that I was lucky to have someone like her. And I was lucky. I genuinely cared for her, loved her even, but there was a spark missing. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t deny it.
It pains me to know that I have hurt her so badly. I don’t even know how to start repairing things. I don’t want to get back together but she deserves some kind of answer, some closure.
I force myself to roll out of bed to at least get some food and search for my phone. In my state of madness, I was barely looking at my phone, not wanting to talk to anyone. I’m grateful for that now though as it means I didn’t have it with me on the boat yesterday. Otherwise, it would probably be at the bottom of the ocean right now. Eventually I find it wedged between the sofa cushions and plug it into the charger. I feel like I need to call Sienna. Not only is she my sister but she is also my best friend and is probably worried sick about me.
While my phone is charging, I shuffle into the kitchen, the time on the microwave showing me that it’s one o’clock in the afternoon. Fuck! I slept for about seventeen hours. I brew myself some coffee and quickly realize that I have very little food in the house. Seems that I was neglecting myself just as much as I was neglecting everyone else. I manage to find an open box of cereal in the back of the cupboard. There’s no milk so I eat it dry straight out of the box. I’m too hungry to care.
By the time I have finished eating, my phone has enough charge to turn on. As soon as I do so, it is flooded with messages. Most of them are from Sienna, becoming increasingly distressed when I did not respond. I take a deep breath and decide to make this phone call now. She needs to know I am okay and honestly; I need the comfort of her voice right now. I select her number and the phone rings.
Once.
Twice.
“Eagan? Is that you? What the hell is going on? I’ve been so worried. Kelly messaged me to tell me that you broke up with her. I’m going to come to Witches Cove. Something is obviously going on. Does it have something to do with the fishing accident? Are you hurt?” Sienna speaks so quickly that she barely takes a breath. She certainly leaves no time for me to interject. I’ve learned over the years that it is better to simply wait for Sienna to tire before even attempting to get a word in.
“Enna it’s okay. I’m okay. Take a breath.” I hear her obeying my command.
“You need to tell me what is going on right now.” I don’t really know what to tell her. It can’t be the truth because she will think that I am crazy, but I don’t want to outright lie to her either. I don’t lie to my sister.
“You know about the boat accident Enna and how tough it was for me?” I talked to Sienna regularly in the days after the crash and I had to use a lot of my persuasion skills to make sure she didn’t get in her car and drive straight down to Witches Cove.
Sienna lives in a city about two hours away from Witches Cove and works as a professor at the college there. She specializes in the sciences. You would never guess that she is a scientist by her appearance alone. Sienna is a bright ray of sunshine, always bubbly and kind. To know Sienna is to love her. Just being around her is enough to brighten anyone’s day. I think she loves the shock that crosses people’s faces when they discover her profession and try to match it up with her blond Barbie appearance. I think people assume that she is dumb. I know a lot of men she deals with on a regular basis do but that is so far from the truth.
Sienna wanted to come straight here to support me as soon as she found out about the accident, but I wouldn’t let her. I didn’t want to cause problems for her at work if she had to take time off. Not to mention my stubborn ass was convinced that I was perfectly fine.
“I wasn’t able to tell you before but my mental health kind of went to shit after everything that happened. I was experiencing a lot of flashbacks, anxiety, and panic attacks. I wasn’t able to focus on my work and I wasn’t able to give Kelly the support and care she needed from me. I’m so ashamed about how I treated her. She probably told you that I was a complete dickhead, am I right?”
Sienna laughs and sniffs and I can tell she is tearing up, “yeah something like that. Are you going to try and get her back?”
I sigh. “No. As much as I don’t like how things ended, I think it was necessary. I have too much going on right now and although we tried, I don’t think we were as compatible as I once thought. So…” I continue, “I was struggling a lot mentally and getting out of bed was hard most days. But I didn’t realize until just recently, well yesterday actually, how bad I had actually become. I’m ready to do better now, Enna. I’m going to get myself back on track.”
“Are you sure you’re okay? Without Kelly are you alone?”
“Nah don’t worry little sis, I’ve got people who will help me,” I lie.
“Good. It’s only two weeks until summer vacation and I’m coming to stay whether you like it or not. Don’t worry, I won’t crash in your space, I’ll get a hotel room. I know how you get. In the meantime, I want to speak to you every night. Every night, Eagan, do you hear me? You will not go radio silent on me again.”
“Deal,” I respond with a smile. It will be so good to see her again. She comes to visit when she can but it is never often enough. I miss her terribly. “I have to go, Enna. I love you.”
“Love you too, E,” she replies before ending the call.
That’s one problem fixed. A hell of a lot more to go before I’ve repaired the damage I’ve done to my life.