Chapter 12 Sam
TWELVE
Sam
One of these Christmas mornings, Toby jumping on my bed to wake me up at the ass crack of dawn was going to scare me so badly I’d have a heart attack.
My early demise would really put a damper on Christmas.
One year, much too soon, there will be no Toby jumping on your bed to wake you up at all. He’ll want to sleep later. Or he’ll be off at school. Or the military. Or waking up with his own little family.
Well, with that cheery little thought clogging my throat and stinging my eyes, I groaned and played the game Toby and I had been playing since he was tiny.
I pretended to be asleep.
Toby hit me with a pillow.
I said I didn’t want to go to work today.
He reminded me it was Christmas.
I said Santa could wait.
He begged and pleaded.
I finally growled, put him in a headlock, and ruffled his hair while he howled and kicked those long, gangly teen boy legs. Then I rolled out of bed and tried not to grimace at the red numbers glowing on the bedside clock.
With a grin, I imagined Mattie’s horror at being awakened at such an early hour. He was an artist. He kept his own hours, but those most definitely didn’t include anything before six in the morning.
And yet, here we were.
“Is Mattie awake? He’s coming, right?” Toby asked excitedly as I stumbled from the bathroom a few moments later to start coffee.
Maybe knowing Toby wanted him with us on Christmas morning would help ease the pain of being dragged from bed at 4:45 a.m. “You wanna go wake him up? Give him the Toby-fied version of Christmas morning?”
The kid’s eyes gleamed, and he nodded. How was he so damn awake?
Damn, I was going to miss this.
Back when he was a toddler, a child, even a tween, it seemed like we had all the time in the world. It was easy to bellyache about the ungodly wakeup time because we had more years to look forward to.
We still had the years to look forward to, but they were different. The Christmas mornings ahead were full of changes. Promises of being so proud of the young adult Toby was becoming, yet heartache at what we’d left behind.
Watching him tackle the world while wishing for one more Christmas morning together as my five-year-old tore into his gifts or demolished powdered donuts in front of a final viewing of Frosty the Snowman for the season.
In the years to come, our family would trade old traditions for new ones. I was grateful these changes happened slowly over the years because my chest already ached as if I’d been run over by a train.
Parenting—and maybe life in general—was full of celebrating new milestones, mourning what we’d left behind, and looking forward to that next stage.
It was the way life worked. There were parts of the past I was grateful to be done with, but there were days when I’d give anything to cuddle Toby as a baby, push him on a swing as a toddler, let him fall asleep on my shoulder, or tuck him into bed.
The front door opened, and Mattie stumbled in after Toby looking as if he’d been dragged from bed in the middle of the night by a crazed intruder.
Well, he wasn’t far off…
Mattie’s gorgeous hair was a mess; he’d had no time to coerce it into its usual perfection. His eyes sleepy, but curious. Flannel pajama pants slung low on his hips, a fitted t-shirt clung to him just right, and a smirk on those pretty pink lips completed the look.
“Good morning,” I whispered when Mattie made his way to the kitchen and leaned in for a kiss. “Coffee?”
“Dear God in Heaven, Baby Jesus, Santa, and Frosty all rolled into one, yes.” Desperation laced his words, but his eyes sparkled. Despite being awakened at a very rude hour, Mattie was excited for Christmas.
With his family.
Toby groaned. “Oh my god, please keep it in your pants. Let’s go. You two can make out later.” He bounced from one side to the other, his hoodie strings swaying.
Still my little boy in that lanky body. Stuck, for the moment, between childhood and adulthood. But on Christmas morning, the childhood side won out.
Mattie and I quickly doctored our coffees before following Toby to the living room.
After a long fortifying sip of his coffee, Mattie got the fire going while Toby passed out gifts.
I texted Tabby to let her know we were opening gifts, but I knew the time difference and her assignments didn’t always allow her to drop everything and make a call.
I promised to video everything to share with her later in case she couldn’t call right away.
Toby made some sort of wait a minute sound and ran off toward his room.
Mattie settled next to me on the couch and slurped down more coffee. “Thanks for inviting me,” he whispered.
“It wasn’t me. Toby asked. I told you to be ready for early; guess I should have suggested you lock your door.” I bumped his shoulder with mine.
“I had no idea. Even if you’d told me a time, I wouldn’t have been prepared.” He spoke like a man who’d experienced something out-of-this-world. “So much energy. I nearly pissed myself when he jumped on my bed.”
I laughed and stretched my arm around Mattie’s shoulders to pull him close. “He’s been doing that since he could walk and understood that Christmas morning meant gifts.”
“It’s sweet. And even though it’s a shock to the system, I imagine there will be Christmas mornings in the future when we’ll miss it.” He pressed a kiss to my cheek as I blinked stinging eyes.
“Yeah,” I managed to choke out. “Things are changing. I mean, they’re always changing, but these seem like bigger changes looming ahead.”
“He’s a great kid. You’ve done an amazing job with him. Changes are going to happen whether we’re ready or not, but even the hard ones can bring good things.” He rested his forehead against my temple. “I love you. We’ll tackle the future together.”
“Promise?” The catch in my throat caught the word and mangled it a bit.
“As long as you’ll have me.”
Toby returned with great gusto and handed us each a gorgeously wrapped gift box. “Jasper’s mom wrapped them for me. I tried, but my wrapping skills are about the same as your video game skills.”
We let Toby open a couple gifts first. He liked the new hoodie, jeans, and shoes, but I knew he was really hoping for a certain video game in one of the next boxes.
My gift to Mattie wasn’t super romantic, but hopefully practical and appreciated.
I built a new website for him. Yeah, he had one, but this one would have all the bells and whistles.
I’d worked slowly on it due to the deadline, but Mattie could help me with making sure the finishing touches were to his liking, and we’d have it up and running for selling his artwork by the first of the year.
“Thank you,” Mattie said, running his hand over the piece of paper describing his gift. “I went with cheap and easy to have an online presence, but this is amazing.”
Mattie’s gift for me blew the website out of the water. He’d painted and framed multiple pieces. One of him and me; it was gorgeous, and I knew exactly where I’d hang it.
He’d also done a beautiful painting of Toby and Tabby from the last time she was home. All three of us got one of those.
And Toby even seemed touched to see the framed painting of him and Jasper.
“Thought you could put it on your wall,” Mattie said with a shrug, as if his artwork wasn’t an absolute splendor.
Toby snapped a picture of the painting and tapped out a text, most likely sending it to Jasper right then. Hopefully his friend was also an early riser on Christmas morning.
My smartass nephew gave me a pair of reading glasses.
“So you don’t have to hold papers so far away.”
He also gifted me with five coupons for doing the dishes.
I waved them in his face. “Do these come with a guarantee of not having to ask you a thousand times?”
Toby scoffed. “I always end up doing them.” Then he smirked. “Maybe just not right when you want them done.”
Then he handed me a plastic baggie of coupons cut from mailers.
Coupons for frozen lasagna.
“A dollar off the good kind.” Toby grinned. “You can fix your homemade kind when you’re trying to be all romantic and shit.”
“I’ll fix the good kind for Mattie and me; you can have cereal.”
It was Toby’s turn to open another gift. He picked the box with some gaming accessories. He said thanks, but his eyes lingered longingly on the next to last box.
Mattie buzzed with anticipation next to me, and I knew he was as excited about Toby opening that game as the kid was.
Mattie and I opened the festively wrapped gifts from Toby next.
And Christmas morning stood still.
The only movement in the room was the shifting of logs in the fire, my heart melting, and Mattie taking my hand.
“Toby.” Mattie’s words caught in his throat. “Thank you.”
Toby shrugged. “Just thought you guys should know. I’m good with it. Really good.”
My eyes stung as Mattie and I stared at the matching picture frames resting on our knees. The photo in both was one of the three of us we’d taken one day not long ago. But the frame was what really tugged on my heartstrings.
Maybe even more so for Mattie.
The simple wooden frame complimented the photograph perfectly.
And the word Dad adorned the bottom right corner.
Toby’s love and acceptance—of me, of what I’d found with Mattie, of our unique little family—was the most precious gift I’d received since the day they placed him in my arms all wrapped up in the hospital blanket.
“Thank you. This is beautiful, and it means a lot.” I blinked back the tears. “Go ahead,” I said with a chuckle. “Open your last ones.”
Toby tore into the box and whooped when he discovered the coveted video game. Just when I knew he wanted to rush to the basement and start playing, I nodded toward the card.
“What’s this?” Toby asked. He opened the card and read. “For real?”
I nodded, and the next thing I knew I had an armful of teenager as he hugged first me and then Mattie. “This is the best. When can we do it? Tomorrow?”
I laughed. “How about you check with your friends and see when they’re available. Let’s do it Saturday maybe if that works for everyone. That gives us time to buy snacks.”
Toby nodded and clutched the game and new controller to his chest as he made his way toward the basement door. “Thank you!” he called out as he rumbled down the stairs.
“Think we’ll survive four teens gorging themselves on snacks and playing video games all night?” Mattie asked as he rested his head on my shoulder.
“I’m just glad he seems happy. The years Tabby isn’t here at Christmas are always hard. If a sleepover can keep him distracted from missing her, I’m all for it.”
Warm and toasty in front of the fire, I tugged Mattie down to cuddle on the couch with me. The sun wasn’t even up yet; anything we needed to do could wait until we napped.
“Merry Christmas.” Mattie’s sleepy words feathered over my lips. “I love you.”
“Love you,” I murmured. “Merry Christmas.”
A couple hours later, Mattie’s kisses to my neck woke me.
The living room glowed with Christmas lights and bright sunshine.
Groaning and reveling in the press of our bodies, I tipped his face up and captured his mouth.
Savoring the flavor of him on my tongue, we kissed for several long moments before dozing for a few more minutes.
“Probably need to check on Toby and figure out what’s for breakfast,” I mumbled a bit later.
We unfolded ourselves from the comfy couch, used the bathroom, and gathered up the discarded wrapping paper. With new mugs of coffee in hand, we made our way to the basement door.
The basement was suspiciously quiet, and we found Toby passed out on his bean bag with a controller in hand and his new video game softly playing music on the screen.
“Some of the dads on the forum would probably tell me to wake him up so we don’t mess up his sleep schedule,” I said.
“But?”
I shrugged. “But it’s Christmas. I think it’s fine. He’ll wake when he wakes. Let him be a kid.” I took the controller from Toby’s hand and placed a blanket over him while Mattie turned off the game.
Once we were back upstairs, Mattie took me in his arms and hugged me tight. “Will you need to leave the forum?”
“Why would I leave the forum?”
Mattie smirked. “You’re not a single dad anymore.”
I started to protest, but then his words sank in, and all I could do was smile. “I guess I’m not, am I? Maybe they’ll let me stick around.”
“If not, we’ll figure out these teen years together.” He led me to the couch and settled with me tucked under his arm.
“Are you sure you want to stay here?” My heart suddenly clenched at the thought I was clipping his wings.
“Do you not want me here?”
“No, it’s not that. But I have at least four or five more years before I can even think of taking off.” The thought of leaving Sugar Pine hurt my stomach.
“I ran from here because I needed to figure myself out. I know why things didn’t work in California.
My roots are here, and this is where I want to be.
With you. This is my home.” Mattie kissed me gently, his fingers playing with the hair at the nape of my neck.
“Maybe when Tabby’s home we can think of some short trips. Just us or all four of us.”
“I don’t want to hold you back,” I hedged.
“You’re not. Coming back here was the best decision I ever made. We got a second chance, and I don’t want to waste that.”
With the fire smoldering, and the peacefulness of Christmas cloaking the room, I clinked my coffee cup against Mattie’s. “To second chances and many more Christmases to come.”
“Second chances and Sugar Pine Christmases.” Mattie bumped his mug to mine. “Definitely my very own Christmas wish come true.”
My phone buzzed on the coffee table.
“Ignore it,” Mattie urged.
“It might be Tabby.” I grabbed my phone.
“Who is it?”
“Darcy,” I said. Thumbing the screen, I accepted the call.