A Thousand Cuts (Cursebreakers, Inc. #3)

13. Liam

Chapter 13

Liam

“ W hat the hell was I thinking?” Liam asked King, holding his large paw in his hand and filing his nails.

They were sitting on the floor of his tiny living room while the old TV played Star Stealer for the thousandth time—Sora searching for his Nova after being split apart by the star stealers.

Their walk had been cut short by Liam’s frayed nerves. He’d been flying on the wings of Fix spending the night and the safety he felt around him, thinking he could just frolic outside and feel great. He’d severely overestimated his own bravery, because the moment Fix’s car had swerved out of sight Liam thought the world was coming to get him. He let King do his thing and then hurried back, almost sprinting for the door and slamming it behind him.

He’d frolic another time.

A comfort day was planned instead. He needed something to relax him before his stream that night. He couldn’t cancel it, no matter how shaky he was feeling. He needed to make rent.

With coconut oil in his hair, a face mask plastered on his skin, and his silky bathrobe half undone he found some stability. And with stability came clearness of mind. And with clearness of mind came questioning everything he had done because what the hell had he been thinking inviting Fix over?

King had a fluffy pale blue headband over his ears that matched the anime’s logo and he was patiently allowing Liam to tidy up his nails.

He was also a great listener.

“ I have a stream ,” he said in a mocking voice. “ You should totally come . Why didn’t you stop me, King?”

King huffed in response.

“You’re right. As if you could have stopped my big mouth from blabbing. I just…I want him here all the time. Is that ridiculous?”

King twitched his ear and leaned down to lick Liam’s knuckles. Liam translated that to ‘yes but I love you anyway.’ He leaned his forehead against King’s headband and sighed.

“I want him, King,” he said. “I trust him, and I’ve never trusted anyone before. I’m pretty sure he’s everything I’ve ever wanted and I just…I don’t know how to deal with that. How do I tell him all the messed-up things about me without sending him running for the hills? How do I keep him while still being me?”

King had no response to that, but he also didn’t move, rumbling softly against Liam as if trying to sympathize with him.

Liam didn’t know what to think. It seemed like, lately, the only time he functioned as a person was with Fix around. It felt like he could breathe when he was there, despite his heart thundering inside his chest. It felt like Fix was the only thing holding him together and Liam wondered what would happen if Fix took that away.

Would he finally fall apart?

His phone pinged with a new message and Liam jumped up, reaching for it.

Fix: Just checking in, honey

Liam’s fingers shook as he read the words, a smile pulling at his lips. He couldn’t deny the warmth and happiness such a simple thing gave him.

Liam: I’m good, thank you. Nothing to note.

Liam: Everything going okay with your case?

He felt stupid and shy as he read what he’d written back obsessively, but he hoped it came across as nice and friendly and engaging.

Fix: Something simple in the end.

Liam: So melodrama for nothing?

Fix: As per usual. What are you up to?

Liam: Spa day with King. Getting ready for my stream later.

There was a short pause before Fix replied.

Fix: You still want me around for that?

Liam bit his lip, clutching the phone in his hand. Did he? He thought about the last stream he’d done, alone in his room, with the person tormenting him potentially watching. He thought about the peace he had managed to find only inside his own head. Where Fix was. If imaginary Fix was enough to soothe him, he was sure the real one would be a hundred times better.

He picked up his phone.

Liam: Yes

He might be a fool, but his own selfish wants superseded his good sense.

Fix: I’ll be there then.

Liam: I could make food for us after?

Fix: That sounds amazing.

Liam lit up, mind already racing with ideas for recipes, desperate to make it perfect despite being a very mediocre chef.

Liam: Allergies?

Fix: None. And before you panic, I like everything

Fix: Especially you

Liam’s face flamed and he threw himself onto his couch and screamed into the pillows, phone clutched to his chest. He was going to combust. Burn up. Cease to exist. They'd have to vacuum the cinders of him that were left.

He felt the device vibrate and heard it ping again. He took a steadying breath before peeking an eye down to their text thread, in too deep to even think about not looking.

Fix: Too much?

Liam’s fingers texted back before he gave them permission, more scared that Fix would stop than he was of the effect on him if they continued.

Liam: Just enough

Fix: Good. See you later, honey

Liam dropped his phone and stared at King, who was still sitting in his spot while Liam flailed around, endlessly patient.

“Well I guess that settles that,” Liam said.

King huffed before finally deciding he’d had enough. He pawed at the headband until it slipped off and nudged Liam with his nose before excusing himself over to his box of chew-toys.

Liam was left sprawled across the sofa wondering when he’d completely lost the plot. He pushed himself up and over to the small mirror above his sewing machine.

He stared at his own reflection seriously, ignoring the fact that his mask was now dry and clinging to his skin weirdly.

“Are you really doing this?” he asked himself.

No answer was forthcoming.

He sighed and pulled the face mask off, starting the motions of getting himself ready for a stream on autopilot.

He had the routine down to perfection by now.

He shaved his entire body, washing and styling his hair dead straight with a tiny coquettish flick at the ends. He applied a thin layer of makeup to his eyes and lips—natural pinks to make his features pop on camera.

His outfit was one he had worked on himself: knee-high white socks tight against his calves with pink bows at the backs, his denim shorts more a suggestion of a belt than pants. The little pink tank top was sheer and sparkly, and he made sure to add a generous helping of body glitter to the rest of his skin to make it glow.

He knew what he looked like. He knew he was attractive. Knew his followers would love it.

And yet all he could think about was Fix and whether he’d like it.

He dimmed the lights in his room completely and set his equipment up just right. Everything was just as it was supposed to be.

Except for him.

He stared at the door to his bedroom, mind tumbling down a hill with no way to stop. He knew if he closed it, Fix wouldn’t come in. He’d sit in Liam’s living room and wait for him patiently, he was completely sure of it. And it would be enough. Knowing Fix was just there on the other side of the flimsy plywood.

But if he left the door open…

He could live out his fantasy in real life. It would be an invitation for Fix to come in, to watch, to see Liam naked and wrapped in desire.

If he left it open, Fix would know that he wanted him.

He walked over and grabbed the doorknob, swinging the door back and forth a little bit, arguing with himself. His countdown pinged the last seconds before he had to start.

He swung the door open.

Heart drumming excitement and anxiety into his bloodstream, he slid onto the bed on his stomach, kicking his legs in the air behind him and swishing them back and forth. He leaned his head against his palm and gave the camera a sultry look as he started the stream.

He’d chosen pink and white satin sheets to match his outfit and put some fluffy pillows around the bed to make the scene look cute and comfy. He knew it was much sweeter than his usual aesthetic, but there was an audience for it and he liked to mix it up for his own creative expression and so people wouldn’t get bored.

“Evening, everyone,” he said into the camera once the steady stream of people joining slowed down and evened out. “How about something a bit different tonight?”

The chat went crazy with agreement, people praising his choice of clothes, his hair, his body, and the way he was seductively rolling on his bed.

You’re late.

Liam smiled, licking his lips slowly.

“I know I was a bit late, but I had to make sure I looked perfect. You’ll forgive me, won’t you?” he said with a practiced pout.

He giggled at some of the replies, sweeping his hair over one shoulder so his neck was exposed.

Good boys should be on time.

A shot of ice flashed down Liam’s spine as he read and reread that single sentence surrounded by so many others.

It shouldn’t matter. This faceless, nameless person had no right to tell him if he was a good boy or not, it wasn’t their place. There was only one person Liam wanted to do that, he just had to pluck up the courage and actually tell him that.

“I guess I’m not a very good boy, then,” he said with a wink, sitting up on his heels. “So what should this naughty boy do tonight? Should I play with some toys? Or should I just play with myself?”

Suggestions rolled in, but all he could see was the single line that came through among them.

You need a daddy to put you in your place.

He couldn’t brush it off.

His desperate desire to be a boy, to be Fix’s boy, was too close to the surface. And the accusation that he was bad, that he needed correction, cut deeper than he wanted. His past mistakes with the dynamic flitted through his head like chapters in a book, their titles telling him that he asked for way too much, that he was difficult. Fix seemed like he’d give Liam everything and anything, but Liam didn’t want to risk losing him completely by asking for the impossible.

Wouldn’t just being his boy and pleasing Fix be enough?

It would have to be.

“Maybe I do need a daddy to put me in my place,” he said, hoping his voice was steady and seductive. Hoping he didn’t sound as jittery and unbalanced as he felt. “But what would he do to me if I’ve been so bad?”

He played it up for the camera, looking at it under his lashes and thumbing the edge of his top. He flashed his belly button to the viewers before letting it fall down again.

The chat was filled with suggestions of what a good daddy would do to Liam. Spank him. Punish him. Call him names. Make him crawl. Make him wait for his daddy naked at the front door. Make him stop doing his job and just please them. Have him make them come and then leave him alone to handle himself.

He read them out loud so it wasn’t just dead air, but with every new one that trickled in Liam’s stomach tightened. He didn’t want it to be like that. He didn’t want to be afraid of the person he was with.

He heard his tentative fantasy shatter inside his mind and felt himself lose a bit of the fire he had in his streams. All he could see was handprints on his skin where he didn’t want them. Rough hands holding him, making him do things he didn’t want.

He was struggling to breathe, his vision blurry, his skin clammy. The pings in the chat suddenly made him flinch, sounding like bullets aimed at him. It was all wrong and he didn’t want…

“It doesn’t have to be like that,” a familiar voice cut through the storm in his head.

A trickle of sweat ran down his spine under his glittery top as he searched the fog surrounding him and found something steady to latch on to.

Fix.

Standing in the doorway of his room, huge and filling the frame entirely, blocking the world’s access to Liam. Like an avenging angel. Like a protector.

“Fix,” he whispered.

“Don’t listen to them,” Fix said, quiet enough that Liam’s mic wouldn’t pick it up, but loud enough for Liam to hear. “A good daddy would give you everything you want, Liam. Anything you want. You’d be the one in control. You’d be the one deciding how much of yourself you’d give.”

“I…” Liam couldn’t even speak, mind reeling with Fix’s words.

The chat was still popping off. He knew he was messing up. He knew he had to do something to save it or cut it short, but he couldn’t move. All he could do was stare at Fix. Listen to his words and let them wash over him like a blanket.

Fix nodded toward his camera, blue eyes looking black in the darkness.

“Tell them,” he said softly. “Tell them they’re wrong, honey.”

“You’re wrong.” Liam spoke to the camera, a willing vessel for Fix’s words.

“Tell them your daddy would never hurt you on purpose.”

“My daddy would never hurt me on purpose,” Liam repeated, each word caressing his skin from the inside out, watching as the chat broke out in new comments. Some were arguing with him, some agreeing, some promising things Liam didn’t want them to deliver. People were starting to realize someone else was there, asking who it was.

“Tell them you’d be precious to him,” Fix whispered, regarding him with so much emotion he could hardly stand it.

“I…” These words were harder to say, the shape of them unfamiliar in his mouth. Liam wasn’t precious. He wasn’t…

“Tell them, honey,” Fix commanded.

Liam looked at the camera, unable to disobey, and took a deep breath. “I’d be precious to him.”

Fix nodded from the doorway and Liam basked in his approval, feeling it illuminate him from the inside out with such force he was surprised he wasn’t lighting up the room like the sun. It felt like he had done everything right, like he had pleased Fix, and it made him dizzy.

“Now tell them what you want from your daddy,” Fix said, louder now, and Liam gaped at him, stomach turning. His hair was stuck to his damp neck. “I know you have fantasies stored in that beautiful head of yours. A good daddy would make sure they were all fulfilled. But you have to let him know.”

It wasn’t about the stream anymore. If it ever had been. Liam could see the fire in Fix’s eyes as he looked at him. He could feel the crackle in the air around Fix as he stood tall and imposing between Liam and everything and everyone else. That was what it felt like. Like Fix had identified all the weak and vulnerable spots that left Liam exposed and had decided to fill it with his presence.

It was heady and scary at the same time to be the object of so much attention. To be someone’s focus the way he seemed to be Fix’s.

“Tell me,” Fix repeated, and Liam caught on to the change in his words.

Not them.

Not him.

Me.

Tell me.

“A good daddy would be here during my streams,” Liam said, hoping Fix would take that for what it meant. Because Liam didn’t know if he had the guts to say it out loud, but he wanted Fix to know. It was him. It had always been him. “He’d come to me to keep me safe.”

Fix was hanging on every word like gospel was falling from his lips.

“He’d…” Liam splaying his hands on his thighs, digging his nails into his skin to make himself focus. “He’d sit in the chair behind my camera. So he could see me, but not be seen.”

The moment the words were out of his mouth, Fix moved. Steps heavy but silent as he crossed Liam’s small room and sat in the chair in the corner like he belonged there. Like all he needed was Liam’s word and he’d do anything.

It was doing things to Liam. The ease with which Fix did what Liam needed him to do. The complete surrender to Liam’s wishes.

“He’d take his shirt off,” he said, because underneath the constant fear and doubt, Liam was a brat.

Fix quirked an eyebrow at him but leaned forward and unbuttoned his shirt, one maddening button at a time.

His tattoos were everywhere. Covering the bulging muscles of his arms, peeking from the thick hair on his wide chest. He was massive, stomach slightly soft and rounded but still toned. He was perfection, and Liam wanted… For the first time in a very long time, he truly wanted to be touched by someone. Owned by someone.

Not someone.

Fix.

“He’d tell me what he wanted me to do,” Liam said, voice a bit firmer, and Fix smiled. It looked predatory. Eyes dark and body covered in the shadows of Liam’s room.

Take your top off , Fix mouthed now that he was closer to the camera, and Liam gripped the hem of his top, pulling it up slowly. The slinky material trailed across his skin, making him break out in goose bumps.

It all felt surreal. But so good.

He pulled the top over his head and set it down next to him on the bed, looking at Fix to see what he wanted next. He found him pinching his nipples and giving them a small twist before releasing them. Liam did the same. He trailed his fingers down his neck and chest, settling on his nipples and mimicking Fix’s movements. He gasped at the sting, moaning softly when he let go, and the sensation disappeared leaving him wanting.

Fix stared at him and Liam realized he’d never once looked away from his eyes. He blinked and bit his lip, glancing down at the sudden sting of shyness.

Fix was having none of that.

“Look at me,” he whispered, and Liam snapped his eyes back up. “Beautiful.”

Liam felt his cheeks heat up. The fire that had been quenched by the chat caught again and engulfed him. He was hard. Achingly so. And he wanted Fix so much he felt like he’d die without him.

“He’d…” Liam’s voice came out unsteady. Unsure. “He’d want me.”

“I do,” Fix whispered.

“He’d like me.”

Fix nodded so confidently Liam’s eyes stung. He blinked, pushing the heel of his palm between his legs.

“He’d want me to feel good.”

Fix nodded again, encouraging him to keep going as he pressed down on his own arousal.

Liam’s other hand unbuttoned his shorts. He was wearing nothing underneath, so his cock was straining to spring free, pink and leaking already. “He’d want me naked and sitting on his lap.”

Fix leaned back in his chair like he was imagining just that, legs splayed open and jeans tented as he watched, still only looking Liam in the eyes. Still not allowing himself to look anywhere else.

“He’d make me touch myself so he could watch,” Liam said, giving permission, making sure Fix knew he wanted him to see. “I’d want him to watch.”

It was all he needed.

Fix trailed his gaze from Liam’s eyes, down his chest, and over his stomach. He stopped at the open vee of his shorts, sucking in a sharp breath when Liam pulled his hard cock out and fisted it tightly.

“He’d touch my legs,” Liam said, squeezing his cock and trying desperately not to come and end it all before he could truly enjoy it.

“He’d put his big hands on my ass and pull me closer,” he said, hips starting to sway back and forth, pushing his cock through the tight ring of his fingers. He threw his head back and moaned at the sensation, hair trailing down to the small of his back.

“Look at me.” He heard the quiet growl and snapped his head back up, finding Fix’s hungry gaze eating him alive. “Don’t stop.”

“He’d leave his fingerprints on me so I know I’m his,” Liam said, voice breaking as it went higher with pleasure.

Fix’s barrel chest was heaving with arousal, his hand still working over himself over his jeans, but not enough to come. It was like he couldn’t help it. Like he had to relieve the pressure somehow and it made Liam’s dick harder. The part of him that loved turning people on and putting on a show was lapping it up.

“He’d kiss me,” Liam moaned, hips working harder, his other hand rising to trace the imaginary kisses all over his skin. “My neck. My shoulders. Collarbones. Chest. He’d bite me.”

His hand worked faster on his cock, tugging, squeezing, making him see white. He was desperate to come but he also wanted this to last forever. At least in his head he was allowed to have everything he wanted.

“He’d tell me I’m pretty. That I’m good. That I take it so well for him,” Liam whined. “He’d whisper it in my ear so nobody else can hear but me.”

He wanted it. Fuck, he wanted it so badly it hurt.

“He’d pull me in and rock me against him.” The mental picture made him moan. Shame made him blush, but desire was stronger. It won against any discomfort he might have been feeling.

“His finger would slip,” Liam said, reaching behind him and slipping one of his fingers between his cheeks. “He’d touch my hole.”

Fix let out a low groan and Liam gasped when the sound made his balls tighten and his hole clench around nothing. He’d never felt emptier. Never wanted someone there more than he did Fix.

“He’d tell me I’m his.” Liam felt the familiar heat pool in the pit of his stomach. “And that he’s mine too.”

“I am yours.”

The declaration was resolute, so confident and sure that Liam moaned in ecstasy. He was so close, so desperately close, but there was something missing. He didn’t know what. He’d have asked for it if he did. Fix would give it to him. He’d know. Liam knew he’d know.

His hand moved furiously, almost painfully, but his orgasm was just out of reach, there but not quite, and Liam sobbed with need. “Please.”

Fix stood from the chair, kneeling next to Liam’s bed, still behind the camera. He leaned forward until the light shone on his face and all Liam could see were his eyes, eclipsed in black.

“Come, honey.”

Liam tumbled over the edge, eyes locked with Fix’s as he screamed in pleasure.

He spilled all over his hand, his bed, and the open shorts he was still wearing. The pearly top caught his cum, glistening with it under the dim lights. He worked his cock until there was nothing left but oversensitivity and the aftershocks that left him trembling.

He didn’t want to look at the chat and the people there. He didn’t want to come out of this moment with Fix. He just wanted to wrap himself up in it and never leave. Because if he ended it, Fix wouldn’t be there anymore. Liam wouldn’t have his attention anymore. He wouldn’t be the focus anymore and he didn’t…he didn’t think he could take it.

Fix watched him, eyes still heated but questioning. Trying to figure Liam out. Liam let him look. Better for him to know it all before it went anywhere.

Fix reached out and cut the stream, turning Liam’s camera off and shutting the world away.

It was just the two of them then. Just Liam being vulnerable in front of someone who now had the power to destroy him.

The fear came back.

“Can I touch you?” Fix asked quietly into the thickened silence.

There we go. This was familiar. This was what he would get from Fix. And he’d take it. He’d make it work.

“Yes,” he said, expecting Fix to reach for his cock, his ass.

But Fix sat on the edge of Liam’s bed and scooped him up like he weighed nothing. He wrapped his pink sheet around him like he was the sweetest confectionery and placed him on his lap instead.

He was sitting sideways, legs stretched out on the bed, ass on Fix’s thighs and head pressed against his bare chest, utterly confused. “I thought…”

Fix shushed him, running a hand through his now messy hair. “I can only assume what you thought, and we’ll get to that. But I have a question first.”

Liam held his breath, pulling back and meeting Fix’s eyes.

“Honey,” Fix said, watching his face for the answer, “do you want a daddy?”

Liam swallowed, his mind as unkind to him as always. It forced him to look back on the worst of his experiences. Making him remember how they felt. How small they’d made him feel.

He pushed against it. Squashed it down until all he could see was Fix. Fix, who had been nothing but kind and patient. Fix, who Liam had zeroed in on from the moment they’d met and couldn’t stop thinking about. Fix, who felt like home more than any apartment he’d lived in or any town he’d moved to.

Everything that had happened to Liam seemed to have led to Fix, so why…why would he deny himself a sliver of the fantasy he’d carried around for as long as he could remember?

“Yes,” he whispered.

“Why does that scare you?”

Liam hid his face against Fix’s neck, smelling sandalwood and musk. “Because you’re too good to be true. And so the only thing I can focus on is trying to figure out when I’m gonna ruin it.”

“Honey,” Fix said, and Liam whined against his neck. “I’m certainly not perfect and you won’t ruin anything. Just talk to me.”

“I just…I’ve tried before and it never works out. What do I have to do to make it work? What do I call you? And when? Like…do you want me to call you Daddy just in private or all the time? And what do you call me? I don’t like slurs or insults but if you like that then it ruins things because I don’t. So I don’t…”

He’d sat up straighter during his rant, flapping a hand uselessly, only for it to end up thumping to his lap in frustration.

“You know what I mean?”

Fix chuckled before shaking his head, expression fond. “You ramble.”

“Mm-hmm.” Liam blushed. “When I’m nervous.”

“There’s no need to be nervous,” Fix said, cupping his cheek and stroking his thumb over the arch. “Look, you’ve had a long and eventful day and so have I, so how about we make it a little simpler? I like being called Daddy. When and where, I leave to my boy to decide. The people who matter to me know, so if you want to call me that all the time, feel free. If you want to play it by ear and do it when it feels right, that also works. As for me…I like calling you honey. And I think you like it too?”

Liam’s blush grew, but he nodded because yes, he did like it and he wanted to keep it.

“Are you okay with me calling you that in public? In front of others?” Fix asked and Liam nodded again. “Then that’s it. Slurs and insults don’t appeal to me at all. And when I need to explain our dynamic to someone, I’d like to call you my boy. Is that okay with you?”

“Yes.” Liam’s heart was thumping with hope. “I like that.”

“Okay. That covers that and I think we can leave it there for the night. We both need some food and some fun.” Fix smiled slowly. “So, honey, will you go on a date with me?”