A Thousand Glittering Lights

Chapter 5

Ellie heavedherself off the sofa and through the house to answer the doorbell in her slippers. After spending the day feeling like she was being dragged through a hedge backward, making her get off her sofa was just mean. Especially since Nissy had finally deigned to come and sit on her lap and was purring gently when the bell rang. Still, if they’d come all the way down her narrow lane, the least she could do was give them directions to wherever they were really supposed to be.

She swung open the door, already wondering if she was going to need her phone so she could use the maps, only to find Victoria balancing two tubs of ice cream, a large apple pie, and a bottle of wine… and trying to press the doorbell again with her elbow.

Ellie chuckled, reaching to help with the pie and bottle, warmth filling her. “Vic! I’m so glad to see you! I didn’t know you were coming.”

Vic gave her a half-hug over their full arms. “You didn’t think I would let you spend all day in hospital and not check up on you, did you?”

In the past, she wouldn’t have doubted it. No matter what else was happening in their lives, they’d always looked out for each other. But lately they’d seen less and less of each other. Ellie had invited Victoria out multiple times, only to be met with excuses—Vic was too busy, too tired, had a headache, was still at work—until Ellie had stopped asking. But she couldn’t say any of that. Not with Vic standing in her hallway, having come all the way to see her.

She smiled instead, leading the way indoors, and spoke over her shoulder, “You’re the best.” She meant it. Her best friend was with her, the pie was still warm, and the scent of rich butter and cinnamon-sugar rose through the air. It meant the world.

“So.” Vic grinned at her. It was a genuine smile, although she looked a little more brittle than usual. “Did they find a brain then?”

Ellie snorted as she grabbed a pair of bowls and started serving. “Probably would be more worrying if they did, right?”

“I don’t know.” Vic took out two glasses and poured the wine, moving around the kitchen with the comfort of long familiarity. “First time for everything.”

They both laughed as they carried their bowls and glasses through to the living room to settle into their usual places on the sofa.

They sat quietly, enjoying the hot pie and cold ice cream, before Vic met Ellie’s eyes, her expression serious. “How did it really go?”

Ellie swallowed a spoonful of choc-chip cookie dough ice cream and lifted a shoulder. “It wasn’t so bad.”

It had been quite bad. Just the smell of the hospital made her start to sweat; she only had unpleasant memories associated with that sharp, antiseptic scent. Never mind spending the entire day there—alone—being jabbed with needles, poked and prodded, and even having to lie still in the claustrophobic MRI machine while it thudded and whirred. All while wondering whether they were going to find something deeply wrong with her. And she’d caught a cab there and back, which meant she’d felt completely out of control during the journey. It was difficult to see past the driver’s head, and he was singing along with the radio instead of concentrating. She’d almost asked him to bring her home so she could just drive her own damn car, panic attack or not.

Vic frowned at her, her gaze full of concerned understanding. “It was horrible then.”

“Yeah, it was horrible,” Ellie admitted before doing her best to lighten her tone. “But at least it was only for the day.” Unlike the last time she’d woken up in hospital—with two broken ribs, a punctured lung, and badly lacerated legs and arms. “And I didn’t have to stay the night.”

Vic huffed a rough agreement. “Why did you need to go back? Your message didn’t say, and I thought you were doing much better.”

Nissy stalked along the back of the sofa, bright eyes focused on the bowls of ice cream, and Ellie lifted her to sit on the cushion beside her, using the time to find the right explanation. One that didn’t give Vic any more reason to suggest she should sell her game. “I had some… visual disturbances,” she hedged.

Vic tilted her head to her side, chewing slowly. “Like a migraine?”

Not even vaguely. Unless a migraine looked like hot, brooding intruder who didn’t know his own name. She shook her head while she tried to work out what to say. “More like a weird kind of mirage.” That was a better word than hallucination, right?

Vic winced. “Sounds worrying. Do you have any ideas what caused it?”

“Not yet.” Who knew? Maybe something was very wrong. Or maybe it was stress, or a delayed response to the trauma. Or maybe she’d just lived in her own made-up world for too long. Or maybe it was real…. But she didn’t begin to know how to feel about that.

Vic patted her leg. “Are you better now, though? That’s the main thing.”

“It went away,” Ellie said quietly, instead of admitting the truth. She didn’t feel better. She wished he hadn’t gone away. She wanted him to have been real.

And that worried her more than anything. She shoved the thought as far away as possible. “I’d rather hear about you. I’m sure you had a much more interesting day.”

Vic hummed noncommittally before taking another bite of pie. “It was fine.”

“How are you getting on with the designs for the bathroom upgrade you were looking at?” Ellie asked with a smile. Vic had inherited her stunning Georgian townhouse near Hampstead Heath from her granny, and she adored it. The last time Ellie had visited her there, she’d had big plans for a freestanding claw-foot bath.

“It’s on hold for now.”

“Really? I thought?—”

“It’s not the right time,” Vic said firmly, cutting off that conversation. “I’m focusing on other things.”

“Oh. Right.” There was a lot to do in a house that old. “If you want help?—”

“No, thanks.”

Okay…. Ellie searched for something else to ask. She was tired and her body ached, and somehow this conversation was way harder than she’d expected. She’d been so glad to see Vic, but now she just wanted to go back to her comfy sofa. Luckily, there was always work. “Did you get those storyline notes I sent through? Has Duane got the team making the changes?”

Victoria stiffened, just a fraction, but Ellie knew her too well for her to hide it. “They’re doing what you asked,” Vic said, although she didn’t sound thrilled. “I agree the first drafts weren’t perfect, but I think there’s something in those original outlines. I think we can take the story somewhere a little darker. Add in some real threat. Real danger.”

“Of course there has to be danger,” Ellie agreed. “But this is a romance. There has to be some hope.”

“Players will think it’s more realistic?—”

Ellie shook her head. “Not our players. There’s enough reality in the world. This is about creating an escape. Somewhere deadly but also beautiful. Somewhere there’s a chance to make it out alive with the person you love at your side.”

“Mm-hmm.” Vic swirled her spoon through her bowl, watching it move as if the melting ice cream was deeply fascinating, before looking up once more. “Hey, did your father call?”

Ellie blinked. The complete change in subject was disorienting. But also… it made her think perhaps the more combat-based storylines hadn’t been quite as unintentional as she’d thought.

She focused on Vic’s question and forced herself to smile, aiming for casual, even while knowing she couldn’t completely hide her response. Vic almost certainly already knew her father hadn’t called—and she’d know how much it hurt.

Ellie had spent years trying—and failing—to be the perfect daughter. A daughter worthy of attention.

But her dad hadn’t come to visit her when she lay in AE, the heartbeat monitor beeps discordant in her ears, wading through a sea of pain after her accident. He sent a note saying that hospitals were too difficult for him, and he hoped she felt better soon. It hadn’t helped her feel better in any way, and she didn’t bother telling him she was going back in for more tests today. There was only one reason for Vic to bring him up now. “Did he come to the office?”

Vic nodded slowly.

“I guess he was disappointed I wasn’t there, working to sell the game,” Ellie said quietly.

“Yes, he came to talk to you about Silver Wolff,” Vic said, studiously avoiding her eyes.

Of course he did. After all these years of Ellie trying to be the daughter he needed, he’d finally shown an interest in her… and it wasn’t even an interest in her. And then another terrible thought occurred to her. “Vic, is that why you’re here? After I spent the day in hospital? To try to convince me to sell?”

“No!” Vic dumped her bowl on the table and stood. “No. I was worried about you! I wanted to check on you. I didn’t want you here all alone. I just thought—” She let out an exasperated grunt and strode toward the folding doors to look out at the dark garden.

Ellie blinked against the tears in her eyes. Hell. She was too tired to deal with any of this. Just thinking about selling made her want to go back to bed and pull the covers over her head.

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and looked up at her precious fan art. She wanted to keep the community she’d been building, not give it all away. “I really don’t think this sale would be good for us. I think it would be better?—”

Vic spun back roughly enough to cut off Ellie’s words. “The sale has to go ahead.”

Ellie looked across at her, the space between them wider than it had ever been. “What does that mean? Has to?”

Vic cleared her throat. “Everyone has worked too hard to lose this opportunity. Don’t you think it’s time to take the reward for all that work? Don’t you think it’s time to really live, not just slowly die chained to a desk?”

Ellie rubbed at the building ache in her chest. Of course she’d thought about the things Vic was saying. She needed a better balance in her life. But she needed to make this decision for the right reasons.

A memory rose. Of flying down the steep road with the wind in her face, the thrill of speed and freedom sending joyful adrenaline sparkling through her blood. The group of cyclists around her—some she knew, some down from London for the day—mirrored her joy. Their faces were half hidden by helmets and sunglasses, any exposed skin flushed with hard exercise and exhilaration. She was in the lead. Usually she was content cycling somewhere in the middle of the pack, but somehow she’d found herself in the front that day. She was pulling away, pushing herself even faster. And then, without warning, there was a huge SUV beside her. Dark windows. Dark paint. Too close. Real threat. Real danger. The smell of hot rubber. The sounds of the engine. Too loud. And then?—

“Ellie? Are you okay?” Vic stepped closer. “You went pale.”

Ellie swallowed. The aftertaste of the ice cream in her mouth was too sweet. Her lips were cold, and her head throbbed. “Yeah, sorry. I just…” She shook her head and then winced when it hurt even more.

“I lost you for a moment there, El.” Vic sighed, looking guilty. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything about dying.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Ellie gave Vic the best smile she could, fighting to speak through the tightness in her throat. “I guess it just takes a while.” And the tension between them wasn’t helping. God, she hated conflict.

Nissy stood from her cushion and stalked onto her lap, nosing around her chin. Her soft whiskers tickled gently, and Ellie held on to her small warm body.

“I wish it had never happened.” Vic stood, looking at her with concern. “Here, let me tidy up so you can get some rest.” She stacked the empty bowls and carried them into the kitchen.

Ellie gave Nissy a last cuddle and then put her back on her cushion, then pushed herself up to follow. She found Vic rinsing bowls at the sink. “You don’t have to do that.”

Vic threw a smile at her over her shoulder. “I don’t mind. I hate seeing you look so pale.”

Ellie leaned against the doorframe, suddenly even more tired than before. She was standing precisely where her hallucination had stood. His big shoulder pressed against this exact doorframe.

If only he was real.

“Shall I get the guest room ready for you?” Ellie asked. “We can have leftover apple pie for breakfast like we used to.”

Vic chuckled, but her back was still to Ellie. “Thanks, El, but I need to get back.”

“Tonight? Really?” It was a long way back. But maybe they needed the space.

“Yes, I promised—” Vic turned away to stack the bowls in the drying rack, cleared her throat, and then started again. “I’ve got a lot to do tomorrow. Easier to drive back now than face the morning rush.”

Ellie watched her friend, taking in Vic’s stiff shoulders as she fussed with the crockery. “Okay, if you’re comfortable with the drive…. Hang on. Who did you promise?”

Vic shrugged without turning around.

“Are you seeing someone new? That’s great news.” Relief welled through her. If Vic was dating again, starting to try again, perhaps she’d begun to recover from the hurt Warren caused.

Vic spun to face her, her voice sharp. “What? No! Of course I’m not seeing anyone else. Warren is…”

Hell. Ellie leaned more heavily against the frame, just as her hallucination had done. “Warren is?” she prompted.

“Nothing.” Vic dried her hands with jerky movements.

Ellie moved closer, her heart thudding heavily in her ears. “Are you back with him? You can tell me, Vic. I?—”

“I don’t want to talk about this with you.”

“Okay.” Ellie took a slow breath. “Okay, that’s fine. I just don’t want to see you hurt again. You’re my family, and Warren—” What were the right words? She didn’t know anymore.

Maybe it didn’t matter; Vic clearly didn’t want to hear them anyway. She neatly tucked the tea towel away, smoothing it until it was perfect before stalking past Ellie and into the hall. “I have to go.”

“Alright.” Ellie forced a smile. “I’ll be here, if you need me.”

Vic grunted as she grabbed her coat and bag. They didn’t hug goodbye, and Ellie stood at the door watching for long moments after she drove away.

Then she closed up the house, checked all the locks, said goodnight to Nissy—who had taken herself to her cave—and made her way upstairs for a hot shower.

And if she checked every mirror more than once, if she lay listening for a deep voice long past the time she should have gone to sleep, she was just being careful. It didn’t mean anything.

And the quiet emptiness—the fact that he had disappeared and never come back—had nothing to do with how alone she felt.