Chapter 13
There was darkness.There was a woman—Ellie. And now there were also memories. Memories of soft skin smelling of vanilla and jasmine, a quiet laugh, a quick wit, and a vibrant imagination. Memories of her body so close to his. Her hand on his chest, just above his heart. Memories of the all-consuming need to touch her. To hold her. To keep her. And twining though those memories, the sharper, colder, instinctive knowledge that she was not his to keep. That he shouldn’t get too close. That he needed to control his feelings.
He remembered a man, older than him, someone important, ruffling his hair. “Be good, Joshy. You’re a big lad now. Your mum needs you.”
No,he wanted to scream. She needs you! I need you! But he didn’t open his mouth. Why not? He kept silent. And the man walked away.
And there was also the memory of a dark SUV and a steep road. He hated that memory. And the fear that came with it. What if he remembered it because he was there? What if he’d been involved?
He forced away the thought. Allowed himself to sink deeper into the darkness. Away from all the things he didn’t know and didn’t want to know.
He floated for a long time, in that dim, silent place. Until the sound of beeping drove him to the surface.
Where was he? He forced his gritty eyes open. Tried to understand. He didn’t know this place. It was cold and bright. His lips were cracked, his mouth dry. It wasn’t Ellie’s house. She wasn’t there. There was no sunlight, no warmth, no lilting voice. And his body didn’t move. It was locked in place.
He would have howled, if he could.
“His eyes are open.” A voice spoke loudly beside him. A voice he knew. His… brother’s? He tried to turn his head. Couldn’t.
“Why are his eyes open?” There was a flurry of activity. Someone new. A light shone in his eyes, but it hurt so he closed them again.
He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be back with Ellie. And he’d promised. Somehow he knew—he’d promised.
He let himself drift back into the darkness.