Chapter 15
Josh tightenedhis arm over Ellie’s shoulder where she lay cuddled up against his side. Their bodies were naked under the covers, heated skin pressed against heated skin.
She unlocked him. Her kiss had given him back his name. Sinking into her body… God. It had given him so much more.
His memories—his life—were closer than ever. He could feel the shape of them, almost in reach. He could recall individual moments. Raising a pint glass to his lips in a familiar pub. A heron taking flight over a canal as he hurried to class. Serving breakfast for a younger boy, helping him with his homework. He remembered the moment he’d cut his lip: flicking a skateboard up through the air, intending to catch it and impress a girl he liked. But he’d misjudged and slammed it into his face instead. His teenage friends thought it was hilarious. And the girl… He reached for the memory and found only fog.
He didn’t know what she’d thought. Or who she was. Or if he’d ever even seen her again. He didn’t know who the boy was, only that he was important. Or where his home was. He had images and flashes, but the complete picture was still missing.
Outside Ellie’s house, a pair of tawny owls called to each other, their soft hooting a haunting melody drifting in through the open window. Goose bumps rose along his arms; his body heat was slowly fading. He pulled Ellie in a little closer, sharing her warmth, the comfort she offered so freely.
She turned her head up to look at him, one brow raised in question.
“I heard the owls,” he explained, as if that was an answer. He lifted a lock of hair and caressed it between finger and thumb. “They’re calling to each other. Claiming their territory—and each other.”
“Owls?”
“A pair.”
Not only was Ellie haunting him, now even the owls were taunting him with their duet. Calling back and forth. Choosing to share their lives.
“I didn’t realize that hooting was more than one owl,” Ellie said, only half awake.
“Tawny owls,” he replied, tucking the soft strands behind her ear. “They mate for life.”
“That’s beautiful. Better than the nightingale.” She lowered her head back to his chest and closed her eyes sleepily. And then shot back up, eyes wide. “I didn’t know that,” she whispered.
“About the owls?” He let out a self-deprecating huff. “I don’t know where I live, but I can tell you all about the local bird life.”
“No.” She cupped his cheek with her hand, turning his face to look her right in the eye. “I didn’t know that tawny owls mate for life. The same as I didn’t identify the nightingale.” Her expression was completely serious. “Josh, I couldn’t have hallucinated something I didn’t know.”
He stilled. “Did you still believe I was a hallucination?”
“No.” She shook her head roughly. “I mean… I didn’t think so. I wanted…” She let out a long breath. “I wanted you to be here, with me.”
“I am here.”
Doubt and fear and hope tangled together in her expression, and he wanted to give her something. Give her some of what she gave him. He lifted her hand from where it rested on his chest, brought it to his lips, and pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles. And then another. “I was just thinking that you—touching you—makes me remember myself.”
She settled onto her side, resting on one elbow. “What do you mean?”
“When you touch me, I feel as if I’m coming back. I start to remember pieces of my life. It’s like…” He paused, not quite finding the words he wanted. He let go of her hand, and she settled it back on his chest, a warm weight right over his heart. “It’s like you’re a candle, casting light, showing me where I am. Showing me who I am.”
She leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. And if he was another man, a man who could really allow himself to feel, he might have wept for how tender and gentle it was.
She stroked her thumb along his jaw, rasping through the bristles. “And do you? Remember who you are?”
She sounded so encouraging, and her eyes held so much empathy, that he almost didn’t want to tell her no. But lying was not in his nature—and Ellie deserved the full truth. “I know my name is Josh. I know I cut my lip with a skateboard when I was trying to prove how cool I was. And I know that, right now, there’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be than here, holding you.”
She stayed there, looking down at him for a beat, and then dipped to press a soft kiss to his lips. He slid his hand up her back, savoring her smooth skin, letting the kiss take them both away. But not for long enough. She had more questions.
Ellie raised her head, her eyes flicking between his as she met his gaze. “And do you remember the other place? The place you go when… when you’re not here.”
An image of a large navy blue SUV flickered in his memory, but he blinked it away. “I’m only aware of three places: here with you, the darkness, and somewhere cold and bright and painful.” He threaded his fingers through her hair and kissed her again, needing her lips on his.
She drew away and settled herself back down, nestling her head under his chin and wrapping her arm around his chest. Perhaps to get closer. Perhaps for reassurance. Perhaps so that she could look away as she asked in a low voice, “Why here, Josh? Why do you come?”
There was an answer, somewhere lost in the mist of his memories. Like a word he couldn’t remember, sitting at the tip of his tongue, scratching at the back of his mind. But he couldn’t reach it.
But there was one thing he knew, one certainty he could offer unreservedly. “Because you’re here.”