Chapter 36
Ellie movedthrough the world as if she was a phantom herself. The paramedics came and bustled around Victoria while Ellie held her hand and tried to explain what had happened.
She found Nissy and cradled her small body while she rang the emergency vet and tried to talk through her sobs.
The police came and dragged Warren away as he cursed and stumbled, pausing to vomit all over her driveway before being shoved into the back of a police car. Blue lights swirled. People shouted. But all she could hear was Josh saying goodbye. All she could feel was Nissy’s panted breaths.
She called Liam. She said something, tried to explain. Or maybe she didn’t. Maybe she just cried, and he knew what she couldn’t say.
Somehow—she didn’t know how, she couldn’t remember giving her address—a vet came and took Nissy, promising to care for her as if she was his own. It physically hurt to part with her, but there was nothing more Ellie could do to help her. She had to trust. Even so, she clung to Nissy’s precious body, wishing she could somehow imprint her with her love before she reluctantly handed her over.
Then she climbed into the ambulance with Vic. They rode to the hospital together, both crying, their hands gripped tightly even as the paramedics worked around them.
She called Vic’s mum and then sat beside her bed until she was taken away for surgery.
She called her dad and left a message when he didn’t answer.
Everything was a blur.
She found Josh’s ward and stumbled there, begging to see him. She had to see him. The nurse said something, but she couldn’t hear what it was, only the gist. She couldn’t go in. She wasn’t family. Oh God.
She couldn’t breathe. Her lungs were trapped in a vise. Her entire body trembled, panic clawing at her. Ellie doubled over, wrapping her arms around her waist, trying to suck in air. The panic was back, and this time it wasn’t a familiar demon; it was a vast and terrifying monster. It was right on top of her, tearing at her skin, suffocating her, overwhelming her.
Josh needed her. She didn’t know if he was still alive. Didn’t know if the knife had destroyed him. Didn’t know if he was lost in the darkness. And she couldn’t reach him. She couldn’t even breathe.
And then, suddenly she wasn’t alone. Soft, warm arms came around her and Donna was there. And then Liam too. Donna held her like a mother would. Whispering and shushing. And she clung to her, weeping with her, finding her path back through the panic, as Donna’s words slowly penetrated. “He’s alive.”
Ellie scrubbed shaking hands over her cheeks. “He’s alive?”
“He’s still unconscious. And there was—” Donna took her hands and gripped them in her own. “There was a scare. His heart stopped. But they got him back.”
“Is he…? Did he wake up at all?” Ellie whispered.
Donna shook her head, a tiny, tired motion. “No. He’s still in a coma.”
God. Ellie didn’t want to tell them. Didn’t think she could bear it. But she forced the words out. “He was… hurt. There was a knife.” She swallowed against the heavy ache in her throat. “He said goodbye.”
Donna flinched, blinking against her tears. “I think I knew.”
“I’m sorry,” Ellie whispered, despair and grief, guilt and fear twisting through her. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”
Donna tugged her to sit in one of the plastic chairs, Liam on her other side, and waited until Ellie looked up and met her eyes. “None of this is your fault, Ellie. None of it. You brought my son back.” She leaned forward, still gripping Ellie’s hands. “Do you know how seldom he smiled? After his father left, it was like he had to save everyone, all the time. But with you—he laughed again. He was happy. You gave him that.” Fresh tears flooded over and slid down Donna’s face. “He loved you, and I’m glad.”
“I’m glad too,” Liam agreed brokenly. And they clung to each other, three strangers brought together by their love for Josh, supporting and holding one another.
Eventually, Donna wiped her face and stood. “Come. We’ve cried enough.” She pulled Ellie with her as she explained to the nurse that Ellie was Josh’s fiancée.
They made their way into his room hand in hand. It was so white. So cold. And Josh looked so fragile, so alone.
He had a drip in his arm, a feeding tube taped to his face and inserted into his nose. He was so pale, the bruises under his eyes so dark, that it almost took her to her knees. But it was her turn to hold on to Donna, to support her as they made their way closer.
And she did it. One aching step, one wavering breath at a time, they held each other. And when they sat beside Josh, they sat together, the three of them.
An hour later, a nurse came to tell her that Victoria was out of surgery. Donna and Liam promised to stay with Josh—and call her if there was any change—so she made her way down to the women’s ward and waited for Vic.
She called the vet, who assured her that Nissy would be fine and even let her FaceTime to tell Nissy how much she loved her. It looked like Warren had kicked her, but with time and care, she would be okay.
Vic came back with a nurse who explained that the cut in her neck was shallow enough that they could clean and stitch the wound closed without major surgery. Warren had missed her artery and her esophagus. Thank God. But the trauma would be another question.
Ellie sat quietly as Vic came out of the anesthetic, offering her ice chips when she needed them.
“Ellie,” Vic croaked eventually, “I have to tell you how sorry I am. I have to tell you?—”
Ellie shushed her. “Please don’t be sorry. It was all Warren. All of it.” She pressed a kiss to her friend’s forehead. “I only wish I’d realized just how bad things were for you.”
Vic shook her head gingerly, wincing as the moment tugged her wound. “I wouldn’t have listened. I—” She looked away. “I wanted him to love me.”
God. Ellie hadn’t realized it was possible to hurt any more that day than she already had. But it was. “I know you did,” she whispered. “That’s okay.”
“It’s not okay,” Vic rasped, her eyes heavy with exhaustion and red from crying.
“It will be,” Ellie replied, stroking her hair. “We all want to be loved, Vic. It’s going to take time, but Warren’s gone now. And we can do it together.”
“How’s Josh?” Vic asked carefully. “Is he… okay?”
Ellie tried to smile, but all it did was make her tears spill over. “His heart stopped when the knife…” She swiped at her eyes with her sleeve. “They got him back. But he’s still in a coma. There’s no change.”
Vic leaned against the raised back of the hospital bed and closed her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“No more apologies,” Ellie whispered. “Focus on getting better.” She pulled up a blanket and tucked it carefully around Vic’s shoulders and then sat with her until her mother bustled in and took over, crying dramatically and demanding to see her baby.
Victoria looked more horrified about her mum’s theatrics than the news that she would have to stay for a night to make sure there were no complications—but it was the first spark Ellie had seen in her friend, and it gave her hope.
She hugged Vic gently and promised to come back in the morning—or sooner if Vic needed her. Neither of them mentioned that her own father hadn’t come at all.
It stung, but in a strange way, it didn’t hurt as much as before. Ellie didn’t need Steven’s approval. She was creating a new family. A family who loved and supported each other, even when things were bad.
She gave Vic one last careful squeeze and made her way back up to Josh’s room. Donna and Liam were where she’d left them. She settled in between them and took Josh’s hand.
They didn’t talk. There was nothing to say. But just being there, together, was enough.
The sun set, and Donna and Liam got ready to leave, but Ellie couldn’t do it. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week, she would have the strength, but not yet. Liam took her keys and promised to see what he could do to clean up at her house, and she thanked him gratefully. And then she pulled the plastic chair close to Josh’s bed and told him stories—about her life, about the future she wanted, about the future they could have—but he didn’t stir.
She reminded him of the owls, mated for life, creating a home just outside their window. But he stayed just as still as ever.
She threaded her fingers through his and leaned her forehead against their clasped hands and told him the story of the orcs she was going to write into a game. With a brooding orc rebel who climbed the ranks young, trusting no-one, and the witch who escaped with him from the cruel king’s dungeons. How they fell in love, and their love was powerful and true. How their love was enough to save them.
But he didn’t wake.
She kissed his hand, whispering, “It’s you, Josh. It’s you I love.” But he never moved.
And then she put her head down and wept, her tears soaking the crisp hospital sheet.
There was no work she could do. No effort she could make. No way to save him. But she didn’t let him go. Even when she closed her eyes and finally drifted into a strange and shadowed sleep. She held on.