31. Cirri
Chapter 31
Cirri
M y heart raced, slamming against my ribs as Bane gazed down at me.
“Cirri…” he breathed.
I believed that I loved him. No, I knew I loved him. Somewhere along the way I had stopped seeing him as a hideous beast, and I saw only the good in him.
And I wasn’t willing to lay down one day and let death have me, ripping me away from all I loved.
My only fear was that he didn’t feel the same. Maybe he adored me, but it wasn’t a love strong enough to want me forever.
Fear iced my spine, my palms going clammy.
I want to be with you , I signed, unable to stop my hands from trembling. I feel that I am your true mate, Bane. Nobody else. Only me .
He exhaled slowly, taking my hands, and the fear was choking me, an almost physical presence in my chest that threatened to crush my heart and lungs.
Bane was going to tell me no, that I had it all wrong. That I wasn’t a true mate, not worthy of centuries with him, that the horrible portrait of me was the only memory he would ever want.
His eyes gleamed, amber and soot, flashing with his predator’s nightshine as he looked at me.
I swallowed, my throat tightening. Even if he told me no… I refused to cry.
“You feel that because you are,” he said softly. “You are the only one for me, as I am the only one for you. There will never be another.”
For a moment I couldn’t place his words. I’d been expecting a rejection so deeply that it took my mind a second to catch up.
Then… you’ll give me your blood? I asked, reclaiming my hands to speak. You’ll keep me?
He hesitated. “Cirri, we’re both old enough to know that life is not a fairy tale. You have only seen… what I’ve allowed you to see. This is not all there is to being a fiend.”
Bane touched his face, the same tentative gesture I’d seen him make when he was ashamed of himself, when he didn’t want to speak of what he was.
“There will be times when I’m not myself. Not civilized.” His lips drew back, exposing his fangs. “Times when I’ll be a danger to you, as much as I am to anyone else.”
I already know that, and I still want you . I lifted my chin, staring at him.
Bane dropped his hand, making the face that meant a smile. “I know, and I want you despite knowing what I am. I am a very selfish man.”
Then be selfish. Keep me for yourself.
He exhaled, staring out over the balcony into the darkened Bloodgarden. I allowed him to think, keeping my hands still, admiring him as he considered.
He was beautiful to my eyes, monstrous as he was. The silver moon on his ashen skin, the perfect symmetry of the organic armor of his body, even the strength in those broadened jaws and clawed hands.
Once I might’ve found the nobleman’s clothes a silly affectation for a being like him, but now I saw my lover, as handsome as any lord.
“I propose an agreement,” he finally said, his deep voice pitched low.
I tipped my head. I’m listening.
“As I said, life is no fairy tale. We’ve both experienced our fair share of disappointments.” He took a breath, looking at me. “I don’t want to be one of yours. Live with me for a year and a day as a human. See me as I am, both the good and the awful. When that last day comes, if you still want me, I will not hesitate. I will make you mine for eternity.”
I gazed up at him, reading the emotions in the ash-scattered gold of his eyes.
He wanted me. The crushing weight lifted from my chest.
And I could agree. Life would not always be roses. We would disagree, fight—as our vows had claimed, there would be hardships. There would be pain to temper the sweet.
A year was nothing next to eternity. If it would prove to Bane that I was sure about him, more sure than anything in my life, a year was a perfectly reasonable compromise.
You must do the same , I said. You must see me as I am, every virtue and flaw, before you decide.
He smiled slightly. “My lady, I’m already sure. My only fear is that you’ll wish one day to be free. Once you’ve had my blood, there is no freedom. I will feel you, every second, for as long as you live. And I would never be able to let you walk away.”
Never , I said fiercely. One year and one day, Bane. And then I’m yours .
I rose onto my toes, gripping his shoulders, and kissed him. I wasn’t careful, and the tip of a fang caught my lower lip with a bright flash of pain. Blood welled, a single crimson bead, and Bane’s forked tongue lapped it away.
He grunted low in his throat, pulling me closer, and I opened my mouth for him. The prongs caught my tongue, wrapping around it and stroking, teasing me as he’d teased my clit to an orgasm with the prehensile tips.
I gasped into his mouth, my body crushed against his, and I felt his cock throbbing hard against my belly.
There is one flaw between us now , I signed, grazing my teeth over his tongue as he withdrew. We’re not in bed. If you’re willing to take me, I want you willing to give yourself to me. I want to fuck my husband, Bane. I want to feel all of you.
Bane’s eyes were wild, burning with inner heat as he stared at me.
How can we have children one day without practice? I smiled up at him sweetly.
Without another word, he scooped me up in one arm, clasping me against him.
He launched himself upwards, clinging to the stone walls of the keep with his clawed feet and one hand. My arms tightened around his neck, the crimson petals of my skirt flapping out into the open air, and my stomach flipped.
It was a long drop to the Bloodgarden below.
But Bane’s arm was clamped around my waist, securing me to his side. He climbed with smooth confidence, claws digging between the stones, as easily as a man might walk.
He growled as he climbed towards the Tower of Winter, clinging to the sill of the open window to the bedroom, and carried me inside. I was reminded of human wedding traditions, how a groom would carry his bride over a line of silver and rowan dust on the way to bed, but this was a beast carrying a woman off to his tower.
I shivered with anticipation, burying my face between his neck and shoulder.
He landed on the floor with a heavy thud, adjusting his grip until he cradled me in his arms, gazing lovingly into my eyes.
He shook his head. “I don’t know why, but I love it when you say ‘fuck’. It does something to me.”
I giggled despite myself, a flurry of nervous breaths, and unlooped my arms from his neck to speak. Maybe because that’s what I want you to do to me.
He growled, carrying me to the bed. I half expected him to toss me in, but he put me carefully on the floor. “This comes off.”
I reached behind my back, feeling for the laces of the bodice, my knees shaking with anticipation, hands shaking with the desire to get this damn dress off already.
But Rose had knotted them too tightly. I tugged at a lace, my fingers picking ineffectually at the knot, until the entire bodice suddenly loosened.
Bane held up a claw. “I’m impatient.”
So am I . Take that off. I want to see all of you .
Bane tugged the shredded laces away, tossing the loose panels of the bodice to the floor, but his hands slowed as he moved to the crimson underdress.
He stood behind me, his breath ruffling my hair as he slipped the sleeves over my shoulders, peeling the dress away inch by inch. A hungry rumble resonated from his chest as it slipped over my breasts and down my waist.
A tickle touched my spine; his tongue flicking over the nape of my neck, down my back, as he tasted me. The edges of his fangs grazed flesh, not quite hard enough to draw blood, but enough to make me shiver.
I stepped from the gown, turning to face him. His eyes roved over me, gleaming with a ravenous light.
Now for you .
He shrugged out of the brocade overcoat, and I stepped forward to unbutton the shirt beneath. His breath was raspy, and he raised his hands to trace his claws over my shoulders, caressing the edges of my breasts and teasing my hardened nipples.
I pushed the shirt aside, exposing the wide, hard planes of his chest, the thick muscles of his abdomen. Bane shrugged it off, peeling his trousers away and throwing them aside.
In the moonlight we gazed at each other. He was primal, powerful, every limb delineated with muscle, his shoulders and back weighed down with the horns and spines. My eyes slid lower, taking in the heavy thighs, his steely cock with its ridged length and barbed crown.
Heat blazed to life inside me, overcoming my nervousness. I abandoned myself to the sucking pool of lust, veins aflame, and as one we crashed into each other.
I kissed him with abandon, uncaring of the flares of pain in my lips when his fangs cut me—he licked the blood away, healing me before scars could form.
Bane picked me up, his hands cupping my backside as he carried me to the bed. He sat down hard, straddling me on his lap, the thick shaft between my legs cradled against my wet core.
I was already throbbing with need, gasping as his tongue clasped mine again.
“Slow, lover,” Bane breathed, grasping my hips before they could rock forward. “I want to give you what you want, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
I dredged up willpower from places I’d never known existed inside me before, and leaned back from him. He kept his hands on my hips, holding me in place as I signed.
Then let’s play our game. Let me fuck you. Let me control it.
A lustful snarl escaped him, and his hands tightened almost painfully. “I shouldn’t have told you what that word from your pretty hands does to me.”
I laughed. You know I won’t hesitate to use it .
“That’s what I’m afraid of, you devious little creature.” He dragged my hips toward him, the rippled underside of his shaft sliding over my clit and startling a gasp from me. “You’ll always get your way.”
Let me do it, Bane. We’ve waited long enough . Another thrust, his sliding length gliding across my wet sex, and I couldn’t stop myself from bucking against him.
“Yes,” he rumbled. “But before I submit to your whims, I want to taste you.”
He did toss me in the bed then, flipping over and throwing me into the mess of sheets and blankets. Those clawed hands caught my ankles, holding my legs apart.
His throat moved as he swallowed, eyes on my core, and his tongue flicked out against my ankle, down my calf, until he brushed a Bane-kiss, all fangs and snout, against my inner knee.
A frisson of heat spiraled through me as he lapped a trail down my thigh. I dug my nails into the blanket beneath me, anticipating the sensation of his forked tongue…
He parted me, and those independent, twinned tips stroked my core, delicate at first—a slick wet touch, exploratory.
Then they moved apart, capturing my sensitive, tingling clit between them where his tongue split.
It squeezed, the fork capturing me, the tips delving downward to plunge inside me and stroke. I gripped the bed so hard I thought my nails might break, trying not to buck up against the fangs poised over me.
I’d never wanted the ability to scream aloud like I did now. All I could do to show the frenzy inside me was pant for breath, letting my body speak for me louder than words. I couldn’t totally lose myself to abandon—not with the sharpness of his mouth and hands—but I couldn’t hold back, either.
Bane kept his hands on me, preventing my thrusting hips from driving too close to his fangs. He made growling sounds of satisfaction, his eyes on me as the tips of his tongue plunged in mercilessly, the bifurcation squeezing in a slow, rhythmic beat.
My core was soaked, feeling swollen and needy, and I didn’t want to shatter into orgasm before I’d gotten my wish: to feel him, all of him, and have him release inside me.
Bane , I signed with one hand. Crescents from my own nails stood out red against my palm. Let me .
I couldn’t think of the words. There was nothing but the rising tide of heat in my core, the endless teasing of my clit that was driving me rapidly to the edge.
But he slowed. The tips of his tongue withdrew, and he dragged the prongs over me in a long, smooth motion. My legs shook, muscles turning to jelly.
“There is no question that you’re delicious,” he said, his voice rougher than usual by far.
I took a deep breath, willing myself to hold on for a little longer. I’d been curious about him for so long that having him at my whim now was driving me mad with lust.
Lay down , I told him, patting the bed. I straddled him when he obeyed, stretching out the full length of his solid body.
He was large, no doubt about it. But I was willing to try.
I ran my hands over his chest, savoring the smooth heat of his skin, the velvet texture. My fingertips trailed over the exaggerated ridges of his stomach, moving lower—the striations grew closer together as I descended the V of muscle.
In the moonlight, his eyes flashed warily, less amber and more the color of a pale autumn moon. “Go slow, Cirri. Don’t hurt yourself.”
I wrapped my hand around his cock, running my fingertips over the ridges. They were cartilage like his armored shoulders and sides, the same toughness, with only a hint of give.
The head, with its flared crown… it gave me pause. The barbs weren’t sharp by any means, blunted at the tips, but once he was inside me, he would be locked in place.
I tipped forward, angling myself until the smooth head nudged against my center. Bane sucked in a breath, and it was his turn to dig his fingers into the blankets, to hold himself as a trembling statue beneath me.
I was wet, heated and ready, but he was still massive. There was no comparison to the humans I’d experienced. My hips sank down, the pressure increasing as the crown of barbs fought to push past my entrance, a hint of pain lurking.
For a moment, fear and disappointment lurched inside me. He was right, it was too much; there was nothing to be gained here but hurt. We’d never be able to experience this.
But my wetness coated him, and with a final jolt of pressure he pushed inside me. Bane grunted again, every muscle twitching with the urge to hold himself back.
I paused, a quiver running through my legs. There was no way to rise, no way to pull free; the pressure of those barbs, curled against my inner walls, seemed to fill me entirely.
No way back, so I went forward. Lowered myself another inch, the ridges of his cock somehow smooth enough to slide over, textured enough that I felt every inch with extreme clarity.
Gods, I’d never felt anything like it. He might not be able to pull free, but the texture inflamed me, stoking the neediness higher. I kept going, lowering inch by inch, hyper-aware of each one.
When I reached what I thought was my limit, I rose up again—the ribbed cock testing my willpower to the limit, his barbed crown making me shiver as it lightly grazed my channel. It stopped him from pulling out, the barbs feeling like they’d expanded, locking him in place.
His eyes flashed with nightshine, his hips convulsing upwards once. “Gods, fuck me.”
I am , I signed smugly, and sank back onto him a little.
Bane snarled, hips jerking to drive him deeper—there was another jolt of pain. The shine of his eyes vanished when he closed them, his entire body going still. He took deep, even breaths, a fine sheen of sweat on his forehead.
I loved him, that he would make this effort for me.
But it wasn’t possible to take him fully. He was larger than a human male, with those barbs, and there was no way that more than a few inches would make it inside.
Bane . I stroked his chest.
He opened his eyes to mere slits, gleaming yellow.
Bite me. Give me a drop of venom.
“Are you in pain?” he asked, a low rumble in his voice.
I debated downplaying it, trying to brute-force my way through, but if he guessed… he would never try again. It would be horribly disrespectful to lie after he’d pushed his own worries aside and granted me this wish. A little, yes. You’re too big.
His eyes opened wider. “I can’t…”
I have an idea. Flip us over. Lay me down under you, but don’t push further.
His breath grew faster as he gripped me around the waist, carefully maneuvering our locked-together bodies around until I laid under him, nestled in the bedding heated by his skin.
He remained arched over me on his hands and knees, and I wriggled, adjusting myself until his cock was angled to push in just a little more.
Bane groaned, his hips pulsing forward—he slid forward until he came to an abrupt halt, half of his shaft still outside me.
That’s as far as you can go for now , I said, swallowing any feelings of shame. It had been worth it. I’ll do the rest.
He nodded jerkily, his chest heaving, and slid out slowly only to thrust again.
I wrapped my hand around him, stroking as he pumped into me. The pressure eased, the rasp of barbs and ridges becoming more pleasure than pain.
The low growls he exhaled on every breath drove me mad, the glow of his eyes matching the heat burning in my core. The desperate urge to take more filled me, even knowing it was impossible.
He braced himself on one hand, splaying the other over my belly. His thumb slipped down, the pad covering my clit, stroking smooth circles with every thrust.
I pushed against him, both of us sweating and panting, our eyes locked where our bodies met. The sight of his massive cock driving in hit me like a meteor, the liquid thrill of climax ripping through me.
I fell back, unable to hold myself together as my muscles shook, my pussy clamping around him, stars shattering behind my eyes.
Bane snarled, giving another deep thrust, his thumb still driving against my clit. His cock pulsed, hot and heavy—with a ragged groan he pushed as far as he could, spilling himself inside me.
I felt the heat of it, the intensity. He gasped for breath, arched over me, eyes shining bright.
“A moment,” he whispered, his voice cracking.
It was several minutes before he softened, barbs retracting, before he could pull himself free. We collapsed together, sheened with sweat.
“I thought it would help to devour you first.” He spoke in nearly a whisper. “The wetness helped. I knew it couldn’t be… all of it.”
I sat up, and Bane reached for me, his fingertips trailing over my breast, circling a nipple and moving to my waist.
That was just the first time. A year and a day, yes? We have time to figure it out.
“I can live without it, if it means keeping you whole.” He shook his head. “Nothing would be worse than…”
He trailed off.
Now I understood what he meant, his fear that he would tear me apart. He’d meant it quite literally: not with teeth or claws, but by driving too deep, too hard, forgetting my human body was incapable of taking it.
Maybe you can, but I want all of you . I tapped his nose, and he looked at me like an offended cat before breaking into a smile. Fortunately, we’re both driven people and I think we can find a creative alternative or two. Don’t be gloomy. I loved every second.
He chuckled. “Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t felt this good in years. I’ve been wanting to fill you with my seed from the moment I laid eyes on you.” He traced his fingers across my lower belly. “Now that the idea’s in my head, I want to see your belly all round with my babies.”
A soft pulse of desire wound through me. The blood sigil inscribed over my womb only prevented pregnancy, not the desire to get pregnant.
There’s a sigil on me , I told him, briefly pressing my hand to the spot. Until the time is right. But I really, really want to try more.
His mouth split into a lazy grin. “Just say the word, my lady. You know I can’t resist.”
First of all, though, where did you learn to do that with your tongue? I eyed his mouth with avid curiosity. I never would have guessed a forked tongue would be so… intriguing and agile. Did you have to practice?
An odd expression crossed his face; it took me a moment to understand he was bashful.
“I haven’t so much as kissed a woman since I became a fiend, until I met you. I’ve just had a lot of time on my hands to imagine what I wanted to do.” He gave me that warm, loving look, tempered with embarrassment.
Don’t be shy . I was no master of seductive smiles, but I stroked his chest, tracing the crests of his horned clavicles. I’m open to all sorts of imaginings.
“It’s possible for someone to be too perfect.” He squinted at me.
What are you suggesting?
“That I was stabbed to death the second I walked into the Silver Cathedral and saw you. This is the afterlife. You’re one of your Lady’s angels.”
Oh dear. You’ve figured it out. But would an angel do this?
I kissed his chest, laving him with teeth and tongue, working my way down over his muscled abdomen. By the time my teeth grazed over the thick cut of muscle to his cock, he was already hard again, the barbs rising from his cockhead.
“If this is my afterlife, then yes. I don’t want any timid, virginal angels in my paradise.” Bane lifted my haunches with ease, planting me on his chest. He scooted my hips backwards, his tongue lashing at my sensitized clit. “I want a particular book-loving human who won’t take no for an answer.”
He couldn’t see me sign; I was already kissing my way up his length. We would both be wrung out by the time the sun rose, finding our release in other ways until we figured it out.
A year and a day. There was nothing to it, as long as I could keep him.