Chapter 40
Anger courses through me as I stare at my sister through the bars.
I may understand his reasoning, but I still hate that Karius locked her up.
I also hate that less than thirty minutes ago, I wasn’t even thinking of her as I gave in to the pleasure he drew from me—only for him to vanish seconds after giving me the most intense orgasm of my life.
I shake away the thoughts. I’m too angry to think about him.
“He’s right, you know,” Willow says as she takes in the scowl on my face.
“It would have made no difference locking you in a bedroom where you could get a good night’s rest, not treating you like some enemy to be feared.”
She stares at me, her eyes filled with a sadness I’m still too afraid to ask about.
“Adina, you saw what those things did, how strong they were. If there’s any chance that I could turn into on—”
“There isn’t. We killed Julian. You saw the others; they went straight back to normal as soon as he died. Besides, Finn figured out how to make what we need, so it’s going to be fine.”
She shakes her head. “We still don’t know enough. Not yet. You might be angry with him, but he’s being a good leader. A good prince.”
I tilt my head back in frustration because I know she’s right. If this were anyone but Willow, I would be saying the same thing. I felt the doubts that held me captive when we were out there, and a small part of me still feels like this isn’t over. It would be foolish not to take every precaution.
“Gods, I’ve missed your annoying wisdom.”
She laughs at this, and the sound tugs at my heart.
“I’ve missed you too,” she whispers.
I splay my fingers against the shadow bars separating us, and she does the same on her side. I let out a breath.
“I’m sorry I let him take you.” I try to fight the tears, but they spill anyway.
“None of this is your fault, Adina.”
I shake my head. “It is. If I had just listened to what you had told me in the beginning instead of doing everything my own way, then maybe none of this would have happened.”
“Some things are meant to happen.”
I sigh.
“Tori’s dead,” I whisper.
She nods. “I know.”
“How?”
She shrugs. “Julian always knew stuff, and he would tell me everything. It was like he wanted to taunt me.”
“He was punishing you because of me.” I lift my eyes to hers. “Did he…did he hurt you?”
Tears spring to her eyes, and I hate that it took me so long to get her back.
“Not in the way you’re thinking, but I’m different.”
“I don’t understand.”
She bows her head as though ashamed. “I’m not myself anymore. I don’t have control.”
“Willow, look at me.” I wait until she does. “That’s not true. You’re still you. He can’t take tha—”
“You’re not listening to what I’m saying,” she interrupts. “After he took me, he made me change. He stopped giving me the venom.”
Realization dawns, and the air leaves my lungs. She can’t be saying what I think she is. It’s not possible.
“He made me a monster.” She weeps.
I shake my head.
“You’re not a monster. You’re my sister.”
“No, I’m not. I haven’t been for a long time; you just found a way to delay it. I’m one of his puppets that he can switch on and off whenever he pleases. I have no control over my own body.”
“Finn knows how to fix it.”
“I don’t need to be fixed. How many times do I have to tell you?” She sighs. “I just want it to end.”
My stomach tightens at her words, and tears prick my eyes.
“What are you saying?”
She wraps her fingers around the bar to try to touch mine, but I pull away.
“You know what I’m saying.”
“No.” I leave no room for discussion. I stand, and she copies me from her side of the bars. “Don’t ever say that again.”
“It’s not your choice, Adina.”
“That’s not a choice at all.”
“You don’t know what it’s like to have no control over your body! He made me do things, hurt people, and I can’t get it out,” she says as she taps a finger against her temple. “I can’t get it out of here.”
Tears spill down her cheeks, and I can barely contain my own. She looks so pained.
“I know it’s hard—”
“It’s not hard, it’s unbearable. I can’t live like this anymore.
” She pauses to look up at the ceiling for a moment.
“I knew you would come for me. I never stopped believing that. That’s why I held on, because I didn’t want you to find me like that.
I didn’t want you to blame yourself. I wanted to let you know that I’m ok, and I love you. You can let go now. You can let me go.”
Pain like I’ve never felt grips at my chest, and I turn to look away.
“You’re not going to give up because of some monster. We can’t let him win.”
“He already won, Adina. He stole my life. He took everything. The only thing I have left is a chance at peace. And I need it.”
I swing around to face her.
“That isn’t peace, Willow. That is selfish.
You are selfish to ask me to accept this.
” I storm up to her bars and point my finger at her.
“No, I don’t accept this if that’s what you want to hear, because the sister I know would fight.
She wouldn’t give up. She wouldn’t leave me alone in this world. ”
My tears muffle my words.
“You’re right, but I’m not her anymore. She died a long time ago. Gods, I love you so much, but you have to let me go. I never understood before, but I do now. You’re made for bigger things, Adina, and worrying about me is not one of them. There’s a bigger plan for you.”
“I don’t want it!” I scream. “I don’t want a fucking bigger plan if you’re not there with me. Do you hear me? So, screw the plan because if you’re not here, then I won’t be either.”
“Adina,” she whispers, but I shake my head.
“No, I’m not having this conversation.”
I bound out of the dungeon, my calves burning as I race through the palace. I’m not even sure where I’m going, just that I need air. I need to breathe. Willow’s words taunt me as I try to shove them from my mind. My eyes burn with tears that blur my vision.
Athriel! Athriel!
I scream his name, but he doesn’t answer.
Please, I need you, I beg, but my mind remains painfully silent. I’m truly alone.
I stumble against a wall, trying to steady myself, but my knees give way, and the world starts to tilt.
I don’t bother trying to stop myself from falling, but before I hit the ground, I feel the weight of a pair of strong arms wrap around me.
The person lifts me into their arms before racing through the palace, only stopping when a cold lick of air slaps against my skin.
I’m set on my feet, blinking against the darkness, and realize I’m standing atop the rolling hills.
In the distance, the palace remains a starlight-filled beacon.
A gust of wind sweeps past, tugging at my hair and clothes, and I draw in a shaky breath, trying to gather myself.
Finally, I turn toward the still figure and am surprised to find Ivana watching me, a soft expression on her face.
I don’t bother hiding the tears as our eyes meet.
“She wants to die,” I tell her through my sobs. “She wants me to let her go and just accept it, but I can’t. I don’t know who I am without her. I can’t do this alone.”
She watches me intently, allowing me to get out the words I was too afraid to say down in the dungeon. I press my hands against my stomach as a pain shoots through it. My chest heaves with my cries, but I can’t stop. My entire world is crashing down around me.
A soft embrace encircles me, and I sink into Ivana’s touch, allowing myself to be buried in the solace she offers.
I cry against her chest for what feels like an eternity, too tired to even speak, and she allows me.
She holds me until there are no tears left to shed, and in that moment, a small flicker of hope alights inside that reminds me that maybe I’m not so alone after all.
It’s been almost two weeks since my conversation with Willow, and I’ve not returned to see her since.
Piper has gone in my stead, giving me brief updates on how she’s doing.
She says that she asks for me, but I always cut the conversation at that point.
It may have been selfish, but I just wasn’t ready to face her.
Finn finally found the right mixture of ingredients, and I know that he’s already given Willow several doses.
Karius released her after six days, and I’m not sure if it was his way of apologizing for leaving me that night—but it didn’t work.
I haven’t seen either of them. But with today being the Blood Vows ceremony, I can’t avoid them any longer.
My eyes clasp on the mirror as I try to search for the girl I once was, but she no longer exists.
She’s filled with a mixture of emotions that she barely understands.
I smooth the pads of my fingers down the red material of my dress that Lena made for the ceremony.
It’s truly beautiful. From what Piper told me, most ruled in favor of remaining in this court, and we even gained a few noble houses from other courts.
Whether that is a good thing is yet to be seen.
I’ve been staying in Piper’s room since that night in Karius’s study, and I’m surprised that she has let me after everything she now knows about me.
I did ask Iza first, but lately, it feels like she’s been avoiding me.
Perhaps one of the others told her what they learned about what I did to all those vampires. I push the thoughts away.
A soft knock sounds against the door, and I half expect it to be Karius, but disappointment fills my chest when I find Ajax there instead.
“You ok, Red?”
I plaster a smile on my face and nod.
“Just tired.” It’s not a lie.
I walk up to him, folding my arm over his, as I let him lead me out of the room.
I already know that Kaia will be escorting Willow to the ceremony.
We discussed leaving her in her room to avoid being around so many vampires, but thought better of it.
There hasn’t been a single attack or impure sighting in weeks, but it’s better to be cautious.