29. Lila
29
LILA
I picked the condo next to Emma, and despite the objections from the other two, Kage was charging me for the lease. It was undoubtedly a fraction of what it actually cost, but you win some and you lose some. I respected him for allowing me to pay for my own housing. I was waiting to hear from my insurance company on what was covered in the house. In the meantime, what little belongings Weylin had recovered for me remained in smoky boxes in one of the three bedrooms.
Emma had come by, asking if I wanted to go shopping with her. After declining, she left, only to return with bags of clothing in my size. I transferred the funds to Kage, however that payment was declined by him and returned to my account. I was grateful Emma had gone and not Weylin, who would have bought me all skimpy clothes. Had it been Rainor, I’d likely be dressed all professional and business-like. And Kage, well, I doubt he would’ve gotten me anything. He was likely the one who had sent Emma.
Emma had gotten me a mix of comfy sweats, jeans, cotton shirts, a few dresses, and two business pants suits. All were name brands I recognized but would’ve never bought on my own, and all were clothes that I liked. She had good taste.
Kage had delivered Max’s ashes to me in a wooden box the next day. I kept them in my bedroom, but the minute the box was placed in my hands, it just felt wrong. My mind couldn’t comprehend that my righthand man, my best buddy, was now a pile of dust in a box. Everything Max was to me was more than a pile of dirt. I refused to look at it. Refused to acknowledge it.
I had contacted work and told them what had happened. Chief Nix, of course, seemed to be worried about me and offered to come over if I needed company, which I had declined. Inviting a man into an all-shifter building, while my three mates lived above me, was asking for trouble I didn’t need at the moment. I had promised to return to work after the weekend. My heart bled for Max, it always would, but now was the time to take a step forward, as I had when my parents died, and move on.
I was standing in my kitchen, brewing a coffee with my instant, pod coffee maker. No matter how many times Kage rolled his eyes at it, his coffee machine was too complicated, and I just wanted a plain cup of coffee. However, when I finished making my coffee and took a sip, I spat it out in the sink, gagging as the flavor turned sour on my tongue.
I quickly dipped my head under the tap, turning it on and letting the cool water cleanse my tongue before I threw up again. I hated the stupid high-end coffee pods. My palate just wasn’t used to good shit, but the prissy rich wolves never understood that.
While dumping the rest of the coffee down the sink, turning my head, so the smell wouldn’t trigger me, my phone beeped with a bank notification. I frowned and clicked on it, my eyes skimming the deposit that was just made from Cridhe Enterprise.
Enterprise? The pack was an enterprise?
With a growl, I marched my way out my door. I turned to lock the door, the ring camera whistling before Weylin’s voice came through.
“Mmm, morning, sexy. Coming to wake me up?”
Lord, save me. The only stipulation to me having my own place was that they would be allowed to put cameras up. I flipped the camera off.
“Ah, on your way to see Kage, I see. Have fun. Scream if you want me to join.”
I took my key card and scanned it in the elevator, so I could access the upper floors. It wasn’t long before I was walking into his home office, not surprised to see Rainor there on his tablet. Kage had his back to me as he stared out of the large window.
“Less than a minute,” Rainor murmured.
“She moves fast when she’s angry,” Kage said.
I pressed my lips together, gathering my thoughts. “What’s the payment for?”
“Your time put in as active lead detective on the case.”
I figured he’d go with that. “It’s way too much, and you know that. Even a top detective with decades of experience doesn’t get paid this much. Not to mention, I am still getting paid for the time I put in with my precinct.”
Rainor sighed, setting down his tablet. “Yes, about that. We’ve had a contract drafted, and we’d like to hire you on with Cridhe full-time.”
I took a deep breath, meeting his stare. “Rain, you’re smart. What do I feel right now?”
“I tried to warn him.” He gave a slight smirk. I waited. “She thinks we are paying her for her body with the money and we are trying to trap her here with employment. We are controlling her.” His eyes swung to Kage.
Kage turned around, looking unfazed by this.
“So, you see why I won’t accept the payment or the job position, right?” I said.
“Hm. I do see how someone uneducated within the industry would come to that conclusion.” He picked up a folder from his desk and handed it to me, saying nothing.
I took it, my eyes quickly skimming through them. “What… Is this real?” I raised an eyebrow at Rainor.
“Yes.”
My eyes went back to the pages in front of me. It was a list of employees, their job descriptions, and their yearly salaries. Going by what was here, I was being paid a fairly average wage. “So, you basically own your own police force.”
“Basically.” Rainor mocked me before sitting back and explaining. “They don’t all belong in the city. Our gammas are spread throughout the city and other towns and cities within Cridhe territory.”
“And outside Cridhe territory,” I guessed.
The small twitch of his lip was the only indication that I’d gotten that right. They had gammas in other territories. Bold. I bet they were the higher paid ones. “Fine, you twisted my arm, I’ll keep the money. I want a full description of my job title and what will be expected of me. I’ll finish up this case, but I won’t put my notice in at my current precinct until—”
“Uh, stipulation.” Rainor's grin remained. He’d sure enjoyed that word over the last few days. “Due to the nature of the employment, we can’t have you at any other job. Especially one on a separate territory.”
I gave him a what the fuck look. “Separate territory? It’s my territory. You just admitted that—”
“Yes, well, I think it’s time you were inducted into Cridhe Pack,” Kage said.
I thought about it. Was I going to fight this one? So far, everything I heard about rogues wasn’t good. I didn’t know pack life, though. Would I always have to bow to Kage? I wasn’t sure I could handle that. “What’s involved in joining?”
Rainor shrugged. “For lower members, a hunt and a run with the pack.”
“Would I be considered a lower member?”
Kage actually smiled at that. “No, little alpha. Even if you weren’t our mate, you would not be lower, simply because of the energy signature you put out.”
“Say what now?”
“Your energy signature. It’s the same reason the pack connected with you so quickly. You have alpha qualities,” Rainor said.
“Okay, so what’s involved in being inducted into a pack for me?”
“A party,” Kage said. “I’ve always hated them. Annoyingly extravagant, waste of time and resources, in my opi—”
“However.” Rainor cut him off.
I held back my laugh when Kage let out a gruff breath of air. “However,” he grumbled. “We look forward to your induction party.”
I gave him a sweet smile. “Thank you for your entirely forced feelings. You’re getting a little better at seeming genuine.”
He gave me a slight nod.
“I don’t know yet if I want to be in Cridhe Pack.” Kage’s frown deepened, and as he opened his mouth to demand something, I held my finger up, shushing him. “I just need to know what I’m getting into. Give me time to learn more about Cridhe. A lot has happened this week, and I just need… time.” I forced a smile, hoping it didn’t look as heartbroken as I felt.
To my surprise, Kage’s eyes softened. It was only a little but… it was there.
“Anyway, I’m going to go back to my condo. I have some online shopping to do,” I said, raising my phone in my hand. I went to return the folder to Kage, but he held his hand up.
“Keep it. In the back is your contract.”
“And NDA, I’m assuming.”
“No. We don’t typically have NDAs. If we find you are breaching the contract or leaking information, it’s not lawyers you will need to worry about. This isn’t the human world.”
Weylin’s words flashed through my mind. They had speared the heads of their enemies on their enemy’s territory. Yeah, that would be enough to keep me from breaching a contract. With a final nod to the two of them, I turned to leave.
Rainor cleared his throat.
“Lila?” Kage asked. “Would you join me here, in my home, in my bed, tonight?” The tone and roughness of his voice reminded me of Beauty and the Beast , when the beast asked Belle to come down for dinner.
“Sex. You want sex.”
He sighed. “I don’t sleep well away from you,” he admitted. “I need your scent, to know you are safe. In the past, I had grown accustomed to little to no sleep. Now, you’ve gotten me used to regular sleep, and it’s been three nights since I’ve slept.”
Now that I really looked at him, I could see the dark rings around his eyes, the slack around his face. “Are you all like this?” I asked, glancing over at Rainor. He didn’t look as far gone as Kage was.
“We’re closer to you,” he said with a shrug. “Perhaps it’s the distance that affects him.”
I looked back up at Kage. “You’re welcome in my bed,” I said, and then I left.
It was late into the night when the scent of spiced whiskey met me. He made no noise. If it wasn’t for his scent, I wouldn’t have even guessed he had entered my condo. I wasn’t scared or worried when his frame filled the doorway. I said nothing.
Kage walked to my bed, taking his shirt and pants off, before slipping into my bed. He made no attempt to touch me, placing one arm over his eyes and the other down by his side.
I shuffled closer to him, laying my head on his chest while placing my hand on his belly. “I sleep better with you too,” I admitted.
Bringing his arm down, he wrapped it around me. With his other hand, he grabbed my knee and pulled my leg over his hips, leaving his warm hand on my thigh.
It was the first time I went to sleep not crying at the fact that I would never feel Max’s weight against my legs in the bed again.
We said nothing else, both of us falling into the deepest sleep we’d had in days.
Eventually, I did find my footing. The hardest part was not breaking down every time I stood up and tapped my thigh, my way of calling Max to me. Or fighting the tears when I would start talking to myself and look around, realizing I truly was alone.
It helped having my mates around me. Once Weylin learned of my slumber parties with Kage, he started having sleepovers, telling me my sheets were softer, and he preferred the firmness of my mattress more. He was much more handsy than Kage, though; still, neither of them minded the other was there.
Rainor kept his distance, often watching me with the others with a slight smile on his face, the same kind of contentedness I felt in Weylin’s touch or saw in Kage’s gaze every morning. But at times, I felt his unease, like an ache in my chest. I wasn’t sure how I knew it was him. I just did. He was holding himself back, and something told me to wait for him to come to me. Just like Kage had, just like Weylin always did. When he was ready, he would let me know.
So, I wasn’t at all surprised to wake up to the scent of smoky woods one morning. Kage and Weylin had left hours ago, and I was too comfortable in bed. This was the first of my last days working at my little local precinct, having signed the contract to work for the Cridhe pack. I didn’t really want to return to my old hometown, though I often wondered if the distance was making me forget why I loved it so much.
I opened my eyes, gazing into Rainor’s red-rimmed ones. The softness told me the beast was dormant; they always got bold when he was fighting for the light.
Moving a little closer to him, I pressed the pillow’s edge down so I could see him. “You’ve been quiet lately.”
“Oh.” He moved a little closer to me, and that’s when I noticed he was wearing a plain black cotton shirt and a pair of sweatpants.
I smiled a little. “My, my, Rainor, since when do you dress so casually?”
“You seem comfortable wearing Weylin’s scent, his soft shirts, hoodies. I didn’t have any.”
My smile widened. “So, you bought these… for me to wear? So I could have your scent with me?”
There it was, that look in his eyes, the uneasy sorrow of sorts that caused my heart to ache. “I don’t have much to give you that they haven’t already provided.” His voice was the softest of tones.
I had never thought about it. There was one of me that had the attention of three of them. Perhaps I’d experienced moments of feeling rejection early on, but when one wasn’t available, the other mate was there. For them, there were three for only me, time divided, not to mention the beast. I had to satisfy the beast, just as I had to satisfy Rainor. So, while the others had two more males to share me with, Rainor had three more, one of which was a part of him he was constantly at war with.
“Well, first of all.” I sat up, tossing my leg over his hips and forcing him onto his back. I was completely naked, I almost always was in the mornings. Weylin preferred skin-to-skin, and I wasn’t complaining. Rainor smirked, his hands falling to my thighs, warmth spreading through his touch. “This shirt is mine.” I tugged at the black cotton and pulled it up over his head with a little help from him. I brought the fabric to my face and buried my nose into it, breathing in his scent. “No takesies-backsies.”
When I met his eyes again, his pupils were blown wide, the redness deepening. The beast was watching. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything,” he croaked.
“Can I see your eyes? What they look like without the beast?”
Rainor frowned, caught off guard by the request. “I’m blind,” he whispered.
“You’re you. I got to have all of the beast,” I said, remembering when the beast took over completely and had me pinned and bleeding on the forest floor. “Let me have all of you.”
He was silent for a moment before turning his hips, forcing me to lie next to him on my side once more. “If you have all of me, what do I get from you?”
What did I have that would even come close to comparing the vulnerability Rainor was giving me at this moment? I stared at the man before me, thinking about all he had done for me, all he had given me. But it wasn’t just about what he did for me; it was what I felt for him. The safety. The security. Dare I say, the love. “I give you me, all of me. Claim or unclaim me as you will, but my heart belongs to you.”
His eyes widened as I said that, and something passed behind them, an emotion that words couldn’t describe. But actions did.
In one slow blink, Rainor opened his lids to reveal a pair of faded brown eyes. The pupils were pinpoint, not dilating or contracting, and they were glassy.
“Is it all dark?” I asked in a hushed tone.
“No,” he whispered. “I can see your outline. Shadows of things. My other senses automatically become heightened, though. Your scent isn’t just a creamy lemon, but the sweet undertone is so complex that I swear, with each breath, I can taste the granules of sugar. Your voice, I could listen to you talk all day. It slips into my mind and holds my pain. It doesn’t mask it, it doesn’t make me forget. It just… accepts it, shows me there is still something beyond the pain, someone beyond it.”
I reached out, placing my hand in his. “What about touch?”
He reached out with his other hand, lightly touching my shoulder, my neck, finding my hair and brushing it back out of my face before he began tracing my facial features with a featherlight touch.
“I stare at you through the eyes of the beast, and I see powerful beauty. You are amazing to watch. The way you command a room, how your body moves like a natural-born alpha, and the no bullshit demeanor, you know your worth and you expect no less. But now, my angel, as I see you through my touch… the laugh lines that I've missed. The crinkles near your eyes. The smoothness of your cheeks and tenderness of your lips. But this…”
His fingers drifted to a soft spot just below my jaw. Rainor rolled up on his arm, pushing me onto my back and leaning over me to gently touch his nose to the place he had just indicated.
“This I do remember, for I’ve felt it with my lips. My angel, it’s my favorite spot to kiss you because it elicits the most beautiful sound. I wish to kiss you here over and over again, if only to hear your moans on repeat, but I hold myself back, afraid to wear the music out. I give it to myself only as a gift, a special source of pleasure I take sparingly. That way, I don’t consume the luxury all at once, but take gratification in knowing that, as long as our hearts beat next to one another, I can indulge in the complex delicacy that is you. Angel, with these blind eyes, I see all of you.”
With that, Rainor pressed his lips to his spot, just below my jaw, and the softest and sweetest of sounds left me. A sound that, until today, I didn’t know I had produced. And now it was a sound that I promised I would lock away and save for only him.
Slowly, his fingers roamed my body. There was no rush, his hazy eyes took nothing in, but his touch didn’t miss one moment. I reached up, feeling the planes of his body, matching his speed as I traced every groove, every divot. I savored the moments with him, allowing every single second to stretch out as long as we could possibly make it.
When he entered me, there was no neediness of my heat looming over us. There was only Rainor and me. All of him and all of me. His thrusts slow yet so much deeper. Our bodies molding together, wrapping around one another, connecting into something more than just animalistic drive.
The orgasm that spread through me didn’t hit me hard, but it filled me with such pleasure all the same. My hands tingled, intertwined with his and pushing into the softness of the mattress. My teeth elongated, my wolf begging to claim this man to be mine forever.
He must’ve felt it too because Rainor pulled back, showing me his teeth. “Not yet.” I turned my head to the side, afraid he could somehow see the rejection on my face. He leaned down, nuzzling my neck. “I’m going to claim you. I’m going to bite you right here, and when I do, we will be forever connected. But, first, I want to show you everything. You need to know the dangers of being claimed, know all our secrets. I want nothing hidden between us.”
It was a yes, but not right now. And I understood that. “Okay,” I whispered.
Rainor buried himself in me as he found his release, his teeth grazing my neck, a promise to us both.