Chapter 22
SAGE
Oakley
Any word from either of them?
Sage
Still none. I’ll let you know if I do.
Aspen hasn’t been responding to any of my texts.
No response to my calls or FaceTimes either.
I didn’t think much of it last night when she didn’t respond to my goodnight message, thinking she might have fallen asleep during the movie they were watching, but there was still nothing this morning.
To make matters worse, Oakley has now been blowing up my phone asking if I’ve heard from Parker every few minutes. As if my anxiety wasn’t bad enough.
I’m trying not to panic, though. Until I actually know something is wrong, I’m attempting to remain calm.
It’s midafternoon on Christmas day, and I’m spending it in South Carolina with my family.
It’s fine. I don’t hate my family the way Aspen does hers.
I don’t believe they’re truly bad people, but they live in a bubble with other people who are a lot like them.
I’ve never really felt like I fit in, and I’m not sure how they’d react if their views were challenged.
I have no idea what they’ll say when they find out I’m in love with a woman.
I’ve thought about never telling them. They know I live with Aspen and that it’s not going to change.
This is the first holiday I’ve been home for in years, and I’m mostly here because Aspen had her own plans, and my sister recently had a baby, so meeting them sounded nice.
My siblings have always fit the mold of what my parents expected of them in a way that I never could.
My brother is a dentist just like my father, and my sister is married to a lawyer while she stays home with the children.
I’m not sure what exactly it was that made me feel like the odd one out during my childhood—if it was just being the youngest or if it was my interest in science over homemaking—but even now, I feel like I’m on the outside of all their conversations.
I don’t know who or what they’re talking about since I’ve been gone for so long.
It’s been much easier for me to hangout with the kids.
I’m currently sitting on the floor next to my nephew as he does tummy time.
I’m definitely not complaining about meeting this cute little nugget—he’s been the highlight of the trip.
I’ve also been watching her other three kids run around and play with the toys I brought them.
My parents are talking with my brother-in-law about his latest case, and I sort of feel like I’m intruding on this picture-perfect, wholesome family, even if they are related to me.
I used to assume that my life would turn into some version of this one day. I never want to stop working, but I figured I would end up married to a man and that we would probably have kids.
Those assumptions are obviously gone now, though. Aspen is it for me. She’s fine, she just can’t respond right now, I remind myself as the worry starts to creep back in. I distract myself by daydreaming about our future.
The last few months have been amazing, even if Parker and Oakley are the only ones who know we’re together.
But in a weird way, it’s also been like nothing has changed.
By keeping our relationship a secret, the biggest adjustment has been sleeping in the same bed, spending that time exploring each other’s bodies and figuring out what we like.
I found out pretty quickly that I like almost anything if I’m doing it with Aspen.
It's been really nice to have this time to adjust to our new dynamic without any outside opinions, but I think we’re both getting anxious to make things official publicly.
Having to spend the holiday apart wasn’t ideal, but Aspen was optimistic that being with her dad in person would give her an opportunity to make a plan to get him out of her company.
Looking around at the kids again, I realize I’ve never seriously thought about if I want any of my own.
In the past, I had just assumed it would happen one day, but as I take the time to really consider adding a person that I’m responsible for into the world, even if I’m sharing that role with Aspen, it doesn’t sound very appealing to me.
I love my nieces and nephews. Spending time with them is amazing, and I would do anything for them, but being a fun aunt isn’t the same as being a mom.
I think about my life now with my dream job and my amazing girlfriend who has her own seriously impressive career.
The only thing I would change is the ability to publicly claim her as mine.
To go out and kiss her in front of other people, to hold hands without worry that someone will recognize her and question us.
I don’t feel like I’m missing anything. I feel like my life has plenty of purpose and meaning.
I don’t think I want to be a mom. I don’t know why that revelation is more surprising than when I realized I was attracted to a woman, but it is.
Obviously I don’t need to permanently decide anything right this second, but accepting this about myself seems important somehow.
I feel a sense of peace about it for now.
I’ll need to talk it through with Aspen eventually, but for now, I’m going to accept how I’m feeling and check in with it in a few days or weeks and see if I’m still feeling the same way.
Then we can talk about our thoughts as a couple and go from there.
My phone rings, pulling my attention back to the present. I sigh in relief at Aspen’s name on my screen as I rush to answer.
“Hey, baby, I’m so sorry, my phone died and it’s been a rough night,” she says quickly.
“Are you okay?” I ask, probably sounding more scared than I realize if my family’s concerned expressions are anything to go by.
“Yes. I’m completely fine. Parker had some diabetic complications and ended up in the hospital. He’s fine too, but I think Oakley is on the way…” she trails off.
“To Atlanta?” I check
“Yeah.” She laughs.
“Well, I’m glad he’s okay, that sounds scary. Are you sure you’re good?” I ask again. She sounds exhausted.
“I am, I promise. But can I call you back in, like, an hour? I need to go home and shower the hospital smell off me, but then maybe we could FaceTime before I finally get some sleep?” she asks.
“Of course.”
I’ve excused myself to the guest room I’m staying in when Aspen calls again. I had planned to FaceTime tonight anyway, and had packed a little surprise for her, but at the last second I panic and aim the phone up so she can’t see me.
“Sage? Are you there? Why am I looking at your ceiling fan?” she asks, sounding amused.
“Hey, Aspen,” I say, going for casual but my voice shakes a little. “I’m here. What are you up to? And are you alone?” I ask quickly.
“Yes, I’m alone in my room,” she answers slowly. “How about you?”
“Oh, thank God.” I exhale, turning the camera to a normal angle so that we can see each other.
“Baby, are you wearing Christmas lingerie for me?” She gasps, eyes wide in obvious delight at my outfit.
“We’re always together so we’ve never had need for phone sex, and I thought it could be a fun little surprise,” I explain.
“But I also know you had a really rough day, so we don’t have to actually do anything.
I just wanted to show you what I got.” I laugh, propping the phone up on some pillows so I can stand and show her the full ensemble.
“Oh, we’re definitely fooling around. Who needs sleep?” she adds.
I’m wearing a red satin bra that’s tied up like a bow between my breasts, and there’s a matching bow on my thong. I do a little twirl for her, laughing as she hoots and whistles. “I know that lingerie is normally your thing, but I saw this and thought it looked fun,” I say.
“Very fun,” she agrees in a sultry tone I’ve come to know well over the last few months. “I’m just sad I can’t help untie you myself. I didn't realize you were such a tease, baby.”
“Isn’t that the thrill of a video call?” I ask as I slowly run my hands over the edges of the ribbon. “To tease each other a little bit.”
“Sage, I need you to untie that ribbon immediately,” she demands, but I just continue to play with the ends of it.
“I think it’s your turn to lose some layers first,” I suggest. “Even if you weren’t expecting the call, I bet you have something gorgeous on.” She’s had the camera only showing her face so far, not that I’m actually complaining.
“I’m in my pajamas at my parents house, with my fake boyfriend; I brought the least sexy things I own.” She laughs, moving back from the phone to show off a very cute green satin camisole set.
“I was right,” I insist. “Stunning.” She smirks at my response, even though her cheeks darken a bit.
She isn’t wearing any makeup and her wet hair is up in a loose bun after her shower.
She truly is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
I feel so privileged to have access to this version of her.
The polished, badass designer that the world sees is amazing in a different way, but this is my Aspen, the one I’ve loved for the last eleven years.
Knowing I’m the only one who gets to share these moments with her truly makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world.
“I love you, Sage,” she whispers.
“Love you too, Aspen.”
“Please untie the ribbon,” she begs, making me laugh.
“Only if you take off your shirt,” I say with a wink, and she whips the shirt off so quickly I almost miss it. “What happened to teasing?” I ask, still laughing.
“I didn’t want to miss yours.” She shrugs, her nipple piercings glinting with the movement.
“Are you ready?” I check, loving how she’s squirming already as she watches me.
“Sage!”
“Fine, fine.” I laugh and slowly pull the edges of the ribbons apart to expose my breasts. It feels sort of anticlimactic after I built it up so much, but the look on Aspen’s adoring face confirms that I don’t have to worry about any disappointment on her end.
“Fuck, baby, your tits are so pretty. The best present I could ever open,” she praises as she repositions herself on her bed, holding her phone back far enough I can see her using her free hand to play with her nipple piercing.
“Can you touch them for me?” she continues.
“Imagine it’s my hand rubbing against your nipples, my mouth sucking and licking and nipping at them until you’re soaking wet for me,” she says, all the while playing with her breast for me to see.
“Holy shit, babe, I already am,” I admit. “This is so hot.”
“Show me,” she commands with a huge smile. “Show me just how much you wish I could be inside you right now.”
I position myself at the head of the bed, leaning back against the plush headboard as I spread my legs and angle the camera to see between them. I move the fabric of my thong to the side, and slowly push two fingers inside as Aspen moans.
“That’s it, baby. Are you pretending it’s my fingers fucking into you right now?
” she asks, and I nod, biting my lip to try to stop any moans from escaping that my family could hear.
Aspen is making my concerns very difficult to focus on as she continues to direct me, though.
“Get those fingers nice and wet for me, Sage. Now show me, hold them up to the camera before you lick them clean for me.”
Holy fuck, this is hot. I do exactly what she asks me to, holding eye contact as I lick and suck my fingers clean in the filthiest way I can manage. Sex is always fun with Aspen, but I had no idea I would enjoy it this much even when we are in different states.
“Are you touching yourself too?” I ask as I move my hand back between my thighs.
“Yeah, but I’m not going to come until you do,” she responds, angling the phone lower so I can see she’s managed to take off her shorts and is completely naked on her bed now, two fingers disappearing inside of her as her thumb focuses on her clit.
I mirror her movements, getting closer to the edge as each brush of my thumb on my swollen clit sends sparks of pleasure through me. I imagine I’m the one fingering her, that she’s the one touching me. I’m already so close, but I’m not ready for this to be over
“Come for me, baby,” she says firmly, and I can’t hold my release back any longer.
The short breathy moan that she lets out moments later as she follows me over the edge is so erotic, and my orgasm seems to go on and on as I replay the noise over and over again in my mind, wanting to commit it perfectly to memory.
Every time with Aspen is special. But getting to share this, even though we’re apart, felt significant somehow, a sign of how strong our relationship really is.
We get cleaned up and return to our beds, still on our video call the whole time.
We might not have everything all figured out yet, but as Aspen fills me in on all the details of her trip I haven’t heard yet, I’m struck with this sense of peace as I think about our future.
I have no doubt that we’ll be able to adapt to whatever life throws at us.
I’m just so grateful that I’ll get to do it all with my best friend, the absolute love of my life at my side.