Chapter 15. Lex
My sleep was blissful and deep. Lochran had carried me directly to my bedroom door before letting me down, but not before gently pulling me into his chest as if he would savor every last second of my consent for him touching me.
It had been all I could do to change into my pajamas before collapsing face-first into my bed, where I remained like a satisfied statue for the next few hours. But when the high finally wore off at around two in the morning, my body jolted me awake. A mixture of anxiety and determination fueled me down the stairs and, with a quick pit stop to make a cup of tea, to the comfort of the couch to write my final ten pages.
The soft pillows enveloped me, the house ensuring they were warm and comfortable, as I detailed the morning of the hex. The moment I’d written the final sentence, the journal disappeared with a soft pop , presumably reappearing in my grandma’s spell room for her perusal when she woke.
The clenching of my chest seemed to lessen as I stared into the crackling fire, heat blooming around me. Now that the journal was out of the way, for now at least, I found myself craving Lochran. In a sexual way, yes—having had a taste, I didn’t think I could ever not crave him in that way—but mostly just for his company. I had enjoyed hearing snippets of his life before being summoned, and while it might not have been an overly happy one, I found myself wanting to know more about him. It had been a roller-coaster few days, filled with dueling thoughts and consumed with the need to finish the journal. And now that was done, all I could think about was why I didn’t know my mate’s favorite color, or how he’d gotten his scar, or literally anything he could tell me about himself.
And I wanted to tell him about me too. Like how I missed my best friend. How, as much as I hated my brother at times, he was, reluctantly, my second best friend, and I secretly championed the fact that he was doing his PhD. How, aside from my last job, I really enjoyed working office jobs alongside the mortals, and how I was both excited and afraid that someday, decades from now, I would be sitting in my grandma’s position, leading the coven and passing judgement on other wayward witches.
Speaking of which, I should probably fill him in on what to expect from the trial tomorrow—technically today, I guessed. If my father’s reaction was anything to go by, giving him time to process before the trial might help diffuse an undoubtedly murderous reaction to seeing it firsthand.
I found that I wanted to tell him. To let him know that he was not the reason I’d needed to take things slow. In fact, his patience and understanding had been a massive part of my healing process. To know that I could make a man be uncontrollable in his lust for me, but for him to still hold my boundaries as sacred, had made me trust that side of myself once more.
I wasn’t to blame.
My eyes flicked up to Lochran’s room above me, and I wondered if he was awake.
I didn’t have to ponder for long. A moment later, I heard the click of a door, and Lochran’s footsteps on the stairs, cat-like as if trying not to wake me.
Warmth spread through me at the gesture, and I quickly righted myself as my mate stood on the squeaky final step of the stairs. A split second later, a sheepish Lochran appeared in the doorway wearing only a pair of thin shorts. I gulped as I took in his disheveled hair and mischievous grin before slowly racking my eyes down his thick torso. His dark nipples were taut, and I wondered what one would feel like against the flat of my tongue—
A cough brought me to my senses, and I internally cursed myself for my gaze not making it as far as the delicious V-line that dipped below the hem of his shorts.
“I can go back to bed if you need some alone time?”
I shook my head a little bit too enthusiastically, causing my mate to grin. “Couldn’t sleep either?” I asked him.
“I wasn’t allowed to,” he said through a yawn as he dropped onto the couch beside me. “The room was like an icebox.”
Lochran’s hand grasped around a tattered old blanket draped over the back of the couch. He sniffed it tentatively. Deciding the scent wasn’t too offensive, he held it out to me, even though his teeth had started to chatter.
“I’m okay,” I said, automatically reaching out to push the blanket toward him. Our fingers brushed, the touch sizzling like a spark between us. Memories of last night flooded my brain, my cheeks flushing as my eyes locked with Lochran’s. His chattering had momentarily stopped as his chest moved in a deep, single breath. He sighed, and the chattering began again.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yup,” I squeaked. “The house has kept me warm with a fire.”
Lochran’s head bobbed once before he threw the blanket outward, spreading it fully in one swift motion and pulling it up to his neck.
The blanket suddenly poof ed out of existence, causing Lochran’s head to roll back in frustration. “Why is this house determined for me to freeze my balls off?”
“I think it’s maybe... um... hoping that we snuggle up for warmth.”
The house creaked in acknowledgement.
While I wasn’t opposed to the idea—in fact, the thought of pressing my body against Lochran was becoming more and more appealing by the minute—I’d already made up my mind that I wanted to find out more about my mate first.
But I wouldn’t be opposed to some more physical explorations after.
As I was forming how to articulate this to the house, Lochran turned to me and said loudly, “The house isn’t doing a very good job of getting us together.”
I had to bite back a laugh. In just a couple of days, my mate had found out exactly how to play the house at its own games. I scrunched my face into a look of confusion—I was a terrible actor, but thankfully the magic of the house was pretty innocent and easy to trick. “Oh? Why’s that?” I asked, my voice sweetly demure.
Lochran seemed to be just as terrible an actor. He tried his best to look concerned, but he couldn’t seem to hide the grin threatening to burst past his lips. In an attempt to school his face, he took a deep, steadying breath.
The house let out an impatient wheeze before Lochran finally said, “Because I’m so cold, I think my dick might fall off. And then the house will never see us together.”
A split second later, the blanket reappeared. The house had bound Lochran tight, tucking the blanket into every crevice available.
I giggled at the concentrated look on my mate’s face as he struggled to loosen an arm from the blanket’s vise-like grip. Finally, he freed his arm enough to prop himself up.
Lochran’s eyes met mine. “I genuinely think I might have hypothermia,” he declared dramatically. The house, taking no chances, swelled the fire in the hearth to a near blisteringly hot temperature. “Do you mind distracting me while I try to warm up?”
“What did you have in mind?” I asked and was surprised to hear a tinge of sultriness in my tone.
Lochran paused a moment. “Maybe we could get to know one another more personally?”
Images of last night flooded my mind once more. I clenched my legs together as heat pooled in my stomach. Screw the Q and A, I was definitely up for getting to know my mate on a more personal level.
Lochran chuckled. “Mind out of the gutter, my wicked little witch. I wasn’t kidding when I said I needed a bit of time to warm up. What I meant was it would be nice to get to know a bit more about you.”
“What do you want to know?” I asked.
Lochran pondered for a moment. “Let’s start simple. What’s your favorite color?”
Without thinking, I said, “Easy. Violet. It’s a calming color, and it gives me a sense of peace and serenity. My favorite time of year is when the lavender blooms, and my favorite crystal to use in spells is amethyst.” I cast a glance at Lochran and gulped. Yes, of course my mate had to have violet eyes. “You?”
“Dusky pink,” he said immediately. I waited, but he offered no further explanation.
“Okay. How about favorite food?”
Lochran raised an eyebrow as if the answer should be obvious.
I rolled my eyes. “I meant human food,” I said, adding a tsk at the end for good measure.
“Pancakes, bacon, and maple syrup. When I had the energy, I would summon a small kitchenette and make imaginary pancakes in the shadow realm. How about you?”
“Cookies,” I answered, a smile curving my lips. “My grandma would sneak them to me before dinner when I was a child. I meant it when I said Dad was a disaster in the kitchen for years. He was so bad at the beginning that my mom promised me if I ate a bit of it and smiled encouragingly, she’d let me go over to Grandma’s for more cookies.”
Lochran chuckled at this. While he had seemed to soften to my dad over dinner, I guessed the hazing was still prominent in his mind. So, a little ammunition against my dad seemed like a fair exchange.
Lochran was quiet for a while, pondering his next question. Finally, he asked, “Why did you not want to summon me?”
Ah. I guessed the time for easy questions was over.
I took a moment to gather my thoughts. Finally, I answered, “I know that all the couples here are happy. But a little bit of me feared that by summoning my mate, I’d be taking the choice of freedom from them. Like, I didn’t know anything about you, and I wasn’t sure if you enjoyed your life as it was. I didn’t want to force someone to be with me. And what if you had already found someone that you loved?” I couldn’t seem to stop myself from rambling as I continued, “And then I just summoned you away from that, and you were forced to be here with me, and you’d have no choice but to stay. And if you didn’t like me, you’d have to have sex with me to survive, and that’s no better than having you as a sex slave—”
“Lex,” Lochran said softly. “We’re fated mates.” Lochran paused a moment before continuing, “Have you ever met a sex demon from a different clan than ours?”
I shook my head.
“Well, I’ve met plenty of them, and they all want the same as every other magical creature on the planet. To find their fated mate. That one person they can bare themselves to in all ways. The bargain our ancestors made is a blessing. I never had to worry about scouring the land for you, unlike the other sex demons. And summoning me does not make me your sex slave. If anything, it’s the opposite. I may have been free to wander the mortal realm, but I was chained by my need to feed. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t exactly hate it when I was first let loose on the world. But I soon realized that I didn’t actually have the freedom I thought I had. I mean, I didn’t even have the luxury of appearing as myself,” he said, gesturing up and down his body. “I’m designed to draw out the most potent sexual desires. Just to survive, I had to find someone who craved sex, and I was forced to take on whatever form they found most desirable. But since being summoned, I can finally settle into my own skin. I’m finally free of the shackles that bound me.”
I swallowed a hard lump in my throat. I had just assumed that my mate would be living his best life, hunting for his food and having sex left, right, and center. I felt suddenly stupid. How often had I cringed when the need to satisfy my succubus side had become intense? But it had never been overwhelming to the point where I’d been forced to give into it. I always had a choice. Lochran didn’t. I wondered how I would feel being forced to change my appearance into someone I wasn’t. Knowing that none of your partners were attracted to you, it was always the face of someone else.
Yeah, being a sex demon sucked .
“I think you’re the most attractive person I’ve ever seen,” I said quietly. It was true. Scars and all.
Lochran’s face softened. “When you first summoned me, I didn’t know what to expect.” I cringed slightly. I’d been wearing my most slobbish house clothes, no makeup, and my unbrushed hair pulled into the messiest of buns. I bet he had been expecting a model, not a mess. “You took my breath away. When I used to lie in bed at night and picture my ideal mate, my favorite image was of us in our pajamas, cuddled up on the couch and watching Netflix. When I first saw you, you looked like home.”
You looked like home.
Yeah... I was totally falling in love with my mate.
I had a sudden need to explain the sex ban. Maybe not in explicit detail right this very second, but I wanted to assure my mate that he wasn’t the reason I’d been withdrawn since he got here. “I... um... about a month ago, I had a... regrettable encounter. I’d needed to satisfy my succubus, and the person I chose turned out to be my new boss... and, well, it has just been a very uncomfortable month dealing with that. I guess I kind of blamed my succubus side for putting me in that situation, and I kind of put myself into a sex ban as self-punishment, I guess. It’s part of the reason why I’ve been wanting to take it slow.”
“I understand,” Lochran said. “I haven’t had sex in years. Or kissed anyone.”
A memory pricked in my mind’s eye. This wasn’t the first time Lochran had alluded to not having sex.
What constitutes as full-on sex is different for everyone. But, for me, it’s penetrative sex. And I haven’t done that in years.
I had just assumed he’d been kidding.
I resisted the urge to giggle at the ridiculousness of our situation. As if Fate would match a celibate sex demon to a witch who was on a sex ban. But when my gaze met Lochran’s, there was no humor in his eyes.
“Really?” I asked.
Lochran shrugged as if being a celibate sex demon was perfectly ordinary. “I had to do other things to feed, of course. But not having sex was my way of feeling like I was in control. And kissing has always been very intimate for me.” After a brief second, he carefully added, “And it’s the reason I haven’t... uh... taken the contraceptive potion in years.”
A conflict of emotions surged through me. I was oddly pleased that I’d found a kinship with Lochran. I understood his need to find a way to take back control, even if it meant going against his baser needs. But my stomach hollowed at the realization that he might still have his sex ban in place. We hadn’t had sex yet... in fact, we hadn’t even kissed yet. I’d assumed that once I’d worked through my issues, we wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off one another. I hadn’t considered that my mate would have the same battle ahead of him.
And he was subtly warning me that, if we mutually decided to go further, he hadn’t taken the annual potion to prevent pregnancies. I had, of course, as being a mother hadn’t been high on my list of things to do. In fact, I’d never really given it much thought as I had never intended to summon my mate. That thought was way too overwhelming to consider right now. But the fact that my mate had brought up that he wasn’t protected, rather than just assuming that we would go straight to baby making now we had been brought together, made me fall for him that little bit harder.
That was, of course, assuming he wanted to have sex. That pesky little voice in my head said, He hasn’t actually crossed those boundaries he already had in place. He hasn’t yet asked you to touch him, or even kiss him, let alone have sex with him.
I needed to ease into this carefully. I still wasn’t ready for penetrative sex, but I wanted to let him know it wasn’t off the table for me in the future. “I... um... took the contraception recently.” Okay. Easy part done. I hoped he picked up that sex was something I was contemplating in the future if I was willing to talk about contraception. Now for the hard part: finding out if he was ready to challenge some of his boundaries. “Em... about your sex ban—”
As if sensing my unrest, Lochran said softly, “Don’t worry, Lex. My sex ban dissipated the moment I laid eyes on you.”