After the Storm (Weathering Doves Harbor #1)

1. Audra

Chapter 1

Audra

“You’re okay. It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay, ” I mumble to myself as my voice shakes.

Adrenaline courses through me, leaving my pulse thrumming throughout my entire body. Misty air and raindrops soak through my clothes, causing them to stick to my skin as I make my way down the road and away from Tyler’s apartment.

Headlights glisten as cars rush past me, spraying rainwater on my bare legs. The symbolism isn’t lost on me as I try to decide if I’m better off turning around and going back to Tyler’s house when the walk to my house is so long.

I try to fight back tears, but they just keep falling. I’m nothing short of a mess walking down the street in the rain, bawling my eyes out with a dead phone. If I had to guess, there’s also probably a visible mark left on my cheek from Tyler’s hand.

Cars continue to pass me by, no idea I’m having the worst night of my life. Heads turn, watching me through the windows of their cars as I walk. All they see is a girl walking and crying. They have no idea that mentally, I’m screaming at the top of my lungs, throwing myself on the ground, and refusing to take another step. It’s almost painful to see people going on with their normal lives when mine is burning to the ground.

Briefly, I wonder if anyone has ever felt this way seeing me and my best friends, Ares and Ravyn, out having fun. I don’t get a chance to dwell on the thought before it hits me— Ares !

I stop dead in my tracks as relief floods me. Remembering that Ares’ house is the perfect halfway point between mine and Tyler’s houses. For the first time since I walked—stormed, really—out of Tyler’s house, I feel like I can make it to my destination.

My attempt to hold back tears becomes less pathetic. I find it in myself to hold it together for the remainder of the walk to Ares’ house. Still, I find myself shedding a tear or two. Between the tears and the rain, I can feel my entire face covered in melted eye makeup.

The shine of Ares’ front porch light welcomes me like a warm hug. I can already feel my guard coming down as I make my way to the front door. Before I even pick my hand up to knock, I’m already back to crying. But in this moment, it really doesn’t matter to me. My knuckles meet the door and the floodgates open. I’m a sobbing mess on the front porch waiting for Ares to answer the door.

“Audra?”

An unexpected voice rings in my ears and my eyes shoot up. Ares’ older brother, Roman, is standing in the doorway. He’s lit from all angles by the hall and porch lights. He’s opened the door shirtless, obviously lounging around his house and not expecting a sopping wet, crying girl on his front step. His eyebrows pinch together slightly, his warm chocolate eyes sweeping over me. As I’m looking at him I’m overly aware of the tears staining my cheeks and my inability to form the words I need.

“What’s going on? Are you alright?” he asks, genuine concern washing over his face.

“Is Ares home?” is all I manage to squeeze out of my constricted throat. He shakes his head.

“No, he’s out at a concert with Ravyn. I thought you’d be with them.” The concern on his face doesn’t let up.

This feels like the end of the world. I know it’s not. Logically I know that it’s not, but this feels like worst case scenario. The only thing that got me through the walk was knowing comfort was on the other side of this door.

“Is your mom here?” The question comes out in a rattling breath. Roman shakes his head, indicating that she isn’t home either. The last shred of hope I had is gone. Now I know the comfort I showed up looking for isn’t here.

“I’m sorry. Her and Dad are out for a date, they won’t be home until tomorrow,” he replies. His voice is soft, softer than it’s ever been in my experience.

Tears are no longer slowly slipping here and there, they’re soaking my face fully as a sob rips through me. On top of everything else, I’m now embarrassing myself in front of the only person under this roof that I’m not close with.

“I should just go home,” I say to myself. I look back up to him, nodding. “I’m going to go home. If you don’t mind, don’t mention to Ares that I was here.” I turn to walk back down the porch steps but he catches my arm. I flinch away from the touch, yanking my wrist away from him. Concern twists into every one of his features, but he doesn’t address the interaction. Instead he pretends as if it didn’t happen, despite the concerned look on his face.

“At least let me get you some clothes and drive you home. You’re soaked and freezing,” he offers. I consider it and I almost say yes before I find myself shaking my head.

“I really don’t want to be a burden and I definitely don’t want to be alone all night. I’ll just walk home and catch Ares or your mom tomorrow,” I say, turning my head away from him.

“Audra, please. Ares would never forgive me if I let you walk home like this, you know that. Come in and wait for him, we can watch a movie or something,” he suggests, this time with a little desperation in his voice. He isn’t wrong, Ares would be livid with Roman if he knew he let me walk home crying tonight.

My initial instinct is to turn down the offer in an attempt to keep what little dignity I’ve got left. Though, as much as I don’t want to be a burden, he’s right. Ares would be pissed if he knew Roman let me leave like this. So I wipe my tears with my already damp sleeves and follow him into the house.

“Come on,” he says, leading me up to his room, “I’m gonna grab you some clothes.” I follow him up the stairs. I’ve been through this hallway a million times in my life. Sometimes it feels like I’ve spent more time here than in my own house, but never with Roman and certainly not in his room.

Somehow, the room is like I always imagined it would be. There’s a surfboard pinned up on the wall, clutter here and there but overall it’s a pretty organized room. The walls are a pale tangerine color, littered with framed pictures of him and his friends surfing.

He reaches into the tall dresser and pulls out a pair of gray plaid pajama pants and a blue tie dye Surf Shop t-shirt. He hands me the small stack and tells me to change in his bathroom. “I’ll wait outside for you,” he promises, slipping out of his door and grabbing a hoodie for himself on his way.

I walk into a room that is more familiar to me, the bathroom shared between his room and Ares’. I catch my reflection in the mirror and see myself for the first time. Gray mascara streaks down each cheek, eyes swollen and red; hair a frizzy mess from the humidity. Seeing myself this way takes my breath away, and I’ve fully forgotten how to breathe.

Deep breath in… Deep breath out…

I attempt to calm the storm that seeing myself this way stirs in me but it doesn’t work. My damp hair sits in clumps, sticking to my forehead and neck. There’s a pink mark left on my cheek, easily mistaken for having leaned on it for too long. I know better though, the memory of how it got there is too fresh in my mind. Another sob rips through me. Almost immediately, I hear a gentle knock at the door.

“Do you need anything?” Careful words fall from his mouth.

I need a shower. I need a nap. I need to pinch myself and wake up to find that tonight was just a bad dream.

“No, I’m sorry. I’ll be out in a minute,” I rush out. I put on the clothes that he gave me and walk out of the bathroom to find him standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking impossibly more concerned.

“Movie and popcorn? I make the popcorn and you get the blankets out?” he offers. His concern is still there but it’s now laced with something a little lighter, something that somehow holds me together just enough to say yes.

We both move towards the living room, he veers off to the kitchen and I turn toward the couch. I push the couch together like we always do for movie nights here, making the couch more of a pit. After that, I throw the softest blankets I can find onto it, then set the pillows right and crawl to the back of the couch leaning off to one side. Roman comes out a few minutes later, popcorn in hand, and crawls next to me on the opposite edge.

“Movie’s your choice,” he says, handing me the remote. I put on one of my favorite movies, Frozen . Maybe it’s silly, but the snow and ice aspect of the movie always reminds me of my hometown. Growing up in Idaho, we got the kind of snow storms that had you stuck in the house for days. South Carolina is so vastly different. While I love it here, sometimes I do miss Idaho.

It’s not until about half way through the movie that I finally start to feel the tension and anxiety slowly washing away.

“Can we talk about it?” Roman asks, looking over at me as I shovel another handful of popcorn in my mouth.

“About what?” I question, putting the bowl down beside me.

“About whatever had you crying like that at the door?” he asks. Despite the absence of judgment in his tone, I still find myself embarrassed.

“It’s kind of a lot. I don’t think you wanna get into the whole thing.”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to. Now, if you don’t want to—that’s fine. I won’t make you. If it’s about what I want though, I want to talk about it.” He says the words slow and carefully, like he’s scared to break me. I nod in agreement.

“Tyler and I got into an argument and we broke up. Tonight.” The words spill out of me, burning like they’re hot in my throat. I don’t look at him when I say it, mostly because I can’t. I feel sick. Trying to acknowledge what happened tonight feels wrong. Like I should be sweeping it under the rug again for him.

“That’s all that happened tonight?” His voice sounds like he’s testing the waters. Phrased like if I say that’s all that happened, he’ll pretend to believe me; and if I tell him everything, he’ll listen. For a split second, I think about how nice it would be to tell someone that doesn’t really know me. Someone who won’t have a million questions; that won’t ask why I didn’t tell anyone sooner.

But then the fear sets in and I feel paralyzed by it. I can’t tell anyone what Tyler did, he’ll kill me. I’m not being dramatic. He told me he would himself. Roman’s eyes scan mine and he clocks the fear coursing through me. I see the realization in his face.

“You’re scared to tell me?” That same softness from when I was changing creeping into his tone. “I would never tell anyone or hold it against you if that’s what you’re scared of.” I shake my head, letting him know that’s not the case. His brows furrow together and then all at once, his whole face softens, right past realization and into sympathy.

Before he gets a chance to say anything, I blurt out, “Please don’t tell Ares!” The words come out frantic. I feel frantic as that familiar adrenaline pumps through me.

“Hey,” his hand softly lands on mine. “I’m not going to tell anyone anything you tell me tonight. Tyler will never know that I know anything, Audra. You’re safe with me.” There’s a sincerity in his tone. As his words wash over me, I finally feel the full weight of the comfort I came here looking for. I can do this. It’ll be okay.

“Tyler. He—uh… He hit me.”

“Tonight? He hit you tonight ?” he asks, a bit of shock in his voice. His eyes drag down my face looking for some physical mark. I watch as his eyes snag on the cheek with the mark on it. I nod my head, and a pained look flashes in his eyes.

“It was tonight, a couple hours ago.” I watch as his jaw ticks, Roman shifts in his seat.

“Was it the first time?” he asks through gritted teeth. I look away, avoiding any judgment that might be in his eyes. I half expect a lecture about letting it happen, or a big outburst of anger at me for me staying after Tyler did it the first time. Instead, I feel two big arms wrap around me and pull me into a hug.

“You’re safe now,” he says against my hair and the tears start pouring out of me. We all know that moment. The one where someone hugs you or asks if you’re okay and all of a sudden you can’t hold it in anymore and you come apart at the seams. That’s exactly what this moment feels like.

“You can never tell anyone, he’ll kill me!” I blurt out through choked sobs. He slides his hand to the back of my neck, pulling me closer into his chest.

“Did he tell you that? That if you told anyone, he would hurt you?” I nod against his hoodie.

The silence is deafening after that. Roman doesn’t say a word and I can’t bring myself to speak even if I wanted to. I spend the next half hour with my head stuffed in his chest crying until there’s nothing left. The whole time Roman gently cradles the back of my head and just lets me get it all out.

Before this moment, I never thought about what being comforted by Roman would be like. He’s been around as long as I can remember but we’ve never been particularly close. Since I moved here twelve years ago, I’ve been best friends with Ares and Ravyn. We’ve always spent every free minute together. Whether we’re just hanging out at home eating pizza and having movie nights or finding some party to be at, it’s always the three of us.

It’s not like I’m unfamiliar with Roman. I’ve spent as much time here over the years as I have at my own house. So while I’ve known Roman just as long, it was never him I was close with. I never would have expected him to be the one comforting me tonight. But now, I can’t ignore the sense of relief I have; the overwhelming sense of calmness. It’s a safety I haven’t felt in over a year.

* * *

I wake up to the sound of Ares and Ravyn stumbling into the living room, loud and smelling heavily of weed. Makes sense . It takes me a second to register I’m asleep on Ares’ couch, snuggled into the chest of his older brother.

At some point, I must have cried myself to sleep. We’ve now sunken into the couch, Roman on his back, and me tucked into his side with my head on his chest. The steady rise and fall of Roman’s breathing leads me to believe he’s asleep. I pretend to be asleep too. Like a little kid to avoid the conversation of why I’m here asleep on Ares’ brother’s chest.

“Ooooh! Roman has a girl over…” Ravyn states in a sing-song tone. As soon as she says it, I realize how this must look. My heart sinks. Please. Please do not realize it’s me.

“Oh shit. She kinda looks like Audra,” Ares laughs. I can hear in his voice how drunk he is. Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Yeah, she kinda does, with the black and white hair. She even has a tattoo on her wr—” Ravyn stops as the realization clicks in. “Ares, I think that is Audra.”

“What? No. There’s no way,” he exclaims and then there’s a pause. “Oh shit, that is her.” A wave of silence, somehow both far too long and far too short, rolls over the living room. “I’m so confused, what’s she doing here? With Roman? What about Tyler?” I tense at his name and immediately feel Roman’s thumb swipe over my shoulder as a comfort. Thank God. He’s awake.

“You two are gonna wake her up. Have you ever come home quiet before?” Roman grumbles.

“Is that Audra?” They both blurt out at the same time. Oh, they’re drunk drunk.

“Obviously,” he says, annoyance obvious in his voice. I hope he isn’t embarrassed to be here with me.

“Why is she here? And why is she with you?” Ares demands. For a moment, I fear this will become a far bigger deal than it needs to be.

“She came here crying looking for you or mom, but neither of you were here. She walked over and was soaking wet from the rain. I told her to at least let me give her clothes and a ride home. She said she wanted to stay here and wait for you, so I gave her a change of clothes and we decided to watch a movie while we waited for you to get home,” Roman explained.

“What happened? Did her and Tyler break up?” Ares is coming in hot with questions and I feel my heartbeat begin to pick up.“And why is she all cuddled up with you?” Ares is deep in interrogation mode. With every question, I feel my chest tightening.

“Can you please keep your voice down?” Roman sighs loudly at Ares. “I’m not getting into her business. I’m sure she’ll explain everything to you. As for the ‘cuddling’,” the sarcasm in his voice is unmistakable, “I was comforting her while she cried and we both fell asleep like that.”

My chest clenches again, but this time it’s not out of fear. My heart warms at the privacy Roman gifted me in such a casual way. The room is silent for longer than anyone seems comfortable with.

“Thank you,” Ares says quietly.

“For what?”

“Skipping night surfing to take care of her.” Oh . I had no idea I ruined Roman’s plans by coming here. The last thing I wanted was to be a burden on anyone, yet here we are.

“I was right where I needed to be,” Roman says pointedly, making it clear that the discussion is over. I feel a gentle brush of his hand followed by a small squeeze to my shoulder. I know then that he knows I’m awake and just how uncomfortable the prior interaction made me.

“I’m just going to let her sleep. When she wakes up, I’ll either take her home or I’ll tell her you’re home and she can come up to your room,” Roman offers. Ares seems to agree.

I hear Ares and Ravyn shuffle off, heading up the stairs towards Ares’ room. Their departure lightens the burden of discomfort but the heaviness of the evening remains. On top of everything with Tyler, I’m stuck here with the knowledge that I ruined Roman’s plans and worse, was caught tangled up in his arms, leaving me with one more thing to try and explain in the morning.

And if that’s not bad enough; I don’t have a good explanation, not for any of it. Not for how I ended up lying with Roman and not for why I came here tonight. All I have is what Roman’s already said and I don’t know when I’ll be ready to talk about anything else.

“I know you’re awake,” Roman teases in an attempt to break up the tense silence. I look up at him and roll my eyes.

“You could have gone surfing. I was fine,” I say, scooting away from him.

He lets out a half laugh, pulling me back to him. “You were not fine, and that’s okay. I was where I needed to be.” I start to protest, but Roman shoots me a look, effectively telling me it would be useless. “You should get some more sleep.”

“I don’t need you to hold me all night, I’ll be fine,” I argue.

“Audra, it’s okay to not be fine,” he says, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. “If you can honestly tell me you’re going to sleep just as well tonight if you walk up there and sleep in Ares’ room, I’ll let you go right now. But if not, I’m more than fine with going to sleep on this couch with you hooked under my arm and letting you get one good night of rest before you start taking on whatever’s next.”

His words are brutally honest and I love it. No hidden meanings, no underlying motives. He’s right, I won’t sleep well. I’ll either be questioned mercilessly by Ares and Ravyn, or they’ll be asleep and I’ll lie awake in my safest place, reliving the worst day of my life.

“You’re right. I won’t be able to sleep if I go up there,” I sigh, laying my head back on his chest. The arm he has around me tightens, holding me close to him.

“How long has this been going on?” he asks so quietly it’s practically a whisper against my hair.

“Too long,” I state dryly. I debate leaving it there, but I can’t ignore the relief that exists in telling someone what happened. “We were together for just over two years. It’s been like this for about a year now, I guess.”

Shame fills me as I finish. I know I let it go on for too long. His body tenses. I wonder briefly if he cares much about me or if he’s just showing human decency.

Every interaction I’ve ever had with Roman has been positive. All through high school, I’d spend the night when my mom was out of town for work. I’d wander down to the kitchen when I couldn’t sleep and Roman was always there. We’d talk into the early hours of the morning about everything and nothing. But that was the extent of our friendship, if you’d even call it that. My thoughts are cut off when I hear Roman speak again.

“Are you going to tell Ares?” he asks.

No. Absolutely not. That’s what I want to say. I want to tell him ‘ I can’t , because Ares will pick a fight with Tyler, and I’m terrified that Ares will lose.’ I want to tell him Ares won’t be able to keep the anger in. That I’m horrified if Tyler knew I told anyone, he would hurt me or the people I love. I want to tell him that telling even one person was one too many, because if Tyler ever finds out—I’m dead.

But none of that comes out. Instead, I just say, “I don’t know. Not yet.”

“He deserves to know, Audra,” Roman says quietly through gritted teeth. I can no longer read the tone in his voice. I also can’t quite read the look on his face in the dim light from the TV we never turned off. My eyebrows pinch together as I look up at him confused.

“You said you’d never tell. Please don’t.” The small, desperate plea is all I can manage.

“I’m not telling anyone, I promise. But you have to tell Ares,” he states quietly, like it’s a demand he’s hesitant to make.

I pull away from him. “ Have to? You’re kidding, right? It just happened, Roman, and now you’re telling me who I have to tell?”

The words come out more aggressive than I mean them to, but the combination of fear and desperation coursing through me is lethal; ready to maim anyone in my path.

“You’re right.” His face immediately softens. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. You don’t have to do anything until you’re ready.” The words come out steady and even, like he practiced it quickly in his head before he responded.

“Then how did you mean it?” I snap, turning my head away from him.

“I just need to know someone is out there protecting you, Audra. I want to know you’ll be safe,” he states. Suddenly the anger I feel seems unreasonable.

“Tyler will kill me, Roman. Not in a funny or dramatic way, he’ll actually do it. You didn’t see the look in his eyes. He could do it. I know he could.” The words leave my mouth and suddenly I’m back in Tyler’s apartment, sitting on his bed as he stands over me screaming in my face about something I did.

Tyler’s palm makes contact with my cheek and I’m completely stunned. It’s the first time he’s hit me that I can’t find some excuse for. The first time that I know without a doubt he hurt me on purpose. It shocks me in a way I can’t put into words. I can’t move, can’t speak. I can’t even cry. Apologies start spewing from his mouth faster than I can register them in my head. I’m there motionless, fully paralyzed in the wake of him.

I feel split in two. Part of me is still on the couch with Roman, the other stuck in a memory. But this doesn’t feel like a memory. No. This feels like I’m there . My hands are trembling and my breathing hitches so hard I’m not entirely sure if it stops all together. Distantly, I hear my name being called, but I can’t tell from where. Not until I feel Roman grab my hands and squeeze gently.

“Audra.” There’s an urgency in his voice that he’s trying hard to keep at bay. “Hey, it’s just you and me. You’re okay here.”

I lock eyes with him, silently begging him to drop the subject. He seems to understand, and squeezes my hands again before letting go.

“I won’t tell anyone. I promise. But if you ever feel unsafe, please call someone, Audra.” He pauses for a moment, hesitating on his next words. He nods slightly to himself before continuing. “Please call me. Ares would never forgive me—hell, I’d never forgive me if I didn’t keep you safe until you tell him.” I nod. It’s the only thing I can do at this point, the ability to speak stripped from me after my panic.

Soon enough, I snuggle back into his warmth, the weight of his arm lulling me back to sleep. I drift off soon after, thinking about the absurdity of the night, Tyler, and the constant, calming heartbeat of the man beneath me.