8.
A JAX
I reached across the bed to pull Sandi closer and found cold sheets, so I listened for her before I opened my eyes. After a full minute of silence, I rolled over and grabbed my phone and found a note on it reminding me to take my pills with food.
That was it. No sweet greetings, no ‘I’ll miss you.’ Nothing.
Fuck.
I’d spent two days in bed with the woman and didn’t even get a kiss goodbye before she left for her first day. I realized she’d been at work for at least an hour, so rather than call her, I sent her a quick text to tell her to have a good day. It took me a few minutes to figure out what to say. The first draft sounded way too needy, and the second one I erased was too aloof. I finally decided to go with my gut and sent some sarcasm.
Try not to be Ratched on your first day, Attila.
I was shocked when a text came in before I could even put my phone down and laughed when I saw a selfie of Sandi flipping me off.
The woman was an enigma. She kept me guessing with every single conversation, and after two days spent laughing, fucking, and getting to really know each other, I thought I’d been making progress. Obviously, I had not.
I sat up in bed and put my hand on my side, happy to find that it hurt even less today than yesterday, and looked down at the wounds on my legs, which also looked like they were healing well. I’d been shot before and had never felt this good so soon after. I guess it helped to have my own doctor and nurse on call.
I laughed softly to myself and thought that wasn’t something most people could say.
I opened my phone again and scrolled through the missed texts, wishing more than I wanted to admit that I’d get another message from Sandi - one that she instigated instead of me. Somehow, I knew that wasn’t going to happen, so I read through the ones that were there and was pleasantly surprised that my business was going strong even though I wasn’t there to man the wheel.
I answered a few messages, giving input to my employees - mostly men who I had met in prison, had become friends with at Pop’s compound in Tenillo, or by becoming a member of Time Served MC. I answered a few other texts from contacts and snitches that I had all over and noted a few things I’d have to deal with later.
For the first time I could remember, I wasn’t chomping at the bit to leave where I was at to get back into the thick of things. I wanted to putter around the house and wait for Sandi to make an appearance again so I could spend some more time in her orbit.
I was startled when the doorbell rang, but decided to ignore it since this wasn’t my house and I couldn’t imagine who might be here. I hopped in the shower and took my time about it, flooded by memories of showering with Sandi in the time we’d spent together. When I got out, it didn’t take me long to doctor my wounds before I got dressed and ready for the day. I decided to take off and explore Rojo, a town I used to know but hadn’t visited in years.
I picked up my keys from the dresser just as my phone dinged with a text notification, so I walked down the hall as I checked it, hoping that it might be from Sandi. Of course, it wasn’t, but I was happy to see that one of my employees had answered the question I sent him and had good news for me.
I had just walked into the living room when I realized I wasn’t alone and could have kicked my own ass for losing focus.
However, I probably wouldn’t have to do that since my older brother was camped out at the table, eating a donut and having a cup of coffee while he waited for me to appear.
“Took you long enough,” Chandler chided before he took a sip.
“I must have forgotten that we had an appointment.”
“You can’t honestly tell me that you didn’t think I’d come to find you now that I know where you are.”
“And you can’t honestly tell me that you haven’t known where I’ve been this entire time.”
“I’ve known, but I was waiting for you to come to me.”
“And you still would be if things hadn’t happened the way they did.”
“Still angry after all this time, I see.”
“And why shouldn’t I be?” I snapped.
“What the fuck do you have to be angry about? I did the right thing.”
“Just like you always do.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“Chandler, there’s such a thing as doing wrong for the right reason, but I can’t imagine that you’d understand that.”
“I’m not going to apologize for saving your ass, Eric.”
“I almost had him!”
“You let your vengeance get in the way of what was right.”
“He killed her, Chandler!”
“And he paid for what he did. What I want to know is how long you’re going to keep paying for it yourself.”
“You ratted me out.”
“I did no such thing. I pulled you out of a situation that would have gotten you killed, and in the process, I made sure that everyone who was left that had anything to do with her death was punished.”
“And the fact that I got sent to prison was just collateral damage, huh?”
“No. As a matter of fact, I almost lost my job trying everything I could think of to keep you from it, when in reality that was probably the best place for you.”
“The best place? Obviously, you’ve never been to prison or you wouldn’t be able to say that with a straight face.”
“The path you were on would have led you there eventually anyway,” my brother said dismissively. In an entirely different tone, he said, “I was trying to save you from yourself, Eric.”
“Fuck you, Chan.”
“And as my punishment for trying to do the right thing, I have to live with the knowledge that you’ve been doing your very best to get yourself killed every day since just to spite me.”
Even I could hear the bitterness in my laugh before I said, “Not everything I do is about you.”
“I’d rather think it is than to think you’re just trying to die early because you don’t have anything to live for.”
“I’ve got plenty to live for!”
“Name five things.”
“Fuck.Off.”
Why was it that even after all these years apart, I still felt like my big brother was trying to toy with me - baby me until I lost my temper? But this time, when I did, Mom and Dad wouldn’t be there to take sides with their golden boy and pull us apart, so I might very well end up killing him.
“I didn’t come over here to start a fight with you, Eric.”
“Sure you didn’t. That’s just a bonus,” I said as I sat down in the chair across the table from my brother. I felt stretched out and useless, like a balloon that had just deflated. I wasn’t sure if that was because of my injuries or the heavy conversation I was having with someone I had always looked up to and emulated who had broken me in ways no one else could have.
“I love you, Eric, and over the years, I’ve realized why you always reacted to things the way you did . . . the way you still seem to do. I want you to know that I’m not the enemy, no matter how hard Mom and Dad tried to make me one.” That hit a little too close to home, so instead of giving him a sarcastic reply, I kept my mouth shut . . . possibly for the first time in my life. “They pitted us against each other, probably because they thought that would make us stronger and work harder, when, in reality, they should have taught us to support each other rather than compete.”
Chandler was quiet for a few minutes, probably trying to give me time to absorb what he’d said, and shockingly enough, that was exactly what I was doing. I had always looked up to him but had never measured up. I wasn’t as fast, as strong, or as smart, and our parents never went a day without reminding me of that.
When I got accepted into the FBI Academy, I felt like I’d finally shown everyone that I was just as good as Chandler, but then I lost my way and he had to pull me out of a scrape once again - this one bigger than any of the ones before.
I broke the silence and asked, “How did you come to this glorious revelation?”
“I had kids of my own and found myself starting to do the same fucking thing. Luckily, I had Stephanie there to pull me aside and set me right when I screwed up. I learned to stop and think before I said something, always asking myself if that was something Mom and Dad would say. If the answer was yes, then I said the exact fucking opposite.”
“And how did that work out?”
“My kids love each other, and they love me and Stephanie. There’s no rivalry, no bitterness, and no one-upmanship. Just family,” Chandler said proudly. In a sadder tone, he said, “Kind of like the family you’ve found in your MC.”
“If it’s any consolation, I didn’t even stick around with them.”
“You’ve always gone your own way, but at least you’ve had them to depend on. I’d like to think that someday you might realize you can depend on me too.”
I couldn’t take any more deep discussion or soul-baring conversation, so just like always, I went back to sarcasm and joking to lighten the mood. “Are any of those donuts for me, or are you gonna eat them all yourself, old man?”
“I thought you were on broth and water,” Chandler said with a furrowed brow.
“I’m not tied to the bed anymore, so . . .”
“I wouldn’t call a catheter a tie exactly.”
“She handcuffed me to the fucking bed so she could make sure I wouldn’t get up and rip my stitches again.”
Chandler burst out laughing before he pushed the box of donuts toward me and said, “If that’s the case, then you deserve a few donuts.”
“I spent days plotting her death, and then she uncuffed me, and I forgot how to be mad at her.”
“Sounds like she’s the one for you.” When I scoffed, Chandler chuckled and said, “Sometimes, Steph will do something that makes me so fucking mad I could spit nails, but then she walks back into the room and I forget my own name right along with whatever it was I was pissed about.”
“That’s not how I remember married life,” I said as I took a donut from the box in front of me.
“Because she wasn’t the one for you. That nurse seems way more your speed. The combination of her stubborn streak and that mouth might be able to keep your ass in line.”
“She’s not interested in that,” I muttered around a mouth full of fried dough. “Fuck! This is the best donut I’ve ever tasted.”
“Hank’s daughter owns a bakery,” Chandler explained. “Now tell me what makes you think she’s not interested in you.”
“She told me so. Said that I was good for a quick fuck, but then we were through.”
“I wonder why that is.”
“I don’t know shit about the woman other than she’s got two grown sons and lives on the road working as a traveling nurse filling temporary positions as needed all over the country.”
“She’s a nomad caretaker. Sounds like someone else I know.”
I gave my brother a bored look before I asked, “Since when did you become Cupid?”
“Since that woman you’re trying to deny you’re so fond of brought you home against your will.”
“At some point, I guess I promised a few people I’d come visit, although I was pretty drugged up, so I’m not sure I should be held to that.”
“But you’re here, so why not go ahead and visit?”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing right now?”
“Let me take you around town and show you what’s changed. We’ll pop into a couple of places so you can fulfill your promises before you have to come back here to try to change that woman’s mind.”
“Not sure how I’m gonna do that.”
“She takes care of people for a living. Maybe she needs someone to take care of her for a change.”
I reared back like Chandler had slapped me and stared at him in shock. “Holy shit. You might be right.”
“That’s the first time you’ve ever said that, and that’s how I know the world is about to end. Come on. Let’s go see some people and say our last goodbyes before the meteor hits.”
“Fuck you, Chandler,” I said with a laugh before I stuffed the last bite of donut in my mouth.
“That’s more like it. For a second there, I wasn’t sure what happened to my brother, but I see he’s back now.”
◆◆◆
SANDI
“How did your first day go?” Jewel asked as I walked into her office.
I collapsed into the chair across from her and sighed before I said, “I’m rethinking this contract. I had no idea just how busy this place would be.”
“But you enjoyed the chaos, didn’t you?”
“Absolutely. I worked everything from infant well-checks to a neurological consult. It was fantastic.” Jewel laughed, and I smiled before I said, “It was just as diverse and exciting without all the gunshots, stabbings, and car accidents.”
“Jeez, Sandi, where have you been working lately?”
“I’ve been at an emergency room in Little Rock for six weeks.”
“Ugh. That’ll do it.”
“Kind of reminded me of my time in Detroit.”
“How is our patient, by the way?”
“Up and around, feeling good, experiencing some stiffness, but it seems to be manageable.”
Jewel raised her eyebrows, and I glared at her, but that didn’t deter her from asking, “What kind of stiffness are we talking about?”
“His legs, Jewel.”
“All three of them or . . .” I snorted and giggled, and Jewel grinned before she leaned forward and gasped. “You know!”
“I don’t know shit.”
“Details.”
“I don’t kiss and tell.”
“Since when?”
I shrugged and then gave her a teaser by saying, “He enjoyed that ice cream you recommended just as much as I did.”
Jewel narrowed her eyes and said, “I hope you did it responsibly, because that’s one helluva way to get a yeast infection.”
I burst out laughing and said, “I was too distracted to even think about that!”
“So, the two of you had a good weekend as you nursed him back to health?”
“It was fun.”
“What’s going to happen when he leaves?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s not like he works here in town, Sandi. Well, it’s not like you live here either, for that matter. What happens when . . .”
“I’m not going to think about what, if, or when, Jewel. I’m living in the moment because the last thing I need in my life is someone else to take care of.”
“That’s a jaded way to look at things, my friend.”
“I have no illusion that I’m anything other than a passing fancy for Ajax.”
“But do you want to be more?”
“If I’ve learned one thing in life, it’s that what I want doesn’t matter.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“So am I.”