Chapter 7
“Whoever said pain is just weakness leaving the body is an asshole who doesn’t know shit.” ~ Caleb
Caleb
I groan as the muscles in my left leg protest my movement with stabs of pain but I don’t stop. I don’t quit. I can’t. I need to heal from this injury to prove I’m worthy. I lower myself in a squat.
“Hold for five seconds,” Hazel orders.
I glare at her as she counts.
“Five, four, three, two, one. And slowly stand.”
My body protests as I raise myself into a standing position.
“And again.”
“Are you kidding me?”
It feels as if we’ve been doing therapy for hours. My physical therapist is a sadist.
Hazel bats her eyelashes. “Don’t tell me the big bad military hero is tired and needs a rest.”
“Not a military hero,” I grit out as I lower myself into yet another squat .
“Dude, a bullet shattered your femur during active duty while you were in some godforsaken country you can’t talk about. Pretty sure that’s the definition of hero.”
She doesn’t know the whole truth. She doesn’t know why I took the bullet. Why I’m not a hero. How I messed up. How I’m a failure. How I battle the guilt every day.
“Not a hero,” I grumble.
“Whatever. You can slowly stand now.”
My thigh spasms as I push to stand. I grit my teeth and ignore it. It’s a squat. I’ve done a million of these. I can do this. I will do this.
The spasms worsen to convulsions and I lose control of my leg.
“Fuck,” I mutter as Hazel wraps an arm around me before I fall.
“I got you, big guy.” She helps me to the treatment table and I gladly sit down. “I think you’ve had enough strength training for the day.”
I scowl at her. “You said I could try jogging on the treadmill today.”
She wags a finger at me. “No. I said it was a slight possibility. Which I only said because you were super pushy.”
“I wasn’t pushy.”
She giggles. “You haven’t changed a bit since high school.”
I lift an eyebrow. Granted I was already six foot tall in high school but my frame was lean back then. Now, it’s all muscle.
“Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You’ve got all these muscles now.” She motions to my body as if working my ass off to keep myself in optimum shape is no big deal. “But up here.” She taps her temple. “You’re the same.”
I growl. I am not the same. I was an idiot in high school who thought it was fun to get chased by the cops. It wasn’t fun when the principal threatened to fail me if I didn’t straighten up.
I’m not an idiot anymore. I have skills. Skills I’ve honed over twelve years of active duty. Skills that didn’t help me when I needed them the most.
Shit. Maybe I am the same. Maybe I’m still the idiot loser I was in high school.
This is why I have to keep Maya at bay. I’m not the man for her. I’m not good enough for her. She deserves more than a man like me who screwed up when it mattered the most.
Hazel taps the treatment table. “Lay down.”
“I don’t need a fucking nap.”
She crosses her arms over her chest and purses her lips. Shame fills me. I’m treating her like the enemy. She’s not the enemy. She’s trying to help me. Although, it’s hard to remember she’s helping when her ‘help’ feels closer to torture.
“Sorry. I’ll watch my language.”
“Dude. I don’t give a shit about your language. Your attitude, though? It could use an adjustment.”
“Hard to be all happy go lucky when you’re sidelined from active duty.”
“As I recall you were never Mr. Happy Go Lucky but I’d love to watch you try.” She waggles her eyebrows. “Maybe Maya could help you.”
“Don’t go spreading rumors about Maya. ”
She rubs her hands together. “But there are reasons rumors could spread? Awesome. I always thought the two of you would make a cute couple.”
This is what happens when you return to your hometown. Everyone knows everybody and is connected somehow. Hazel and I were in the same grade in school together. With Maya and her friends.
“No one thought we’d be a cute couple in high school.”
“Wrong.” Hazel taps her chest. “I did. I love this.”
“Nothing to love. Maya and I aren’t together. I don’t want to see her. Don’t want to see anyone actually.”
“Except me.”
“Because the Army forced me to.”
“Ah. Boo hoo. Is the big bad Army guy afraid of a little therapy?”
She begins to work me through a round of hamstring, quadriceps, and hip flexor stretches.
“Fuck. I thought these stretches were supposed to be gentle.”
“Who lied to you?”
She repositions my hip and I grunt at the pain. My hip automatically fights against her but she doesn’t have any problem keeping me in position.
“How the hell are you this strong?”
“Farmer’s daughter, remember?”
She rattles on as she works me through the stretches. “Dad and Mom were always adamant I work on the farm or at least marry a farmer. Can you say boring? But then my older sister left because she had no interest in living the narrow life they defined for her. After Scarlett left the island and refused to come back, they lightened up a bit and allowed me to go to college. And now Scarlett’s back on the island full-time.”
“I heard she and Weston are a couple.”
Weston wasn’t in our class in high school. He was a few years older. But I remember him. Probably because he’s the cop who caught me drag racing and threatened to have me jailed until I was too old to drive anymore.
She smiles. “They are. They’re totally in love.”
I frown. I’m happy for her sister and Weston but I can’t help the burn of jealousy in my stomach. Weston has what I want. A loving partner he can spend the rest of his life with. I screwed up any chance I had of being with Maya for the rest of my life.
“I haven’t seen you around Smuggler’s Rest much. You should totally come to Smuggler’s Cove. I work at the restaurant in the evenings. We have the best seafood on the island.”
I snort. I’m not going anywhere in Smuggler’s Rest. I’d stay in my cabin all the time if I could. But when I suggested doing physical therapy there, Hazel pointed out how she needed all the proper equipment if she was going to get me into fighting shape.
She rolls her eyes. “You can’t be a hermit forever.”
Watch me. I’ll be a hermit until the Army declares I’m fit for active duty again. Then, I’m gone from Smuggler’s Hideaway and I won’t be back.
There’s no reason to come back .
Maya always was my reason but I’m not good enough for her. I thought I could become a better man and prove I was good enough for her.
I was wrong.