Chapter 16
“Why is it called a walk of shame? It should be a parade of happiness.” ~ Maya when she’s delirious after sex
Maya
I wake surrounded by warmth and the earthy scent of Caleb. I snuggle into him and he tightens his arm around me.
This is everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever dreamed of. Everything I never thought I’d have.
Caleb – the man I’ve wanted since our kiss in the library senior year of high school – is in this bed with me after making love to me all night long.
A sliver of doubt creeps in. Is this everything Caleb wants? Or was he merely letting off steam? Carried away by the moment. I did kiss him first after all.
Maybe I should go home before things get awkward.
I lift Caleb’s arm and slide toward the edge of the bed. I’m nearly there when his arm clamps down on me.
“Where are you going? I’m not done with you yet.”
Despite having more orgasms last night than I’ve had in the past year, I shiver as excitement bolts through me. I imagine all the dirty things Caleb can do to me and my panties dampen in response.
I roll around to face him. I frown when I notice he’s wearing a long sleeved t-shirt and sweats. The only skin exposed is his hands and face. He’s afraid I’ll be repelled by any scars he has.
He doesn’t understand. Those scars are pieces of him. And I love him. I wouldn’t be repelled by him.
Fear snakes through my belly. I love Caleb . I’ve denied my feelings for too many years. Claimed we’re friends and I didn’t want more. But I can’t deny my feelings any longer. Not after last night. I blew the ‘we’re just friends’ excuse to smithereens.
Speaking of friends.
“Last night doesn’t have to mean anything.”
His brow furrows. “Doesn’t have to mean anything?”
“We can go back to being friends.”
Those words kill me to say but I don’t want to lose Caleb. If friends is all he’s capable of, I’ll take what I can get.
“Go back to being friends?”
“Are you going to repeat everything I say this morning?”
“When you say stupid shit, yes.”
I scowl. “I didn’t say stupid shit.”
“Saying we can go back to being friends is stupid.”
Does Caleb not want to be friends anymore? My heart squeezes, and I find it difficult to catch my breath. I can’t lose him.
“You don’t want to be friends anymore?”
“Nope. ”
I grasp my chest as pain lances through it. I’m losing Caleb. I’m such an idiot. I never should have had sex with him. Sex ruins everything. I know better.
I’ve read thousands of romance novels. I know what happens when the couple has sex before one of them is ready to admit they want more.
Realization hits me. Caleb doesn’t want more. He was scratching an itch last night.
“Stop,” he growls.
Tears well in my eyes. I blink to stop them from falling but it’s a lost cause. They course down my face.
Caleb wraps his arms around me. “Fuck.”
I fight his hold. “Let me go.”
“Bunny, I’m never letting you go.”
“I need to go.”
He pinches my chin and tilts my head up until our gazes clash. “Did you hear me? I’m never letting you go.”
“You can’t—”
I slam my mouth shut when I realize he’s disagreeing with me. I wipe the tears from my cheeks. “Wait. What did you say?”
He nudges my hands out of the way to take over wiping my tears. “I’m never letting you go, Bunny.”
“But we’re friends. You don’t want more.”
“I’ve always wanted more.”
My mouth gapes open. “You did?”
He kisses my nose. “Yes.”
“But why didn’t you tell me? Why did you stay away for so long?”
He glances away. “I wasn’t ready.”
“You weren’t ready?” I snort. “Is this your way of letting me down easy? You’re worried how I’m going to react so you lie and say you’ve always wanted me?” I shake my head. “You don’t want me.”
How could he? My own parents don’t want me. Why would Caleb, the man who could have any woman he wants with a crook of his finger, want me?
“I’m pretty sure I showed you how much I want you last night.”
“It was—”
He growls. “Don’t you dare tell me it was only sex. It was more than sex and you know it.”
“But—”
“No. I’m not listening to whatever bullshit you’re thinking up to put me back in the friend zone. I finally got out of there and I’m not going back.”
“Not going back?”
He nods. “You and me? This relationship? It’s no longer fake. We’re doing this.”
“You’ve decided and that’s all there is to it?”
“Yep.”
I glare at him. “You can’t unilaterally decide we’re a couple.”
“I can and I did.”
“This is not how things work! ”
I try to shove him away but he captures my hands. “Do you not want to be in a relationship with me?”
“I didn’t say I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.”
“Then, why are you fighting me?”
Because I can’t believe it. All my dreams are coming true. I thought my dreams coming true would be exciting. It’s not. It’s scary. More than scary. It’s terrifying.
What happens when Caleb realizes I’m not loveable? How will I survive it when the man I love walks away from me?
It won’t break my heart. It’ll rip my heart clean out of my chest.
I can’t chance it. I won’t.
Caleb presses his lips to mine. “Don’t fight me, Bunny.”
I try to respond but he kisses me again.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’ll fight you. But I don’t want to.” He nibbles along my jaw. “I have more interesting things I’d rather do.” He presses his hard length against my belly. “Do you want to fight or fuck?”
My whole body shivers.
Despite knowing this is a bad idea, I don’t stop him when he slips a hand under my t-shirt and begins to massage my breast.
Despite knowing this is going to lead to heartache, I don’t protest when he draws the shirt off of me and rolls me onto my back.
Despite knowing this is going to ruin our friendship, I don’t say a word when he pulls out his cock, dons a condom, and lines it up to my opening .
“I promise you won’t regret giving me – us – a chance,” Caleb vows as he inches inside me. I cling to his shoulders as he sinks into me. “Because this is where I belong.”
He slowly withdraws before thrusting into me again. I moan at the feeling of him filling me up. Sex with Caleb is everything I’ve ever dreamed about. It’s even better than I imagined. And, trust me, I have quite the imagination. There’s a reason I’m obsessed with romance books after all.
“Will you give me a chance?” he asks and I can’t deny him.
It was hard enough to deny him before he was inside me. But now that he’s filling me up and I’m surrounded by everything Caleb, I can’t say no. I don’t want to. I never wanted to.
“Okay,” I whisper.
“Thank you, Maya. You won’t regret it.” He kisses my forehead before smirking. “I’m going to show you how much you won’t regret it now.”
He begins pounding into me and all my worries about the future disappear as I let everything Caleb overwhelm my senses and my thoughts.