Chapter 18
“I’m going to stop going to the grocery store. Maybe I’ll start Smuggler’s Hideaway’s first grocery delivery service.” ~ Maya
Maya
I message Caleb as I hurry into the grocery store.
Do you need anything from the store?
I can do my own groceries.
I roll my eyes. I know he can do his own groceries. I’m trying to be helpful here. But sometimes Mr. Protector takes his role a little too seriously.
I’m at the store now.
Three dots appear and disappear several times. I grab a cart in the meantime.
Oh okay. Can you grab some bread and milk? Please.
On it. Be there in thirty minutes.
I type Love You but stop myself before I hit send. Phew. Caleb and I haven’t been a couple very long. I don’t plan on throwing out ‘love yous’ until we’re more secure in our relationship. In other words, I’m not going to be the first to drop the three-word bomb.
It almost never ends well in a romance novel when the woman confesses her love first. It’s better if the man bares his heart before she does. And since I’m not planning to get my heart broken by Caleb, I’ll keep my love bombs to myself.
“Hey, Maya,” Hazel greets from the other side of the produce department.
I wave at her.
“How’s Caleb?” She waggles her eyebrows.
I glance around to ensure no one else is listening to us. There are a few customers who appear a bit too interested in their oranges so I steer my cart closer to Hazel.
“Keep your voice down,” I hiss at her.
“Your relationship with Caleb isn’t a secret. You came to the restaurant together.”
I feel my cheeks heat at her challenging tone, but I force my legs to stay planted and not run away.
“Caleb is a very private person. I don’t need to remind you of how private he is, do I?”
“Fine,” she gives in. “I won’t pester you with questions about how good Caleb is in bed. Considering you spent most of high school in detention, I thought you were more fun.”
She marches off and the tension in my shoulders relaxes. Crisis averted.
I hurry through the store while filling my cart with everything on my list. I’m anxious to see Caleb again. I was busy working on the quarterly accounts yesterday and didn’t make it out to the cabin last night.
It’s only been four days since we removed the ‘fake’ from our relationship but I want to spend all my time with Caleb. I want to make up for all the years we missed.
I round the corner into the final aisle to get some bread for Caleb and I nearly crash into a woman. Not just any woman. My mother.
I can’t believe this. I haven’t had contact with my family – except to send Christmas and birthday cards – for years. But this is the second time I’ve had contact with Mom this month. Is there a blue moon or something?
I decide to ignore her. She’s done it to me for years. How hard can it be?
I steer my cart around her but she latches onto it and uses it to block me from leaving.
“Trying to avoid your mother?” Mom sneers.
“Um…” I bite my lip as I try to come up with a lie. Mom hates to be ignored. Never mind how she’s ignored me for years.
“Um. Ah. Still the same old shy girl who can’t stand up for herself?”
I stood up for Mom once – it was one of the most difficult things I’ve done in my life – and look where it got me. Kicked out of the house at eighteen and ignored for more than a decade.
“Hi, Mom. ”
I hate calling this woman my mother. She was never a mother to me. She never shielded me from Dad’s rage. She never nurtured or cared for me. She was too busy catering to all Dad’s needs and wants. Fat lot of good it did her.
“Hi, Mom,” she mimics.
Wonderful. We’ve reached the ‘making fun of Maya’ portion of the evening. And here I was worried there wouldn’t be time for it.
“I need to…” I trail off when I notice the man making his way down the aisle. My hands tighten on the cart until my fingernails dig into my palms.
“Roger,” Mom hollers to my dad. “Guess who I ran into?”
Dad glowers at Mom before glancing my way. His eyes are the same shade of brown as mine but they’re devoid of any emotion. With those flat eyes, it’s a mystery to me how the inhabitants of Smuggler’s Island don’t recognize Dad for what he is – a monster.
“What are you doing here?” Dad asks.
I want to snark at him. Ask him what he thinks I’m doing at a grocery store. But those empty eyes hold me entranced and words won’t form.
“Um…”
Mom snorts. “For the life of me, I can’t understand why you think you’re so much better than us. You can’t even form words or speak properly.”
I do not think I’m better than them. I’m just me. I’m not better or worse than any other person. But Mom is convinced I think I’m better than her because I refuse to accept Dad’s abuse. Standing up for myself is not the same as thinking I’m better than anyone.
“I don’t think I’m better than you.”
“What did you say?” Mom shouts her question. “I couldn’t hear you over the sound of the background music.”
Dad chuckles. “Maya always was a little scared mouse.”
I am not a mouse. Was I scared in his house? Hell, yeah, I was. Any child would have been.
Even Mom was scared. She won’t admit it, but her eyes were filled with fright every time Dad came home from work. But when she was offered an out, she didn’t take it. For some reason, it’s all my fault. Dad’s abuse. Her refusal to leave. All of it. My fault.
I notice people have stopped shopping to watch our interaction. My face warms even further under their scrutiny.
“I… ah… should be…” I try to wheel my cart away but Mom won’t release her hold on it. I wiggle the cart but she doesn’t budge. I could probably break away. But I’m not hurting her. That’s my dad’s job.
“But we haven’t had a chance to catch up yet.” She tries to make her voice sound sweet but it reminds me of nails on a chalkboard.
I grit my teeth. “Catch up?”
Mom and Dad haven’t talked to me in years and now they want to catch up? What’s going on? Why are they torturing me? Why would—
I’m such an idiot. The answer is obvious. They want to bring me down a peg .
They usually let me live my life. But now that I have something – someone – to lose they’re using this opportunity to try and ruin my happiness.
They always ruin my happiness. When I came home from school excited about my good grades or winning a spelling bee or getting the top grade on a math test, they’d set in on me. Tease me or torture me with nasty words until I learned to keep things to myself.
“I want to hear all about how the plain mouse managed to snag the hottest man on Smuggler’s Hideaway,” Mom says.
Dad laughs. “They must be faking it. Caleb would never dare to date Maya.”
We were faking it. But we’re not anymore. I want to open my mouth and scream at him. Tell him he’s wrong. But one look at the muscle pulsing in his jaw and the words get stuck in my throat. I know what his look means. It’s not good.
“She could never make him happy. Who can love a plain mouse?”
I nearly flinch at those words. How can anyone love me? My own parents don’t love me. And they’re supposed to love me unconditionally. But they’d rather tear me down than build me up and have me be happy. They want me to join them in their misery.
“Nothing to say for yourself, little mouse?” Mom teases.
I have a lot to say but I know better than to open my mouth. It’s a waste of time and energy. They won’t listen to me anyway .
“Let’s go, Geraldine.” Dad wraps a hand around Mom’s bicep and drags her away. She winces and I know he’s hurting her. He’s always hurting her. But she won’t leave him.
I watch as Dad yanks Mom down the aisle. When they turn the corner, I follow on my tiptoes to make sure they’re actually leaving.
I hide behind a cereal display and watch them walk out the exit. Mom is practically running to keep up with Dad’s long strides but he doesn’t slow down for her. He doesn’t take anyone into consideration except himself. Selfish prick.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out. Caleb calling.
Did the smuggler grapevine tell him what happened? Does he know what a wimp I am? How I become mute whenever my parents confront me?
I drop the phone back into my pocket. I can’t deal with him now. I don’t want him to realize how unlovable I truly am.
I abandon my cart where it is and rush out of the grocery store. I aim for the one place I know I’m safe. A place my parents would never dare step foot in.
I’ll hide there while I figure out what to do.
Should I break up with Caleb before he has the chance to break my heart?
Or should I enjoy him while I can? Until he realizes I’m unlovable?