Chapter 31
“You want to play passive aggressive with me? Go ahead and try. I have years of experience.” ~ Maya
Maya
I frown down at my phone. I haven’t heard from Caleb all day. I know he had physical therapy today, but he should have been home hours ago.
I tap my fingers on my steering wheel. What to do? Go home and hope Caleb’s okay? Drive to the cabin and hope Caleb isn’t mad at me for showing up unannounced? Neither choice is very appealing.
He loves you. Why would he be mad?
I start to ignore my inner voice but then force myself to woman up. Caleb does love me. He tells me often enough.
My parents are the assholes. They’re the ones who are unlovable. Not me. Caleb loves me. My friends love me. Lily loves me. I am loveable.
I blow out a breath and switch on the engine to go check on Caleb. Nothing can be as bad as yesterday when he collapsed .
When I arrive at the cabin, it’s dark. It appears abandoned, but Caleb’s truck is here. Maybe he went to the resort to visit Hudson. I’ll check.
“Caleb!” I call and knock on the door.
“Go away!”
Strangle a smuggler. Are we back to this? Does he regret showing me his injury yesterday?
I start to inch backwards. No. I stop myself. I’m the heroine in my own story and I won’t be one of those wimpy heroines who make me want to throw my Kindle across the room. I will be strong. And fierce.
Maybe not fierce. But I can do strong.
“I wouldn’t leave you alone before you said you loved me. What makes you think I will now?”
“FUCK! I don’t want to see you.”
“Too bad,” I say and march inside the cabin.
I need to stop after a few steps since it’s dark as midnight on the ocean with no stars in here. I let my eyes adjust but it’s no use. It’s too dark to see.
I creep to the wall and flip the switch. The lights flash on.
“What the hell? Lights are off for a reason,” Caleb growls from where he’s laying on the sofa with a bottle of moonshine in his hand. Potato chip bags are scattered on the coffee table along with an open pizza box with one piece of pizza left in it.
“What’s going on?”
He sips from the bottle but doesn’t answer me.
“Caleb,” I plea. “What’s going on?”
“Don’t want to talk. ”
I drop my purse and shrug out of my coat before marching to the couch. I pick up the potato chip bags and the pizza box and carry them to the kitchen. I return with a glass of water and a cloth to clean the table.
“Here.” I shove the glass into Caleb’s hands. “If you don’t want a hangover, drink this.”
“Don’t give a shit if I have a hangover. My life is over.”
“Your life is over? What happened?”
“Some asshole shot the shit out of my leg while I was trying to escape with my squad.”
I drop the cleaning supplies and plop down on the sofa across from Caleb. “This is not new information. Why is your life over now?”
“My days of being a soldier are done.”
I’m confused. Is this news to him? He’s lucky he survived his injury. A few inches to the left and the bullet would have hit his femoral artery. He would have bled out.
It’s possible I spent way too much time obsessing over and googling bullet wounds today. I’m probably on some Internet watchlist now.
“I thought you were retired.”
“I’m not retired. I’m on convalescent leave.”
He is? I’m starting to realize I don’t know Caleb’s situation as well as I should. Why am I surprised? He wouldn’t tell me about his injury until yesterday. He literally said I love you before he allowed me to see his leg.
“And you’re going back to active duty? ”
“Are you not fucking listening to me? I can’t go back on active duty.”
I flinch at his angry tone. Caleb can lose his temper but he’s never been nasty to me before.
He takes another swig from the moonshine. The bottle is half empty. Did he drink half the bottle? This is not a good sign. Caleb isn’t a drinker. A beer here and there but nothing more. Usually.
“Why can’t you go back on active duty?”
“I told you. Some asshole shot me.”
I inhale a deep breath before I lash out at him. One of us being angry is enough.
“Before today, you thought you were going back on active duty. What happened today?”
“I realized I’m a fucking cripple who will never pass the Army medical board.”
“You’re not a cripple.”
He sneers at me. “Did you miss me sprawled out on the floor of the restroom yesterday?”
“It was a setback. There are always setbacks when you’re recovering from an injury.”
“Oh yeah?” He sips from the bottle. “What do you know about it?”
I start to tell him how I’ve been researching injuries but he continues before I have the chance.
“You’re just a little mouse who’s never gone anywhere and done anything. You’ve probably never traveled outside of the U.S. ”
As a matter of fact, I’ve been to Mexico for spring break but I don’t answer him. He’s on a tirade now. I know better than to interrupt someone mid tirade.
“You have no idea what it’s like to face an enemy. To not know if you’re going to live to fight another day. To watch people die. To lose friends, brothers really. You have no idea.”
“No, I don’t.”
He sneers at me. “You don’t even know what danger feels like. You think a few bullies cornering you is danger.” He snorts. “So na?ve.”
And now I’m done. I no longer put up with men who take their anger out on me. Ironically, it was Caleb who taught me that.
I stand. “I’m leaving.”
He shoos me toward the door. “Run away, little mouse. The adults are speaking now.”
My nostrils flare as anger builds in my chest. But I keep my mouth clamped shut. This isn’t my Caleb. The man I fell in love with. He’s lashing out because he doesn’t know how to handle his emotions.
“I’ll speak to you later.” After he’s had some time to process the news. And no longer feels the need to lash out.
“I can’t believe you’re fucking leaving me. After all the pushing and pushing you did, you’re leaving.”
Oh goodie. We’ve reached the passive aggressive portion of our evening. I’m opting out.
“I am not leaving you. I’m leaving for the moment. ”
“Running away when you realize how hard it is to be with me? Typical.”
He’s starting to slur his words now. It won’t be long before he’s full on drunk. How he isn’t full on drunk now is beyond me. A few swigs of moonshine and I’m ready to jump into the ocean and fulfill all of my mermaid fantasies.
“I’m not running away.”
“You’re at the door. That’s the definition of running away.” He points to the door and nearly falls off the sofa.
Whatever patience I still had disappears. I’m done with him blaming me for the situation. It’s not my fault.
“No. Running away is when you listen to some asshole who tells you you’re not a man.”
He throws the bottle of moonshine across the room. It hits the wall and smashes into a million pieces. I lock my limbs before I rush to clean up the mess. This is not my mess to clean up.
“I’m not a fucking man. I’m a cripple.”
“Can you stop using the word cripple?”
“Why?” He sneers. “Does it bother you that you love a cripple? Or maybe you’re faking loving me because you pity me?”
“I’m not faking it. I love you, Caleb. I just don’t like you very much at the moment.”
“At the moment?” He opens his arms wide. “This is who I am.”
“No, this is you lashing out because you got some bad news today. ”
“Bad news? My entire life is falling apart. It’s more than bad news.”
“Okay,” I concede. “You received devastating news today. But you’ll figure things out. This is a bump in the road. It’s not the end of the road.”
He slams his fist on his chest. “This is my road. I decide whether it’s a bump or the end.”
I need to leave. This discussion is not getting us anywhere.
“I’ll call you later.”
“Bye, bye, little mouse.”
I flinch at his use of the nickname my bullies used but I don’t say a word. It’s a waste of breath. He’s not listening to me.
I grab my bag and coat and open the door.
“I told you,” he hollers after me. “Everyone in my life is better off without me.”
No, we’re not.
You’re not getting rid of me, Caleb. Not ever. But I need some time and space to figure out how to deal with this new version of the man I love.
I pray to the mermaids this new version isn’t permanent.