Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Cove
I groaned and pulled my pillow over my head, trying to block out Langston, who was doing his best to coax me out of bed to eat breakfast. Thing was though, I didn’t feel like eating. I just wanted to lay in bed all day like I normally did on my days off and try to pretend the world didn’t exist.
“Baby boy, come on,” Langston said, sitting on the side of the bed, making it dip. My body rolled toward his. He rested his hand on my bare hip, and using his thumb, he traced circles into my pale skin. “I need you to eat, Cove.”
“No,” I mumbled.
He sighed. “Cove, I’ll drag you out of this bed. Don’t think I won’t.”
I pulled the pillow off my head, squinting at him through the dim lamp light. I had blackout drapes over my windows because I hated the outside world. It was cruel and depraved, sucking the life from everyone it could. It’d already sucked the life from me.
“You’re not my mother,” I snapped at him, hating that my voice still came out weak and so tired.
He narrowed his eyes at me, and I swallowed thickly, instantly wishing I could take the words back. He stood. My heart lurched into my throat. Was he leaving? He couldn’t leave. He promised he wouldn’t.
I squeaked when he easily lifted me from the bed and tossed my naked body over his shoulder, carrying me out of my room and into the kitchen. My cheeks burned in mortification. I was naked!
My prick hardened, poking him in his shoulder, but he paid it no mind. Could the ground open up and swallow me whole now? That’d be great.
He plopped me into a chair at the kitchen table. A plate of eggs was in front of me—just two, as if he knew I wouldn’t be able to stomach much more than that. Tears pricked at my eyes.
“I’m naked,” I croaked.
Langston took a seat beside me and dragged the plate to him, cutting up the eggs.
“I gave you the opportunity to get out of bed, baby boy, and you chose to take the hard way.” He ran his eyes over me, a hungry look entering his eyes.
“So, now you get to sit here and eat breakfast in your birthday suit.”
I flushed. He forked up a bite of egg and lifted it to my lips. I sighed and opened my mouth, allowing him to feed me. It didn’t take long for me to get the two eggs down, and afterward, he kissed me softly, brushing his hand over my cheek.
“Thank you for eating, baby.” I flushed at his appreciation. He stood and held his hand out to me. “How does a shower sound? I want to take you somewhere today.”
I frowned at him as I stood to my feet, lacing my fingers with his larger ones. He gently squeezed my hand and led me to my bathroom. After dropping his briefs, he stepped into the shower, pulling me with him.
“Where are you taking me?” I finally asked him when I realized he wasn’t going to say anything else on the matter.
“It’s a surprise,” he told me, dropping a soft kiss to my lips. “Once we finish in here, I need to head to my place and get dressed, but I’ll be back within ten minutes.”
The thought of being alone again, even for just ten minutes, was a bit terrifying.
But I nodded anyway, forcing a brave look onto my face.
Though judging by the frown that immediately pulled at Langston’s lips, I hadn’t been successful.
He grabbed my chin, forcing my eyes onto his.
“Baby boy, I’m coming back, you hear me? ”
I nodded. “I know,” I whispered.
He tugged me into his arms and held me for a moment before stepping back to bathe me. There wasn’t any play this time, but the tenderness in every touch and caress was clear.
And the thought of ever losing it one day made my heart ache.
I shook my head, yanking on the handle of the locked door. And every time I unlocked it, Langston just locked it back. My chest heaved, and I began to drastically sweat. I was trapped. Langston had me trapped.
“Cove!” Langston barked. I jerked my wide, terrified eyes to his, my slippery palms still yanking on the door handle. “Baby, stop,” he ordered. “Focus on me and just breathe.”
“I thought it was a surprise—a good one,” I choked out.
Langston grabbed my sweaty hands in his and gave them each a gentle squeeze. “It may not seem like a good surprise right now, baby boy, but it will be in the future,” he soothed.
I turned my head to look at the therapist’s office again, the doctor’s name on the brown door in pretty, gold letters. Rose bushes and other smaller flowers surrounded the building, and twinkle lights were wrapped around the banister of the steps leading to that dreaded door.
“I don’t want to see a therapist,” I whispered.
“Baby, I need you to,” Langston begged. I turned to look at him. He drew in a deep breath and then released my hands before grabbing his phone. I watched as he began to tap a few icons, and then he turned it to face me.
Langston was seeing a virtual therapist.
“My insurance, for whatever weird as fuck reason, doesn’t cover therapists in the area,” Langston explained to my confused face. “So I have to see a virtual therapist. Sometimes, we talk about my fear of coming out to my parents, and other times, we just talk about the stress I’m facing at school.”
“But you’re so normal,” I whispered.
Langston smiled a little. “Seeing a therapist doesn’t mean something is wrong with us, baby boy. And choosing to see a therapist takes incredible strength.” He reached over and grabbed my hand again. “Can you be strong for me, Cove?”
He waited patiently for my answer, and somehow, I knew he’d back out of this car park and take me back home if I said no.
“How is this being paid for?” I quietly asked him at last.
“Your insurance.” He shot me a sheepish look.
“I looked through your wallet this morning.” I just sighed.
I wasn’t even angry. Langston…cared, and I was desperate for someone to give a damn about me.
He reached into his pocket and grabbed his wallet, fishing out a twenty-dollar bill.
He placed it in my hand and curled my fingers around it. “This is for your copay.”
I looked back at the brick building and sucked in a deep breath before nodding my head. “Okay.” I looked back at him. “I’ll do this for you.”
Langston sadly smiled at me. “One day, baby boy, you’ll do it for yourself.”
I didn’t think so, but I didn’t say anything. I just slid out of the car and headed toward the stairs.
Langston
I stared at my mom’s number on the screen of my phone, contemplating calling. If Cove could be strong enough to go inside to see a therapist—a stranger—and talk about the darkness in his mind, surely I could call my parents and finally tell them I was gay, right?
I had to at some point. Now that I had Cove, I was never letting him go again, which meant there was no more fooling my parents into thinking I was straight.
Christ, this could fuck up everything for me—school, my apartment, my car.
They’d pulled the loans for my schooling, they footed the bill for my apartment, and they’d provided me with this car.
My gut told me this wouldn’t go well.
And why would it? They were just as homophobic as everyone else I’d gone to school with.
I scrubbed my hand down my face before pressing the phone symbol beside my mom’s name.
Then, I put the phone on speaker and set it in my lap, staring out the windshield at the traffic moving along the street in front of me.
It was near lunchtime, so a lot of people were out and about, grabbing food before heading back to work or school.
“Langston?” Mom asked incredulously. Couldn’t blame her. I never called home, mostly because I was afraid she’d figure out my sexuality through a simple change in my voice.
“Hi, Mom.” I cleared my throat. “Is Dad around?”
“Yeah. He’s right here next to me. Need me to put the phone on speaker?” she asked, concern filtering into her voice.
I swallowed thickly. “Yeah,” I rasped. We’d see how much longer her concern for me lasted once she heard what I had to say.
A moment later, I heard Dad clear his throat. “What is it, son?”
I drew in a deep breath and dug my nails into my jeans. “I’m gay.”
Silence. That was what met my ears. I worked my jaw around, waiting for one of them to say something.
“I’m sorry. Repeat that?” Dad asked, a low growl in his voice. I winced. “I couldn’t have heard you correctly.”
“You did,” I told him. “I said I’m gay.”
“Christ!” he exploded. I flinched. I knew this wouldn’t go well.
“We’ll be paying for your lease to be broken.
Leave the car in the garage so we can get it towed back home.
And once your semester is over, don’t be expecting any other funds to pay for your schooling.
” I grimaced. I’d known this was going to happen, but it still hurt to be disowned like this.
“You’re a fucking abomination, Langston—a fucking failure. Don’t bother coming home again.”
The line went dead. I thunked my head on the steering wheel and blew out a soft breath. Well, at least that was over. I just had to figure out somewhere to go now.
Because I was officially about to be fucking homeless.
Cove
I slowly took a seat in front of my therapist—Dr. Heather Iris, though she preferred to just be called Heather.
She was wearing a pair of leggings and a comfy-looking long-sleeve shirt, her hair piled into a messy bun on the top of her head.
Her office was just as relaxing as she seemed.
Dark tones colored the walls, and her furniture matched it.
A dim lamp was turned on in the corner, and soft nature sounds played from a set of speakers mounted on the wall.
“Not what you expected?” she asked me.
I shook my head. “The last time I saw a therapist, my parents thought they could fix me,” I muttered. A chill raced down my spine at the thought of it. I hadn’t been one hundred percent honest with Langston.
They’d tried to convert me back to being straight, as if it was just a matter of hitting a switch in my brain.
“Therapy never fixes anyone,” she told me gently.
I frowned. Then why did Langston bring me here?
“Therapists are just here to guide you, give you a non-judgemental ear to vent to, or sometimes just a quiet place to think. But any fixing—that happens on your own, Cove.” She leaned back in her chair and pulled her legs up, crossing them.
“Why did your parents want to fix you, Cove?”
I nervously licked my lips and rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans. “Because I’m gay.” I’d never hidden from my sexuality, and I wouldn’t start now.
She sighed. “Want to know something about me, Cove?” I looked up at her.
She grabbed her phone and opened it, showing me her background.
It was her with another woman, and they looked madly in love.
“I’m a lesbian. My parents tried to fix me, too.
” She winked at me. “Guess what? There’s nothing wrong with people like us, Cove. ”
I relaxed. She knew. She understood.
Tears welled in my eyes. “Then can you help me?” I croaked. A tear ran down my cheek. “Because I want to hurt myself, and I promised Langston I wouldn’t.”
She nodded. “I can help you, Cove. You’re going to be okay. Let’s start with that. Close your eyes for me, and then I want you to whisper to yourself over and over that you’re going to be okay.”
And so, I closed my eyes, following her instructions. Silent tears began to slide down my cheeks after saying it for the fifth time. I slowly opened my glassy eyes, looking up at her. “Why did you make me do that?” I croaked, sniffling and swiping at my cheeks.
“Because the more we say positive things to ourselves, the more we begin to believe them.” She tapped her temple. “It’s all about our mindset, Cove. We’ll get you started on medication today, and we’ll work on some coping mechanisms. Does that sound like a good plan?”
I nodded. Was it possible I’d be able to live without being upset I woke up each morning? Only time would tell, but for once, I wanted to live.
I wanted to live for Langston.