Chapter 6
Chapter Six
Langston
I grunted and pulled on the ratchet before finally getting the spark plug to come loose. Grimacing, I finished unscrewing it before pulling it, shaking my head.
When was the last time this customer had their spark plugs changed? It was fried all to hell. And judging by the look of the car…these plugs had probably never been changed.
I shook my head and set it aside before setting to work on putting the new plug in.
I’d missed out on work yesterday, but my boss wasn’t upset about it.
He was pretty understanding actually. Yesterday, Cove and I had moved everything I wanted to keep out of my apartment, and the rest, we rented a U-Haul and took it to the nearest donation center.
Then, we went to the school where I sat down with financial aid and worked on getting myself lined up for next semester. I was thankfully old enough now that the parent loans didn’t matter anymore. I could just do my own thing.
Thank God for small blessings.
“Yo, Langston!” one of the guys called. I jerked my head up, frowning at him.
He was the new guy. I hadn’t gotten his name to stick in my brain yet, but I had a feeling he wouldn’t be around for long though.
He spent more time outside smoking cigarettes than he did inside doing actual work. “Some lady is calling for you.”
I wiped my hands on my grease rag and made my way to him, grabbing the phone from his hand and placing it between my shoulder and ear while I worked on scrubbing my hands clean. I had no idea why some random woman would be calling my job specifically for me. “This is Langston.”
“Langston, hi. It’s Heather—Cove’s therapist.” I instantly went on alert. Why in the hell was she calling me? Had she done something to Cove? If she sent him to a psych hospital, I was going to lose my shit. She promised me it wouldn’t come to that.
“What’s going on?” I managed to bite out. I was riled up and angry now. My boy had better be on his way home, safe and sound.
“Cove never showed up for his therapy appointment, and he’s not answering the phone. I’m a bit worried about him. Have you spoken to him today?”
I shook my head, my mind reeling. “He was asleep when I left for work—I—shit,” I cursed. “I’ll go check on him. He was supposed to work today, and I just now remembered. He was supposed to come see you on his lunch break, right?” I asked, quickly drying my hands and heading to the office.
“Yes. Please call me once you’ve checked on him, and if at all possible, I’d still like to see him today. I can stay later if I need to.”
“I’ll get him in,” I promised her before I hung up the phone.
Baby boy, please be okay. You promised. You gave me your word that you’d let me know if you didn’t feel safe.
I barged into my boss’s office without knocking, my heart hammering in my chest. “I need a ride home. My boyfriend—he—” Fuck, I couldn’t take the bus. If I took the bus, I might be too late.
“Easy, kid,” Frank said, quickly moving to his feet. He grabbed a set of keys off the wall. “Take a deep breath. Come on. Let’s go check on him. I’m sure he’s fine.”
I shook my head, feeling lost. I hated not knowing if he was okay.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and quickly dialed his number as I followed Frank out to his truck, but it just rang and rang before going to voicemail.
Dread curled in my stomach. I quickly hit redial three more times, but all three times, it still just rang over and over before going to voicemail.
I was pretty sure I was going to be sick.
“Alright, kid. You’re freaking me out. Do you have someone you can call to check on him until we get there?”
I shook my head, not sure if my mouth could work to form words yet. I tried Cove’s number again, and again, I just got the same thing. But I never gave up.
When we made it to the apartment building, I rushed out a thank you and lurched from the truck, rushing up the stairs, not even bothering with the elevator. I made it in half the time and barged into our apartment, rushing into the bedroom.
I almost fell to my knees in relief.
He was in the middle of the bed, burrowed beneath the blankets, the room completely dark.
“Cove?” I rasped.
A whimper met my ears. I swallowed thickly and stripped off my coveralls, toeing off my boots in the process.
Then, I made my way to the edge of the bed, pausing for a moment.
“Can I come in, baby boy?” If he was under the blankets, he was seeking his safe space, and I wouldn’t intrude on that without his permission.
A moment later, the blanket shifted a little bit where his head was. I was pretty sure that was a head nod.
I crawled under the blankets with him even though it felt like a fucking sauna and wrapped him up in my arms, peppering kisses all over his face. “Heather called. You missed your appointment, baby, and you didn’t go to work.” I ran my hand over his back. “Want to talk to me about it?”
He sniffled and burrowed his face against my chest, tucking his leg between mine. I crushed him to me, knowing he needed the contact without him ever saying a word. “It’s just a bad day,” he whispered.
I pressed my lips to the top of his head. “You should have called me, baby. I was so fucking worried. I think I called thirty times on my way here. I thought something happened.”
His tears began to wet my chest. I clutched him to me even more, eliminating any space between us. It was like his skin melted into mine, we were so close. “I’m sorry,” he croaked. “I didn’t mean—”
“Easy, baby.” I tilted his chin up and softly kissed him until his tears calmed some. I brushed my hand over his sweaty hair. “How about we get a shower, and then I take you to see Heather, hmm?”
He nodded. I eased the blanket back, relieved to be out of the suffocating heat, and then slid to the edge of the bed before turning and scooping him off the mattress, carrying him to the bathroom.
My heart stopped at the sight of the razor blade on the sink.
My hold on him tightened to the point I knew it had to be hurting him.
Instead, he clutched at me just as tightly, burrowing his face in the curve of my neck where it met my shoulder.
“I kept my promise,” he croaked. “I didn’t—I didn’t hurt myself, Langston. I promised you I wouldn’t be unsafe again.”
“God, baby boy,” I rasped. I gently set him on his feet and then grasped his face in my hands, pressing our lips together.
“I would lose my fucking mind if I lost you. You’d bring me to my damn knees, and I’d never be able to get up again if you hurt yourself.
You are everything to me, Cove. Everything.
Do you understand the depth of those words? ”
His lips trembled as he nodded his head. I kissed him again, grasping two fistfuls of his hair and yanking his head back so I could devour him. I needed to inhale all the parts of him that hurt and give him all the best parts of me so he’d be whole again.
“I love you, baby boy. My world begins and ends with you. Please don’t ever take yourself from me,” I begged him.
He hiccuped, his tears running down his pretty face again. “I love you, too, Langston.”
I swiped my thumbs over his cheeks. “Thank you for not hurting yourself.” I smiled softly at him. “That was such a brave choice, Cove, and I’m so, so, so fucking proud of you for being strong enough to say no to that urge.”
He burrowed his face against my chest. I held him for a while, and then I released him to start the shower. He let me undress him—our usual routine—and then he undressed me with his shaking hands, pressing tender little kisses to my skin as he did so.
“Thank you for loving me through all the bad parts, Langston,” he said softly once he tossed my briefs into the hamper.
I hooked my finger beneath his chin and tilted his head up so he was forced to look at me. “I’ll always love you, Cove, and on the days you feel unloveable, I’ll love you even more.”
Cove
Heather gently wrapped me in a hug, the subtle scent of her comforting perfume wrapping around me.
“I was so worried about you, Cove.” I swallowed thickly, feeling extremely guilty.
I’d never meant to worry anyone. I guessed I wasn’t used to having people give a damn about me yet. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “Today was just a crappy day. I had trouble getting out of bed.”
She led me to her office and pushed open the door. I silently stepped inside and took a seat on the couch. “That’s what I’m here for, Cove. I’m here for those really bad days. We need to learn to work through them together so you can work through them on your own in the future.”
I nodded, twisting my fingers together in my lap. “Nothing even happened,” I said quietly. I looked up at her. She was sitting in her chair now, her legs crossed in front of her. “Why do I feel like this sometimes without anything even happening?”
She tapped her temple. “Those pesky little chemical imbalances in our brains, Cove. They can really make things difficult some days. Even I have my bad days. It doesn’t mean my medication isn’t working, and it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with me.
I’m just different. You’re different. We’re all different, and that’s okay.
It’s how we deal with that different part of us that truly counts. ”
“And how do I do that?” I swallowed past the sudden lump in my throat. “I don’t want to scare Langston like that again. It—he—”
I’d never forget the look on his face for as long as I lived. I never wanted to see him that frightened again.
“He looked like he’d lost you, didn’t he?
” she quietly asked me, understanding lingering in her eyes.
I nodded. “When I used to block out my wife like that because I just felt like I couldn’t deal with her or anything, she used to look at me like that, too.
And they’re not judging us, Cove. They just love us so much that the mere thought of losing us cripples them. ”
Tears blurred my vision. “I never thought someone could love me that much,” I croaked.
“Me neither, Cove. But that love—it’s a beautiful, once-in-a-lifetime thing.
Don’t ever let that go, you hear me? Because even when the going gets so tough that you’re not sure if you’ll ever make it out alive, Langston will drag you through it if he has to just so you can both stand on the other side of it together, just a little bit stronger than you were yesterday. ”
I sniffled. “So how do I work through it?” I asked softly.
“Do you like rewards, Cove?”
I flushed, thinking of Langston and his praise.
I nodded. She smiled. “Then on days like today, even though it’s so hard, I want you to reward yourself for everything you do.
If you make it out of bed, do something for yourself that makes you happy.
If you manage to shower, reward yourself.
And I’m sure Langston would love to help, too, so let him, yeah?
On these bad days, I want you to focus on self-care.
Do things that make you happy and make you feel a little bit better. Can you do that for me?”
I nodded. She leaned forward and patted my knee. “Good. It’s tough right now, Cove, but it will get easier. I promise.”