All I Want Is Love (Holiday Shenanigans in West Sunhaven #1)

Chapter 1

one

*LEO*

The door creaks slightly. It’s an old door, sturdy, with intricate carvings. It has Aspen’s handwriting all over it. I wonder if he made it himself or had it designed. He always had a talent for wood carving and handiwork in general.

I follow Aspen through the door, one glance at the apartment showing me how cozy the place truly is.

Despite being a two-storied apartment, there is not a ton of space, not like the apartment I had in the city, not as spacious and fancy; instead, it’s warm with a personal touch that screams Aspen. It’s tasteful and comforting.

“It’s all yours,” he says, smiling at me.

“I checked everything before you arrived. The last guy who rented it was barely at home and constantly travelled for work. So, it’s in mint condition.

I replaced some of the furniture with more personal pieces.

” He looks proud as he says it, underlining the fact that he probably did a lot of the furnishing himself.

“Aspen,” I say, my voice hoarse to my own ears.

I haven’t talked a lot the last couple of months.

“I… I can pay rent. I can contribute something. My bank account isn’t frozen anymore since I was cleared from…

” My voice trails off, and just like that, it seems my throat is constricting, making it impossible for me to talk any longer.

“No such thing,” he intervenes. “I didn’t want to rent out this place anyway. Too much of a hassle, and I hate being a landlord. This apartment is my backup plan for when I am old, so you are doing me a favor by staying here and keeping it clean.”

“But—"

“Leo,” he says sternly. “I am not taking money from my little brother.”

I feel the old lump in my throat again, the one that makes it difficult to breathe, my eyes burning.

I have spent months feeling numb, ever since one disaster after another came raining down on me, my whole life crumbling in front of me.

I was falling, and no one was there to catch me, except for Aspen.

We didn’t even have a lot of contact recently. I was too busy with work and with life in the big city, and he felt like a second thought to me. I didn’t reach out for help at first for that reason, but he came by himself.

Aspen reaches out a hand, cupping the back of my head and pulling me against his chest. “Stop it. You are my lil bro, and I am just happy to have you here.”

“I can at least help out in the coffee shop.”

“What did your doctor say?”

I swallow thickly, noticing how easy it is to look through me, or maybe he is just really good at it.

My hands are shaking when I am even under the slightest stress.

And even thinking about going back to graphic design makes me spiral into a panic attack.

I used to love to draw; now, I can’t even hold a pencil in my hands without an anxiety attack. “He said to take it slow,” I admit.

“And that’s what we are going to do. You focus on getting better first,” he says. “And then we can slowly figure out what you want to do going forward.” He gazes around, his eyes falling on my suitcase and bag. “Is this all you brought?”

“It’s all I wanted to bring,” I admit.

“What did you do with your other stuff?”

“Donated it or got rid of it.”

“I understand,” he says softly. “Do you need help with unpacking?”

“I am sure you have work to do.”

“Perks of being the boss,” he grins. “The coffee shop is well tended to without me. I have stopped serving behind the counter anyway. Too much paperwork now that business is running.”

He looks happy when he talks about his coffee shop. It’s a beautiful place, combining coffee, sweets and books, his three favorite things as he calls them. It’s a joint coffee shop and library; he owns this place with his best friend.

Aspen always claimed he didn’t like the big city, the traffic, and too many people.

He quit college and moved to this town, West Sunhaven.

Mom and Dad both threw a fit, upset that he was throwing his degree away for a stupid dream.

They have barely talked to him for years, and instead, focused on me, putting all their hope on me.

I wanted to deliver, I wanted to make them proud. I really did.

But I failed miserably.

“I am not sure what you are thinking about,” Aspen says, startling me. I developed a habit of spacing out – something I really need to work on if I want to get better. “Wherever you are in your thoughts, don’t go there.” He gestures towards my bags. “So, baby bro, want me to help?”

“Do you mind if I unpack alone?” I ask quietly.

“Not at all,” he reassures me. “Settle in. How about we meet in two hours in the coffee shop? I will show you around then.”

I nod. Before Aspen can turn to leave me alone, I clear my throat. “Aspen?”

“Yes?” He blinks at me, but before I can open my mouth, he shuts me up. “If you are going to thank me again, I’ll get angry.”

I close my mouth. “Nothing,” I mutter.

He chuckles. “Take your time,” he says, before taking the staircase down to the front door and closing the door behind him.

It creaks slightly, the sound just adding to the charm of the place.

Silence engulfs me now that I am alone. For minutes, I just stand in the main area, the broad living room.

It’s all open space. I would have hated it a couple of months ago, but now it feels liberating to have no doors anywhere aside from the bathroom.

And there is a curtain in front of the area that’s supposed to be the bedroom.

I approach the furthest part of the apartment, checking the king-sized bed.

It has fresh linen with snow crystal patterns all over it.

It’s so cheesy, it makes my heart hurt. Getting down on my knees, I bury my head in the blanket and just cry into it, not able to stop myself.

It just bubbles out of me, and I can’t stop it.

I have no control over my emotions recently; I have no control over my life or my thoughts.

I don’t know how long I sob into the blanket, but eventually, there are no tears left. I feel exhausted, wishing I could curl up here and just stay that way forever.

Aspen is waiting for me, though.

Right.

I need to unpack.

Unpack.

The thought pushes me forward, my mind jumping into functioning mode again, and I go through the motions as if on autopilot. I didn’t bring many of my things, just like I told my brother. So, I am done with unpacking in half an hour.

The kitchen of the apartment is well equipped, the fridge stocked with all kinds of things, as are the shelves. It brings fresh tears to my eyes.

He is so kind.

The last things to unpack are my laptop, my phone and my other electronics. I brought my graphic tablet. It’s top-notch, one of the best out there, and I loved using it for my designs. I take it into my hands, but the light device feels heavy in my hands

He is a fraud.

I am a fraud.

I drop the item back into my bag as if I just got burned.

Instead of unpacking my electronics, I decide to close my bag and shove it into the darkest corner of my wardrobe.

The only item I keep outside is my phone, but it’s switched off.

The last time I used it was to contact Aspen.

Communicating with him was the only reason to keep it on.

Not that I talked to him at first. He actually came chasing me down and knocked on my door in person.

Now that I am here, though, I don’t need it anymore. I have no one to talk to, no one who I want to reach out to. I thought I had friends, but they turned their backs on me when I would have needed them, only trying to reconnect with me when my name got cleared.

It was months too late.

Grabbing my pocket watch, the one I inherited from Grandpa, I notice I still have twenty minutes left before meeting with Aspen.

To get a feel for the town, I decide to step onto the small balcony of the apartment.

The crisp air sends a chill over my arms. It’s cold.

Winter is approaching much earlier here, as we are further north.

There is no snow yet, but the air smells like it.

Below my balcony, there is a road leading further into the town’s center, but there are barely any cars, as everyone seems to be happy to walk.

A bunch of kids are running down the path and disappear into a shop with games displayed in it. Video games and board games alike. Another group runs into a donut place.

It’s almost unbearably idyllic. My throat feels tight again, so I retreat, closing the balcony door and deciding it’s time to meet with Aspen.

I find the way to the coffee shop immediately. Aspen said, Down the road, you can’t miss it. And he was right.

The place is crowded with people, making me happy that it’s so well-liked.

Meanwhile, Aspen is sitting at a table, chatting with another man.

The latter spots me first and waves at me, before elbowing my brother.

Aspen immediately turns around, smiles and stands up to approach me.

He doesn’t give me a chance to fret, just guides me to his table.

At first glance, he might look out of place with his tattoos and his black-dyed hair, but yet, he doesn’t. He clearly belongs.

The man he was talking to smiles brightly at me, his whole face lighting up with the smile, eyes turning small. “Is this your brother, Wayne? The cutie from the photos?”

“Wayne?” I blink.

“It’s his nickname,” the guy grins. “Like Batman.”

I smile, my chest warming at the thought of my brother being so popular.

“Only that idiot calls me like that,” he groans.

“You haven’t introduced us yet,” that idiot says, winking at me. He looks younger than my brother, has blond hair and cute dimples. He is not my type, but he is pretty. The thought makes me almost recoil with guilt. “You also didn’t say that your brother is such a cutie.”

“Hands off my lil bro,” Aspen huffs.

That idiot pouts. “You are not fun.” He looks at me. “Robin, to your service!” He says the last part in a way that leaves no room for interpretation.

My cheeks flush while Aspen furrows his brows.

His friend sighs before perking up again. “Oh, I forgot to tell you, I own the library.”

My eyes widen. “So, you are the best friend and business partner?”

He beams. “So, you do know me!” He opens his arms as if to hug me. Only Aspen’s glare stops him. “Relax, I am just messing with the both of you. The protective older brother act gives you an edge, though, it’s kinda hot, you know, but no need to pull it on me.”

“I know you too well,” Aspen sighs.

“But you are into guys, aren’t you?” Robin asks me with a beam. “My gaydar goes off.”

I feel the next wave of guilt washing over me, his words sending me right back to months ago when Dad found out.

The look in his eyes, the venom, the things he said.

The first step of my long downfall. I clasp my chest. Aspen is next to me immediately.

“Breathe,” he says. “Slow breaths. Let’s do it together. ”

I follow his lead, taking shaky breaths together with him, until I feel steady again, my legs less wobbly. I notice I am sitting, not even sure when I sat down. Aspen must have forced me to. There is a glass of cold water in front of me.

Just how long was I out of it?

“I am so sorry,” Robin says quietly. “I truly am. I was just joking.”

My brother looks at me. “He is apologizing to you. If you want to punch him, I will support you.”

Robin looks at me, his eyes wide, a guilty expression on his face.

“It’s okay,” I say quietly. “You didn’t know. It’s not your fault I am overly sensitive to every little thing.”

“You are not—“ Aspen stops himself, and instead he squeezes my shoulder. “I will show you around, but first you need to have some of my coffee and the newest cake I created.”

“I will take over for you in the office,” Robin offers. “As an apology for putting my foot in it, as usual.”

Aspen snorts. “He is a brat,” he tells me. “But a good guy.”

“It’s really okay,” I reassure him.

“Bring us some coffee and cake, and we are even,” Aspen says.